Ok. We did it. Now we have lesser bragging rights and thing less to show the world what a lovely clean and so smart family we are. We succumbed to the lure of entertainment. We finally bought a TV. After around five years of resisting and having a perfectly normal and perhaps far more enriching life. But we haven’t still sold our soul completely. We haven’t still got a cable connection at home. This one is exclusively for watching movies.
I was still trying to resist the idea when Jasmine brought it up. Our laptop had conked. Poor thing it has lasted us around five years. We kept it largely clean and simple with all the data in the hard drives. It still manages to boot up and connect to the internet, but it refuses to play the optical drives. So this vacation Jasmine was very unhappy that Jispa wouldn’t get her normal dose of movie watching which we happily get her on the laptop. I was more than happy to get one big piece home. Possibly a 17 inch laptop so that you get your laptop and a tv screen as well. Jasmine was adamant. TV it is. So after agonising a bit, I even tried procrastinating, so that she might pass it on, I finally said ‘chalo, we buy this piece today. TV buying was amazingly complex. Too many choices. So I just went to a friend’s shop who sold TVs. He simply asked what I needed it for and recommended the Plasma TV. He reasoned that it is cheaper than the new fangled LED TVs but is ideal to watch movies as the picture quality is better. LCD and LED TVs are sharper but they seem too sharp. The colors aren’t what the movie actually had. Unnecessarily brighter. The only drawback of the Plasma being the reflection from ambient light. But if it was only movies and typically we would darken the room, the Plasma would suit us just fine. Quick online searches also seemed to say something similar.
So we now have a 42 inch Full HD TV. A decent size for the hall when taken in length. Jispa was also very happy. I told her to thank mommy. I was the original opposer! But I guess it’s a good buy. We can now see the action movies or any other movies that we miss at the theatres. Saturday or Friday evening can be a bit more relaxing. The burn in the pocket – around 50 k with a DVD player, thrown in. The first movie we saw on Sunday when we installed the TV – ICE AGE 2. It was pretty cool. I really thought that the picture quality was excellent. But then as someone from my team asked – so how is your new TV? ‘What a question’ I answered. ‘you want me to say bad things about a TV I just bought? I am trying to justify every penny of it for Christ’s sake.’
So now Jispa’s vacation just got prettier. But to talk about bad timing, my office research project also just kicked off and I would be living out of a suitcase for the next month. Just in time to miss Jispa’s vacation. It’s nice during vacations, Jispa is awake by the time I come home. She plays, she reads, we talk, we eat dinner together etc. I miss this during her school days when her morning school ensures she sleeps pretty early.
Also Jispa is growing up. All my fatherhood I thought I would be a permissive father. A father who would allow Jispa a lot of freedom. Recently I realised that possibly not. I am just another pain in the neck pop who likes his daughter close to him. So these days when jasmine lets Jispa play down with her new found friends till late, I realised that I wanted and was happy to have my daughter close to me. While we expose her to a lot of experiences, I am not sure we are as liberal in exposing her independence. I think I particularly have a far more controlled environment for her. I take too much care of her, I want her in sight all the time. I want to know where she is and what she does all the time. At around 8 – 9 years, she is a mini adult. A grown up who understands, thinks and remembers. A person capable of independent thought, capable of handling herself.
As a friend recently remarked – I think I have to learn to let go. Can I? Reading the Buddha book on psychotherapy has taught me not to give advice to anyone at the drop of a hat. To know that people will solve issue son their own. They don’t really need you to help them solve it. I realised that most of the time they only need support. Sometimes it’s going to go against my wish, my immediate reaction, but I am going to be there – period. I am not giving advice any more.
I find it weird but it’s almost like saying ‘its your shit’, your call, your life. In any case most of us don’t really want advice; they want to do what they want to. Whatever you say will be interpreted by their brain in their way towards their goals and objectives. A certain sense of calm suddenly seems to have been come over me. It is still draining but a less intensive sort of way.
