tight rope

Just. It’s nice, listen to it. Just for listening sake.

After 38 years of working and having big head opinions I have learnt only one thing  - the duality of truth – or rather the multiplicity of truth. There is no absolute truth and there is no absolute opinion. Everything changes, what you like today, what you believe in firmly today, what you think about others and what other think about you. Things change.

When I was growing up Bollywood music was at its bottom. We had Nadeem Shravan ruling the charts and the legendary RD Burman passed away giving his last hit in 1942 – a love story. Any one remember the hit of those times – Sajjan starring Salman and Sanjay Dutt. Wow. My teen and formative years in that sense were horrible. The only saving grace I can think of is that the greatest stars who still rule the movies today – viz the three khans were all launched at the time. My era gave Bollywood its superstars who ruled and are still ruling – more than 20 years on. That’s cool.

The other thing was that we wore baggies in college. Baggies were so in that we wore two sizes big and we put pleats in almost everything. We had pleats on our pants. We had many pleats on out pants… we had multiple pleats and then we had box pleats and reverse pleats… anything to make it fashionable and baggy. And now – I don’t have a pant with even one pleat. Not one. Wow. We used to look at these straight pants and tight pants and laugh at them saying – eeps – that’s so old. And now I wear slim fits and love them. It also helps that I am slimmer than most. So also alongside the slim fits came the slim body structures that made it all fashionable together. Suddenly my slim body structure is so much in fashion. I am lean and these lean t shirts make me look leaner and I dare say – fashionable. So the poor guys who sweat it at the gym building those crazy ripping bodies are suddenly out of fashion. Hah!

And suddenly right now I saw the coppersmith barbet outside my window. I love it when I see it on the peepal tree. I love the window of office and the fact that my desk faces the window. Dam cool.

Coming back – my own dress sense. Earlier I was a checks and khakhi person. Comfort pants and stuff, suddenly I am rediscovering the joy of wool. WOOL? Ya wool and its blends. Now my work hardly takes me outside. I am in an air conditioned environment and woolen pants work just fine. So now – I am into greys. The number greys I have in my wardrobe. I would never have worn so many greys but suddenly I have been gravitating towards them. It’s funny. I was always the colorful guy and suddenly I am all grey and “melancholy”. Seesh. I am old.

I used to shave everyday when I was in college – and now I shave once in two or three days. I would comb my hair and not I just run my fingers through it. I would polish my shoes and now I just step down once in a while. English songs were it and now I don’t know a single new English number. I have no clue what the new sound is in Hollywood.

Things change. The above were just illustrations of outward change – but they portend a change that is inside of you. Inside of me. I too have changed in beliefs and values. Someone told me that parenting is all about values. You try and give values and hope for the best. Well I am a little confused. Over the years I have changed so much thanks to so much changing stimuli around me that I have hardly found any of my values consistent and constant. There seems to be an undercurrent that is possibly the same but I can make out what that is. I am unable to articulate it. I would be fiercely nationalist and now I don’t care two hoots about it. Love had changed it form, structure and meaning to me. I see it differently. Love was to come home and not having to do the dishes – now love is coming home and doing the dishes. It’s changing it is moving and I have no clue how and why.

Exposures seem to be the key to formation of opinion and beliefs. But surprising to me is that no belief has remained permanent. So I don’t expect Jispa to hold on to any beliefs. My parents did teach me some value stuctures and beliefs but that is become so muddled with my experience and those I have built on top that I cant make out what is driving me at all.  Hence with Jispa I am treading with care. I don’t want to force any dogma down her throat. I can only teach a healthy cynicism for everything and a faith in everything. Its like a bit of opposites reconciling. Question everything and believe in everything at the same time. You have to keep your mind running and logic flowing but also keep your mind from running and try and be in the moment. It’s a tough one. To accept and to question at the same time. To accept and to believe will keep you alive today, the cynicism will keep you alive tomorrow. You know it’s a lot like the science fiction movies or the super hero movies. You have to accept that shit happens, that will help you enjoy the movies, but you also have to believe in the rest of it, the ideas and the limitations of what the hero can or cannot do. he may be able to jump from one building to another, but if her jumps in a way that you don’t believe then you don’t like it. So you can suspend belief only that much, and any more – you are in trouble. Being rooted versus flying – what a delicate tight rope act.

to give you another instance - while we were at the Delhi Museum, my colleague asked me - how would you know that these are the real relics of the Buddha. I answered - no you cant be really really sure. but the dates must have matches and the place they got it from had the tablets bearing the inscriptions and the story matches and hence we believe that the remains are that of the Buddha and we revere them in that manner, but no - you still never can be 100% sure. The guide was asked the same question ten seconds later by another tourist - she replied - its the Delhi museum - they wouldn't have put it here without doing some carbon dating. Hah! Unquestionable dogma versus reconciliation of opposites.

a little more

I have been really busy these days. There has been an amazing amount of travel. I have had another round of visiting cities and conducting research. Research is really exciting and a fun thing to do. it is something that I believe real marketing people must thrive in. You can’t really end up farting about stuff unless you have had the chance to meet your customers. I hold most firms including mine extremely guilty in this regard. Can you really find out ways and means to improve your services without meeting and understanding what the customer has to say about his needs and your firm?

