bitch

I don’t want to be in the fight. Oh dam it. This father business is painful. Yesterday I was in the fight and scolding my daughter for something I wasn’t even sure I want. She needs to sleep as she needs to wake up in the morning for swimming. Instead she was reading a book. She went in the other room saying that she will come instantly when it’s time to sleep and till then she must read. I called her and yet she continued to read… Dam it. She needs to sleep but double dam it – she should be reading as well. Reading is good for you. But if I don’t interfere there is tremendous pressure on Jasmine. Jasmine is right now in cool off mode. She just ignores transgressions. She is like do what you want – I am tired of you. I don’t want to tell you. you are now old enough to know and handle this on your own. I am in the middle saying – no. she is not old enough, you have to keep the pressure else they won’t learn now.

So instead I get involved and do what I need to do, or rather what I am forced to do. I don’t want to be the authoritarian disciplinarian. Yesterday half way through the scolding I was losing faith in myself. But I need to get her to sleep. That is critical now. And it’s not that she won’t. She will sleep in 30 seconds of closing her eyes. If I don’t push it then Jasmine will erupt. She will burst. She manages Jispa every day, that’s a bloody tough thing to do.

So this time around Dad had to put a stupid stone on his chest and go for it. At the end of it, I looked at Jasmine and told her that this is getting too much for us. She looked at me and said, relax – one more week till the state meet and then no more morning swimming. Whew! Relax.

You know I want to be the cool guy. I want to be the guy that people love to have around and who is relaxed but if I do it all the time things would go off. The other day was the first time I had to tick a couple of kids in office off. These two would indulge in gossip all the time. Every time they would be sitting and chit chatting. I would make a joke about it and get them to work. But it would be of no avail. Then I let it rip. I got them into the room and gave them a dressing down. If they want to gossip then this is not the place for it. Every time getting together and talking in hushed tones is not the culture I want. Be loud about what you say. You can’t keep talking secrets.

I hate this secret culture. You always see these unsecure people wanting to talk secrets in office. Then when they are talking they keep looking behind their back or over their shoulder or around when they talk to you. I find that really dumb. Why do you need to talk to anyone and look around you? What is it that you are hiding or don’t want others to hear. Sometimes Jispa’s friends piss me off. They will talk to the other girls but while looking around. That is so secret secret behavior. Luckily Jispa shows no such signs nor doesn’t care or gel with this kind of stuff. Its so pissing off.

In my team I would like to root out such behavior and stomp on it. Talk, criticize but in front of the person. Don’t bitch so much, especially if it’s your team member. When someone bitches to me about someone then I assume that one will bitch about me to someone else. Tread with immediate caution!

two schools

Schooling is not the only source of learning. Parents who leave the teaching to the teachers are really giving the child the short end of the stick. You need to supplement the teaching t home. Basic concepts need to be drilled in again and again for it to sink in. Like for example let’s take the number line as the building black of mathematics. While doing some subtractions the other day Jasmine was trying to teaching her mental math. She was trying to tell her to go to the nearest ten and then jump tens and then add the ones. Like 75 – 28 is from 28 go to 30, then go to 70 and then add 5. Jispa just got a bit confused with the first 2 to reach 30. At which point I got in and then I realized that Wait – she doesn’t understand the basic concept of numbers.

