Boss!

Now at this age with a 12 year old kid – you are definitely an “uncle’. You may not like it – but you are the uncle. But sometimes you can get elevated. And if the boys in your daughters class elevate you then you have done something that is a huge achievement.

A couple of weeks back Jispa was at a party. When we went to pick her up the kids were playing in the compound after the party. Jispa got into the car and then I decided to play a prank on the other kids. I told Jispa to watch the fun. I quietly moved my car next to the kids. There were a couple of girls from Jispa’s class whose back was to us. I suddenly revved up the engine and let out a sharp horn and braked. The boys simply looked up and the girls let out a scream and were completely scared. They almost dropped everything they had. In a few seconds the boys knew that this was a prank and were laughing their ass out. Then the boys – the naughtiest and the worst of them came up to my car. I rolled down the windows – we hi fived and then the boy screamed out – “ Uncle – BOSS”. That’s it. No body said – great prank, awesome prank, awesome idea, Great, cool or anything like that. For that fleeting moment – I was upgraded from Uncle to BOSS! On the other window another legendary naughty kidd, hifived and proclaimed me BOSS. What more can I wish for? I was no longer a simple Uncle, I was THE BOSS!

Another self gloating thing. Jasmine and Jispa have been at logger heads over studying. Hence over the last couple of weeks I took over. I learnt from last year that teaching her school is different from teaching at the schools I grew up with. we could simply study the notebook and come out of the exams with flying colors. I learnt that the text book is more important than the notebook. In fact they make it a point to ask questions outside of the notebook that tests your fundamental knowledge of the subject. So this time I have started with the text book and then moved onto the notebook. In English I did not even touch the notebook. More energies were focused on talking about the chapters. But the school likes to raise the bar. One chapter they have is on Prometheus and Pandora and her box. The story goes blah blah blah and Gods give Pandora a box to take to earth. She is advised by a well wisher not to open it. Curiosity gets better of her. She opens it to release suffering and other worries from the box and hence earth suffers from it. At the end – she hears a tiny voice from the box she tried to shut. There was hope inside. She then release hope as well as a balm to all suffering. The question she got in the exam was – why would Zeus put hope in the box when we wanted to send the box as a punishment for all mankind. Wow. Now that’s a nice question. Jispa rose to the occasion and answered – that zeus wanted mankind to suffer for eternity. So if there was only suffering and sadness, they would have fought and killed each other to the end, but hope gives them the courage to live on and then to suffer these for life – for always there will be hope. I was stunned. I would expected a humane answer like – finally he is a god and so he left hope so that his children bear the suffering. But Jispa’s take on it was that Zeus was unimaginably cruel or possibly a sadist. Hope kills you more than anything else in suffering. Hah! Amazing. I told her that it’s a great answer and if you have written it well enough – I don’t care if your teacher doesn’t like it. Nice one. She said – ya. I have always found these Greek Gods to be really cruel in all the stories.

I have read this story as a child and never saw this side of the equation. Why would you put hope ina  box meant to suffer. And a possible reason  as Jispa pointed out is not so altruistic. Possibly Jispa sees it because she does try to think differently, or is it possible because at home we are pretty agnostic towards God and religion. We don’t revere God at home. So she is not brainwashed into the undisputed benevolence of God. She questions his motives and sees him as such – She sees large swatches of black in his behavior. Very very Interesting. Very different from what I saw. I am impressed.

Another one on studying. Yesterday Jasmine called me at lunch. She asked me on Jispa’s science preparedness and if she could get by just reading through. I replied in affirmative. Jispa was done. After I put the phone down I was pretty happy. I was the BOSS. Normally it’s the dad asking mom if the kid is prepared for the exam. Not the other way around. That was the ultimate BOSS compliment!

So now I hope Jispa is really prepared for her exams. We have done it the right way. No mugging but understanding. Slowly and surely done the right way. I was then telling Jasmine – now whatever she gets I will be ok with the results because this is the right way to study – marks are of no consequence.

