no 'more coffee'

Coffee increases heart rate I think. The research if iffy but  most of tem seem to agree that there is some effect there. Yesterday I had coffee day. One coffee in the morning and then some more in the evening. Th evening coffee was a potent brew.

We were out of fresh coffee so I remembered one shop selling tea and coffee open during the lockdown. I guess they are essential activities for most. Coffee and tea. I went there only to find that he was telling me that the coffee is all over and they are getting no fresh stock. He asked me to try in a few days. While I was walking back home, suddenly I could get a strong smell of coffee. I stopped in my tracks and was wondering where it came from. I couldn’t see any shop open. Just then I saw a few meters ahead, hidden, a small shop selling coffee. Part of the chain of shops called Phillip tea and coffee, this guy was grinding fresh bean. Wow.

I went up and asked. He was grinding his top bean called the highlander at 700 bucks a kilo. I took a kg of his stuff and went home. This smelt potent. I mad ethe coffee in the traditional filter and had it in the evening. That is the last time I am having coffee as strong as that when I have nothing much to do. In a few hours I felt my heart rate just go up a bit. Nothing alarming but I now wanted something to do.

I couldn’t walk around; I couldn’t read anything – I was just sitting there, and my mind was racing. In these difficult times, the only thing I was thinking about was, how screwed we were with Covid. I could only think that the worl dis going to run into chaos and anarchy and that we will all be out of job. Luckily over the years I know when I am getting negative. I can see myself doing it.

Immediately I tried to snap out of it. First thing – admit to myself I am negative; then admit to Jasmine I am negative. Then think through – A ha – it’s probably the coffee and nothing to channelize the thinking and time and energy. Acceptance is important.

Negative zones are difficult zones. Its not easy. Years ago, I remember my brother helping me realise negative zones. There was a friend of his who would talk negative all the time. And we would make fun of it. He would invite him over and purposely start a conversation. Then when he left we would laugh like crazy. I have learnt not to be like that. And more importantly avoid people like that.

When my friends talk negative, I try and run away from them. I try and stop them from being too bitter or too negative a zone. Sometimes I too get there. You can’t avoid slippages. What you can is acknowledge them. Try and understand where they come from. For me Covid is a genuine crisis. Its too big and large to disappear. For the first time in humankind and economics, there had been a disruption/ displacement of labour, capital and Land (I substitute land for physical elements of the supply chain). All three are disrupted and people have left consumption.

It is probably great for the environment but as economics 101 goes, we are up shit creek. Maybe we will come back from it. May be there will be price to be paid and sacrifices taken. May be some will be more affected than most others. Maybe we will all come out of it better and stronger. Or we come out of it just slightly bruised. But my learnings and thinking and what I know – I don’t think so. I think the probabilities are stacked against us as a race. The disruption will be large as I see it.

I think I am strong enough to survive. I think I am bold enough to take challenges head on. I think we have saved enough to manage tough times. When I sit back and think – nah – I think I get by. At worst it will be tough, but I think with my thinking and clarity – we should be able to make it through.

The challenge is not the external circumstances. The challenge is internal. If I am negative before the shit hits, then I am lost. When it hits, I must be positive. I must face it and navigate. One reason I have not given away any of my old books is so that if there is ever a situation where I don’t have enough money – I will reread all of them. Its funny but that I how I think.

I like being prepared for the worst. I normally think the tough decisions in my life quietly and only open my mouth when I am in a better frame. Typically, I like to imagine worst case situation. When stress levels go up, I only think – worst case, what is the worst that can happen. I try and think of that, then I imagine how I will react. Then I imagine if I would be ok (I am always ok) and then its good. Now go to sleep.

When I wake up, I am happy, positive and able to take on the shit that the world throws me. I am sure more stuff that’s bad will happen to me. It will happen to all of us. I can only hope that I am prepared and more important positive in the light of this. I want to die a happy man not an irritating senile man who is pissed with the world. The point of life is happiness, not crankiness and definitely not negativity.

