Wake up Dandu

When we were growing up the standard reading diet for a teen was Archie Andrews. This was the ultimate American Dream being lived by all of us growing up. A place where you could date multiple girls and where boys and girls could wear their hearts on their sleeves and you had a hang out joint where you met friends had high sugar high fat stuff to eat and drink and generally hang out and a really cool school with a track and field team. When Karan Johar made the smash hit ‘Kuch Kuch Hota Hai” in (i think )- 1998, the first part of the story was a really cool set up  where the college was straight out of an Archie set up. he admitted to it as much. One protagonist with two women, each lady very different from the other. One was the tom boy who Archie really loved but did not know, the other was the bombshell who Archie desired but was not meant to really love. One boy straddling two women together at the same time and getting away with it. The ultimate urban love story.

In Archie it was Betty who wrote a diary regularly and it always started with Dear Diary. It brought about a personal recollection of stories and happening through the day as betty told her diary. Her diary was a living friend whom she spoke to, whom she fooled sometimes and used stories to explain her view. She never cried into the diary. The diary was always a fun friend to whom a lot can be spoken.

It had fired imagination of us kids and writing  diary was a cool thing to do but i don't think anyone had the patience and discipline to write in it everyday. I think i wrote one post or one rant or something. But nothing really much more than that.

I am reminded of that today as I write my post today and I was wondering that I never did write any blog addressing to my blog as Dear Blog. My blog has not been my friend or my confidant in that sense. It was been me talking to me, or a speech to someone or a chat with Jispa. Its not been a place where i share my intimate secrets or thought process. It is an open source of my learnings. Its a weird thing as compared to a diary.

Blogs came into fashion long ago and now are out of fashion. I think easier creative experiences and sharing of one’s woes, happiness and other emotions are easier on Facebook or Twitter. And to add  - it can be done with a simple photo of ones experiences through the day. Anywhere and everywhere. I think the rise of Facebook has been the demise of the blog. And more than even sharing - its the act of discovery that these social sites make easy. Easy if often equated with lazy and i resist the temptation of calling it lazy discovery. Every generation sees its next having a easy time over what it found a difficult thing to do. Its just easier and that is something they cant understand and hence the standard moniker is to call it lazy! Kids are so lazy these days and its all this new tech thats spoiling them! But I think its not the same thing. I think they may be getting more sedentary but that is different from lazy. They just do different things. Not that I support sedentary. It has its own share of issues to be tackled with. Sedentary activity causes really bad muscle behavior. Like - take the example of my nephew.

I joined pilates class for my back and to strengthen my core. I do my fair share of cardio with enough badminton through the week, but its the core thats getting missed out in the process. The back and tummy area that doesn't get enough attention. After joining here I realized that its also the shoulders and upper arms also that need attention. My legs have always been strong and muscular, its my upper body that needs works. And thanks to this i have seen myself toning up a bit. Its nice to have a slighter fitter 40 year body than what i had when I was 35. Stamina, strength and muscles are a complicated set of things, all acting in different directions. All must be taken care of.

So after joining here, I have been talking and trying to convince whoever I can about the benefits of this exercise. Once I had a chat with my nephew from Jasmine’s side of the family. I saw him putting on weight and a paunch to match. He was only in the 12th standard. The guy is complete slob. We call him ‘dandu’ after his surname “Dand”. So dandu was growing a tummy and had a real ugly body structure. A thin boy with an ugly paunch. I urged him to start some exercise. I told him about pilates and how I am loving it. His mom too wanted him o go and get some blood flowing. Dandu boy was a real sloth bear. All he would do was hibernate and vegetate. he would only be the champion in things that required him to do while sitting down. Jispa and me joke that this is an old Dand trait. They sit and relax, thats what they like to do. Eat fatty foods like cheese and milk and sit. Activity is lost on a Dandu. So when dandu agreed to come the next day morning I was surprised. Waking up was one battle and waking up to get blood flowing was another big death and rebirth. The next day he did wake up and come. Seeing him exercise has been an amazing experience. I cannot believe how a kid his age, who is not FAT can be so unfit. He cant touch his toes or even do basic stretches. He cant even basically imitate the actions of the instructor. He cant his basic leg exercises or stretch his legs. he definitely cont even do a plank let alone hold it for some time. He is a complete disaster.