Possibly I will learn to let go. Relax. Possibly it will help Jispa. Possibly it is freeing Jasmine a bit. You know what – now knowing for sure that you know nothing is such a relief. I not someone blessed by God to solve people’s problems. I just happened to be there when someone needed me. Period. Its so nice not to be Budhha. Ya ya. I guess I was in some sense egoistic about being one. Self deluded about my knowledge. I am nothing. I do not have the ability to solve people’s issues. Who says they need solving? We don’t even know that. If I feel strongly I will say it and let go. I think I am changing. My wife thinks I am changing. I hope I am changing. I am happy at least I am receptive. But at the same time it hurts me to think that I was not that a good smart guy after all. I was an ass that needed change. Eeps. It hurts, no I am not depressed about it, but it hurts. When Jasmine felt that I changed for the better, I did not know whether to be happy that I did change or to feel sad that I needed to change.
Screw it. I am changing and I feel better. So we figure out life anew. Hopefully I can look at this and say this is my second big transformation. The first one happened when I interacted with two great souls and outstanding minds, Rajesh Sahadevan and Dharen Chaddha. This was in 2003/4. This is the second wave that could possibly completely radically alter my thought process.
To talk about Dharen, since when the research started I cannot but remember my days with him. Today when I am doing research I can only thank him and rajesh for showing me what is marketing all about; and thanks to that people in my team can possibly learn from my experience. Simple listening and straight forward thinking is giving me a whale of an opportunity to change the firm I am in. Mostly I will not change it too much, but I can make small impacts, small push to the wheel. Small addition to momentum or simply removal of stones blocking the path.
I have already learnt so many lessons and we haven’t even reached the half way stage. Hectic days that start early and end late are all worth it when you learn like this. Wow. I am super excited and super charged. Now just to ensure that too many people don’t dampen this enthusiasm. Dharen please be with me on this one and show me light.
PS – I recently spoke to Dharen after 7 odd years. I could nothing more than just simply keep crying on the phone while talking to him. He is my God. My Dronacharya who I keep in mind while practising. I know I take a few shortcuts but I still know and I hope he will understand, that I am not selling my soul, but I am merely buying peace, so that a bigger goal is achieved. Dharen, I need you now as much as ever and you are there with me as much as ever.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Monday, June 13, 2011
entertainment attempts
It’s funny how I seem to have hit a writer’s block. There seems to be nothing interesting to write about. Sure there is always something happening in my life and office, but does it really warrant a post? Especially on a blog that about my daughter growing up. Like today when we put money on the table and incited a trainee to pull the cheek of her boss. We had to really push her and motivate her. We kept putting one tenner after another till the purse became around 150 odd bucks. The only condition was that she should pull the check till it turns red. No red no money. Since her boss reported into me, I also had to indemnify her against possible back lash, which I promptly did. So finally she did. She pulled his cheek. But alas, no red. But we weren’t complaining. We got the shock and awe we wanted without losing a single penny, her boss was wondering what happened to her and we had a great laugh all around.
So how does this qualify as a blog entry except for the fact that her dad is a complete whacko and can constantly think of funny stuff to liven up the office. Office by definition is a dull drab place needing a shake here and a shake there. But it can’t warrant too many posts.
As regards Jispa latest adventures, she was on the last book of the Harry Potter series and her vacation started. Vacations means less sleep for me, late nights for her and me stuck in a time warp where I can’t make out if I must wake up early or sleep in till late and screw my carefully orchestrated schedule. So as her vacation started she simply has left her Harry Potter and picked up on Asterix comics. She loves them and the wam, boom,crash, poof etc that come along with it. As I did so at her age, she too is too bored to read the names of the characters, which though long winded have clever use of the pun, Getafix and Vitalstatistix as prime examples. I too never really read their names in details. Just passing them over to see the big fights with the Romans. It’s weird how we find the clearly one sided fights so funny. There is never a balance and the magic potion is the answer to almost every problem. Smash everything through a magic potion. The only one time I remember a twist in the tale when at the Olympics, Asterix refuses to take the potion and comes out superior. In fact gives it to his opponents and wins the fight in the end. How did he do that? Sorry I am not giving any spoilers here, but it surely was a fun issue. In front of Asterix, even Tintin looks more human, more vulnerable.