I met another friend who is running his own start up. The biggest advice I gave him was to meet his customers. There are hundred things that need to get done at work. I am sure there is nothing (almost nothing) one does not know – on what to get done. But research at the least helps you prioritize what to do. It gives you amazing clarity on your role and what role the brand plays in the consumers mind. But still there is severe reluctance on almost anybody in so many organizations to actually do the research. We sit in our air conditioned glass offices and dream of what the consumer wants. We see bottom line and try and understand it, but we cease to see what really matters. That is what kills the company in the long run leaving it open to competitors to get a niche and exploit it.

If I had my way I would make it compulsory for all walks of employees to do atleast one day of research a year. One DAY? Yes atleast one day. It might be surprising to know that there is severe reluctance for any employee on an average to do any sort of research. Even the young marketing guys. I can’t understand this reluctance. I jump at every opportunity to go out and conduct research but the idiots in office don’t. They rather sit on their bums. I asked some young turks to go out and do some research but they dithered forever. Argh.

Lets get to the sales guys. The sales guys meet customers on a daily basis and believe that they are completely aware of the market situation and don’t require research. Of course they are aware but – there are riders to this. They only know what hits them and that too they are too busy selling to the customer to really listen. Customers just needs to be listened to and the same must be simply collated in an organized manner. In the sales system – from the bottom to the top – no one listens without an agenda. In fact I would argue – the best sales men who hit targets and sell a lot – they do so because they don’t have ears. They block out their mind to what is feedback so that they sell hard and fast. This noise distracts them. It is only the few TRULY GREAT sales people that have empathy and response that understands and genuinely wishes well for the customer. My sense is that this guy will typically lag in contests and sales on a monthly basis but builds a book over a long run that is impossible to beat. The difficult part is to survive the short run to thrive in the long run. The sales guys who I like the best and admire, all have this quality.

So coming back. I have been enjoying myself doing all this research. Also along with research , meeting people, I have been spending some time for myself in all these cities that I went. Been trying to see the local culture, a monument, a garden or perhaps the least of all – the local mall. Many years ago I had the privilege of travelling a lot. I wasted these journeys by being cloistered inside the hotel room. With the recession I released that had wasted that opportunity to see the city which I promised never to repeat. So now – with every city I try and do at least one thing that is enriching to me. Now I can talk more about a city, I can talk about a monument or a structure or even – a great place to eat, especially street food. It’s much more fun and rewarding.

Suddenly I feel even luckier to have a marketing job. Travelling and meeting people along with seeing stuff that would have traditionally been impossible. Small small things that add up in the long run. The museum in Delhi, or the street food in Ahmedabad, the obscure temple in Coimbature or the garden in central Bangalore. It all just adds up. That’s what I love doing. And that’s what keeps me alive as a marketerer.

There is one thing I want to do now. I want to pin a map of India on my desk and put a pin on every place that I have visited. I want to fill this with pins and cover every part of the country. Now that’s a good start.

across the spectrum

Sports a great thing. but understanding sports is an even greater experience. I have been lucky in that my dad was always encouraging us to play sports. We had a club membership in Dubai and when I was of age (and of wage) I invested in a membership that is paying me huge dividends. Now we have Jispa, who is bringing another angle to the sports discussion in the family.

While I have been playing sports for long, I first started understanding the mental aspects of sports only much recently. I guess it all started when I started playing in the team as a captain. I forced to think about the game and not only of my game. It made me aware of my game as well. It helped me think completely different about sport in general. Post which I have tried to understand and bring the brain into other sports as well. I have played cricket, squash, swam, run and a lot of badminton these days. The more I understand any sport the better is the understanding of sport in general. Over a period of time one understands different sports but is able to draw a set of lines going across all sports.