Understanding this about myself is one of the greatest gifts I feel I have. Being able ot know, I am angry, being able to see I am negative and that I want to do something about it. I would have loved to be a positive at all times person but that would mean that there is no difference between me and an optimistic Bambi. Ups and downs are part of life – you can only choose your reaction to it. Choose well. You have to live with it.

this model is so hot

Netflix is an irritating thing. Getting something that all three of us can watch together is painful. Many years ago, I had very little patience for a series. Who is going to watch so many episodes on one topic? Aren’t movies easier and more varied. Now I understand how Netflix works. A series helps you shortlist once, and if you like it – you need not invest so much time in choosing again and again – you simply keep watching the series and the seasons.

Also having a series allows the storyteller to keep the timing and pace of the story without worrying about the time constraints. The only constraint being the plot line and the general pace of the story. They seem to be a boon for a lot of independent story tellers. You can now have a niche story idea that is likely to bomb on the big screen but can find a nice niche cult following online. Be ready for more edgy creative work to be shown.

The one problem I seem to have with a large number of series is the sheer amount of random nudity that they put upfront. I am beginning to see a pattern in this. You show enough of nudity and sex upfront in the series and then the second season is when you show the story without the distraction of nudity and sex. The director uses shock and awe.

I am mot against nudity by itself or even sex, but it has to be there to take a story forward and it has to be tastefully done. Possibly its my age talking, but I see no reason for half the scenes. That bugs me. If its there for a purpose and it used smartly then its good, otherwise it a bloody pain. Why have it? Especially if the director is trying to showcase his good story telling skills. No problem of sex scenes in popcorn entertainment movies or series – its there for a cause. But not required in most series.

The best series that Jispa and me cant have enough of is ‘Shark Tank’. We can binge watch that episodes on end. It always a fun thing to watch. I think it draws people in. We like to watch and comment on the ideas presented and we think through on the possibilities it can have. Who will fund what and is it an interesting idea? Will it do well. Would I buy it. And then should I take that offer or should I negotiate. It’s a very tightly edited show with some real fun ideas.

I was teaching Jispa at the start the terms and the thing with equity and debt. How to look at the deal and what is it that you should focus on. It was fun teaching her stuff and watching it together. One of the things that comes naturally to me is Equity and accounts. I get the value of money, stake and business. Much better than most others. Its an understanding of it at an abstract level that counts.

Many Saturdays, I sit with a friend of mine (he is much older than me) and we discuss his business – it worth a whole lot. I like that. We sit and he takes me through his ideas and thought process and I give me inputs. I talk about some of my issues and we have a nice conversation. It keeps me at the ringside of a lot of developments in the tech side as well gives the best seat in the house as to how a business does. The decisions made and the consequences thereof. Last Saturday he asked me some question as regards money investments of the firm and at first I simple told him thanks and that it is flattery to me that you even asked me for my opinion on this.

He said – no, I like to ask you because you think very different. You have a way of thinking and putting things in perspective. Well yes. I think I do. I think very different than most others. For me a lot of my life decisions are mental models. As long I get my mental model right then I am happy taking my decisions.

Right now, I am sitting on cash in hand. I was wondering if not to invest. It’s a question of a mental model. If you have your model right, then whatever choice you make it will work for you. Life isn’t about right choices or wrong choices. We never know for sure what the opposite is there for us. We don’t really know what we will do sitting in one place or the other. We must keep mental models that keep us sane as regards the choices we make. That ensures we sleep at night and eat in time.

Going for my knee surgery was more a question of the mental model I had in mind and the risks I could take because of it. Deciding on the job change is also a question of the mental model. Same with almost every decision you take. I think my mental models have always helped me with my choices. They make sense of the universe for me. Rather they help the universe make sense of me.

Coming back to Netflix. I find myself drawn to any series that has some real story behind it. Like Crown or Narcos or World War or anything. Jasmine was telling me that I like to watch fighting and war. The truth is that I like history. It teaches a lot. So good historicals make me feel less guilty of spending hours in front a TV. AT least in the end you have something to take forward.

I think any good story has a lot to take forward for the listener/viewer. I must not deride fiction thus. But Fiction has less of an allure for me. I can handle a movie, but a fiction-based series soon bores me. I feel that the writer / director is making a mockery of me. I feel they are simply stretching an idea who time passed long ago.