I knew that was the last of him and he wasn't going to continue so i was surprised when i saw him in the next class. Then again - one more class… and again. He became regular!. It just been under a month since the boy has been coming but slowly he has started to like his class and he comes in by his own and wonder of wonder - his mom loves that he wakes up on his own at 6.30 am for 7 am class. WOW - thats an achievement of ‘dandunic’ proportions. Unthinkable.

So when i describe dandu and his horrible workouts to Jispa, we have a laugh. But overtime, i say that I also add - this boy has got my serious respect. He knows he is bad. He knows he is pathetic and he knows that in the end he can give up. But he still comes and still tries. He comes in at 7 am to push his body to impossibilities of a plank position. he wakes up on his own. Seriously he has my respect. So while he is absurdly funny while working out, he is still in my eyes worthy of respect of the highest order. I am bettering fitter than him. i have an incentive to wake up - rather an IMPERATIVE to wake up. i have to take Jispa to the swim lesson. Then i have another incentive - i have a bad back which i have to work on. Then i have always been fond of sports and work outs and I love exercise. None of these apply to Dandu. He has no such imperatives and yet he comes. He comes.

of course it early days yet. Hardly a month. But still within that I see no complains and no resistance. He is trying and its tough on him, but he smiles at the end and somehow he is enjoying it. Wow.

I think if by some slimmer of a chance if I reform one Dandu from the family and get him to move his butt, twice a week in the morning, that would be a magnificent achievement. Its going to go on my CV! Go dandu go. For God, For Country and for your double cheese burst pizza. Go.

Bonus - my instructor doing his stuff for youtube!

he wants to be have a six pack in a few months and a hand stand in 12 months. Amen to him!

brain wash?

This weekend Jispa went for a birthday party. It wasn't actually a party. Just a get together of close friends for some time out. Most of the time, when these girls get together, we parents wonder what they do behind closed doors. The door has to be closed with them in a room, when they are having a ‘party’. Whenever any adult opens the door, the only thing they see is that the girls are on mobile phones. Either they are together on one or they are on their own individual ones - but the point remains the same. They come together only to be in their own world. the parents go nuts on this.

I am beginning to understand this as a reality and that this will happen. There is no force as stronger than the mobile screen with an internet connection. This will rule and the kids will move in that direction. I wonder when we mean irritating parents will give Jispa a mobile phone. Currently at these parties she takes the iPod and does her thing on it. My individual opinion is that it must be allowed and how long can we really resist it. Soon we will lose sight of our daughters face and we will only recognize it by the mobile cover, whose back we will see at all times.

So yesterday, Jasmine at the dinner table remarked “yesterday, Jispa went for a birthday party. She did not have a gift or a greeting card or anything in her hand. She just went on her own”. I looked like i couldn't care less. I think parties and birthday greetings are a complete waste of everything! “then Jispa said” Jasmine continued “that she will post something to her on her birthday”. I was like fat chance. Jispa was not going to post any greeting card or anything. I am sure there is no way Jispa will mail a card to her friend or write a letter/ greeting. Then Jasmine and Jispa looked at me. POST does not mean POST as I understood it. Jispa would “POST” something on the Instagram feed! WTF. POST. I feel like a complete loser. Whats the point being a marketing head who claim to fame is digital integration, if he does not even understand what ‘POST’ signify. Sees.

Then then conversation soon moved to something else and Jispa was talking about what a ‘taaweez’ was. She said that basically its a prayer that you write and wear it on your body. Yes, muslims have this tradition of wearing a taaweez. I had seen a student of mine wear one around her hand. I think, I am not sure, but its a sufi kind of thing. Even non muslims wear this. then she asked even if ‘raksha potlis” have a prayer. Rakshapotlis are the jain version of the taaweez. They are red threads along which a little red cloth is tied. I never did know what they contained. Jispa asked if its a prayer. I said, for sure its not… I have opened one and it doesn't contain a prayer for sure. Its just little red cloth tied on a red string.