I explained to her that numbers are in a number line. You have to understand them as in one straight continuous never ending line. This line does not curve. If it curves then suddenly after 100 you may find a zero again. So that will confuse the whole math. So math assumes that numbers are running straight. You have to get that right first. Now the basic building block is adding. So if there is a 4 in a number line and to get to 9 – the distance between them is 5. That simple. Minus is also nothing but adding in reverse. What needs to be added to 28 to get 75 is 75-28. And multiplication is nothing but doing addition again and again. And division is reverse of multiplication (or repeated subtraction as she told me). So think of them in a straight line. This way you will be able to understand and work with numbers better.  I think that helped her understand the numbers better in her brain. Then I spoke to Jasmine later. I told her that she doesn’t have her basics right. Jasmine told me that the number line chapter was taught to her. I said exactly – it was a chapter, it was not taught as the basic building block of mathematics. Also basic building blacks can’t be taught like this. I realize this when I teach in college. There is so much to be taught in school and college that there isn’t enough time for building blacks. You quickly teach a chapter and then you move on. Possibly the syllabus is designed properly – the building block comes in first but then they are completely forgotten. They need to come in again and again in the course of the years and that should help you learn more. In marketing – research and consumer insights must come again and again. What I find most stupid is that research lectures come in the semesters following the marketing lectures. You can’t do anything of marketing if you don’t understand research. It’s that simple. So you need to a bit of research and then you need to do a bit of marketing and then again reinforce some research again. That’s the way. Every year at the start some of the building blocks of math must be taught again – in a little more advanced manner for it to make sense.  Therein lays a problem. Also the teachers are tasked to complete the portion in a predetermined amount of time. Where is the scope for dreaming? Who is tasked to encourage dreaming and explain the practical applicability of the studies done? My solution is to have one period per week where the objective is to ask and discuss the week, and the lectures and the studies, without the pressure of marks or portion or anything else. Surely there is time for this. There are enough free periods in any case.

But for Jispa it’s me for now. Talking about everything else. She is also learning some pretty good stuff, Like doing experiments. They do it the right way. They write a hypothesis and then they have to conduct the experiment and then they are given the apparatus and are asked to do stuff on their own. Its not like our days when we went to the lab just to see the teacher do the experiment and then we had to replicate it. They are allowed to write their own hypothesis. My teacher wrote that stuff on the board and we had to copy it down. Then post the experiment if they get are unable to prove it then they write ‘we learnt that – blah blah blah’. I was explaining to Jispa that this is the perfect way to do things. Proper method is important to the madness. The discipline to write down the objective is so critical to proper thinking. So while the school is pretty cool you need the parent to reinforce the reason why its important to do what they are doing.

But at the same time you have irritating teachers, like her history teacher who on a good day will appreciate a question and on a bad day will publicly flay you for your ideas. Jispa was doing well till her teacher suddenly announced ‘this girl has bookish answers’. What was that for – the question was on what is it that civilization invented? The standard answers that kids were giving were pots and pans etc… Jispa thought a bit and said – religion. Wow. That’s a brilliant thought according to me. I was floored by her thinking. But teacher thought it was bookish. I asked Jispa about it and she said that wasn’t from any book. It was her own mind. If we were to assume that religion helped code a set of values that were necessary for order then religion is crucial to civilization. I keep thinking about it and I keep thinking that it was a brilliant answer. Forget a ten year old, most elders wouldn’t grasp this concept easily. Surely there must have been a form of faith before man settled but both would feed off each other and reach heights together. Good one kid.

Jispa was upset and I explained its ok. Most teachers wouldn’t appreciate all this. “but they told us to share our knowledge at the start”. “yes they did, but teachers are like that. I too get frustrated but still share but don’t bother too much on the outcome”. Then I told her that she has a parent teacher interaction coming up. I will raise this with her irritating teacher. Let’s see where it leads us. I am planning to ask her teacher what was wrong with this answer. And what’s bookish about it? And even if it is wrong or bookish – what’s with the public snub? I am open for a bit of confrontation. Let’s see where that leads us. Of course – all politely of course – as jasmine keeps reminding me. I hope I keep my wits about me.

Jispa gets it right

Jispa gets it right an amazing number of times. I do get the feeling that just because she is my daughter I must be seeing her in shining light. I am sure other kids are also equally smart. But then I look around the office. I see so many whackos in office who would not get it the way Jispa gets it. I am talking about abstract concepts and the ability to live with it and allow the opposites to reconcile in the mind. So you have to allow the brain to ask questions, be happy with the fuzzy nature of logic and somehow manage with it, reconcile it and even expand on it. She got inflation concepts, money supply concepts and other general economic concepts bang on.  She manages it well within her brain.