I think me watching a history based or a reality-based story is just a mental model that is keeping me relatively guilt free while watching the telly. Also, I may add, these mental models aren’t beautiful models thought our before I take a decision. I think a lot of these come in to play once the decision is done. A lot of the times, they are simply justifying my decision in the best possible way so that it looks all scientific to me. I am ok with that and fooling myself with it.

Because if you have a model, you are basically giving logic to a decision. This logic you will hold in your brains. Then as the circumstances of your decisions unfold, you have model to hold them against. Did the thinking hold. Did the rationale work. Your model made in hindsight or not at least gives you an idea of what it did for you. How did it fare. This makes your future decision making a bit smarter. You have some models of the past to work with. That makes your future a bit smarter. I didn’t say happier – just smarter. Feel smarter.

All this just makes the Venn diagram of you and the universe, sensible and within control. Some people are happy ceding control and some people like me -believe we have some degree of control. To each his own. This is what works for me. You have to find out what works for you – Narcos or Game of Thrones. Both are such glorious waste of time or a lesson in human behaviour.

You choose. Because you the truth – your choice doesn’t matter. You have no clue of the counter. There – Opposites have reconciled in my head. Hopefully – I have messed up yours.

BTW – on Netflix – Jispa then asked me which movies we could see together. She wanted Bollywood movies. I chanced upon the crazy beautiful movie – Kapoor and Sons. We laughed crazy. Especially at the scenes where the director uses so many tools at his disposal to heighten the tension between the characters of a dysfunctional family. Twice he uses it in the movie to great effect. It’s a must see.

Here is the scene if you want to just see one small sneak peak. So much tension and so damn funny.

Bling

One of the things that I pride myself on these days is not spending too much money on useless things. Read – expensive useless things. Or even better uselessly expensive things. Case in point  - my watch. It’s the standard 700 bucks casio F91 watch. I love this watch now. I bought it just as a style statement and soon realsied that now I can’t wear any other watch. This is the watch for me. Its tells the time as accurately and cheaply as possible. And wonder of wonder – its also good for swimming.

I wanted an everyday watch which I wear in the shower and for my swims as well. So in addition to the F91, I started searching for a cheap water proof watch. Then online I read a few posts wherein people were saying that the F91 is good for basic swimming. Someone said that the F91 and the so called water proof watches conform to the same standard for water resistance. Its only not promoted by Casio, so that you can buy the slightly pricier ones. I was sold. This watch I will wear forever. Its become my identity.

Today when I look at my photos with the watch, I love the look and the fact that I can wear this watch everywhere. I get questions from people on why I wear this watch and they ask me about the sentimental value of the watch. They are surprised to know that I am wearing it purely from a functional perspective.

That’s also the question in people’s mind when the see the car I drive. It’s a lovely functional Honda City. It’s got leather seats, its automatic, it drives well – why should I upgrade? I like this car. I have no reason to want another car over others.

No it’s not like I don’t like brands. All my life I probably loved and coveted a Rolex or a Mercedes. Its only now that when I have the resources and the brains that I am forced to think twice. Someone was asking me in office – you don’t wear expensive watches – no, you don’t buy too many clothes – no, you don’t drink – no, you don’t go to fancy restaurants often – no. They were obviously looking at me like I am some miserly guy. I said – I have no problem with spending and these expensive tastes but I hate it when I am buying something and all that the brand is doing is taking me for a ride. Its making a fool of me, which is what I don’t like.

But I do have a weakness – shoes. I like expensive shoes. I wonder why. But now that I have bought quite a few I have restrained myself. It’s a good thing that I have limited space for my shoes. Otherwise I would racked up quite a bill, buying expensive shoes (at a sale of course) but still expensive.

So I like what I have become so far. Richer but wiser. That’s how I like it. Simple and happier. I would love to be even richer and spend even lesser. I think a lot of celebrities would have died happier if they had learnt what I have learnt in my life.

The great joy is in being able to afford bling and not buying it because you recognize it as such. Useless Bling. Or uselessly expensive bling.

shit changes you

Over the weekend I went through two types of life changing events. Ok – too much drama. But they were experiences that would allow me to think through on issue sthat could potential change my thinking for a long time to come.

