performance matters?

Sitting in my office the best thing is that the TV is here. My entire team is here sitting and watching the match. The match in question is the world cup semi final between India and Pakistan. I know as of now anyone reading the blog would wonder what’s the point of the stating the obvious but just to remind you , I write this blog so that it is possibly read 20 years hence. So this is the most important match of the last four and the next four years and obviously that would do a great deal of damage for the productivity of the day. I can imagine the frustration of the top bosses. We are a brokerage house that is largely a daily turnover game. One day less of trading and that would mean consequently one day less brokerage, and if we assume around 200 days of trading, we are looking at 0.5% less for the year. But what to do. As Rajesh, my one time boss/ mentor said, ‘I am very clear. Love for country over love for company’. Haha. It is difficult to concentrate and has been so during the day. The match has been on everyone’s mind. To concentrate a change was warranted and I sat in one of the empty cubicles of my office, along with my team. Now I wonder why I don’t do that more often. The cubes have so much more buzz, somehow there is the energy that gets work done. The cabin has been very silent and boring otherwise. I think I must go off more often and sit there. It’s definitely much more fun. All these years ... you pine for one and then once you get one, you get pleasure in sitting where you would have if you were a trainee. This is the story of life, I guess. So here we are watching the first half of the match. The TVs in the lobby still play CNBC but my TV is firmly on cricket. So what we lose on productivity we gain dramatically on team work. No matter what, sitting and watching a crunch match together does get all the adrenaline flowing. And when we get them all flowing all together, teams get built. You get enough joys and sorrow to share with all. So I guess it’s an even steven, you might gain more in bonding than what you lose in productivity. But thats a difficult to take. The higher you go the tougher the call gets.. well.. But then let’s talk about something different all together. This Sunday I raced Jispa in a swimming competition. First on was a 25 meter dash. I beat her by possibly 1/3 rd of a second. I had to push myself, cup and stretch my hand, and flap my legs like crazy. Then we got a 50 meter dash done. Here too I had to push myself like crazy and the result was a tie according to Jasmine. Wow. I couldn’t beat my own 8 year old. I thought that was really really fast. I might not be superbly fast but I know my crazy sprint will be fast. And I was out of breath for some time afterwards. Surely a 75 meter race I would have ... poof... I would have overheated and magically disappeared. I have said it many times in the past and I say it again. Nothing beats getting a good coach to teach you a sport... any sport, early enough in your life. There will one game that will give you a perspective on an alternative life, an alternate discipline. I am so happy that Jasmine and me have managed to give her this. This is an education that will hold her in good stead. Well done Jispa and thanks jasmine. Jasmine takes a whole lot of credit. Sometimes I wonder she suddenly grows a pair of horns and gets all aggressive, telling Jispa to do well, push harder. And I am looking at her and trying to calm her down. Relax. Its ok. hehe.

shut up and stop complaining

The contrast could not have been starker. From the wild jungles to a gilded cage. Last week I was on a trip to the north east. I have always wanted to someday got o Kaziranga. The last refuge of the one horned rhino. It has been a desire since I was a young boy. Assam always had this mystical aura around it. Heavy rains, tribals, long really long grass; so long they call it elephant grass. And of course the mighty grass chomping rhino. My wish was fulfilled and I hope Jispa was also richer for the experience. We went to two places. Nameri and Kaziranga, both quite nice and pretty and so far – almost unspoilt.
Here’s the Nameri tent!