I remember being completely lost in these comics as kid. Full of amazing adventure and imagination. I feel Jispa is really lucky to be in an era of book shops where the child is completely allowed to sit and read, lost in the books around. When I was smaller, in dubai, we used to be near the book section reading comics at the Choitaram stores. These were the big supermarkets run by the mallus from india. While their book collection wasn’t so big, it was enough to give us enough reason to be lost in it. Every 10 minutes a mallu would run around chasing us away. We would disperse only to be back in five minutes. It’s nice to see bookstores like the Crosswords and Landmark having large children book collections and large comic book collections. It is always fun to be lost at a book store. This time around in Pune Landmark, Jispa was lost at the Amar Chitra Katha section. Pic below.
Noting much to note about, except the fact that I have bought the entire collection and it is lying at home at her disposal. Not that she doesn’t touch them; she does read them, but I just found it queer for her to intently read at a section where she has unlimited access to at home. Kids. I think you always love something more if it’s given outside of the house.
But it’s a lovely and heartening thing to see her thus. Completely at ease and completely at bliss at a bookstore. Jasmine and I believe that this largely due to the absence of the TV at the house. This too is going to soon change. Jasmine believes that now the time is right for the TV to make an appearance in the household but still the cable is not welcome. Only TV for movie watching. So the bug debate is plasma vs LCD vs LED and 32 inches vs 42 inches. With three choices on one axis and two on the other, this is causing severe stress. Add to these axis the third dimension of the price trade off, and what have you – complete inertia. Now I don’t care about it and I want to not buy the dam piece. Screw you. No TV. Poor Jispa was telling me that she doesn’t really require a TV, she is happy with the books at home. She probably wants to spare me the expense. What to do? Will let you know the update in a weeks time. as of now one is playing with a 35k 32 inch LED vs a 42K 42 inch plasma or feel rich with a 42 inch 60K LED. While the Sony looks good, the brand choice might be simply dictated by the model that plays MP4 format. And that seems to be the LG. so that is a easy choice. MP4 is critical as all my handycam and digital video shoots are in that format. I am not sitting and converting those into anything else. Especially if I want to play them directly off the TV. But if I am buying the optical media player in any case, I simply buy the drive that plays the format and screw whatever the TV okays as it will simply show whatever the DVD player wants it to. Which brings me to the next question – blue ray versus normal VD or simply buy a movie media box player that plays off the box in HD clarity. Add to that is the 3D versus non 3D technology. ARRRGGGHHHH. I don’t want the dam thing. screw you.
While on the topic I wonder, why would they give only set of 3D goggles with your TV. Shouldn’t you give at least 2?
So how does this qualify as a blog entry except for the fact that her dad is a complete whacko and can constantly think of funny stuff to liven up the office. Office by definition is a dull drab place needing a shake here and a shake there. But it can’t warrant too many posts.
As regards Jispa latest adventures, she was on the last book of the Harry Potter series and her vacation started. Vacations means less sleep for me, late nights for her and me stuck in a time warp where I can’t make out if I must wake up early or sleep in till late and screw my carefully orchestrated schedule. So as her vacation started she simply has left her Harry Potter and picked up on Asterix comics. She loves them and the wam, boom,crash, poof etc that come along with it. As I did so at her age, she too is too bored to read the names of the characters, which though long winded have clever use of the pun, Getafix and Vitalstatistix as prime examples. I too never really read their names in details. Just passing them over to see the big fights with the Romans. It’s weird how we find the clearly one sided fights so funny. There is never a balance and the magic potion is the answer to almost every problem. Smash everything through a magic potion. The only one time I remember a twist in the tale when at the Olympics, Asterix refuses to take the potion and comes out superior. In fact gives it to his opponents and wins the fight in the end. How did he do that? Sorry I am not giving any spoilers here, but it surely was a fun issue. In front of Asterix, even Tintin looks more human, more vulnerable.