I took a few of my colleagues to design yatra. I am sure I would have blogged about this crazy amazing conference in the past. This is a place where I am a pretender in a place full of crazy designers and artists, I am a stand out stupid guy. I have no talents in this and I hope at best to at least appreciate the fact that there is beauty in what people do and value in art for art sake in whatever we do.

I am in the middle of being wooed by multiple people to join them. And I am thinking, should I leave, should I join something new, should I build on something I already have. Money is important but only so much. After a point its not about money but a chance to create something new and beautiful. Over the last few years I have come to the conclusion that marketing is a wasted field. What the world needs for now is product supremacy. It’s the product that needs to succeed. Product necessarily flow from great design. In our finance world where we don’t sell anything real or tangible (money is such an abstract concept). We need a serious reason for people to love our product. This is where design comes into place.

I have been thinking that wherever I go, as a next jump or wherever, whenever I am able to create my own little ecosystem, it will definitely be a place where I would want to build my team, have freedom to work, interact, get in amazing talent; fire idiots dragging the system and build a good place to work. If take up one more job at one more place, I would be building more of the same shit. New place, same shit, just a little more money. I want a lot more money but a chance to build something of real value.

Where I go they would want me to start asap, start showing results immideiately, and get cracking. Reality – it would take me a year to understand the product / problem and build a team that would then begin to start delivering. Then it would take me another year before we actually start to show results. Everyone wants an overnight sensation, not knowing how long it took to build it. Most overnight sensations are ten years in the making. Ten years.

So the design festival helped me realize and reinforce in my head my ideas of how great companies are actually built. By building great products that people want in the end. Today most of the big success stories that we see, and what most miss is that the products that were delivered were finger licking good. When they diverge from great design, shit creeps in and then all hell breaks loose. It’s funny that my company, group wide, has a marketing review, business reviews etc but no real product review. No really good well designed, lickable product customer interfaces and reviews. My super boss understands money but I am sure, he doesn’t understand what is meant by good looking and great interface products. The question for me is where do I build this expertise as decide my future course of action.

Cut to Mumbai. I fly in from Goa early morning to attend an AGM for Matunga Gymkhana. It was public lynching at its best. We haven’t learnt from history that democracy can give rise to the worst of dictators. Hitler was a democratically elected despot.  In an AGM the person who can shout the loudest and incite crowds can sway the opinion. In a democracy there is the tyranny of the majority which can be used to suppress a saner but quieter opinion. That is exactly what happened. Logic and anything be damned. Louder voices ruled.

I was wondering what happened. I was quiet throughout, unlike my natural self. I only spoke once and I thought I made sense and I spoke for the greater good. People understood and the stupid conversation and fighting stopped on that one point. But then the asst. secretary opened his mouth, once again and then all hell broke loose. Every time he opened his mouth the meeting would extend by another 40 minutes.

But today after good introspection, I realized that even silence has a role. If I had opened my mouth and be drawn into these issues I wouldn’t have been able to see this game. I wouldn’t have been able to see how the few manipulate the large. It is a well thought of strategy relying on rhetoric and oratory. It is mind numbing how the majority are swayed by this. I too have been guilty of this in the past. I have been swayed without the understanding of consequences.

Real life is difficult, complicated and not without consequences. Most of which are unintended. The process of democracy is slow and painful and we must protect it at all costs.

I wanted to resign, I drafted the mail and sent it to my friend. I haven’t yet sent it to the gymkhana. But I think… should I or should I not be the lone voice of sanity and be there and grind it out or should I get out and focus on new things. The learnings are tremendous but I have to hold in my natural instincts and reign in initial response. I would need to be measured and studied. That is the right way to play the game. Let me think.

Who knew that a weekend in variety would prove to be enough food for thought, my friend.

please peace, inner piss

Yesterday I had a nice conversation with a friend. It wasn’t exactly pleasant but it was very interesting or me. I have the gift of talking and spouting gyan. Earlier I used to think that I was reasonably intelligent and I would likely have the solution to all of mankind’s woes. As I grew older and alas, wiser, I realized that no such shit exists. No one has answer to anyone’s woes.