A quick online search tells me that it contains some holy ash (i didn't know jains had special reverence for fire) and that is put along with special chanting of prayers to the red cloth and then made into a rakshapotli. 

The I told her that as a kid, i really believed in the power of a rakhsapotli. I thought it would protect me and save me from a lot of things. I thought that it held special powers and that God would be on my side. She looked at me and remarked “you were such a brainwashed kid, weren't you”. Jasmine and me practically choked on our food. “Jispa you have no clue. We have purposely not taught you religion else you would have been brain washed ourselves. Its lucky for you that we have unwashed our head from all this brain wash.” Jispa disagreed. She said most of her friends in class are non believers and don’t believe in all this. I don't think the number is as high as 50%, but i grant her that. When i bought about he remark, I guess it possibly is true.  A lot more would be non believers today than what would have been when i was younger. Possibly today life is mare more practical and scientific. Slowly as we see economies growing and people getting educated with science and math, practicalities and scientific temper should pave the way for a less religion society. Its possibly a natural evolution. First as you are poor, you are too poor for religion. Then you are poor enough to understand religion and that some mystery will guide you. Then you become richer and you keep your kids rooted to religion and then as kids take their life’s predictability for granted they slowly understand that religion was not responsible for it and slowly - this mix of science and predictability brings about a non belief. So economic status brings about predictable life, which brings about change in belief. Thats one theory I guess.

So yes, we were brain washed as kids. I did believe in divinity and that it could help me someday over come the power of the forces around me. It took enough of shit and set back to understand that you are responsible for your own shit creek. The more you look inside of you, the better it will be for you. God may be an external force to focus upon and rely upon to make sense of a world . Fatalistic behavior may help you reconcile with your externalities but I don't think divinity helps. You decide your own path, your own morals and your own lines and boundaries. Hopefully you don't harm too many people along the way. As long as you only kill dogmas you should be good!

yo!

just as an aside - here is one trailer that we saw and now Jispa and us want to see the movie 

I love the trailer - with the voice of Kaa being the lead voice of the trailer. Wow… I am queuing up for this one.

Its a nice thing that Jispa like the super hero movies, like Avengers and X man. With new scripts and amazing special effects these are movies worth waiting for and watching on the big screen!

Finally!

links

This weekend i got an SOS from my niece. “JD we need to meet”.

I am amongst the youngest in my side of the family. Dad was i think around 11 years younger than his eldest brother and 7 from the number two. Mom was the second last of the 6 siblings. I turned out to be the last in my own family. So from both sides, there were only two siblings younger than me. One sis who was actually just a month younger and one sis who was a couple of years younger. Ahead of me was an entire army.

While I am not an expert of the Freudian theories of young experiences shaping adult life, I think my great desire to help everyone, teach everyone, coach everyone - seems to be stemming form this. 

I have always wondered why it gives me so much joy to teach, help, captain and coach. As a young kid i was bullied around quite a bit by my cousins. i was never taken seriously by brother and sister. I don't think they take me seriously even now. For them I was always a pesky guy doing all sorts of wrong things and embarrassing them. I thought I was pretty smart as a kid as well. I had a heightened sense of whats wrong and whats right. To add fuel to fire, i had a fearless disposition that wanted to stand up for what i believed in. the final nail in the coffin was the ability to argue. So now, I could argue forever what I believed in, irrespective of who you were. Your pedigree did not matter. So I was the argumentative idiot everyone did not want to talk to. Especially not siblings! they are not designed to understand they are wrong. Even more so when you don't have a diplomatic bone in you.

But that does not mean I could not think. i could think and i could understand, i just did not know how to put things across. How to explain, how to understand both points of view and how not to embarrass people. The big thing in an argument is to try and not get onto the other guys ego. Because once thats done, you will end up with a joker who refuses to see your opinion and whatever you say is nothing but an argument. 

