square peg square hole

H“This is a very good report. But if you were in the seventh standard you would have got the highest and the topmost A star. But since you are in the fifth I am giving you only an A”
A couple of months ago Jasmine told me that there is a school project designed for me. It was on research and to get eth sphere of influence of the school on the students in class. Jispa had to take administer a survey on the students and present the findings. If anything I know research. So I sat with Jispa and figured a lot of things. I think I have blogged about this in the past.  So I sat with her and we listed down questions to which we could get answers that we could analyze. Post which we sat and made a tally sheet to collate the answers and then we made the graphs. We did graphs that made sense and we let Jispa make them. These were stacked bar graphs and other graphs. We did maps with circles of various radiuses. We let Jispa do a lot of the thinking with our help. Jispa understood a whole lot. The end result was a nice presentation with findings. I sat and beautified it with her. It was a complete team effort.
After all that, I saw the presentation returned yesterday with an ‘A’. Oh dam it. “This is a very good report. But if you were in the seventh standard you would have got the highest and the topmost ‘A’ star. But since you are in the fifth I am giving you only an A”. Now that’s not done. Sure parents helped a lot in making the presentation and report but please ask Jispa on her understanding of the report. You can’t just say – that’s too advanced. This is exactly the problem with the schooling today. You brow beat them into conformity to this extent. All outliers are just beaten out and you are rewarded for being the middle of the standard normal curve. I thought home work is meant to explore and understand with the help of parents. The question was – did Jispa understand what she did or did the parents do the project for her. We insisted that Jispa do a  majority of work. I took pains to let Jispa take the lead in designing questions. I taught her to think and dream of situations. To think through on the graphs while I suggested different graph styles. We did the graphs together by hand.
So no – the idea is simple. You have to have a standard assembly line for the workforce. People who get rewarded for being within the assembly set up. People who can see the square hole and mold themselves to it. I think it was George Bernard Shaw who said ‘progress depends upon the unreasonable man’. It’s the same thing when Jispa comes home to complain “the teachers tell us at the start to ask questions and when we do during the year, they tell us to shut up”.
WE have too much rigidity and structure in the school. A syllabus to finish, an exam to administer and a result to declare. Who has the time and the inclination for outliers? The dam exam gives us enough stress and now if we push the boundaries of the project – that’s going to give us stress as well. Today morning I was taking up history for Jispa and I realized that she did not understand History the way it must be understood. Why was civil disobedience organized thus – why not any other way. How was the INC formed? The answers are all there in the text book but the connection and the logic between the turn of historical events is sadly missing from the pie.
Jasmine and I realize that now we have to be a greater part of Jispa’s education. From two aspects – one from a daily schedule perspective. Regular studies and taking up will ensure no last moment stress for her. That would a lot of work from my side as well. The second aspect – I will need to see the questions and answers and explain to her the answers so that she need not mug up but answer from a deeper understanding of the situation. That is pretty clear. Yesterday Jasmine and I were talking about this and we knew that our honey moon is over. The fun is over and the studies have started in earnest in school. Now it’s good bye to a lot of fun and games and a huge hello to focused studies. All this becomes critical if we have to maintain her swimming schedule and her studies. Both cannot suffer. They need to work regularly to coexist. Else one will cannibalize the other.
Dam it. Look at the unintended consequences of a simple membership that I convinced Jasmine to pick up. I also convinced Jasmine that we should put her in swimming so that she learns to swim. I have never imagined a competitive environment for her swimming. That was supposed to be a fun thing to do with dad on Sundays. Bah! The law of unintended consequences.

teach her, to be free?

What the hell man. It doesn’t take long for parents to grow horns. The devil inside of us is lurking and shows up at the opportune moment.