These days its history that she is pretty excited about. She has just started learning history and they have started teaching about the pre historic Stone Age era. Many years ago I had accidently been in touch with the Dead Famous series of books. They were basically biographies of famous people very well written and were funny to read.  They were in mixed format with fun facts, interspersed with simple lucid writing and a lot of cartoons thrown in. They cracked a whole host of jokes at the expense of the personality in question as well as the history teacher. A delight to read.

After that I bought a whole host of such books in the series – horrible histories, dead famous, murderous math etc. Of these one was on Stone Age. Jispa had read that and it fit nicely in her brain. She did really well and she answered a lot of questions.

In fact there were so many answers from her that her teacher suspected that she had the notes of the earlier batch. So today I got her to take the book to school to explain to her teacher that we are the irritating parents who driven enough to take the notes in advance and start teaching their kids to win early. But I felt good. The choice Jasmine and I made early on was to surround Jispa with books. Lots of books. We werent earning too much we decided that we will never have a budget limitation for books. We have budgeted on so many items. We have cut back on many but we have never ever lost the plot on books. Jispa was always free to buy whichever books she chose. Never any limitation.

Then she told me about a question she asked her teacher. She was scared of asking the teacher as the teacher is known to shoot down questions on a bad mood day. She was learning about this statue and how we believe that it is of the mother goddess.

She asked how we can be so sure this was a Goddess that was being worshiped  Good question was her teacher’s reaction. Her teacher said that we are around 90% sure that it’s a goddess but can never know for sure. Then I explained to Jispa that do understand that we are only 90% sure, that means there is a 10% chance that we are not sure and that we are wrong. History and especially prehistoric period is a difficult subject to understand. You never know what the truth is. It’s just this story seems to all add up but so can something else. After the conversation Jispa just summarized beautifully, she said – it’s just that in this story all the pieces fit well, but there can be another story in reality where also all the pieces fit , so we are never sure, it’s just one way of looking it. I was pretty stunned. That’s a lot of maturity for a ten year old. Many adults I know will fight on versions of history and believe whatever is told to them to be true – just because a text book, or worse still – a newspaper said so. But she understood that well. I was surprised, I asked her if that was her understanding or was it taught to her. It was her own understanding all right.

Then we branched off talking about probabilities and that life is all about probabilities. I explained about the coin toss. The chance of a coin landing on heads is 50% and that after 5 consecutive tosses of heads the probability of the 6 toss is also a 50% of heads. That’s probability for you but after let’s say 7 consecutive heads you seem to be better off betting tails thanks to mean revertal. How long can you have a streak that beats the average, even though you know that every individual coin toss is an independent event? We can’t predict any single toss but we know that over the long run things always average out… I dint bother to check if she really got that. If she did and if I do talk to her later about it and she gives it back, then I will let you know. That (is her teachers words) is too advanced :)

here is one extract of the book. Highly recommended as gifts as well.

keeping up with the....

Red, greens, maroons, deep blue, dark browns etc… these are the colors for the season. You have ads all over the place promoting these colors. All the shops sell these colors they are there for the taking in pants and shirts as well as shoes. The pants are tapering and tight and the shirts are tight fitting as well. The fad is well and truly upon us. They are everywhere. And such loud fashion is universal. Right from the slums to the fashion lords on high street. Such loud fashion works well for everyone. I am possibly an old man now. I find it difficult to wear these colors. Nopes these are not for me.

It’s funny how age does it to people. When I was younger I would wear the loud fashion of the season. Bright colors, deep washed denims, colored t shirts and other stuff. One of the things that I loved wearing and that elders never understood was torn jeans or simply shorts. Both were an anathema. They just couldn’t understand why on earth would a grown up want to wear shorts? Isn’t that what you wear in school and isn’t that what you outgrow and mature into pants. And this boy was trying to go back. And torn jeans? Why would anyone want to look poor or as I would rephrase as ‘grunge’. That would be so bloody stupid. Then came the cargo pants. Why would anyone want to wear a pant with so many pockets? Cargo pants came into fashion at around the time Jispa was born. It was a boon. Carrying all of Jispa’s stuff in the many pockets. They really helped me carry my fatherhood with me.