So thats how i went through life growing up. As an underdog. I don't think things improved too much at work. I learnt how to handle people by trailing error and by getting my butt kicked. The big one also happened over a long period of time - teaching. Over the last 13 years I have been teaching in some form or the other in colleges. This keeps me engaged and more importantly I understand how to deal with really irritating and nasty kids! Kids are great, they have no obligation to like you or to listen to you. they don't want to listen to you. They are free to dream, free to think and free to hate you. Taking them along with you on your lectures, discussing, dreaming, firing imagination - its a tough job. On certain days I do a better job than others. One certain days - i am a drab. But at least I learn how to teach, to explain, to think.

I really like to help people by talking them, discussing issues with them and generally having a chat with them. At first when I realized I had adequate power that age and experience gave me, i tried solving every issue that people faced. Giving people quick fixes and solutions. One book “if you meet buddha on the road, shoot him” made me realize that I couldn’t solve issues. I couldn't give solutions that work, i can only explain my issues, my dreams and my learnings. I talk about what i see around me an hope that inspires others to see their issues in this new light.

So when my niece texted me and wanted to meet, I was ready. Of course I could help. Of all that i have helped in the past, i have felt that my own kin have not used me as much as they can or should. Now that i am older, the second generation is something that can use me. For them possibly, I am still young enough and old enough at the same time, or i dare say - cool enough.

After the conversation, I was telling Jasmine that, this is really stupid. Thanks to the shit in the family politics we cousins never did come close. On both sides - the cousins just drifted apart. We hardly had any social interactions when we grew up. We basically did not even know the others even existed. the second generation was lost on us completely. Jispa would not even know 50% of her second cousins.

To grow you cant live in a vacuum. You need social structures and fabric to hold you. You need them to refer you to their networks and create a net that works to your advantage. this niece also managed to reach out to me for a marketing problem because I was know well to her elder sister. Her elder sister would go to college in the same train that I would use to go to work. Thats where our friendship grew. She then became a dentist and we stayed in touch. 

Also came the Facebook effect. I post regularly on FB when we travel and on and off otherwise. This also helps me be in touch with the second gen. These loose connections with the kids keeps the connections alive. 

I wish we had tighter connections with the cousins. I wish our parents, even if they fought with each other, kept the connections with the kids alive. I wish we met more often, stayed with each other more often and grew up together. This is an essential social fabric that must not be compromised. It can create magic.

Its funny that I preach this. When was younger, it was cool not to bother about relations. It was cool to dis them and to not go to functions. there is some truth about functions. Relations are about everyday small interactions, not just simply marriage function presence for people you don't even know or care about. If we simply had smaller tighter relations with a higher frequency we would have been able to have different equations with our cousins.

I think here Facebook and Whatsapp plays a very good role. It allows us to have a long list of weak connections that are emotionally connected thanks to the pictures or jokes or groups that we are a part of. this may not help as much as building connections but makes the invisible walls easier to scale. So no matter what people talk about it and criticize it, these social networks being there online have changed things and they are here to stay. So tighten up and embrace them, and use them to further your old school ties and keep them connected.

Till then i get great pleasure in meeting my young nieces and nephews and talking to them, learning from them and them from me. What more could i ask for? - well More of the same!

Firework!

Joining a start up has so far been the craziest experiences I have experienced in a long time. The energy and the pressure is real and everyday. It attacks you and forces you to push hard. It left me no time at all to do anything. Days have been long and arduous. I have been working on 12 hour days with my brain working overtime. I have had a crazy experience. This time I have been able to use all my old man experience to do everything that i wanted to do. Push sales, drive marketing, put structures, change stuff, mentor people, and …. fundamentally use all the experience that i have to push the business. no complains. But the poor blog suffers and that is something i get hurt on. After writing this for so long, I have a deep emotional attachment to this blog. besides help me pass on something to Jispa, i think this blog has fundamentally changed me, helped me think, helped me distill my thoughts and i think this bit of writing has changed me forever. It funny how just the simple task of writing regularly helps a person think. It has also helped me capture some beautiful moments in parenting Jispa.