BOSS!

Bonus Really Bakwaas video:-

Where is your aggression?

What is aggression?

Going out and showing outwardly aggression. Showing off your anger. Pushing people, pumping fist, hitting hard shots. What is aggression?

I admit. I instinctively belong to the conventional wisdom of aggression. Trying hard and pumping fast. Show your aggression. Show your anger. Show your intent. Make it count. By nature I am an aggressive person. I used to use aggression to push myself in various situations. It helped me get my first job. They put us in a group and gave us topics for a group discussion. They also told us ‘kill the other guy if you need to but make your point and let it be heard’. What else would I want? That was all the invitation I needed. I pumped hard and maxed the discussions. Talking loud when chaos looms was my specialty.

But what got you here would not get you there. My age perhaps and my experience for sure has helped me change my aggression. I would say temper it… I would say change the way it manifests. A strong defensive shot is also aggression. Cricket has taught me that leaving the ball outside off stump is also aggression. In badminton, placing the shuttle quietly is also aggression.  Trusting yourself and pushing yourself in way that no one sees is also aggression.

See this video

I love this video. It typifies for me all that is aggression. All that is right and wrong about aggression. The Singaporean is outwardly aggressive. He is hitting the ball hard and fast. He is dominating the rally, but look at the Nigerian. He is focused on putting the ball back. Simply knocking it back into the table. Shot – Tap – Hard Shot – Tap – Harder Shot – Tap. No matter how far you are pushed and how less you dominate the game, finally the aggression can be simply in putting the ball back.

If you see his focus and see his anticipation and see how he released his pumped up aggression after the shot, you will realize that this sports person is as aggressive as the Singaporean. Not less. That is the aggression I am trying hard for.

Aggression that has no visual cue. Aggression that is internal. Aggression that has meaning. Aggression  that is not self-destructing.

It’s not that I can preach because I have achieved this. I haven’t. God knows I haven’t. But I am trying hard. Real hard. I have learnt it’s always better to be internally aggressive than externally so. But its  a Buddha state,  so painstakingly impossible to achieve. But the best way to achieve it is to have someone as a counterfoil. If you want to teach someone to not be aggressive then you have to not be so yourself and that helps you realize what it is to be such and what it takes. Teaching has helped me with many such instances. When I took up the teaching assignment around12 years ago I did not know it would permanently change me so.  I have become a teacher in class and in office and at home. It has helped me in many ways that I cant really understand or fathom. But surely it has helped me channelize my famous ‘doshi’ temper as my mom calls it.

My mom still thinks I have the doshi temper, possibly because she sees the temper. The aggression in me still. It may be masked for others but for my mom it may be just a different mifestation of the aggression. To her I may have never reduced my aggression. Possibly she is right. Aggression is core to me. I cannot possibly change it. can I fight genetics, but I can surely change the way it comes out. Aggression that is internal as the Nigerian showed can be different, useful and even heart warming. The goal is to reach there, inch by inch!

Inch by inch. Here is the other more glamorous side of aggression. This is what people call aggression and movies like these promote the notion of aggression that leads to results! Possibly it works as its easier to inculcate and transfer. But I doubt if this aggression is what leads to results. Matches and competitions are won in the head and not with your arms and limbs. They are there after years of practice but what makes you win – it’s the head.

Inch by inch –

Now listen to this as well….

This is also highly motivational. One could argue that this is what motivates people.

On the face of it this completely debunks everything I have said. But I would argue otherwise. I think this completely proves everything that I have said. The champion lies inside me. It is me. It is for me to figure what I have to do to be the champion. And more than anything, if I have to win I have to have belief in myself and in my ability – because who am I? I am a champion!

See the video below – the same wordings being used at possibly a talk before the game. Possibly to push the players.