For example let’s take the head. The head position is so critical in sport. As a general rule, the head position must be as stable in sport. The head position maintains the balance and posture. It helps you see better and your hand eye work great. You don’t fall over while playing and you play with a firm balance. It also helps you recover better. I have seen this is batting, bowling, fielding, badminton, squash, billiards, TT… everything. Natural athletes typically don’t move their head too much. It’s only the eye that follows a moving object. Very little of head movement is done. Swimming is also similar. You keep your head stable as much as possible and you only turn enough to breathe. As little movement as possible. While I was being coached for swimming I realized that the head position is also critical for maintaining a position that keeps your body afloat. You don’t look ahead; you don’t look down – you look at an angle that is roughly 45 degrees ahead. This keeps you afloat.

Recently Jispa attended a swim camp organized by Rehan Poncha. Rehan was one of the Indian swimmers at the Beijing Olympics. He is now running camps and trying to fund his golfing career. He is very good with the kids and he basically is giving tips on land training, stretching, followed by swimming drills and then a talk on nutrition, mental preparation etc. one of the things he explained was to have loose muscles. Keep your body loose then they move faster. Hands if kept loose move faster than if they are tight. That’s an interesting thing. It works well with what my coach was trying to show me to do while swimming as well.

Now one of the things that I can’t do in badminton is smash hard. As in – I can but I don’t do it consistently enough and I only do it from far. If I am close to the net I try to rely on placements and not on power. But that’s not enough to kill a point. I am always worried that I will hit the net and so to avoid an unforced error I tap the shuttle. This then extends further and then I stop smashing altogether as I realized today. I just refused to smash. My partner then looked at me and begged – Smash kar yaar. I do have a decent smash when I pull it off. Then I just out of the blue decided to loosen my muscles and try. I remembered what Rehan said. Keep them loose. And then boom boom bang.  A flurry of smashes later my friend exclaimed – Your smash is back. We won five points in a row with my smashes. Just keep them loose and let it go.

Cross sport understanding is a great thing. You have to keep the basics simple. Its always the case. Placing is important in squash and the similar principals work in badminton. Head position is crucial, less movement, more balance.

Such is also in life. You learn from everywhere and anything. You have to understand and know a lot of stuff. This helps you think clearly and apply lessons learnt from one to another. Of course it obvious that to apply you have to exposed to a lot. That’s what I always try for. As many exposures as possible. I try and expose Jispa to various experiences and I try and expose myself as well. Anything new – worth doing once or twice. At worst – the worst experience will tell you what you don’t like about the experience. The principal is simple – if you have enough exposures you will have enough learnings. You must be curious at all points of times. We had a management meet recently with some psychometric tests thrown in. I went off the scale on the curiosity parameter – and the shrink was telling me that I have a practically insatiable appetite for learning. Yes of course. Insatiable. Constant and always on. I will try and learn every second and form anyone and from everything. It drives me crazy but it’s the only thing that keeps me sane. Hah. After a long time – opposites reconciling.

Why so serious?

Nah… if you see this I don’t like you to think of it as inspirational. Nopes. It doesn’t inspire me. It’s not that if you have cerebral palsy or any such thing you can still defeat the odds and come out trumps. That is something I take for granted. You can defeat all odds and come out trumps. The question is simply what sacrifices you want to make and how much will power you have.

The big thing in this I see is simply a little bit of me. This chic doesn’t need your sympathy or special treatment; she has accepted what wrong and moved on. She accepted what’s not there and moved on in life. It’s a freaking joke. Have fun. Now can you move on?

I have sick many numbers of times. I have been a sickly kid all my childhood. I would fall sick every year and most of the time more than three times a year. I was pretty frustrated. All my college life I was weighing around 58 kgs. I would look at weighing scale and hope it inches upwards. In variably there was a pattern – I move up to 60 and boom – I would fall sick. Back to eth dreaded 58. So when people tell me that today I look lean – I wonder – I am 73 kgs now. imagine me with 15 kgs less! Wow. That is LEAN. But I have always been sick so being sick is pretty cool with me. I moved on from being sick and grumpy to being sick and funny. I mean who the hell cares – its fun. I don’t want to be seen as a dumb grumpy guy with an issue. I want to be as a fun guy who is fun not because he is healthy but is fun because he is. Sick or not.

Today I live with two big issues. The first one is my right knee. It simply dislocates time and again. Ya. Any side strain on it and – pop, it dislocates. I have learnt to play with the issue. No extra stress on the right knee. Short steps and less long strides that put outward pressure. And when it pops, I go through some pain – straighten it till it pops back in. those around me go “oh shit, I heard the click when it popped in”. So there. It popped back in and I stand up and say, come on, lets continue. And I SMILE. I never fail to smile. Hopefully I crack a joke or two at myself. Good fun.

The second affliction I now have to live with my entire life – lactose intolerant. That too is fun. Jopke about it and move on. What’s the big deal. Move on.

