Experimenting with hunger

I am always trying to experiment with new ideas and new theories. This week the jain festival of prayushan is on. This is the week of fasting and praying by all Jains. I have never really fasted this week. Not that I am too ritualistic in any case. I don’t go too often to temples in any case. So it’s never been a festival for me to be a part of. I don’t even know my prayers beyond the first para. :)
But last time I decided to fast one whole day. In Jainism fasting is a much rigorous than others. You can only drink water in a fast. And you can only eat the next day. Last time was nice. I could get through it easily. The last few hours were fun.
I have started fasting again today. It amazing how one looks at food when you are fasting. The chips look tasty, the bread looks tasty etc etc. Without realizing one gets drawn towards food. I already put in a little Prasad (sweet laddu) and a cracker in without thinking. I realized it only later. But that’s good. Its teaching me a thing or two about being hungry. I have to drink more water. Right now I am feeling funny. And its only 11.21 am. Lets see how the day progresses.
The key is to keep busy and drink tons of water.

12.22 – one hour hence – busy so not been hungry!

1.28 –its lunch time. The hungrier I get the more resolute I become.

Afternoon – Hungry hungry hungry. I see fruit plates roaming around looking tempting. Biscuits never felt so aromatic. Hehehehe . It’s pretty tough. I have a numb throbbing feeling in my head. Not too bad though. The growl in the stomach is louder than anything else I get. An empty stomach heightens all the rest of the senses.

I am leaving office. Lets see how the evening pans out.

picture perfect

When you nothing much to write then show a few pictures. A picture is worth a thousand words. So here are a few thousand words:
This is independence day flag hoisting at Manoribel– a beach resort on the outskirts of Mumbai. I love this place. Chilling and lazing on the hammock all day. The next photo is the view from my favorite seat at this place. Hehehehe

Life moves at a snail’s pace in Manori, actual plus metaphorically.
The three lovely puppies that are in our building. One recently died under a car. Sad. Jispa is getting used to the concept of death.
Aurora theatre. An old theater in Mumbai that is yet to be refurbished. The good part is that till then the seat prices are so low that you don’t mind a bad movie at the place. I mean for 100 bucks for a seat in an A/c hall, the picture is a bonus. Look at the ticket counter, look closely and you realize how thick the wall really is. It’s at least a foot deep. It feels funny talking to the guy. Its like talking to Alice in wonderland after she fell inside the burrow.
Two kids sat next to me in the train to work today. I made as many faces as I could possibly muster up. Try as I might, he just refused to smile. He just kept ignoring me, glancing once a while but no smile. How cheap yaar. The next one is his brother (I guess). He was Mr. perpetual frown, but at least he gave me a short quick smile before moving to his forwny self.

open your mind

Subscribing to the Tehelka magazine was one of the smart things that I might have done. They seem to be the only magazine of some substance and class left in India. It’s the only magazine I read. They seem to be the only ones willing to write what they believe in. I might not agree with some guys but I will always give credit to people with opinion that is researched and well thought. Tehelka is such a magazine. Many time I feel that they are irritatingly biased and wanting to raise huge movements against everyone. Its almost like the leftist student party that believes that everyone who is on the average richer or smarter has a skeleton in their cupboard which they desperately want to unearth. Possibly at all costs. Also they seem to be slowly selling their soul – I thought the cover on Aamir Khan was highly biased. They also started accepting advertorials in the name of Tehlka avenues. This is so irritating and crap. They must have ads for sure, but to cloak them in a way that looks like journalism is something that’s best reserved for the Bombay times, not Tehelka. And ya- I wish they change their name!

This time they had an issue dedicated to the government crackdown on SIMI. Good piece of reporting in the sense that they got their perspective right. Simply laying down the facts and case studies and letting the reader decide what is actually going on. It does help clarify through the mess of reporting that the mainstream is carrying mindlessly. Its almost in the genre of – confessions of an economic hit man. At the end you don’t know the real truth but know for sure that you must not trust everything thrown at you. It does help you see the opposite side as well. Balance…

Some outstanding stuff / quotes from a recent issue:-
Hermann Wilhelm Göring –Nazi party Leader -In an interview with Gilbert in Göring's jail cell during the Nuremberg War Crimes Trials (18 April 1946)
Göring: Why, of course, the people don't want war. Why would some poor slob on a farm want to risk his life in a war when the best that he can get out of it is to come back to his farm in one piece. Naturally, the common people don't want war; neither in Russia nor in England nor in America, nor for that matter in Germany. That is understood. But, after all, it is the leaders of the country who determine the policy and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy or a fascist dictatorship or a Parliament or a Communist dictatorship.Gilbert: There is one difference. In a democracy, the people have some say in the matter through their elected representatives, and in the United States only Congress can declare wars.Göring: Oh, that is all well and good, but, voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country.
My take - this is so similar in corporate life as well. The new guys will some and tell you that if this does not happen the consequences are bad / will be detrimental. X is the only way to do it. It’s an old scare the guy into believing approach. I have liked my company because of their practical approach. The new guy comes in and then wants to scare the old order. I hope I resist this movement. It’s difficult when the pacifist is called unpatriotic and accused of exposing the company to danger, but I hope to still call the spade a spade as I see it. Also I will hope to continue to build trust and happiness as opposed to building scare and danger.