I remember being completely lost in these comics as kid. Full of amazing adventure and imagination. I feel Jispa is really lucky to be in an era of book shops where the child is completely allowed to sit and read, lost in the books around. When I was smaller, in dubai, we used to be near the book section reading comics at the Choitaram stores. These were the big supermarkets run by the mallus from india. While their book collection wasn’t so big, it was enough to give us enough reason to be lost in it. Every 10 minutes a mallu would run around chasing us away. We would disperse only to be back in five minutes. It’s nice to see bookstores like the Crosswords and Landmark having large children book collections and large comic book collections. It is always fun to be lost at a book store. This time around in Pune Landmark, Jispa was lost at the Amar Chitra Katha section. Pic below.
Noting much to note about, except the fact that I have bought the entire collection and it is lying at home at her disposal. Not that she doesn’t touch them; she does read them, but I just found it queer for her to intently read at a section where she has unlimited access to at home. Kids. I think you always love something more if it’s given outside of the house.
But it’s a lovely and heartening thing to see her thus. Completely at ease and completely at bliss at a bookstore. Jasmine and I believe that this largely due to the absence of the TV at the house. This too is going to soon change. Jasmine believes that now the time is right for the TV to make an appearance in the household but still the cable is not welcome. Only TV for movie watching. So the bug debate is plasma vs LCD vs LED and 32 inches vs 42 inches. With three choices on one axis and two on the other, this is causing severe stress. Add to these axis the third dimension of the price trade off, and what have you – complete inertia. Now I don’t care about it and I want to not buy the dam piece. Screw you. No TV. Poor Jispa was telling me that she doesn’t really require a TV, she is happy with the books at home. She probably wants to spare me the expense. What to do? Will let you know the update in a weeks time. as of now one is playing with a 35k 32 inch LED vs a 42K 42 inch plasma or feel rich with a 42 inch 60K LED. While the Sony looks good, the brand choice might be simply dictated by the model that plays MP4 format. And that seems to be the LG. so that is a easy choice. MP4 is critical as all my handycam and digital video shoots are in that format. I am not sitting and converting those into anything else. Especially if I want to play them directly off the TV. But if I am buying the optical media player in any case, I simply buy the drive that plays the format and screw whatever the TV okays as it will simply show whatever the DVD player wants it to. Which brings me to the next question – blue ray versus normal VD or simply buy a movie media box player that plays off the box in HD clarity. Add to that is the 3D versus non 3D technology. ARRRGGGHHHH. I don’t want the dam thing. screw you.
While on the topic I wonder, why would they give only set of 3D goggles with your TV. Shouldn’t you give at least 2?
Sunday, June 05, 2011
should we, shouldn't we?
Yesterday was Jispa’s PTM. It’s pretty much more of the same thing every year. When they are yet so young the PTM’s are a bit of a bore. Nothing much gets said and nothing much really happens. Jispa is by and large a sweet well mannered kid. Add to that is Jasmine’s commitment to Jispa’s school work and you have a pretty boring PTM. Her grades are decent, her work is decent and she manages her extra-curriculars decently well. Nothing exciting or interesting. But that’s how the education system is, isn’t it.
You follow simple norms and simple principles and stay in line. They don’t want you out of the system. Straight and narrow line is drawn as a system and you are expected to toe it. Of course things have improved. There is a lot more interaction today than it was in my days. The classes and the teachers are much more fun, at least in jispa’s school, compared to my school. But I suspect the hammering to stay in line is still there.
Jispa has a vivid and massive imagination. She can think of fun stuff and interesting stuff. Thanks to this she is many a time lost in her dream world. While bathing, getting ready, studying etc. always a dream world. I think thanks to this she can visualize all the science stuff as well as the abstract stuff that we talk about very well. But this is also the reason she gets into trouble – like she can’t finish her work in time or take her note sin time. Jasmine and I get castigated many times on this by well meaning friends. They always tell us, why are you scolding her thus and why don’t you just let it be?
The answers aren’t so simple. Jispa wants to do well in school. She wants to do well in life. As of now her goal in life is to be a scientist who invents something. She hasn’t yet meet Edison, but if she does, I suspect that guy is likely to be her big time role model. Many times she and I have had a chat on how scientists make money. She thought they will always be poor as who will give them money till they invent something that they can sell. And as it takes a lot of time to invent something, they are probably living a hand to mouth existence most of the time. I explained that most of the time you don’t really need to invent something as a scientist, you can sometimes, simply take things forward. The thing that comes to my mind is Newton who famously remarked about standing on the shoulders of giants. Nice thought. I will explain it to Jispa sometime.