When Jispa was born my mindset was vastly different from where it is today. One the things I was happy with a girl was – she doesn’t really need to study. No – I was not being sexist but I knew that the world wouldn’t accept a guy who is a failure. While I was growing up the guy thing was clear. You are a guy and hence you have to study and make your life and earn money and be successful. If you are a girl – you figure what you want. Jasmine wasn’t forced in to studying well and graduating. I think it was just a happy thing to do. When Jasmine after studying decided not to come with me into MBA – she had done enough of studying and exams – she wasn’t questioned. When she was at home doing almost nothing – no one bothered. She was settled in and was in many ways engaged to me – the big question was – was I earning enough. Does my financial future look good enough?

So when Jispa was born I was so happy. I will not push her to study and she would be free to do what she wanted to. She would play, lean an art, draw, cook, swim, kick ass – anything. We wanted her to be free. All this resulted in a great childhood – till she hit the 4^th or more recently the 5^th standard. Now we are assholes after her life. We want her to study. We ensure she studies. Till last year Jasmine would take up her studies, but this year on – Jasmine had decided that she will study on her own. Just ensure she sits to study and that’s all. Her grades were ok so far. Now exams are on our head and Jasmine this weekend decided to just check up on her and decided to take up her Hindi. ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE. She wasn’t that prepared for the Hindi test and she needed a lot of help.

I found this similar to the situation that I was in when I was her age. I remember my mom leaving me to study and once just on a lark deciding to take up and BOOM.  I knew nothing and wasn’t ready for the exam. SO now we are after her. We are making her study every day. Exams start this week – Thursday with Hindi. So there it is. We are pushing her to study, we are taking up stuff, today I woke up early and woke her up as well and did history with her. Wow. I sacrificed my badminton and got ready with her and sat to study. Basically I became the father that I never wanted to be. Never. Goddam it!

What do I do? I keep thinking? On one side I have to be the father who is fun all the time and on the other side I have this niggling doubt – if my mom would have pushed me and made me study; not by simply making me sit, but being after me – taking up, setting goals, pushing me – I would have been able to study better, earn better and make a better career for myself. So what do I do?

I spoke about Freedom in one old post. When you want the freedom to choose some freedom must be taken away from you. In effect we are taking some freedom away from Jispa. We are taking away her freedom to choose her childhood time so that we give her the freedom to choose when the time comes to choose her career. If she does well in in her studies can she have the freedom to pursue whatever field she wants to. That is the truth of our system. Exams are not attest of knowledge – they are a test of time. What all you know in that period of time – not your understanding and what you retain over a longer period – but what you know at that time. This TIME creates the pressure. SO as we teach Jispa – we are cramming into the brain something that will help her for this time. Like Hindi – dam shit – I cant understand why you need to be able to write Q&A in Hindi. I struggle to teach Jispa Hindi and there are a lot of words that I have no idea of. Swachand! WTF! I understand the need to know how to read and write Hindi. I believe it’s critical but not this way. You have to inculcate the love of the language – teach them how to talk in Hindi and not cram in Hindi. Get conversations flowing and then get the questions and answers flowing. Jispa is simply cramming the answers of the chapter. There are no discussions. A little bit that I do is allow her to express the answers in her own words. Jasmine is a bit stricter in this respect – but this I am happy to fight for. As long as the answer is written to the point – it does not matter if it is by rote. Therefore I allow for a bit of leniency but that is still no excuse – it still is a big F*&^*^ mug up.

So yes – I have sold my soul – once again. Hopefully – it’s for the right reason. Isn’t that the last refuge of the thief? The right reason. I don’t know. I try to be different and try to commit a different set of mistakes, but in the end – I feel so helpless. When I lose my cool while studying I feel really miserable. I don’t think Jispa will have too many happy memories of me teaching her school stuff. I am really bad at it and my frustration shows. I am jumpy and irritable and I tend to snap at Jasmine and Jispa. I am sorry. I try my best to then regain cool and ensure it doesn’t last too long. So far my only redeeming feature is that I haven't ever scolded her for bad results. That's the outcome. I rather focus on the input. I hope to never stoop that low. I am equally responsible for a result as she is. But i have also learnt never to say never when talking about the future. that word is only good for the past. Lets See.