In the times of Universal deceit telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act – George Orwell
My take – Reminds me of boardrooms and large meetings where everyone is either lying or hiding the truth. I hope to say what I think is the truth. I really hope.

William Faulkner – prejudice is shown to be most destructive when it’s internalized
My take – life’s big lesson. It’s correct. I fight every day every moment not to internalize prejudice. It is truly most destructive when internalized.

selfish selfless, who cares a damn?

Everyone is selfish and interested in their well being at the end.

This has been on my mind for sometime and when a friend raised it I felt compelled to write about it.
My thinking on this goes back a long way. Once my dad and I had this conversation on Jainism (my religion) and he was explaining that in Jainism monks are expected to give up everything. At a level one he is expected to preach to the people about the religion and at the next level the monk is expected to only bother about himself and not even teach to others, the final level is one where he refuses food and drink till he achieves one with the universe or something like that. I remember asking that isn’t that selfish. Dad told me that in many way, yes it was.
When parents scolded me and when they told me that they worked hard to ensure we got a decent upbringing, in our naivety or anger we thought – it’s only their duty; only to regret thinking so later.
When I do the best for my daughter, put her in good school give her access to the best facilities, I have her interest at heart. But is the source of this? is it my selfish desire to provide for her more powerful than a selfless desire to provide for her.
Aren’t all selfless desires really a manifestation of a supremely selfish desire? If we do donate out of our desire to help ‘selflessly’ aren’t we driven by our desire and in that, isn’t that desire ours, in other words driven from inside us, making the desire itself selfish?
Can one ever have a thought so pure that it is purely out of doing for doing sake? For this to happen it must pure of intention. If there is intention then there is root of selfishness. For this an act that is a reflex reaction may alone be selfless. Putting your hand out to save someone you don’t really need to and fast enough not to think about consequences, is that selfless or that a selfish action honed into your head over the years. The point is that everything you do is processed by your brain. Your brain is not designed to self destruct but to live long enough.
So are we all truly selfish. My answer is yes – but hold on – it’s not that bad. In fact it’s not bad at all. The question is that, is your mind balanced. Does it have desires that say happiness is only obtained by self, or does it say that others happiness makes for your happiness as well. The root is simple, can I be happy and content by seeing others happy. Am I able to let others happiness be my source. Also when some one does something, do we really need to check if his selfish motive is at heart or do we let it be. Can we live and create an environment that says, I don’t care too much about your reasons for helping me but I appreciate the fact that you are.
I have realized that by compartmentalizing my brain – by letting go of guessing other people’s ulterior motives, by attempting to see positives, by attempting to understand that other people’s motives are ok, life has been has been happier and better. I keep telling people that you can’t control your brain to think and be on guard, but you can compartmentalize the action. You can be happy that someone is helping you and also you can be a little wary of the real motive behind it. Both seemingly opposite and emotions can coexist. (my favorite yin yang).
On helping others – its simple, open you pre school book. There are enough lessons there for you.

its the brain, stupid

Sighhhh… its early morning. I am in office and its time for my blog. Normally my routine is reach early catch the newspaper and then figure if I have time to write or it normally just disintegrates into routine of answering mail and figuring shit. It does take some self discipline to blog.

The last Saturday we had the inter division football matches. Good fun. 5 a side football with no offside. I have always maintained that all sports are won and lost not on the ground but in the mind. And when the odds are shortened even more by these innovations that make the game shorter and faster, its not necessarily the skill that takes you there but your brains. The ground thanks to the rain is full of muck and this makes dribbling impossible and passes a waste of time. Good player struggle and idiots like me make hay while the rain clouds block light. At first they put me to attack. Big mistake. I missed three chances at the goal, though I sure think that my common sense helped me create them. In the knockout stage I played defender. Simple strategy – hit long balls direct into the opposite D. As my attacker Anil said – finally we got enough balls to convert. Result – 5 – nil. It is a simple game. The attackers hang around the goal and the defender whack the ball there. It is a smaller ground, no offside and almost no rules. I never played good football. That was my brothers’ job, but I deteriorated much slower with age than others. In corporate sports, it just takes simple fitness to do better than others.