Like this new one. Ever since Jispa grew a little bit till she decided she wanted to wear shorts and shorts and some more shorts. It took a lot of issue raking from us to get her to adopt jeans. At least a couple of jeans in her wardrobe. Its not that we are too prude but Jispa’s shorts are a little bigger than her swimming costume. Its nice that she is comfortable in them but she just cant wear them everywhere. Once in school when there was casual day, she wore her shorts and the teacher got her to borrow a skirt or something from a friend and she had to change into them. Lets say there is a movie to go to, shorts don't work as its going o be cold there. And then there are places that i don't want her to be going wearing shorts, simple. So jeans have to be there in your wardrobe.

If trousers area  big issue then dresses have been a complete no no for quite a few years now. She will not wear a dress, ever. No matter which party, which occasion or whatever the need. She had a no dress wear policy. I have tried to buy her a dress for some occasion or the other but it has largely failed. We simply gave up thinking that our kid was a tom boy. There is no way in hell that she will buy or wear a dress. Give up. Simple. Jasmine and I used joke that we wanted a girl so that we could dress her up and see her dressed up, all girlie with a dress and some earrings, clips, etc… We joked about how stupid we were and how silly our views and dreams were. Reality is so different.

But when you are the parents of a growing girl, you should be ready for almost anything. Anything can change and anything is possible. This weekend, in the sale season, we went shopping for - believe or not - dresses! Oh man WTF. I was so confused. What happened to my baby. Why would she want a dress? Jasmine explained that now in many parties and in many places the dress code is now a dress and she has to wear a dress many times, and hence the transformation. There was one party (an informal one) of a close friend where they just simply went on their own to Starbucks. we have known that family since Jispa was three years old. The mother of the birthday girl insisted that Jispa wear a dress and see gave her a dress to wear from the friends wardrobe. Needless to add - she looked pretty and everyone else loved it and commented on it. I think that was the turning point. I am not so sure if Jispa sees it that way or admits as much, but that to us was the point.

So now we went shopping for dresses. Its not easy for a swimmer to get a dress that suits her. Jispa has broad shoulders and the girls clothing are not designed for some one with a broad shoulder, muscular hands and a flat stomach. Its designed for podgy girlies. So Jispa has a little difficult time buying a dress. She needs them a little tight at the waist but a little loose at the shoulders. Her sleeveless ones work but they make her look really muscular! Wow. She is also a swimmer. She is comfortable in a swimming costume and hence she is comfortable in short dresses as well. So a little long dress is not what she likes for now.

So we shopped and shopped. One thing i remember as a child was not having enough money to go shopping for clothes. I couldn't buy what I wanted and liked. I don't want that for Jispa. Her dad has managed at least that much money that she can go shopping, at reasonable places, and definitely when a sale is on. Just one thing i remarked to Jasmine when we were shopping and had us in splits "first she wants to buy a dress and then she rejects half the designs  because they are too dressey"

So this weekend, wonder of wonders, we bought three dresses, and then i realized that how expensive my dreams of a girl could get. After we bought the dresses, we had to buy matching footwear. She cane wearing chapels on dresses. So we went and bought a black and a beige pair of shoes to match her dresses. luckily i think she can get away by wearing Jasmine’s accessories and raiding that drawer. Jasmine and Jispa keep fighting when Jispa uses Jasmine’s stuff. I am sure Jasmine wants to share he stuff with Jispa but i suspect its limited to what all she can use but in the end she must take care and put it back. Its going to be an uneasy relationship. I think i must budget for an accessory drawer for Jispa alone. Then only will peace prevail in the Doshi household.

And this video form a song that I learnt from Jispa best exemplifies whats happening in a teenagers mind. From Kate Perry’s album named (oh god) “teenage dream” is  among called Firework. It says - ‘baby you are a firework!’ . See the video and you get whats going on in a young teen’s head.