its not you, its them

We came back last week from a vacation. This one was in London and was amongst the longest I have ever had. A full 17 days away from office. That’s not a normal holiday. In fact the last time I took so long was when we went to Leh. That was more than 10 years ago. This time the occasion came in the form of a friend of mine from London. In fact she was not actually a friend to start with. Just a colleague who I got along with, very well. Swati.

Swati was one star employee with our London office. She would be very demanding and my team would hate to service her. She would want things now. And she would want a lot of articles written by me. The fund manager would invariably write some rubbish for her to circulate to the clients and then she would insist that I clean it and write something better. And invariably I would do it. The way I saw it, she was the star sales person in the team. She would be the one actually doing work and it would be my duty to at least support her. The others would irritate for no reason and she would have a genuine reason to push the bar. I gladly did so always. She would call on some issues and I would solve it. Simple. No special favours. Simple work.

From then on we became slightly better friends and one day I realized (through a mail or chat or something) that she was a reader of my blog. For some reason this blog gave her something to chew on, some meaning from time to time. That was cool by me. I am not writing all the time for some deeper meaning. And when someone takes a meaning from it, that’s nice. It makes me feel nice that she read it regularly and that it made sense. That would mean that Jispa would take some sense from it when she grew up as well. That’s a nice feeling.

So we just kept in touch and she would catch up with me when would come to India. The last time she came she wanted to see Haji Ali and offer prayers. I was the happy guide. I love doing this guide thing. If there is anything that I like as much as teaching it is being a guide. Not that I know too much, but I’d like to show the world what I know. And at that time she genuinely offered to host us in London. I didn’t think too much of the offer, but then when the circumstances turned benign early this year, I mailed her. She responded and there – we just came back from a lovely London Holiday.

We had the chance of spending a good fortnight in London thanks to her amazing hospitality. A small house, but willingly and lovingly shared. More on the vacation some other day. But you know, I used to think that people are nice to me because I was nice to them. That’s what I used to think before. Now I think I have changed my stance to the opposite. People are nice to you because they are nice people themselves. There is nothing too self-satisfying here. I don’t think she was nice to me or so many people are nice because someone did something nice and we must reciprocate. People are nice because they are like that. Some people don’t trust other people, some are inherently conserving by nature or whatever. It’s them and their choice and not yours. I am nice to a lot of people but some of them choose to be nice to me, not all. It’s not me – it’s them, stupid. Which in some way is really true. Of ocurse, your contribution is not being an ass of a person, not being mean and not being unkind. Basics are required, but the choice is always theirs. They choose to be nice. Swati and her extended family were the nicest of people we met. I am convinced that is that because they are nice to start with and not because I did something great to them. Sometimes I feel some kids give me respect as I was their teacher. But that does not explain why so many don’t. The kids who are nice to start with are nice to me. Those who didn’t care, continued not to.

This is not some stupid humility stuff, but something I suddenly felt. So when someone is nice to you, thank them for being nice and don’t think about yourself. You probably contributed by not screwing up. But they are the real heroes. They are the nice guys in the equation. So it’s only upto us to learn and emulate. Hopefully someday we will catch up. Simple copy cat.

Just yesterday someone in my team was complaining about someone else and then praising how another guy was so sweet. My recommendation was to simple copy the sweet guy. There – you are done. Simple. Thank S and M! Lovely people. I am so happy I am not a freaking racist or a misplaced patriot. I am so happy I teach my daughter to be open and love everyone and try and be nice to all and not judge. The rewards are in so many different ways. Thank you god.