But hell – grow horns – chop them off  - that’s parenting 101 for you. For me. 

Now you understood the need of the comma in the title?

with a song on my lip and a stroke in her head

https://soundcloud.com/shraddha-radio/rave-lutionised-sheila-ki

Listen to this

I asked Jispa whether there was a song stuck in her hjead this time around. She said ‘no’. normally she hates me singing and especially before a swim. She says that the song gets stuck in the head and she finds it extremely irritating. And if I sing it then it gets stuck in my ugly tune. So she hates hates it. Normally I like to irritate her and continue to sing till she gets really upset but this time I didn’t dare to try. This time my baby was participating in the ultimate swim marathon. This is the third or fourth year that she has had the chance to take part. The last three years, something or the other had always come up. A cousin’s function, school sports day… something. This time she was it.

But since she has had a shoulder injury she hasn’t been training as intensively as before. So no morning swimming and a lighter workout. Around ten days back while I was discussing with the coach he had told me that he is sending Jispa for the marathon. That’s cool by me. I did not think much of it. I assumed Jasmine knew and I thought it was some time away. Jasmine came to know only a couple of days earlier and she was quite hyper. A MARATHON and I don’t even know she is participating. She went into overdrive, read all she could and tried to be ready for it.

For me the holy grail of all sports is not the sprint but it’s the marathon. A test of brute will power. The ability to keep fighting yourself, your muscles and your mind. A lot of things that keeps telling you to stop and something that keeps telling you to go on. I have run a few long distance runs especially thanks to the NCC training I got. The longer the distance the greater the will power needed. You are essentially running yourself. There is hardly any competition that you see. I had told Jispa that to my mind this is the best race for me. I will be by your side. We were held up in traffic and we missed the first time trial and we caught the second one. Jispa very easily lapped her nearest competitor. Then the girl in the lane next to her tried keeping pace with Jispa even though she was 50 meters down compared to Jispa.

Jispa started very well, she paced herself and took easy strokes and at a pace she thought she could sustain. I spoke to her coach and we agreed that it was sign of a strong mental makeup. Normally I don’t cheer, but this was a long race. 160 laps of a 25 meter pool. She went on and on. I saw that she saw me looking at her and I tried cheering her, egging her on. Before the race I had told her that I would be busy playing temple run. If you see me waving my phone at you then it means I am playing temple run while you kill yourself in the pool. Good natured laughing and ribbing later, while she walked to the starting block, she told Jasmine to tell me not to make her laugh. So when I was cheering her with a phone in my hand, I saw her laughing. Her coach told me ‘she is laughing’. “ya, that is at me. There are many pressures already on her. At least I removed the one that a father puts. We are having our private joke’.

It’s a fine line putting pressure and asking / pushing your child to perform. I told her it’s important to race this one, don’t worry. I was sure she could do it but at the same time I explained to her “see, if it pains think a little. If your muscles are paining, then carry on, that’s a good thing to fight. But if your shoulder injury acts up then stop immediately. You don’t want to injure your shoulder. Its ok.” but I wanted her to compete and wanted her to finish. So we kept cheering her on. She kept looking at me and I kept walking along the sides, making actions, urging her, asking her to stretch. In the middle she was telling something to Jasmine. I went to one end and she shouted out to me – its cold. Winter in Mumbai and we had unseasonal rain that day. The weather was cold and the Khar swim pool where this was held is on the third floor, near the sea line. This is known to be the coldest pool in Mumbai. I kept saying, its ok, fight it, it’s worth it. I not sure how much of my shouting she registered but she surely could see me encouraging her.