And now – I sit like a fat head refusing to understand the new colors for the clothes they wear. I find myself old, stubborn rigid and stupid. I am reminded of my professor from school. Kantaraju. He used to wear the most boring pants. Flat front, no pleats, straight fit. That must have been the fashion at time he graduated. And he stayed there in the time warp. And I look at my wardrobe and feel, I have gotten stuck. Now what should I do. Should I change with the times? Should I ring out the old and ring in the new? Should I wear mustard tight pants with matching shoes?

I guess not. But I think I must get rid of the old shirts. I am generally not that particular a dresser. I don’t really mind too much about what I wear. I have my own sense of style (or lack of) which I am comfortable with. Over the years it has deteriorated into – screw you types fashion. This is what I wear. Sometimes I again dress up nice and sometimes I just don’t bother. I have shirts in my wardrobe that are possibly 10 years old as well. The average age of my shirts would easily be around 5 years. Possibly more. The cost would also be very low compared to the market. I don’t like spending too much on clothes. But then recently I had one hard look at myself in front of my wardrobe. I think I was becoming a Kantaraju. I was in danger of becoming a relic. I needed to throw out the stuff I don’t want. There are many shirts that are there because I am too cheap to throw them. They sit there, they don’t get worn, and they lie around and gather dust, that’s it. I was telling Jasmine that I need a new wardrobe now. And that can only happen once I rebuild my collection by throwing what I don’t wear and buying stuff that I will wear. Recreate my mix and match styles, fabrics and colors. I need cottons for the summer and woolen blends for the winter. If it means budgeting a fat sum and spending then so be it, but I need to get it done.

So it’s a funny one. While I hate to sound vain and bother about my clothes, I possibly also like to look decent and in line with current trends. And at the same time I am not wearing what these kids wear. That’s not my style. I have my own and it needs to evolve. If a marketing guy doesn’t, then who will? Eh?

sweet victory

Over the weekend Jispa had her final Mumbai meet. This is the final meet in which the association selects the participants to represent Mumbai at the state meet at Balewadi Pune. The same complex which I had blogged about earlier. This place has amazing infrastructure that is ill maintained. But that’s not the story. So Jispa this year is in a disadvantage year. The top honors belong to those who are one year elder to her. A two year gap is huge amongst children and it makes a big difference to the seeding. Hence we had no hopes of qualifying. One of the interesting bits about the competition is that the association allows each kid to participate in a maximum of four races. Now that suddenly opens up the entire pool (pun unintended). Jispa traditionally had been horrible in the breast stroke. Her forte is the butterfly. All this while it meant skipping the breast stroke and the individual medley (IM) (all four strokes). Suddenly in the last couple of months, she got her breast stroke right and that meant a good chance in the IM. So she participated and baam – third place. That day I was the volunteer with the timings. I got a beautiful perspective of the sport as an official. You see it differently and you talk to the coaches around you and the entire game changes for you. Coincidently I was taking the timing for the same lane Jispa was in. There are three time keepers per lane and the median time is taken. As I saw Jispa in my lane on the other side, I told my colleagues that it’s my daughter on that side. Should I exchange or opt out. They said it was ok. So I was the time judge for the big victory. IM is considered the holy grail for all round swimmers. You get announced as the best all round swimmer. Not bad at all.

Afterwards I told her – “not bad, IM eh? The third best all round swimmer in your category eh?.” She was happy as well. Pune – state selection meet – here we come. She also got through on the 50M freestyle dash. I was the lane timekeeper for that as well. She came 5^th and that meant she goes through that one as well. The top 6 go in each race. Luckily all this got over on Saturday itself leaving the Sunday to rest and relaxation.

This was one race I was really proud to see Jispa win a medal in. It’s the final race of the year in Mumbai. The best of the best come in and give in their best. Awesome stuff. I wasn’t expecting this.