Surely I don’t have anything as severe as this lady has. She obviously has fought much more. But I am only inspired not by what she has achieved. People who work hard will achieve, but I am inspired by her being able to joke at it. I too want to go on a lactose intolerant stand-up comedy show and talk about the various shit I face when I talk about being lactose intolerant. I went to Punjab recently and people there wondered if I had lost it completely and what kind of quack I must have met. Who the hell doesn’t have lassi or butter? I already have decent ammo for this. I think in some time I will be a stand up comic joking about lactose intolerance. My best retort is simply – well – all humans are lactose intolerant but a lot of us have developed a mutation that helps us manage and digest lactose. Don’t believe me? Well you are a mutant according to Wikipedia : “Most mammals normally cease to produce lactase, becoming lactose intolerant, after weaning, but some human populations have developed lactase persistence, in which lactase production continues into adulthood. It is estimated that 75% of adults worldwide show some decrease in lactase activity during adulthood. The frequency of decreased lactase activity ranges from 5% in northern Europe through 71% for Sicily to more than 90% in some African and Asian countries. This distribution is now thought to have been caused by recent natural selection favoring lactase-persistent individuals in cultures in which dairy products are available as a food source. While it was first thought that this would mean that populations in Europe, India, Arabia and Africa had high frequencies of lactase persistence because of a particular mutation, it was later shown that lactase persistence is caused by several independently occurring mutations”

So you are the mutant Ninja turtle, not me. See your pic…

Ok ok… I guess you prefer Wolverine:

See you wished for super powers – you did not know it but you were actually part of the Mutant project and soon enough you will be called to join the mutant force to protect Planet Earth.

Ok fine – it sounds much more funnier when I say it than when I write it. But you get the drift. I surely hope that I don’t go through much more pain in life. But I surely don’t want to be the guy who would sulk over it. I want to be the fun guy who went down laughing – laughing my gut out. Why so serious?

wake up

Today morning was rare day. I normally don’t like waking Jispa up and she senses my weakness to let her sleep. She wants me to huddle up with her and keep sleeping. I like waking her up and taking a long time to do so. But then when she needs to wake up on time and I go in, she still tries to sleep for some time, irritating Jasmine. That’s when both of us get a scolding. So I tell Jispa to wake up and get going or else Mom will scold us. Then one sharp shout from Jasmine and we are all awake.

So when we have to go swimming I hate waking her up. Jasmine’s strategy is simple, before Jispa comes into her senses, while asleep – just pick her up and put her on her feet and guide her to the bathroom. Jispa will then wake up while brushing. She may create a slight fuss but she will in the end wake up and have a slow start to her day. Today for the first time she told me that she didn’t want to go swimming. She was too tired. Now that is a tough thing to say to dad. It’s a complete bummer.  I’d like her to sleep. Sleep for more time dude if you are tired. But at the same time, you are tired because of your sets and the only way out for an athlete is to get up and swim again.

At this stage as a dad, I am discouraging Jispa from swimming. I see very little future for her in India. There isn’t much you can do as a swimmer. The coaches are bums, the system sucks and the whole environment won’t let you do anything of note. The only thing that is there is studies and college led growth. But still that’s not the whole thing. Jispa swims morning and evening. That’s great for her but I would also love her to play badminton or TT or Tennis or Squash. Play another game. Get your hand eye coordination going. Do more. Swimming is sucking away her entire childhood and my fatherhood.

I like her swimming but I really think it’s way too much sacrifice for nothing much. She should play, read and chill out in addition to swimming. But there isn’t enough time. I want to play badminton with her. That should be good fun. A good game where she beats the shit out of me. I can play a bit with her, practice, sweat it out – but hell – swimming is it. Her school vacations are also bad news. They have a June July vacation that matches with eth English Summer. So she misses out on all the summer camps that get organized. So practically she wastes her summer as well.

So I want her to sleep more. But since she is swimming and she made that choice – I have no option as well. Sorry kid but you have to wake up. If you are tired, skip the evening practice. Do the difficult thing but then you can go easy on the easy bit. That is what an athlete is. Without pain you can’t really go the distance. And I have to be the harbinger of that pain in the morning. I have to ensure you get it but I will also ensure you get a massage form me at the end of the day. I am sorry, but you forced me to do this.

So that’s the cross we have to bear. There are no shortcuts. These sacrifices you make build you. You wonder to what end goal or point. That is not given to you for now. I wonder if what we do is good. We started swimming only to get you to learn to swim, but we ended up being the fish. Today jasmine started swimming regularly, I am swimming; the whole family is getting fitter as a result, but…. I still wonder. After ten years – don’t blame me, I was just doing what I thought was best.