She and the girl in the lane adjacent kept pace with each other. Both trying to shake the other one out, pushing each other. It was a fine battle to be seen. But thanks to her start she was 50 meters ahead and it stayed that way till the end. So in the second time trial she finished well ahead of the pack. If we had made it in time she would swam with her seeds and would have had a better timing. She finished fourth overall with a time of around 63 minutes. Wow. I know guys in my office (and chicks) who just wouldn’t be able to even walk that much in that time.

But what struck me is that the other parents put so much pressure on the kids. Some of the other medal winning kids were sitting glum. Because their parents were unhappy with their timing. WHAT. I wanted to shove them into the freezing pool and check their reactions. After Jispa came out she said she couldn’t feel her arms. Her arms from shoulder to wrist were frozen and she said in the middle of the swim she couldn’t feel them so she was jerking and throwing them to wake them up. Now that builds character. She got out and we rushed her to the changing room for her to relax under the hot shower. In such circumstances can you say anything to your kid? I don’t know. I can’t say thing else but ‘awesome job’. I cant understand, after completing a swim like this shouldn’t you be basking and soaking it all in. After all you just swam four kilometers in an hour.

I am sure if she had swum in the first time trail she would have finished amongst the medal tally. But freaking cares that much? It’s ok. I am happy. Possibly this was a blessing. This was good. At that level these kids start pushing each other and the undercurrent of competitiveness comes out and who know – an injury! So we are especially happy parents.

I told Jispa “really well swum. And I don’t normally say it, but yes, you swam really nice.”. She also said “ya, I know you normally don’t say it. Thanks. You really liked my swim”. “yes”. Awesome.

I asked her afterwards if she did see us. Yes. And she took encouragement from us. she laughed as she thought I was teasing her with the cell in my hand. Well I wasn’t, but hell, did the laughing helped? Ya. And the walking up and down as well. That was like a pace clock. So that’s good. She couldn’t hear anything but she knew I was encouraging her. Was that good – yes it was perfect. Thanks. And at the end – was there a song stuck in your head. No. then what were you thinking? I had told her to think of a marathon as a meditation exercise. Keep trying to correct your position. See your arms, body legs. Keep swimming and try to be technically correct. Get your rhythm going. She said “I kept thinking about my strokes and kept trying to keep them going good”. What more can I ask for.

this is how you do the tumble turn. The fun is when you have to do it 160 times and every 45 seconds. You have to blow hard when you turn over else the water goes in your nose. So you cant be out of breath during the entire 4 kms.

This one is just for kicks!

Kuch naya ho jaaye.

This is just the video you want to watch and then want to buy your own GoPro camera. It allows you to catch stuff that you always wanted to while freeing your hands and minds. You go do the exploring and the camera will do the capturing. Isn’t that the ultimate fantasy. Being alone with your adventure and then being able to share it with the world and of course yourself. I am sure the next killer app they would want to promote is the video maker that takes your footage and makes a lovely video out of it. Easy cutting, editing and music addition to make a complete video. The music of course is the key to all this… a range of customized sequences like – high action, low intensity, romantic, etc. Now put that in a simple app and le.. go pro on your head to sharing it in a minute.

These are amazing videos and you can search for the complete range of them online. Underwater, in air, land, sand – forest everywhere. I love the spirit of adventure. I love that Jispa is now an accomplished swimmer and now has the freedom to do a lot of this stuff. I learnt to swim properly and now I got Jasmine to learn as well. The only way I shook her off her inertia was to enroll her without asking her. Now she is learning well and is to my opinion proud of what she has already accomplished. That’s nice. I want to snorkeling with the family at some point of time. Hopefully sooner than later.

