the ingredients of performance

Food is everything! Growing up, I did not realize the power of food to do what we need to do if we are to push ourselves. Our minds and our bodies are completely dependent on the food intake. I realize this quite late in life. I think I really started thinking about it when I think I started getting older and when I still wanted to play. I think it started with Squash. I started playing squash at the gymkhana and I realized that on certain days I played better and on certain days I was a disaster. I would get tired and couldn't well on certain days and one certain days I could go on and on like a Duracell battery. When I looked back, even the simple act of eating a humble vada pav, which is as unhealthy as it gets, made a difference in my game and my stamina. You need some fuel to burn. I think the other big one (I think I have blogged about it) was when many years ago I was amongst the last to bat while chasing a score. We lost the match as in the end I just had no energy left to bat or run or hit. I never did forgive myself. It was simple - I hadn't eaten proper lunch before joining for the match. By the time, I went to bat I had no energy. After that, I made it a point to eat and drink well before and during the match. The results played out very soon. At the fag end of my cricket playing days, I could be amongst the oldest but a tireless player, even over a 45 over match. I think one of my greatest cricketing feats was when in one 45 over match the team had scored enough in 20 overs and were 8 wickets down. I batted for 25 overs, without getting out and hardly scoring as well. But I stuck through. I think we won that one as the opposite team just went bonkers trying to get the last pair out. They spent all their energy just trying to bowl us out. And we just remain steadfast and kept them on the ground.

Food is extremely important. And water of course. Whenever I play badminton I take my water to the game and eat two small bananas. bananas are the best. When I don't have them I eat an apple, but in my experience, nothing does better for me than bananas. On certain days, I can feel the difference. on Monday, I went to play and forgot to eat properly. I had just half an apple. When I was playing I realized that something was wrong. My energy was failing and my game wasn't going too good. I was missing something. the shuttle was going in the right place and I had trouble concentrating in the shuttle. Then I realized - I hadn't eaten properly.

A couple of months ago I had started Pilates. Here also, I went after eating two bananas. The result - in my first class itself - I had to rush out to puke. Wow. Pilates is not so much about cardio as it is about really flexing your core, that includes your stomach. It was bad. I learned my lesson. Eat only one banana and that too, at least, an hour before. I ate something wrong once again and in one of the other classes, I puked again. Pilates is tough and you really squeeze your stomach while you push yourself. Also, I realized that this is not simple puke. I felt as if there was a bit of acidity that was also throwing itself out. It's a good kind of thing to vomit. It felt like a release of toxins. That's when I realized that sometimes the stomach is out of whack and it refuses to behave and perform under pressure. You have to control what you eat and when you eat. The simplest of all solutions for this morning acid during pilates is a shot of lime and honey in the morning. I also add that to the water and we are set. It hasn't happened when I have this combo.

Pilates is going just fine. The place where I go is actually a dance academy where all the kids who teach me are just that - kids learning dancing. When I interact wit these kids I realize that these kids have a passion for dancing and they really want to push themselves. They braved all odds to become dancers and they want to follow their dreams and their goals. They are simple kids with dreams and passions in their hearts and their eyes. You can see that. they want to do well. My teacher is a young boy of 20. Neeraj. Every time he tries his best to teach and asks me if all was great after the session. he wants to please and do better. He wants me to do better. He wants to set goals for me. He wants to push me.

That's a great thing most of the time, but a crazy thing on certain days. On the days when the other members bunk and I am the only guy, it's a crazy thing. While doing the exercises in a class, it's easy to cheat a bit. Take a little break, do a few fewer counts, relax a bit. But when you are the only one - it gets crazy. This Tuesday, I was the only one and for some reason, my stomach was not up to it. I think there was acidity. This is a killer combo. I could barely do much and he was on my case. he wanted me to do good. At the end, I had to plead and say not today. 

I get the feeling that they realize that I am an old man - twice their age - but I really try hard. I push myself and try to do the exercises. These have helped me. I feel the bulk in my shoulders and chest. I think I am growing strong. Simply by doing these freehand work and no weights. These kids and I have bonded well. It's a cute, uncle kiddo thing, where they push and respect me; and I push them around but still respect them. I can scold them and they scold me.

Speaking of which - Jispa is getting really tortured at swimming. They have really increased the workload and they have been pushing her to the brink. The workouts are really tough and strenuous. In addition, to swimming, they have started land training which looks a lot like the pilates I do. they also have a little weight training in the routine. Jispa gets rogered. I have given her a massage every night. Yesterday while I was massaging her, for the first time, I felt that she has serious biceps now. She always had tone but now I could feel bulk. Wow. She is fit and now she is getting strong. Really strong! I can see cuts with bulk. This is serious.