The Bharatpur trip that we as a family made a few years ago was the turning point in our lives. That exposed us to the scores of birds around us and we began to take an extraordinary interest in the birds around us. Suddenly then a national park comes to life. If you are normally in the hunt for mammals then you tend to get disappointed at these parks. You can go from one point to another rushing and driving just in a bid to see the elusive tiger or bear or another wild mammal. You will miss the beauty of the barbet clattering or the lovely elegant hornbill flying. Such elegant life. They have their own ecosystem. It is a lovely thing to see birds along with animals.
Nameri was a different experience altogether. A jungle where you are supposed to walk through. That itself is rare. We walked through the woods and the tall swampy grass in a bid to catch the white wood duck. I had no clue how endangered it was and how rare a sighting was over there. But to merely reciprocate the enthusiasm of the guide and the forest guard was worth the entire walk! Kaziranga too was alive thanks to the birds more than the lazy chomping rhino.
Coming back to Mumbai I came to this new office of ours. The big shiny new office with the shiny new cube. I have always coveted I guess the cabin but on getting it I am first to admit – it is kind of too large for my taste. Really large. And it blocks me out from all the buzz that is happening in the office. In office the bigger you get the more caged you become. Offices look like botanical gardens. With the simple common species that could be found everywhere but really large wild cats will be found in the cages which commensurate with their size. So here I am in this cage, large cage which thankfully has a window right near my computer. I was lucky to be around when it was getting built this helped me choose the right cage of the three options. One had no windows, the other had a lot of windows but also had a pillar and the third was just right. Not too enamoured by vaastu I just choose the one I thought whose window will be nice and bright and just the right size. Nice to have light filtering through in the morning.
I can also see some greenery around here. The best of all, one of my favourite city birds, the coppersmith barbet makes it tonk tonk sound all day long. What more can I ask for. And today as I am writing this post I almost jumped in joy. I spotted the lovely bird from my window. Wow. Nice. It put me in a good mood. This cage is not so bad after all. Besides the gilded trimmings it also has a view. And I can see a barbet from it.
A week back I was happy to be in the free and open, watching the blue throated barbet making its chattering sound and now I am here watching the coppersmith. How we amuse ourselves. How we look at our situation and find joy in it. What must be the animals at the zoo thinking. The pelican must be happy to get his dose of fish served to him. I too must remain happy thus. Every month end I get my cheese delivered to me in my bank account. For that all I must endure is this cage. It’s got carpeting, it’s got a small personal TV, air-conditioning and a view to the tree. What more should one ask for? Why do cribpots complain? Who said man is free to roam around and explore the wild. It is for him to be happy like a lion is in the zoo. He is the star attraction and he is kept happy, vaccinated and fed. It seems (I was reading somewhere) that animals in the zoos might enjoy a longer life than in the wild. Here they are free from disease and hunger. Most importantly they are free from predators.
So all those who believe that man is essentially meant to be in the wild, take your theory and stuff it down your..... *&^%. Be happy in the zoo. You will be well fed and your fat around your belly is just a sign of prosperity. Sure you might get a few illnesses thanks to fat and overwork, but you rather get ill than be eaten by predators, right? All you have to do, like any other zoo, is keep the performance up. Keep fluttering your feathers and shine your mane. The peacock who keeps showing his feathers no matter if it rains or not, is always the pride of the zoo. Similarly here. Keep the act up and you will be well fed, you cage will get bigger. You might get more toys in your cage, better seating area. The big guys are even allowed to eat in their cages and the really big ones have opaque cages so that they can get their mate in them and enjoy moments of privacy. Haven’t you been to a zoo? The big cats always have an ante room in their enclosure, where they can catch a few private moments. It’s the same here.
Oh come on, don’t get too cynical about these things. Unlike the zoos, here you have a door in which you can you walk out anytime. There is no one holding you back in it. No one. Go... shooo... you crib pot.
here's my cage, opps cabin. two views of it. u like it?



oh hell I just realised. It also faces the east tying in with my desire to see the east! wow. yaaaa

you win some... you lose some (sigh)