Along with Jispa’s swimming, she is learning to run. We had to choose one more sport for Jispa to give her a complete range of exercise. A land training schedule was increasingly becoming important. So we just decided to try out running. We got this teacher who does running coaching. Since it was early morning and at mahalaxmi race course, which is fair distance from home, I enrolled along with her. The running is fine. There is great joy in running with Jispa and I think at her pace she doesn’t stretch me but it’s a nice workout. But the best part is not the run. I learnt the importance of stretching well before and after the run. It’s a 15 minute routine before and after. Sometimes the workout after the run is more tiring than before. I think, that itself is worth all the effort. I think Jispa is also benefiting a lot from it. Her swimming coach is unable to dedicate time for stretching in a way the running coach is focused on it. This ensures the muscles are properly stretched. I think this is helping her as of now and I think this suddenly becomes the central point in the workout that Jispa is enjoying. And along with that I am learning to stretch before and after any workout.

Even as I play badminton, I don’t go on court before stretching and spend some times on court after the game. I try my best to tell my friends to stretch. They simply don’t. They make some few conciliatory movements and off they go. All they want to do is hit a few smashes and then possibly run off. Stretching is not that easy. It needs to be an essential part of the routine but it is most ignored. Possibly because it’s boring and the results are hidden. I think the running coach tries her best to give new types of exercises to keep the interest going. You have to keep the interest going and the fun element happening.

I remember this fun element as a critical thing in a work out. Once I had the chance to meet the legendary Anil Kumble. We were talking and he said, when he was captain they had introduced a lot of new regimes. He told me that as cricketers it’s not that they can practice on a day in day out basis. You just can’t come out and hit the same balls on a daily basis. Its gets boring. So they introduced the concept where every day there would be a new captain for the workouts. At first they would do everything that is needed to be done and as mandated by the coach. Then they would look to the captain of the day who would do some regimes and make the entire squad do it along with them. So if someone wanted to do fielding practice as that was what excited them, then the whole squad would follow suit.

That’s the first time I understood that even the best of the best can get bored doing what they do best. You have to bring excitement and change from routine. In fact if I were to reverse it - the best of the best NEED a constant change from routine – a new challenge. A new opportunity.

For me that’s why the running is far more exciting than the badminton as of now. But I try and bring in a fresh perspective to my game. I try and hit new shots and play different strategy. Something different from what I may have done before. This is what I also try in office all the time. Do something new. That keeps me going. I would hate to do the same old thing again and again. Kuch naya ho jaaye.

who would have guessed?

Right now elections are on our head. with the General elections coming up to decide the prime minister of the country the imagination of the nation is fired up. On one side the incumbent Congress ruled by the family and a seemingly inept young candidate – Rahul, is pitted against the big man from Gujarat with a massive PR blitz – Modi. Its fun to watch the two in action. The congress seems to be commiting one blunder after and another and Modi can seem to do no wrong. He has tall claims and promises and promises a lot. The young scion bumbles and struggles to take grand and prefers the boring grass roots approach. Good intentions in my book, but good intentions can’t do much for PR.

But the fun bit is that I love to see the way Indians are divided along these lines. It’s stupid. They have this amazing love for the right wing fascist dictator who simply claims and promises without really doing anything. And the young Turk gives plenty of guffaws to his detractors that even the diehard loyalist finds it difficult to support him. But people don’t understand the cause, the lies and the commonsense around the entire thing. The economy is not that easy to run. It has a mind of its own and is affected by global factors and things far beyond its control.  And blindly supporting one against other is an act of stupidity. Then comes the AAP party. Built on the anti-corruption stand, this party has tasted success in Delhi only to do even more fun and entertaining stuff. Their chief minister Kejriwal, another seemingly well intentioned guy is prone to protesting even while being in power. Surrounded by a string of leftists he tries to restore the power to the people. He probably never read the book ‘animal farm’.

No no… I don’t have any solution. I am not the stupid devil’s advocate who swings both ways. I have my views and I am going to vote selfishly, in my favor. The world be dammed. That is if I vote at all. But the pressure is pretty strong. I can’t be seen without a mark on my finger after Election Day. In a world of self-righteous people trying to uphold dharma, I would be a complete misfit. In any case these days if I open my mouth I am a conversation ender. The other day in the car while I was dropping some the kids to the station on the way home, somebody spoke about Rahul’s speech and Modi. I opened my mouth and there in three minutes I achieved absolute silence. WTF. When you simply question belief and ask tough questions people are forced to think twice. And that’s the first time they do it and hence the silence. But I have learnt to keep my comments to myself over these years. Keep quiet and let the party flow. Don’t kill it.