I have written about this – there a beautiful book that I read “if you meet the Buddha on the road, shoot him”. Fundamentally answers lie within you. Inside of you. And mostly it futile trying to tell answers to anyone. through the book I learnt one clear thing – people come to you to talk / for advise / for love / for understanding. You can’t give any, if you really care about the person. You can only tell about your stories in life and about the issues you faced and the principals you learnt in your life and the questions you asked of the world and of yourself.

Yesterday was a n hour long conversation. It was the most beautiful conversation in that sense. I realized that I had grown up and alas (yes, I know its repeated) wiser. The whole conversation, I simply explained various situations in which I dealt with shit and how I dealt with situations and the experiences I got while growing up. The choices I made and the nebulous nature of life that I understood. Not once did I give an answer or a direction.

My friend was able to decipher for herself the meaning of what she was asking for me. I may give an answer, and maybe by sheer power of nature, it might be the best / right answer; but the real answer is always the one in which you arrive at yourself. You can ask for multiple suggestions, advice and experience but it will not count till you arrive at it through your thinking process. There is always a time for an answer to get inside your brain. I always tell Jispa – of course listen to me but more importantly – don’t listen to me. Learn on your own. Listen to me only to replay what I said later on in your life when you might realize its truth. For now, just store in your head. Appreciate the experience that I bring but then quickly discard it for your action. Then replay and hold the consequences against what I said – and decide what was right.

At the end of the conversation – I told – I sound like a guru nah? Not because I am right but because 60% of what I say, it is likely that you will forget. You will remember 40% of which half will turn out right. That is a total of 20%. Now that id worse than tossing coin for advice. The remaining 20% will never be fructified as you will likely be dead in the hope of seeing it come true. You will say – that this is true but I have just not experienced it yet. This is the true math of a guru. Say enough obscure far reaching sounding,  profound clouded, shitshat. 20% true, 20% waiting to be true and 60% forgotten. Say to a larger base and everyone will find their 20% and soon amongst the audience as a collective all 100% will be true – just broken up in each guy for their own 20%. Did you get the math?

But not the gurus are bad. You got your 20% right? And you felt you got your 100% also. So what gives… give the guru some dakshina, love him to death, put him on a pedestal and voila – you have found inner peace through randomization.

Inner peace is not that difficult to achieve. I also wonder what the purpose of life is. I guess there is no purpose really. So play board games and enjoy. Which I why I have been buying board games and playing them. I want more GAMES MORE GAMES. I have bought quite a few and I have a huge wish list on Amazon – I keep adding. I get some crazy joy in board games. Sit one whole day and play games after games, till the end and sleep. We were born on this planet to play games.

Life became far more bearable and the Machiavellism of the players became such a joy to watch, as long as you think of it as a game. Everyone has their reasons. They don’t align to yours. They never will. Align yours to yourself in harmony with the world and dingalangaling – inner peace!

Such an elusive concept. Also called in good ol’ colloquial hindi – bhaad mein jaaye. Or ‘go to to hell’. Simple.

the young will inherit the earth

Today was a nice morning. Jispa had a shorter workout. Typically I pick her up from her workout and drop her off near my office, which is half the way home. She then takes a rick back home. Today we had some time to kill. I asked her if she wanted to have coffee with me in the morning.

It was a nice coffee date at Starbucks. We spoke on a lot of things. She first got to see my office. Her reaction ‘it looks so much like a … like a BANK!’. Yes. It is a… a bank office you know. But I get it. She doesn’t mean it like a compliment. Our reception and office and everything is so traditional with all the cubicles and the reception area holds a bank branch with red being a dominant theme. It is very bank like and it is a total put off for a young kid. I remember the bank office when I was a kid. Large cubicles and counters behind which bank personnel were sitting. Very imposing and intimidating. Bank designs have improved over the years. But this comment by Jispa is very insightful.

The reception area is recently designed but it also shows how much out of touch we are with the rest of the young world. Our office space is also designed for old people and not a young crowd. Innovation cannot happen by an old person or by young people conforming to older standards. We must change and welcome new ideas, new thinking and new systems into our lives. That is the only way to change and continue to be relevant.

