Folding priviledge

A huge eventful event happened in Jasmine’s life. I guess she must have mulled over it for the longest. One day she tells me that she has decided to keep a servant for the morning. One hour. “She will come for one hour and help me do all the house work”. “sure. Go ahead”. I was pretty surprised and pleasantly so. Our income has obviously grown in the last ten years, enough to have one more servant at a thousand bucks a month.

When Jispa was born we were probably the only couple that did not have a full time maid. A full time maid is seen as a necessary thing when you have growing up kids. She takes care of the kid and runs behind the kid with water, food, diapers everything. That’s the objective of the maid. The kid in charge. We resisted this. Jasmine is a work horse. She likes to work. She likes doing stuff around the house and saw no real reason to have a maid. I too loved being with my child and whenever we went out I would be happy to be the tiffin box carrier. In fact when Jispa was a baby the cargo pants were in fashion and I loved them. One packet would be her food and the other would be her water bottle and so on. They were full of stuff that I needed as a daddy on the go. This do-it-yourself worked well. We only had one evening servant who came in to wash vessels and clean the floor. So I was pretty surprised when Jasmine decided to have an extra hand for an hour. I have never questioned her on the expenses of the house and frankly I haven’t a clue. She knows how much money we have and that’s that, it’s up to her to manage the household. And so we have an extra help. It’s been an interesting journey so far. Jasmine is figuring out work for the one hour that we have her. And also when the bell rang on Saturday and Sunday morning Jasmine got up cursing – ‘I will have to tell her not to come early on weekends’. Hah, I love this.

While Jasmine outsources the jobs to the new one, she tries to get eth boring jobs done. One of the boring jobs is folding the clothes after they are washed. I can vouch for the fact that it’s a might boring job to do. You sit and you surround yourself with a pile of clothes and get it done one by one. So the new lady gets to do it. With one problem – she doesn’t know how to fold clothes. Yup. I never knew there was such a thing like not knowing how to fold clothes. When I saw my t shirts, they were pretty badly folded. Not that the lady is a lazy worker. In fact to the contrary, she is a diligent and hard worker who does the cleaning job dam well. She just doesn’t know how to fold clothes. Jasmine then taught her how to fold clothes but then still, over the weekend I had to unfold my t-shirts and then fold them back again. Nicely. I like neatly folded clothes. For some reason I hate folding the clothes badly. Especially the handkerchiefs. I hate badly folded handkerchiefs. I like to join them correctly from edge to edge, the smoothen out the cloth and fold them over and over till they are nice and flat, almost ironed.

But really – it set me thinking. Why would someone not know how to fold clothes? Is it a skill we take for granted? People who have adequate clothes and adequate space to put them only know about folding them, and folding them well. With a person of meager possessions, folding clothes the right way is a big ask I assume. Poverty is a trap that is difficult to get out from. One barely understands the entire range of privileges we have. The privilege of keeping ones possessions neatly. Who would have known that to be one. My other servant also keeps her valuable stuff with us. I learnt that she had just a few suitcases as a store of her worldly possessions.

So I told Jasmine – just get her to fold the t shirts a bit more narrowly. I will manage after that. Afterall I am in Mumbai. In Mumbai there is no Space. Our cupboards are narrow, we can’t fold our clothes broad. Most of us don’t have walk in wardrobes to hand clothes and a few hangers to cling on to. Those from smaller towns will see that folding clothes right so that they are very compact is something we learnt well. They probably have the privilege not to fold clothes nice and compact. Oh dear we are so poor.

a moral compass

Religion divides more than it unites. It gives a sense of identity but at the same time it also uses the identity to group and pit one against the other. I am sick and tired of religion and culture being used as benchmarks for anything. I have learnt to abhor religion but funnily not yet abhor God. Also my belief has been to look inward and seek strength than to ask God for help. Hoping that God will somehow materialize and work his mircales is something I have learnt not to trust. Put faith in your hands and your thoughts and your deeds.

Oops – what with the sudden burst of philosophy. Well nothing really. Today I heard a podcast that spoke about the pope and how he was not too happy with this unchecked market economy of sorts.

When I was growing up I was a curious mix of a religious guy and a leftist. Poverty and hunger were essentially state subjects and could be solved by taking the money from the rich and redistributing it to the poor. Why should there be poverty. Can the state just simply redistribute it? Over the years I moved from left to a free market believer. And at the same time I moved from being a religious person to an agnostic. The transformation was complete. But at heart I remained a person still moved by problems of the world. I refused to accept the simple notion that people are poor because they have taken those choices in life. I would agree that in Mumbai city no one can really be poor and a complete destitute.  They is no reason to beg on the road. There is enough work in Mumbai for people who are ready to work hard. But that is a simplistic view. While they may be marginalized, there is no reason for letting them come out. The idea – in words of Jeffery Sachs is to give them a ladder. Then it is up to to them to climb out of it. I don’t believe in dole but I do believe in an infrastructure whether it is social or economic or even physical (roads rail etc). and these cannot be dictated by free market but by the power of common good.