Forces of economics and collective human nature are not easy to fight. The trick is to manage the situation and push for small bits of change. You must have your philosophy in place and then slowly work towards it. Small bits of change will push the policy over a period of time and thence the population. Very rarely would big change be effected in a small period of time and rarely in the way that you would have envisaged. Being nimble and smart and taking small steps towards a direction is what gets you anywhere. That is the advice of an older man, I guess.

Also I came across this video which sums up the entire equation. Here is a bunch of comedians who figured out that this all tamasha is a bunch of crap and designed to have divisive opinions where no underlying exists. It’s a house of cards. A fuc*&INg Ponzi scheme.

That is the role of free speech in life. The ability for people to bluntly say what they want, poking fun at anything they wish to criticize. It’s so bloody important. I have tried my best to keep that in the house. One must poke fun openly and bluntly and one must have the grace to accept it and also have a retort. Most of the time we are impervious to such blatant humor at our expense. I try and be open to it. While in a position of power in the office in my team, I am naturally the big guy who crack jokes at anyone. But then there are some in the team who cock a snook at my position and decide that I am fair bait as well. They are the young and the irreverent and they keep me on my toes. These are few and far in between and I keep them very close to my heart. They keep me in check.

At home I am fair game for Jispa to also similarly be made fun of. She can take my case anytime. Sometimes I do have to check her and tell her she is being rude but most of the time I hope I am fair game. Such fun ribbed criticism is what keeps us in check. The ability to say openly and to accept while having a retort is what keeps the lubrication of a family going. Jasmine is slightly more sensitive to this. She gets upset and that time I tell Jispa or make a sign to stop. Not everyone can handle it easily, with a sleight of hand. But not having it altogether is a crime I do not want to commit.

It’s not been an easy journey for me to be happy about such comments. It has taken time and effort and bit of wisdom and self-belief topped by oodles of self-deprecation for me to reach here. I had two elder siblings who would push me to the edge with their brand of humor. Then I had NCC where the atmosphere is pretty unforgiving. Then was office. You learn over a period of time. Sometimes I give Jispa a hard time and Jasmine tells me to stop irritating her. But I told Jasmine ‘you Jispa doesn’t have siblings. She is not going to be picked up on by anyone at home. I give her a bit of a hard time sometimes just to fill in the gap. She should learn to be picked up on and learn to deal with it in a smart way’. My siblings were pretty tough on me. Pretty tough, especially for someone who kept loyalty and love as the primary standard. So it was a bit of a letdown. I am not doing the same to Jispa, just a few gentle nudges towards what having a set of irritable siblings mean.

Who would have guessed  - the health of a democracy can be gauged at its ability to laugh!

shant gadhadhari bheem, shant

Everyone gets used to everything. Once I met a Chinese lady who was on a study trip here. We got talking at a mutual friends place and I asked her, “how is it possible for the Chinese to live without real freedom”. How can the government control everything and the Chinese become used to it without revolt?” She said “its just the way of life and you get used to it. Without meaning disrespect, but in India there is a tribe which pushes one of its own daughters into prostitution. It’s just it. Over a period of time you don’t know what else”. I guess it’s true to some extent. People are great at adapting to surroundings and get used to it. I always wonder. Like in some regimes like North Korea, how could a mad cap dictator survive with the kind of atrocities committed by him? Don’t the people revolt, know that it’s stupid and this cant work like this? I guess not.

