Its yours.

After a decade of writing this blog, I knew it would have some amazing value. Value in terms of a legacy that one can pass on. My thoughts my experiences, my growing up and Jispa’s growing up. The blog helped me pass through some real tough times, especially when the stock markets tanked and there was no work in office. That was such a productive period for me and this blog. The blog was just a simple way of recording what I feel but it ended up being much more than that. It helped me shape myself and my feelings.

When you write something down, and that something concerns your thoughts and actions, you tend to be a bit more circumspect about it. You think through a little more, knowing that this will be there for posterity and that this is a legacy you are leaving behind. It made me think a little more about my thoughts, helped me research a bit more about what I wanted to write about, and helped me argue both sides of a coin. It helped me see balance in the world. Also when I kept searching for things to write about I would think a little harder about what all I could write about. This helped me see the world in a different light as well. It probably made me more insightful and see greater meaning and purpose in a lot more things than that I would have in the normal course of my life. Teaching and blogging have helped shape more thoughts about myself and my life than anything else in the world. Interacting with world while teaching helped me clarify so many concepts and blogging is interacting with myself. I tell myself so many things while writing. Of course there is a disclaimer to this – this blog is not a diary. It’s a blog that I have written to pass on to Jispa, hence it will always suffer from being a parent. I know Jispa will read it and hence it will be a version of my life that I wouldn’t mind Jispa reading it. Can I be 100% truthful on this blog? This blog is 100% true but does it contain the whole truth and all the truth in the world that I see? No. It won’t. But that doesn’t take anything away from this body of writing.

It has helped chronicle a lot of my life while I have grown as a professional, as a thinker and as a parent. And reflect on it in the process. It worth its weight in gold. I knew I had to give Jispa this blog someday. It seems that one day I had promised Jispa that when she turns 15 she would get this blog to read. She has stuck to it. Obviously it meant something to her. It is an amazing thing. I wish I had something like this to read. Jispa’s 15^th birthday is coming up in a couple of days. Wow. I remember holding her in my arms the day she was born and singing her song to her. I remember slapping her hard when she kicked me. I remember holding her tight and putting her to sleep. I remember trying to help her solve her nightmares so that she gets her sleep. I remember teaching her about everything I know and I remember having lots of conversations with her.

Now she is 15. She tells me ‘shut up’ when I make fun of her. She whacks me on the head and bites me on my shoulder. We have this pact where I can’t refuse her biting me and she can’t refuse me kissing her on the nose. What a childhood, so different from mine. We wanted it that way for her.

And I have to keep up the promise and give her this blog as she turns 15. Sigh… I don’t want to. I want to tell her that she can get it when she is 18, but I think she is adamant and more than that, I think she is ready for it. I think a lot of the topics that I have written about are nuanced and have subtleties that may be difficult for a 15 year to completely fathom. But it’s still ok and she will get most of it. She can keep going back to the blog again and again when she is older. She may meaning in it that was previously lost to her. I intended this more like a random fun thing or a conversation that she can refer to whenever she wants to talk to someone, search for meaning, understand life or have fun or increase general knowledge. It’s a random tome on everything I found interesting or noteworthy to pass on.

So yes, Jispa many times I will address you in the first person as well. Even when I am not, the text was always written assuming that you are audience. This has been a labor of my love for you. I really don’t know how I will react to this once you start reading it. I hope I don’t stop writing it. Not likely.

I hope you find it interesting and I hope you will learn a lot from it. Nothing that I say here should be considered the actual truth. It is only the truth as I understood it at that phase of my life. You will find contradictions as I grow old or possibly my you will see my beliefs strengthening on certain topics. You will find lots of typos. That I guarantee. I am a lazy writer. I hate checking what I write. At best I have written all these blogs in a word document so most of the obvious spelling errors are taken care of, but some glaring grammar errors will be there. I have not read even one of my posts once I have written it. They are written and simply published. Read them and if you find anything interesting, talk to me about it. That would be fun. I don’t know if I would remember all of them or any particular one of them. In fact I forget what wrote even two days ago. Some posts I remember being proud of and some were just written to start the conversation flowing. Not all are of equal quality. Some posts have been written over a few days with breaks thanks to interruptions in office. Some interrupted by lack of thoughts. Those tend to be a little … tired, I think. You won’t enjoy them, they don’t hold any narrative structure and sometimes feel like rants. Forgive them for the greater good of the entire list of blog posts.

The heading of this blog is opposites must reconcile. I learnt this term from Dharen when he talks about memorable ideas coming from seemingly opposites coming together. I found this very endearing. Things seem like opposites and things seem like they must not coexist but they often do. When opposites reconcile and live well with each other then they become memorable, endearing and enduring. A simple example is that swimmers, especially national award winners aren’t supposed to be good at studies. But you are. You have brawn and brains and that combination is not generally seen and it’s definitely not easily managed. But you have managed to reconcile within your petite self these opposites. You of all people know how difficult it was for you to do this. The sacrifices you have made have been immense. These add to your aura and your personality. This reconciliation of opposites make you – you. I am a senior person in office and I dress in jeans, or I talk intelligent stuff but I ask the most basic of questions in meetings. This is a reconciliation of opposites in me and makes my personality to some extent memorable. Interesting people are always able to balance and reconcile the opposites. It seems natural to them. It doesn’t make sense or looks incredulous to others but to them, it a natural extension of who they are. In many ways this is the yin and yan, or the Natraj holding creation and destruction in one image and looking beautiful and iconic.