Sunday was movies day. I saw Batman – the dark knight. I thought that movie was scripted by a very intelligent man. My favorite line was when joker tells batman – that the joker completes batman. In other words you need an opposite to define you. The movie is full of such nuggets. Its one of the best philosophical movies made. Comic characters allow the script to take a turn of fantasy and thereby allow the script writer to weave in a sub text that is of a higher order which might be difficult to combine in main stream films. This is a brilliant movie in that respect. Will definitely do more research on the movie and understand it further.

Next time someone really irritating comes into your life / office and bugs you. Remember to see the movie. You will realize that you require a villain, for the city to appreciate it’s hero. Everyone has roles to play. People are defined not only by what they do but what others do or not do. You are never in a vacuum. You are but a part of the ecosystem. Bird poo on your car is a piece of shit but tones of it make for guano and become an import source of minerals for mining. (Search for Atacama Desert/ guano / war of the pacific) (its always nice to show off some little wisdom you gleamed from your recently read book. Hehehehehehhehe.

'copy' writing

V-inu says that I write well. If only I checked what I wrote and just rewrote a bit better it would be dam neat. Ya. I know that but what to do, I did not ever like checking the writing. My mom couldn’t make me do it while I was in school. In office I take pains to check and re write and stuff like that and that’s enough. That takes a toll on me in any case. In office I think I have become the chief copywriter, chief visualizer and chief creative all rolled into one. Not many people can write half decent copy. And I have realized in the years gone by. A very few select guys have the intellect to write sense. I believe that I am half decent. There are many better than me, many many; but I get eth benefit of having billions worse off. What shit. I think I started writing better after reading. It’s not just the reading level but the exposure level that counts. The ability to exposue yourself to newer ideas, newer styles and the willingness to learn. I have said this before – the willingness to learn – from anything – from a rock perhaps.

In my job, good writing is not equal to original writing. Thanks to Google, I have the opportunity to pick lines, research the subject and immediately figure out some stuff to put out. We have a internal emailer that we put out. I am the defacto editor there and the privileges are that I write the ed’s note every time. Below is the ed’s note. I kinda like the way I wrote it. It’s just a piece of lifted lines from around but decently strung together. There is a reason they call it copy writing I mean how difficult can that be? How difficult? This quarter we focused on the Monsoon.


Legend has it that on one his trips back from Kerala, Vasco da Gama asked the king whether he could take a pepper stalk with him for replanting. The king, well known for sarcasm, responded calmly, “You may take our pepper but I don’t think you will be able to take our rains',' referring to Kerala’s twin monsoons, almost a prerequisite for the growth of pepper plants.
No Indian in his right sense would need to be explained the importance of monsoon. And that by that logic it is indispensable for someone selling India. The progress of the monsoon is keenly watched, for it holds (mythically, some argue) the key to everything - from crop output to inflation, consumer spending and economic growth. The first Indian monsoon forecast was issued in 1886. In the last 135 years, the monsoon has been "normal" 94 times -- when rainfall was either 10 per cent above or below average. Whatever that means to you.
For most of Indians Monsoon means much more. The Monsoon has been the subject of many creative. They may be of hope, romance, tragedy, an excuse to clasp your love or the usage of the rain as a metaphor. Thoda sa Roomani ho gaye for the right brained, a movie that is a poetic blend of dreams and reality, a story of ordinary people and that what is extra-ordinary in them.
At the end, the question is simple. It is the one that we ask of yourselves, ourselves this Monsoon – can you make it rain?

Goooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllllllllllllllll

At the station I overheard a bunch of going boys discussing football. Kya shot tha! The guy slid so well. He was 2 nil up. In extra time I whacked it in. what an idiot you are. I can beat you any time.
Its monsoon season in Mumbai. Monsson in Mumbai invariably means football. Tons of it. Playing in the school, on the road, playing billa football. Billa football is actually playing football with a cola crown (cap). Usally played over smooth tiles ground and usauuly played when you have too much rains outside and get into class completely wet. The crown by its very nature and boys by their nature define the game. You can’t do too much dribbling but you sure can put your foot right on the crown and drag it till as far as you can. All the other guys can kick your leg like crazy trying to get it off the god dam billa. You can use your arms to fend of attackers and maintain your bvalance but you can’t wrestle with the players – that is rugby while we were playing football (soccer). But hell we played a lot and came home stinking and mucky. That was the entire point ofcourse.
Coming back to the bunch at the station. They animatedly discussing the game. ‘He was 2 nil up and then as soon as he scored I hit the ball directly and it went as a goal’. “arre, I was pressing A continuously. Man I was giving him a thrashing. I can take you anyt…” Wait a minute, wait a minute, ‘pressing A continuously’. Oh shit, they were playing football on play station or a computer. What whimps. What a bunch of losers. Complete wasters.