Many years ago I had a long and memorable chat with my dad. It was when I was in school. I argued that non violence was the best means. We were so many of us. All we needed was one Indian to kill one British and we were done. We outnumbered them by a large margin. It doesn’t work that way. I think George Bernad Shaw said ‘Progress depends on the unreasonable man’. He is right as well. People prefer status quo but status quo must be challenged. I want change but I am also part of people. So what am I? an unreasonable man or a status quo man?

I think a lot depends on age. When I was much younger I was impatient. Time was running out. I would hop jobs and go for the best offer, the best job and flirt with many. As age progressed, I found myself ready to play the waiting game. Waiting waiting waiting.  So did cobwebs grow under my back side. Have I lost the fire I once had? Well yes and no.

Oh yes the bland rage that I had is gone. I am no longer the angry young man I once was. Ready to change the world and refusing to see logic and patience. But I guess you can’t ever continue with that rage. It burns you and those around you. You learn to shimmer and crouch and learn to direct it. Not hitting every ball and waiting for the right ball is also aggression. Dour defense is as aggressive as flashy stroke play. It’s how you define aggression.

I was and still will always be extremely aggressive. But the manifestation has changed. It comes out differently. I miss the idiot I once was but I am also thankful that I am no longer the idiot I once was. One realizes that the world can’t be changed in one day. It takes time and patience. Also one acknowledges that the world’s priorities are different from yours and it’s definitely not true that yours are the most important priorities alive. So this kind of patience is critical to the living and adapting to the environment around you. Especially, if you are the aggressive sorts. Aggression is a means to an end.

I have also learnt that naturally aggressive people and toppers and people in high places can’t just tone down that easily. If some has reached somewhere they have reached there by aiming and working towards it. And if you think they are not aggressive. I think you must think again. Its only that their priorities or world wisdom tells them something that you don’t know. When I was much younger I would be eager to criticize and complain. Now I hold my horses.  It’s important to understand the context and put yourself in their shoes. Now figure, are you really that sure of the situation. Are you jumping to conclusions without assigning probabilities? Like today at the gymkhana I overheard some conversation where the person said ‘that is the solution. That’s the only way to solve it.’ It struck me hard. I have learnt to say more often than not “that SEEMS to me as the solution to the problem”. Because you never know.

Recently Rahul Gandhi got screwed in the media for the interview he had on a news channel. He answered randomly to questions asked. No matter what he was asked, his answers were something else. Woah. Easily one of the worst possible interviews. He lost a lot of his urban English speaking fans. But hell, I am not ready to haul him over coals yet. He is definitely not stupid. I always like to look at the other side. Why did he say thus? What was on his mind? What would have been the strategic reasoning behind it? Was he that naïve? I don’t believe that the truth is that simple as it is made out to be. Yes it sounded bad, but was there another game that was being played?

Restraining aggression is easily one of the most difficult things to do. Rather let me reword that one  - Redirecting aggression is easily one of the most difficult things to do. Curbing your natural instinct while honing it so that you don’t lose your mojo is just a bloody difficult thing to do.

I am reminded of my boss who used to say “shant gadhadhari bheem, shant”. If you are born after 1980 you won’t really get the reference. This was from the epic serialised version of the Mahabharat, wherein the eldest of the Pandavs continuously held back the biggest of the Pandavs, namely Bheem. Shant – Peace. Peace.

And talking of being used to something. I love my desk in the mornings and I am so used to it. I will really miss this when I leave. As and when I leave.

China Diary

In the middle of the work mess that I am coping with, I forget to note in this blog that I went to China. Ah china. I was always fascinated with China. Especially in the last decade or so. I wanted to see China once. The economic miracle that is China. Where there is money and opportunity, the country that will rule the world, the country that exports tons of stuff and the country that India should look forward to emulate. I have been only to Hong Kong (and schenzen) if you call that China. But never to the proper mainland. China is not a place that I think I might go with family. I don’t think it’s a backpacker’s delight. It has interest from me merely as a professional and not as a tourist. I would like to visit China on work not on tourism.