Its bitter sweet, now that Jispa is 15, and that she is insisting that I give her the blog as a gift, I don’t know quite how to feel. I am happy that I am giving the blog to the rightful reader to read but at the same time my kid has grown up. Damn it.

So happy birthday Jips… it’s been a crazy 15 years and a little more if you include the time from inception to birth. There have been many ups and downs in our relationship and I have written more about the ups than downs but in the end tats what I remember more and that what matters. I am sure you too will agree. From 15 onwards you are more an adult than a kid and you are ready to take on the world (if we do remove more protection around you) and if you do remember the first 15 years are more fun than anything else, then I guess we are good.

Have fun, happy reading. Its yours!

Make your own bed

I came across this video which went viral.

It’s a speech by an Admiral who was a Navy Seal at one point. He draws parallels from his training program and the lessons needed in life. It quite a nice speech and it comes from the heart and real experience. I am not a big fan of the parallels he draws but he does make interesting points. I think the point that came across the strongest was simple – make your own bed every morning. I like the way he says, that this simple task, done well sets the tone for the day. A well-made bed is the first accomplishment of the day. Then you can solve bigger things for the day. I am sure if life can simply extend the logic but, yes, a well-made bed sets the tone for having pride in what you do, no matter how mundane the tasks.

I was in the NCC and everyday this was a part of the routine. You have to make your bed in a certain manner after you wake up. You have to neatly fold your bedding and keep it next to your bag and shoes so that they all look neat and clean. This sets the tone for the camp and the simple discipline it brings about. I like making my bed and whenever I make the bed, I try and ensure that it’s neatly done. Take pride in your work. When I mop the room when the servant has taken an off, I mop it in a certain fashion and leave the room squeaky clean.

When we were growing up, the three kids used to have turns doing all the routine house work. We definitely had to make our own beds, and we had turns to clean the table after food and wipe the vessels after the servant washed them in the evening. I am sure Jasmine also did her fair share of house work. Though I am not sure how much the boys did versus how much the girl child had to do. But the point is that without really deciding on it, both Jasmine and me tried to shield Jispa from house work as much as possible. We do the dishes and we do the mopping and we do the morning chores and keep the bed neat. We have tried to let her be. Over the last one year, we have started to give her more work around the house. This has been a conscious decision on our side. We want her to realize and understand and even at a basic level learn about the work. I had started asking her for simple things like, can you get something from the car, can you get me a glass of water, can you lay the table etc. Amongst others, one thing I had insisted (before seeing the video) was to make her bed. As soon as you get up, the first thing you should do is make your bed. I have infinite patience right now, and I don’t cross on this, but I keep reminding her and keep telling her –make your bed. I have also taught her the value of making it right and neat. She does it, without complain. My reasoning on this is simple – how much do you want your parents to do more for you. She understands this and she is happy to comply. She forgets at times, but largely she does the work. The reason she forgets is simply the fact that it is not the first thing that she does in the morning. So I have been getting her to do this work.

So when I saw this video I immediately showed it to Jispa. She quickly figured it out and smiled. I don’t know for me whether it was an NCC hangover or whether it was a father or husband talking. But doing one small thing well, at the start of the day is an important thing. It does set the tone of your immediate morning and definitely at the end of the day when you hit the bed, you of course realize you are going to hit a well-made bed, a bed that you made well! It’s a good end to what in all likely hood is not going to be as great a day. We still don’t make the bed military style. We simply fold the blanket and put the pillow in order and then keep a bed spread on top of it. The ideal way is to pull the bed sheet tight and dust it as well. We will keep that for the military for now.

In any case, the speech is interesting and definitely worthy of being viral. The stories are interesting and worth recounting. It is up to you to draw your own lessons. I know from my own experience that a few years of disciplined life at the NCC taught me a lot of lessons. These have held me on good stead over the years. Simple ones like – polishing shoes or when I am wearing formals I like to have shirt without the creases thanks to folding, the ability to fundamentally follow orders given by seniors (you may disagree but then finally commit), reaching on time, fight forward to carry out orders etc. A few years of this crazy organizational discipline exposes you to a different way of life. Admittedly, this structured way of life is not the most fashionable thing going around right now. The military is seen as a relic that is too rigid and not nimble enough. Organisations that follow the essentially top down structure are said to be doomed to failure. All new startups look to tear this down and create a structure where the command and decision making is decentralized and freedom is given across the system. I too am of the view that the rigidity of the structure must go. But it does help for the young kids to experience this discipline before they choose to tear it apart. It will help them understand both sides of the coin.  Before you destroy your enemy it makes sense to understand it first.

In my office, I think people would be very surprised to know of my views or that I ever wanted to join the armed forces. I think my bosses would believe that I am a maverick and that structure or order would not be the thing for me. But things change. In my head I have happily reconciled the army command structure and the freedom to change and break conventions. Cross the command and get work done. It’s a reconciliation of opposites for me. I am happy in my head about the same and can manage both together.

I think that as you grow as an individual, you would need to reconcile these opposites in your head. You have to allow the pros and cons of opposites to work together and manage them. Things are always more complicated than what they seem and the answers are often grey. Lessons can be learnt from your experiences and can be applied anywhere, as the Admiral in the video shows. The trick is to not believe anything as the gospel truth and only believe in the power of experiences, varied and multiple. Then you realize the futility of ‘truth’ and the power of grey areas. They allow you to learn, be open, accept change and manage life. This is a simple thing when you understand it and so complex when you try and box it.