But yes that’s the thing – Jispa has ambitions and goals. And sadly they are intertwined with a system that is regimented. The cross that we as parents have to bear is this. We have to give her a life that is free and fertile, full of imagination, play and opportunity. We have to give her a ton of experiences that allow her to blossom and choose what she wants to do or not do. She has to have a million experiences, but she also has to stay within a line if she is to have the chance to harness it. I haven’t learnt a great deal from my management education. In fact I tell people that I know what I know and have achieved whatever little I have not thanks to my management education but in spite of it. I still remember the lovely lectures and all the lovely experiences of the best teachers I have had, but have no respect for any of the tests or exams I took. I know only too well of the trauma they have caused. But also I know that I wouldn’t have been able to talk or have been able to lead, or been able to do much without this education. The system wouldn’t have given me so many chances.
The system is so bloody spooked that even the college you graduate from matters immensely. Many times I think what more I would have achieved had I been from a better college. Not a tiny bit more from what I might have learnt from there but simply, how many extra chances I might have got.
Jispa’s imagination will take her places. Her thinking will help her, but she will have to learn to rein it in for now. Control it and stay within line. The line is getting a bit broader, just a bit. They also now allow you periods when you can step out and come back in. but as I have learnt, she too will. It’s like the some fantasy movie. There is a golden ball with the dragon, but you the trick to take it from the dragon, is not to snatch it but to first bow down to it. Show your respect to the dragon and then only would the dragon allow you to come near it and collect it.
The education she gets is important and interesting. I still remember a lot of my chemistry and physics and mathematics. I remember a lot of the poems I learnt. They are good for sure. It’s only the way they want conformity is what I have an issue with. But till the system changes, Jispa will get a bit of scolding. She will have to wake up in time and get ready in time. She will have to sit at one place and get her Hindi spellings right. While I can read Hindi, one of the biggest regrets I have had is that I am unable to read Hindi literature. If she grows up wanting to read it, she will have to start now. And if she doesn’t do it now, she probably will never have the chance to do it.
We insist and make her practice the guitar. She loves it and is now pretty decent at playing it. She enjoys playing and practicing, but to get her to the table and sit down to practice it, is something that we as parents will have to do. Forget all this big stuff, Jispa will have to temper her imagination if she wants to get anything in life. Even she wants to see a movie, she will have to get out of the showers after her swim and get ready in time. It’s the same thing.
This life is pretty cruel. You have to make choices. The education system is a good scapegoat that all of us like to hit and blame. The only reality is time. We come with limited time and the dam thing doesn’t wait for us. We have to conform to it. An interesting perspective I read – time was thought of as a constant flowing thing, till we invented a clock that took this flow and broke it down into tiny tiny bits. Into hours and minutes and seconds and so on. It created a tick followed by a tick. I dare say in our bid to tame it we became its slaves. To think of it, it might have been the single biggest innovation that lead to progress and the single biggest contributor of stress.
So there – our parenting will get tested very often. We will have to give a free life within the boundaries defined. A paradoxical construct that stresses us as parents as much as it stresses the child. The only way is out is to try and get middle ground, a large middle ground, that allows for break outs and allows for us to listen. We must constantly be ready to expand this ground. The parents prayer – allow me to protect my child but more importantly, please let me know when to stop.
You follow simple norms and simple principles and stay in line. They don’t want you out of the system. Straight and narrow line is drawn as a system and you are expected to toe it. Of course things have improved. There is a lot more interaction today than it was in my days. The classes and the teachers are much more fun, at least in jispa’s school, compared to my school. But I suspect the hammering to stay in line is still there.
Jispa has a vivid and massive imagination. She can think of fun stuff and interesting stuff. Thanks to this she is many a time lost in her dream world. While bathing, getting ready, studying etc. always a dream world. I think thanks to this she can visualize all the science stuff as well as the abstract stuff that we talk about very well. But this is also the reason she gets into trouble – like she can’t finish her work in time or take her note sin time. Jasmine and I get castigated many times on this by well meaning friends. They always tell us, why are you scolding her thus and why don’t you just let it be?