Every year one firm likes to call us for a jaunt. It kept selecting Bangkok as a location. The first time I sent someone from my team; the second time they wanted me but I politely told them – of all places, I am not coming to that place. I don’t intent to have Bangkok fun and I definitely don’t want to go there and get everybody to sneer at me. I have been there once before and that’s no place for me to go. So this time they came into tell me that they have noted my suggestion and this time they have selected Shanghai as the place. Shanghai…. Hmmm.. not bad. Shanghai to China is what Mumbai is to India.  An erstwhile trading port becoming the center of finance of a country. Mumbai should emulate Shanghai is what everybody says. So I accepted the invitation.

So what’s my impression? Not that I have too many impressions. Of the three and a half days, one day was spent in the plane, one and a half in a conference room and one for sightseeing and two hours of shopping. Bah!

I have  few impressions – ofcourse no one of them speak English. For a modern city of the future, not speaking English is a big no no. I think the Chinese need to correct that. That is stopping them from taking over the world completely right now. But the other view is that – the world will learn Chinese.

The other – no Facebook. Hahaha. Yes to instagram and no to facebook. But you knew that – didn’t you.

Big city – yes. Really huge, built for scale. Tons of flyovers, freeways and these are built one on top of the other. They are five highways on top of each other. At some point you look outside the window to get – a tenth floor of a building. Wow. Scale. The Chinese know what scale is. Everywhere there are flyovers trying to move the traffic. The result – traffic jams. Yup. Not as bad as let’s say Bangkok, but yes there are jams. Contrast this with the London model, where I hardly saw any flyover megaliths. The British are very clear – you want to move – here is the public transport. What’s your excuse to take the car. Mumbai following Shanghai is stupid. The model is London. Get enough of public transport and you can move cities with less pollution and greater efficiency. You can’t build enough flyovers and have enough parking. There is no such thing.

The other bit – They managed to teach the Chinese to be clean. The city is largely very clean (not Singapore) but clean enough. I think it was as clean as London or possibly cleaner. But the Chinese can shit without a smoke. Yup. They smoke like crazy. My hotel room smelt like a smoking corner everytime I entered it. And so the public loos. At the five star hotel – I entered the loo only to run out. I spoke to the manager and he apologized. He says – he spends the whole day trying to get the Chinese to smoke outside the hotel. But he can do jack about the loos. They smoke in loos all the time. In fact there is nothing anyone in China can do about it. I told him to simply install smoke detectors; and he replied that installing them would mean stopping all banqueting business. Oh dear. Every loo I visited in China was reasonably clean but the men in the loos would simply light up and have a go. You can’t just shit in the public pots in China. And with people with severe distaste for smoking like me – nothing I could do. Malls, hotels, public loos, restaurant loos, temple loos… everywhere. They simply light up and to go.

Shanghai, China – yes it a mega city. They definitely build to ego and size. Completely phallic. But I am not to judge. I did not get any more insights on poverty (not seen), hunger (ditto); some insights on religion (largely atheist), and just simply strengthened my belief in mass rapid transit. It’s a cold country for outsiders. I did not really like it. And yes – like all places – there is one shop that the guide insists you got to to shop for pearls. They have a stopover there for sure. Crap tourist commission place that mixes some education on pearls before selling you the same. Screw you. I used the time to go out and roam around. It was cold and the drink I had was some variation of a hot lemon juice. That was pretty cool.

That’s my simple China blog. Not much but enough to be sure not to include it in my places to go with Family. But yes, at least it’s off my list. This was the easiest way to get it off. I am happy.

Ah – one more thing I checked off – in the evening, opposite the place we had dinner some of the guys noticed an exotic toy shop. Hahaha. That was one hell of a shop. But they sold it with all seriousness. Some of the exhibits were displayed like a museum. Very clean and nothing sleazy about it. that was impressive. Sales girls in formal attire selling and explaining some of the stuff, very seriously. there – one more retail format visited. Now to see Walmart and Ikea.