It hurts like hell

Cricket. Its not often these days that I get to play in the “A” team of my company, there are plenty of good players. But the team is now undergoing a challenge so as to speak. On Saturday we had a match and I was in the playing eleven as a decent player. Needing 123 to win in 20 overs, we were pretty well placed. A sudden rush of wickets and I went into bat at number 5. I was scheduled to bat in at six but I got promotes to hold the wickets. I blocked and blocked knowing that the captain wanted me to preserve my wicket. I kept talking to myself. Keeping cool, keep focused. Sing a song and keep the mind free when the ball is about to be bowled. Keep your wits about you. I was doing pretty ok, good perhaps, but my fitness failed me. Or should I say I failed my fitness. 33 and for the first time I was really tired on the field. I never was out of breath taking the second run till Saturday. I lasted for about 10 overs, taking the team to a decent but not strong enough position. I got out because I was tired. It was important for me to get out at the time as well, because I was tired. We lost by 1 run in the end. I top scored at 31. If we had won, it would have been my best innings ever. But we lost. I played well beyond my normal concentration levels, well beyond what I might have been expected. I played and outscored and kept my head better than the top players. BUT FUCKING HELL… we lost and if I was a little fitter, we would have won. I blame myself. I am SOOOO ANGRY with myself.
In corporate cricket you win some you lose some, you don’t really care too much. But on Saturday the defeat hurt. It hurt like hell. It is still hurting. Now I know what it is to really play hard, contribute and the lose. The team lost it in the intensity. We didn’t show the intensity on and off the field. But that no excuse personally. I am so bloody pissed off. Two months I had relaxed. No squash no nothing. I am starting squash today itself. I have to figure a routine for cardio in the local gym itself, swimming as well. At 33 I realised that the body can deteriorate very fast. This is not acceptable. Running 100 meters faster than other out of shape jokers is not enough. Standards have to be your own to start with. It still hurts and this defeat I will not forget for time to come. I did learn how to bat better. I don’t blame myself there. I keep learning all the time. I have had the least match experience amongst all these good players. So I give myself marks for being mentally fit.
But I regret not living the magic of being mentally and physically there. Then one will be ‘spiritually’ there. That’s a goal.