I was telling her, now you know what champions do and what they go through. Go Champion. this is your choice, you have chosen and now it's up to you to fulfill your dream. WOW.

pressure cooker

I hate myself. What a devil I turn out to be when I am teaching Jispa under exam pressure. It becomes a pressure cooker environment and the whole thing is just about to burst.

I hate exams. I hated them as a child and I hate them as an adult. Everything you know or don't know is left to the two hours in which you vomit out everything who have tried to assimilate. It designed to give joy to the sadist bloody exam setter who tries to outsmart the poor kid by asking some weird questions. Joy in failure.

I love teaching. I enjoy teaching. I was dying to have a kid to whom I could teach everything I knew. this blog in many ways is an expression of my teaching. I have been teaching for 13 years, and all the while improving and hoping that my own kid will take the best out of it. But then came the exams. When exams are on the head and you have to teach against a portion with a view to out fox or merely keep up with the exam paper - the pressure turns on you. You are expected to teach to succeed. How is that the right way to teach. The best way to teach is to get someone to discover, to find out, to fall and rise again. here formulas and shortcuts and rules are to be applied. I have been teaching math for the last few weekends. I have improved  a lot in my ability to manage myself. I hate myself when I am teaching Jispa thus. I lose my temper, I lose my balance, I get aggressive with myself more than anything else.

This time, I have improved a lot. A lot less anger expressed. A lot more explanations and lot more ways to do things. In time and work studies, with Jispa, we figured out our own logic for solving sums. Use  simple logic basis how you fundamentally understand the sum and then do it.

I remember that in the 10th standard, I had devised my own way to calculate the answer to the sums given. I preferred to do it my way and I had spoken to my teachers about it. My tuition teachers and my school teachers. both agreed and encouraged me to do it my way. As long as I did it my way and explained the way I did it, it was right. the 10th standard mathematics were the best time of my study life. I loved doing it and it brought be great joy. It was not math but logic. It was not a formula but a problem to be solved. I was so good at it that in many cases I knew the answer as soon as I saw the sum. Then on it was just a simple solution. The logic in math excited me.

These weekends have been too stressful. Though it's gotten better. I have gotten better at handling this. A five-day work stress followed by a pressure cooker of a weekend is something I find too much to bear. I try and cope with it but it gets too much. Many things contribute - first the sleep deprivation of the week thanks to Jispa’s swim schedule and then the pressure of work, then the long driving, the meetings, the extra backup work I try and do to stay relevant and then the teaching at colleges, the pilates class - wow. Sometimes I think I might just spontaneously combust. Poof!

Jispa has moved her swimming trying to another club. This is the GAF club run by a swim father who wants to bring to India some of the best methods from around the world. So Jispa now has a punishing swim schedule like she has never ever done before. Plus She swims for 6 days in a  week. Plus she has land training where she does some grueling workouts. Looking at her swim and looking at her being dead, I felt really bad and had to fight out a bit of salty water from my eye. I don't my daughter to do this. I have had various chats with her. Do you really want to do this? I want her to quit and relax. Read a book, watch  movie, dream under the sky. Anything else will do.

Yesterday we had a chat again. She said, she really wanted to swim well and compete at the nationals. She wants to go there and be there once. She says that this year is her best chance. She WANTS to do it.

I thought about it and then told her “ fine. you want to do this then go do it. For the next four to five months - go for your swim. Do what it takes. I promise you that I will not ask you for your studies and for your academics. I will work with you on studies and push you to do your best in swimming.” On Friday, I had used my daddy veto power and decided to not send her for the morning swim as she was looking very tired. Now I won't do that. I will let her push herself, massage her and manage her to get her swimming first. With that, her this year of studies will get a bit of a hit. But that is ok. Her basics are strong and her ability to study and keep up shouldn't be compromised. I will figure this with her and help her manage.

Writing is therapy. I have not been writing and I have had very little time to introspect. Writing helps me do that. While I write I and forced to think about what I really hold close to my heart. I hold being a fun dad more important than being a ‘successful’ dad. I want to watch a few movies with my kid, watch some kabaddi and watch some clouds. And hopefully, in the process teach and learn at the same time. Writing this post and helped my strengthen my beliefs. I have been  an ass, a jerk and I want to change that. I know the answer, I know what to do. I just have to take a chill pill. I have to believe in myself and remind myself on what I hold dear. I hold happiness dear. I want not love and teach what is right and not what the examiner wants. I want to tell them screw you - I want Jispa to win without bowing down to these jokers. I don't want pressure on her… anything more than what she puts on herself.  She has enough pressure to start with - peer pressure, self-belief pressure, confidence pressure....So help me God. Really help me so.