I keep thinking. I don’t give money away to charity. I don’t trust any of these characters. I don’t believe in them. So what do I do. I know that I want to give my time and attention at the end ot something meaningful but I guess my form of charity is simply teaching those around me. Guiding them, talking to them and trying to build a happier planet – one person, one interaction at a time.

So, I believe in what I think the point the Pope is trying to tell. Free markets with no moral compass is a dangerous thing. where Only the fittest survive, we don’t give a chance or care a dam about the others. In the long run – it will create an oligopoly and the concentration of the haves will lord over the have nots in an unfettered sort of way.

Bah! But why is all this so important? Why am I thinking about it. I have always wondered where my moral compass has come from? I believe that a lot of it may have come from religion driven ethics and morals. I don’t think would have been a vegetarian if not for the fact that I was born in a Jain household. That’s the simplest example. So while I can have a source of morality (whatever form or manner), I wonder what happens to Jispa when she grows up. Even the Buddhists sects realized that a simple idea of Buddha understood as a thought and not a figure was tough and then migrated to an image of Him and in many ways worshipped him. Same so with Jainism. The god Mahavir verus The God Mahavir has been an undercurrent theme that I see in those around me. We deify a saint more than take home his principals. But then would I have been able to understand those teachings without the accompanying rituals. It’s a question I may never be able to answer.

But with Jispa we will know when she grows up. She knows no prayer and she knows almost no God. We have no image of him at home and we don’t pray not believe in rituals. We silently stay out of rituals that we are called for. So when she grows up she will have to have a moral compass that is her own. That is possibly from her parents and surroundings – school, peers etc. it will not be out of fear of God or for greater good in the next life. She will be what she is because she will choose it for herself.

Well it does sound good when I write it down like this. but the risk of not having a moral compass just because your parents were too anal about religion is a bit of a bummer. But yes. Jasmine and I still have faith in this approach. Be yourself. Be what you want to be not because of dogmas but because of your choices and your decisions. Let the wisdom passé don from centuries only be your reference for learning and listening. But do your own bit. And least of all – religion is meant to liberate not restrict. Liberate? – once it gives you a moral compass – you then free to do what you wish. Like I once blogged in the past. When you restrict a certain opportunity to yourself you are in effect giving yourself the freedom to do what you want to. The only question is where is that moral compass coming from and how seriously are you taking it. It is only a liberator not a restrictor. If it restricting – then throw it.

Just for the record – the Freaknomics podcast  - though I never figured that I may agree with the Pope (or least see his point of view - in some angular sort of way. though this Pope Francis seems to be an interesting character.

you can get his EVANGELII GAUDIUM here: though to make sense of it you may want to read some other sources.  http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/francesco/apost_exhortations/documents/papa-francesco_esortazione-ap_20131124_evangelii-gaudium_en.html

read here http://world.time.com/2013/11/26/pope-francis-denounces-idolatry-of-money-and-tyranny-of-capitalism/

what a load of stuff

Teens are a crazy age. Jispa is a pre-teen and these kids are possibly growing older faster than what we did at the time. I guess it’s the exposure and the fact that their parents probably talk to them much more than what our parents did. And then the parents fret that they are all grown up.

Jispa is now rapidly using her brains. Using it for good thinking and analysis but then also to rebel. She can now choose to rebel and it is going to get pretty tough on us. I remember when the first time she used her brain. That was when she was two. I clearly remember that time. She would just want to decide her pants and tops combination. She would want to wear the blue ant on an orange top and no amount of convincing would change her mind. Dam. It was crazy. How do you convince a two year old.

Now is another time. she wants to decide what to wear and when. She wants to decide and what she says is pretty much final. We don’t go shopping for her. If she isn't around Jasmine and me don’t buy anything. We get frustrated. We simply offer our humble opinion on various things. A very very difficult person to shop for. Then even after she buys it there is no guarantee that she will wear it. which is a dam interesting decision for me to make as a father. Normally I don’t push her too much on clothes. You don’t like something too much you throw it. But this time there was the sticky question of two denims that she had gotten made. Now these were made after asking her. She gave the measurements and she decided on the fit and color and wash and everything else. So we are trying our best to get her to wear her jeans. She has her favorite shorts that she keeps wearing all the time. Its shorts or tracks. So I stood up to her and told her “dude, normally I don’t get involved in all these decisions. You don’t like your jeans; ideally you shouldn't be wearing them. But if I allow you to do this then I teaching you something wrong. It’s not that we don’t have the money. Sure you can throw it. But you are responsible for your decisions. You are going to wear your jeans. They look good and as of now they look new. So I know you are going to hate me for this but – you are wearing your jeans. I would be failing as a father if I taught you to throw stuff just because we have the money to throw it” . Well obviously she is upset about the whole thing.