But if you are losing and on a losing streak would this be something you want to mumble. I would argue not. But if you are a strong team and you love each other and back each other, you would scream this out even if you were losing. This I argue is nothing but a war cry, a chant that makes you feel like a team, because you shout out something in unison. It is a bonding ritual and it gets you going (it definitely gets me going) because we are at heart the hunter gatherer, the team that works together and fights together, because you can only hunt if you are a pack. Alone a hunter is often just simply dead! This riual makes you a part of a team. A team that is ready to perform and support you and fight for you, with you. But it doesn’t take away the fact (actually it’s an opinion) that the game is internal and in your head! And your head is better off knowing that if you do your job you have your team to back you up while they do theirs!

changing the world - one shower at a time

Ah the pleasures of a shower. I remember as a kid when I was growing up in Dubai I would have a shower bath. It was fun. Then when we came to Mumbai, for the first few years we stayed at our old place. Mom and dad later bought a largish house in a more modern apartment block which had all the modern trappings but till then it was the traditional 1970’s house. So our bathroom had a small instant heater which let out small quantities of water. Basically a really small tap attached to what I think was a brass geyser. We would use it to fill the bucket with water and then have a bath. I realized pretty quickly that since it was at a height I could simply stand under the water flow and think of it as a shower.

I love having bath. I could have a bath for an hour, with the water flowing forever. Showers are the coolest thing ever. It takes me just 10 minutes to get properly wet else I don’t even think I have gotten wet. Jasmine takes quick showers and wonders what on earth is going on. How does one explain the great fun of the water slowing over you?

So as a kid when we moved to the new house the first thing that got me excited was the shower. There was a huge capacity hater geyser over head and that was super cool. I could have a bath under the showers for almost forever. But this myth was to be busted. Of course  at first there was mom and dad. They would knock on the door when time went out of hand. And there were siblings. With three kids wanting to shower, one couldn’t really have an unhindered long bathing session. But the crucial point was something else. This was a storage water geyser, means that in some time the hot water would run out and you would get cold water flowing. What crap! The pleasures of a warm shower being affected by something as mundane as capacity.

When we shifted to our current home, I was happy to see the same but modern version of the old small water geyser. This geyser would simply heat the water and go on for hours. It was not a storage water geyser. Awesome fun started again. These years have been fun again! We have been enjoying the benefits of the water geyser and hot water for hours. Jispa has taken up after me. She too likes hanging around the shower. I am sure like me; she plays in the water, and throws water around. I used to do that in the hand shower. Throw water up and wonder what happens :). And like my parents, we too scold her and keep knocking – come out come out. Oh dam you bloody parenting.

It’s such a pain. There isn’t time to have a leisurely shower and refresh. I was explaining to Jispa the other day that four hours of your day goes away thanks to your swimming and hence there is no way you can spend time like this doing the things you want to do. Such a tough choice.

But this isn’t about her, it’s about showers. I have genuinely tried many times to cut short showers, use cold water and other stuff… but I always revert back to the old hot showers. In fact I used to have really hot showers which I managed to cool down. I think it makes my skin drier. Then I have tried to really go in and come out fast. Soon enough the lure of spending 20 minutes in a shower relaxing and thinking about great world changing ideas was too much to give up on.

In monsoon when the rains gets delayed there are many articles on how the rain water must be conserved and how we don’t have enough water. This time I decided to do something about it. I decided to get out the buckets and decided to have water from hot water filled in the buckets. “Ya sure” was Jasmine’s reaction to this. I asked Jispa if she would do the same. She was happy to comply as well.  So now I have tried to have atleast one bath with the water stored in a bucket. Pretty stupid thing, I am sure it going to turn out. One more of the failed ideas. I don’t know how long it will last. My wife thinks it will last till winter at best. But at least a few showers a week will convert into bucket baths and that is also a decent thing. something is better than nothing.

The flip side – world changing ideas can wait for the evening bath!

Bonus video!