The answers aren’t so simple. Jispa wants to do well in school. She wants to do well in life. As of now her goal in life is to be a scientist who invents something. She hasn’t yet meet Edison, but if she does, I suspect that guy is likely to be her big time role model. Many times she and I have had a chat on how scientists make money. She thought they will always be poor as who will give them money till they invent something that they can sell. And as it takes a lot of time to invent something, they are probably living a hand to mouth existence most of the time. I explained that most of the time you don’t really need to invent something as a scientist, you can sometimes, simply take things forward. The thing that comes to my mind is Newton who famously remarked about standing on the shoulders of giants. Nice thought. I will explain it to Jispa sometime.
But yes that’s the thing – Jispa has ambitions and goals. And sadly they are intertwined with a system that is regimented. The cross that we as parents have to bear is this. We have to give her a life that is free and fertile, full of imagination, play and opportunity. We have to give her a ton of experiences that allow her to blossom and choose what she wants to do or not do. She has to have a million experiences, but she also has to stay within a line if she is to have the chance to harness it. I haven’t learnt a great deal from my management education. In fact I tell people that I know what I know and have achieved whatever little I have not thanks to my management education but in spite of it. I still remember the lovely lectures and all the lovely experiences of the best teachers I have had, but have no respect for any of the tests or exams I took. I know only too well of the trauma they have caused. But also I know that I wouldn’t have been able to talk or have been able to lead, or been able to do much without this education. The system wouldn’t have given me so many chances.
The system is so bloody spooked that even the college you graduate from matters immensely. Many times I think what more I would have achieved had I been from a better college. Not a tiny bit more from what I might have learnt from there but simply, how many extra chances I might have got.
Jispa’s imagination will take her places. Her thinking will help her, but she will have to learn to rein it in for now. Control it and stay within line. The line is getting a bit broader, just a bit. They also now allow you periods when you can step out and come back in. but as I have learnt, she too will. It’s like the some fantasy movie. There is a golden ball with the dragon, but you the trick to take it from the dragon, is not to snatch it but to first bow down to it. Show your respect to the dragon and then only would the dragon allow you to come near it and collect it.
The education she gets is important and interesting. I still remember a lot of my chemistry and physics and mathematics. I remember a lot of the poems I learnt. They are good for sure. It’s only the way they want conformity is what I have an issue with. But till the system changes, Jispa will get a bit of scolding. She will have to wake up in time and get ready in time. She will have to sit at one place and get her Hindi spellings right. While I can read Hindi, one of the biggest regrets I have had is that I am unable to read Hindi literature. If she grows up wanting to read it, she will have to start now. And if she doesn’t do it now, she probably will never have the chance to do it.
We insist and make her practice the guitar. She loves it and is now pretty decent at playing it. She enjoys playing and practicing, but to get her to the table and sit down to practice it, is something that we as parents will have to do. Forget all this big stuff, Jispa will have to temper her imagination if she wants to get anything in life. Even she wants to see a movie, she will have to get out of the showers after her swim and get ready in time. It’s the same thing.
This life is pretty cruel. You have to make choices. The education system is a good scapegoat that all of us like to hit and blame. The only reality is time. We come with limited time and the dam thing doesn’t wait for us. We have to conform to it. An interesting perspective I read – time was thought of as a constant flowing thing, till we invented a clock that took this flow and broke it down into tiny tiny bits. Into hours and minutes and seconds and so on. It created a tick followed by a tick. I dare say in our bid to tame it we became its slaves. To think of it, it might have been the single biggest innovation that lead to progress and the single biggest contributor of stress.
So there – our parenting will get tested very often. We will have to give a free life within the boundaries defined. A paradoxical construct that stresses us as parents as much as it stresses the child. The only way is out is to try and get middle ground, a large middle ground, that allows for break outs and allows for us to listen. We must constantly be ready to expand this ground. The parents prayer – allow me to protect my child but more importantly, please let me know when to stop.
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