The other thing is that Jispa is growing taller pretty fast. Stuff that we bought six months ago is getting small. So we insist that she wears them off before we throw them. So that’s another layer. I told her – don’t worry too much about party clothes or simple clothes; just wear them off. While she was trying on the clothes for figuring the ones that fit, Jasmine and I struck on a new idea. Suppose we just don’t wash her clothes. She has enough clothes to last her three weeks. Great – now her wash cycle will be set at three weeks. I know I know. We are such mean parents. Beat that. If your fav shorts are in the laundry you probably got to wear something else.

Sorry Jispa. I know you are going to read this when you grow older but do realize you were on tough girl. Especially when we wanted to deal with you without either crushing or flaming your rebellion.

These days I try not to fight or scold her. I use the cold heat treatment. Have a strong chat with her. To dos and not to dos are clearly laid out with consequences. The flip – she hates its – she prefers the blow hot anger any day. Fights with her mother are another funny one. There is drama and action. And the inevitable – you guys don’t understand me. Yes. I was waiting for the time that ame. She is almost a teen. Every teen has the fundamental right to believe that they have been misunderstood, misjudged, mishandled, misquoted and mistaken. Jispa is reaching there. I remember feeling that all the time. I remember feeling alone and helpless. Of course today I realize that was over reacting on my side. So I try my best to not let her remain in that. Yesterday I explained to her how much we appreciate it “but you never tell me”. “oh dear, we do. Point taken- we don’t tell you enough of it but we do. And more likely right now you are in a negative state so you are likely to only remember the negative ones.” So I then work on it and explain how it’s tough but we do appreciate her a lot. We love her a lot and we do a lot for her. Not that we are asking for gratitude in return (I always hated my parents asking me to be grateful). So don’t thank us. We too enjoyed and did our duty. You dint ask for it, but you shouldn't think that we are being mean and that we don’t really care. We do. So here is our version.

I also never try and let her go without making up. And it ends to start another day.

Parenting is so bloody irritating. No matter how many mistakes you avoid, you only make fresh new ones. You constantly balance stuff. And who knew that the way to get your daughter to wear her clothes was to manage the washing loads. Shit man. This is so dam weird.

watch it

They re-released Sholay on the big screen after 38 years. It was released around a month before I was born and it’s been there in our conscience ever since. Such was the impact of the movie. To my mind and also for a million others – it was the defining movie for Indian cinema.

Growing up, I funnily never got the chance to watch it. Probably  because my parents must have watched it well before I was in my senses. But the dialogues were firmly etched in my memory. This was thanks to the songs and dialogues of Sholay cassette that we had at home. I read much later that, the film was declared a flop in its first few weeks and picked up much later. Even after the movie became a hit the records did not move. It seems the movie was so powerful that the songs never registered in the people’s psyche. Only after Polydor released the ‘Songs and dialogues version’ did the sales shoot up. Rightly so – the movie is all about the story and dialogues. There is one scene after the other full of characters mouthing one repeatable dialogue after the other. At home we used to listen to the cassette and knew the dialogues by heart.

Later on when satellite TV reached our households, I would have seen the movie in bits and pieces many times, but never together in totality. It was only much later that I bought the DVD or something and watched it end to end.

So when the news was that the movie is releasing again – I asked Jispa if she wanted to see it. She wasn’t too keen. Then I had to sell it to her. You know Gabbar is in this movie. You know Jai and Viru are also from this movie. Dialogues such as Tere naam kya hai basanti, kitne aadmi the, tera kya hogo kaaliya, chal dhanno, etc… Jispa was amazed. All this is from this movie? Yup. It’s all here. Now that it was appropriately sold, she was game for the movie. Jispa is such a twerp. She is very very irritatingly choosy on if she wants to watch a movie or not. But then….

So we went and watched the movie. It had released in the 2D and the 3D version but we went for the 2D version at Regal theatre. If you see it then you must see it on the big screen, the traditional way. And we hate the 3D specs as it gives us a headache. And I wasn’t disappointed. DVD is a poor cousin for this movie. This is great movie. After all these years and after knowing the story and the dialogues, you are still glued on. The fun bit is knowing which dialogue is going to come in and saying it just as it is being delivered. You are then a part of the movie yourself. You end up interacting with it yourself. What a movie. To my mind there are no wasted shots and movie moves forward at an amazing pace. At best one can fault the action – the scenes where the bad guys get shot and jump from their horses or pedestals..aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. That seemed hackneyed by today’s standard. But the rest was good enough to keep Jispa happy. She enjoyed the movie as well.