What a shit pot of a month. I have hardly had the time to write anything in the blog. Today has also been possible only due to the fact that I am in my other office one hour earlier than I am due. Part of me wanted to some in early purely because it gave me the chance to write something. And like most days – this too starts with random babbling without really knowing what I will write and where will I reach. The blog has been a process of self discovery taking me to the deep recesses of my mind that I wouldn’t have accessed otherwise.
Yesterday I got a chance to catch up with a collegue from the UK. We would have hardly met a few times. Possibly twice or thrice, but we have managed to build a decent relationship purely online. One of the few instances of building a sweet relationship within office collegues and that too long distance. Very rare. This lady got to know of my blog through my Facebook account and ended up following it regiularly. After my Facebook account got swamped by ‘friends’ and relatives (both mine and my wife’s) I got that bit of information removed from there. The last thing I want is my wife’s cousin coming up to me and saying – hey nice blog. Yuck. Sometimes it easier for strangers to know about you than acquaintances. Funny world. It’s a koan.
I have always been pretty open on the blog in the safe knowledge that idiots at office will not read. Some idiots will always know about it, get to know about it, but reading a blog regularly? Reading anything regularly? Hah! Shit pots don’t read anything. Even if it was shoved down their throats. My new team is no exception. No one who would really read. I find that queer that if your boss read so much and spoke at every opportunity about reading and from the books he read, then why would you still not take up. I recommend the right books, even told them this time that I would pay for it. But I guess it’s a losing war. That’s why I stopped lending books to anyone. They all want to borrow but no one, NO ONE wants to read anything.
How did I get to this rant? I was talking about this real sweet colleague of mine from London. Speaking to her this time, I was reminded about another sweet colleague at work. These sweet women have gotten this Jekyll and Hyde syndrome. They are really sweet people but have such a hard ball attitude at work. For both of these women whom I really like, when they talk about work, their back straightens, they lips pucker up, their natural smile goes away; the anger and firmness and tough attitude is palpable. Uff. I have always believed that in corporate life you slowly slowly lose your soul, or rather SELL your soul. You lose a part of you that is essential to you. You know it’s there buried in somewhere, the sweet good natured lady with a golden heart and a desire to love and be loved. Simple earthy desires. But dam, I feel so bad when the switch happens from love and laughs to anger and , and, should I say attitude.
So I try and always talk to them. Once a senior whom I respect once told me, that Jaimit, I have known you for 7 years now, the innocence you first had on your face is now lost. That’s when I realised it that ‘yes’, I too have been selling my soul. But I have been trying since then not to. To retain what is essentially me and don’t get sold to these slave traders. Easier said than done. Fighting these instincts every day to survive. At least I try to ensure that those I work with and something that I see worth saving, I do my bit to save.
I know I have no business to play Guru, but people have lost soul thanks to the people around them who make it imperative to do so. People will reward that behaviour and laud it to only reinforce it. I have decided never to encourage this. I will try my best to get these sweet people to be sweet. First thing I do is tell them that they are really sweet. And I love them for it. But more importantly I then try my best to behave in a manner that really brings out their sweet caring nature and refuse – fatly refuse to deal with them when they slip back. For some it works like a charm and for some... for some they have tipped over. Nothing I can do about it. They have lost the ability to trust anyone at work. They view with suspicion everything, everyone.
Well you lose some, you win some. But what gives the right to do this to people and take moral calls. Nothing. I have no right and no duty. But I feel love is an emotion worth saving. I am not good enough to spread love to all. I am only adequate to spread love to those I see with a glimmer of it. I cant fight them all but at least I can make a difference to a few who are receptive.
The colleague I met yesterday for breakfast was amazing. She is a lovely ‘girl’ when talking about food, her boyfriend, her desires and a tough nut tight ass when she talks about work. Wow! What will you do? Talk only about ... everything but office. Am I manipulating people. No. I am only attempting to show them what they are best at and what they actually are. Let down your mask, I mean no harm lady.
Why only ladies. I don’t know. Possibly I work/ relate better to ladies? I don’t know. Possibly the men switch easier. They let their guard down and get it up pretty fast with other men. The women have a process and possibly the flips are more polarised. I don’t know. But I sure seem to notice this more with women than men. Men bonding is different. Just a pat on the back and a common joke is enough to flip. I don’t know. Its worth a thought.
But these lovely sweet women make office life colourful. They have the capability to add so much love in office and change the workspace. They can actually be catalyst for a nice productive and caring office culture. As a boss, it is my duty to do it and spread a culture that I think allows people to go home with happiness in their heart. Hopefully it will eject all the counter cultures fast enough. People either start loving and start caring or just ship out.
One of things I have noticed is the anti Gandhi syndrome. Like Einstein said - Generations to come, it may be, will scarce believe that such a one as this, ever in flesh and blood, walked upon this earth. So many people wont believe a good thing even if they stare at it in the face. They don’t believe it if you are good to them. No can be, there had to be an ulterior motive. They seem to hate you if you are good. It only feeds their hate and anger. You are an ass and a pretence. No one can be sweet and good. It like all these who bash Gandhi. They refuse to believe the good in the world and best of all – I feel so many even refuse to see the good in their own hearts. So sad. But what to do. One starfish at a time....

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On another note – someone was asking me why I drive a hatch back (Hyundai i ten) and my wife drives a bigger sedan (Honda city)? Well my counter is that – my wife’s husband is a Head of marketing in a big bank, but I have no such luck.

It resurfaces time and again.