After the movie we went home and I dug out the book I had on the making of the movie and gave it to Jispa to read. Now that you enjoyed the movie, do read how much fun it was to make.

Talking about movies – we caught an interesting movie on DVD. We saw Lootera. While it had two actors I wouldn’t care of, I figured from some interviews given that it was a different movie. I was amazed by the movie. It truly was a nice movie. It was a bit slow but a few things happened that has never happened in the history of Hindi movies. One – there are so many scenes that don’t have any dialogue and secondly – there are scenes where the actors whisper to each other. In Bollywood, there are no whispers. People shout out their secrets to each other. Nothing is understated or subtle. It’s over the top. All the time. Go see the movie – it’s different. I liked it, but yes it’s a bit extra on emotion, but it’s nice still.

here - the bonus title track of sholay. I love it. Jispa and I have been listening to it and we love the part where the strumming and the whistling takes off

I click therefore I am

There you are. My instagram feed is on the left of the blog. Blogging was a big thing at one time and then facebook came in and stole the thunder from ever one. On facebook for the most – I am a by standing voyeur. I don’t post much, don’t write much and simply like or comment on interesting stuff. It’s also an interesting place to catch other articles or videos gone viral. Then one day I heard about how facebook acquired instagram. Like a typical corporate guy – I was interested only after the economics got my attention. Once I got my instagram account – I was sold. It’s a dam cool software. With the touch to focus (the rest gets a little blurred) and a choice or predefined filters it makes photography so lovely.

I have been fiddling with it now for some time. It is pretty cool. Over a period of time I have evolved to have a style and language of my own. Many years ago V-nu and I had gone to the ardh kumb mela at Allahabad. We met a guy taking photos. We dint realize it at the time but the guy, Ben Lowy was a crazy celebrated photographer. He has been to conflict zones across the world and has been taking photos. Later on he had started his photo feed which was a series of photos that he would take from his iphone. I would always wonder how he would get the effect on the iphone. Once I started fiddling with Instagram I realized how he did it. Now I regularly follow my instagram feeds. It is a lovely liberating experience. I was always interested in photography but I found the camera very limiting. Who will carry a bulk load of equipment and worry about it all the time. V-nu would carry his equipment and then sit and change lenses etc, and I hated the whole thing. its too messy for me. Then you are always worried about equipment and worse – you stop living the moment. Once in Jaisalmer, I tried my best at capturing the perfect sunset and I realized that in that bit, I had failed to experience it. I had given up completely on photography after that. No camera for me.

The cell phone Instagram has helped me regain the photography mojo back. It’s nice to be able to click and most importantly – share your pics with people. I mainly do it when I am on vacation. I take pictures of the different experiences. I try and take unconventional ones. Interesting stories. Then I also learnt to write something interesting around it.  A picture with a context has far more to it than by itself. This too I picked up from another celebrated photojournalist that I was following. The things I have learnt is that – its ok to cheat with the phone on the picture. Cropping is ok – playing around and fiddling with the focus is ok, using filters is ok. No manually erasing stuff but everything else is par for course. These have helped me connect to people and helped people connect to me.

Very interestingly, there is this one chic from office. She sits in one of the branches and she hardly ever meets me. I would have never talked to her anything more than basic pleasantries. But she catches me on FB a lot and my photo feeds. I met her at a coffee shop the other day. I was with Jasmine and Jispa. She immediately was warm to Jasmine and wanted to meet Jispa and was warm to her as well. This is possibly the power of the media. The ability to stay connected in a new sort of way. Jasmine’s millions of cousins in the US are now connected to us and share the holidays with us. I try not to spam the feed. I try and make it relevant and interesting. After all you don’t need to know that I ate a chocolate cake yesterday and that it was YUM. I guess I use it for what I feel are more interesting interactions and my thoughts. It’s a language that’s mine and mine alone.

WE have not allowed Jispa on any social network site, but I relented on Instagram. Her feeds are private and by invitation alone and she needs permission before she posts. I was explaining to her the other day how one could look at a story while clicking a photo and how the focal blur can help in telling a story. The eye follows the focus and that the story you want to tell. We experimented with two simple coffee cups on a table to tell different stories.

This is a good skill to learn I guess. She has a camera which we bought recently 0 but that useless. She doesn’t use it at all. She uses the ipod touch for now, but her camera there is pretty much useless. I guess I may buy her a better itouch but I too worried about the kids using the itouch to be out of touch with the environment around them. So it’s a bit of a bummer. Lets see.