After coffee I was explaining to her, that as a father, my big dilemma is exactly this. How do I put blind faith on youth. I told her – remember Jispa. If you want to be wildly successful, mark my words. DON’T LISTEN to older people, and don’t listen to your parents. Older people advice will ensure survival, but to grow big and break everything you have to learn not to listen to us. So while you are with us, listen, you have no choice. But once you do become 18 and you don’t live with us, DON’T LISTEN TO US.

Curiously she was defending older people. She was saying that isn’t it that older people know more and wont they be right. I spoke to her about my office experience. Older people are often wrong and they work at preservation. When I worked at a startup for 2 years I learnt that the startup thinks very differently as a means to do things. They think very differently from older matured organizations and that one of the reasons why they have achieved scale at a rapid scale. Some the best guys in the VC business have understood this. It’s their job to trust the young kids and give them money and get out of the way.

Young kids don’t need older people in the company. I told her that in the startup I think I sucked at it. I think my role should have been only limited to advisory, not really working on systems and day to day work. That is best left to younger kids with energy and drive. I also told her that parents are the worst at giving career advice. We just don’t know what new things are out there. My mom would been so proud of me if I had given some banking exams and become a branch manager at a government owned bank. What did she know about careers?

I told Jispa that there years ago I did not know what my job would be. It has changed. The rapid scale at which change is happening, every three years jobs and industries are changing. Old people don’t know anything. That’s the biggest dilemma we as parents have. Your mom is right most of the time. If you follow her instructions, you will survive for sure. But if survival is your goal then sure. but if you want to be crazy successful, or at least have a chance at being crazy successful, you have to break rules. That’s the dilemma I am in all the time.

I want you to not listen to me. She countered that won’t we get things wrong if we don’t listen o sound advice. Yes kid exactly. You will be wrong but that is the right thing to do. To be wrong and then learn from it is to be right. As a young kid your job is to wrong and wrong again. Keep being wrong to be right.

A ha… after a long time – opposites reconciling. I know when I am on a roll. I get the title of my blog into my writing.

But all in all it was a morning well spent with Jispa. The job of the young is to guide the old and not the other way around. Old must learn actively from the young. I loved understanding and talking with Jispa. She is 16 and she has so much to explain to me. Her training programs, the fun they have in school, the things kids do and the life from her perspective. It’s time to simply sit back and absorb a lot from her. Its really fun growing up with her.

pass

Have you ever died? In the recent past?

Jispa had her sea swimming nationals on Monday. A few weeks back the coach had announced on the group that the competition was there and that we could take part. Jispa has never taken part in a sea swim and we were surprised that she was interested. I called up the coach and asked if it doable. He said not to worry and he said he would organize a training session soon enough.

We took the kids along with the parents to a place off Alibaug. We took a boat a few kms into sea and got the kids to swim. There were two boats for safety. The kids jumped in and started to swim. These rae powerful swimmers. They could simply just start swimming. After some time I was tempted. I had packed my swim shorts just for this. I changed and told Jasmine that I too wanted to jump. She of course thought that I knew what I was up to and allowed me to jump. There was a kid along with me, Krish. Krish is a regular swimmer and for some reason he swam a little and then came back on boat. I told him that I will jump along with him and that we should try again. Seeing me, he agreed and we jumped in together. I think he waited for me to jump and then followed.

All it needed was a little encouragement from my side and the boy was all home at sea. I hadn’t carried my swim googles. Which are the most important thing was sea swimming as they protect from the burning salt getting into your eyes. I had borrowed Krish’s google which were way too tiny for me. I could barely see in them. As a result of which it was a painful swim and I just couldn’t get myself to put my head in the water and I started swimming with my head up.

Krish in the meanwhile was way ahead. He is a powerful swimmer. Jispa was way ahead and there were a couple of kids behind me. I knew one parent was swimming at the end and so was one coach. Soon I began to tire. Especially with my bad stroke. My shoulder tired off first with all the head up strokes. And then I saw the boat which was beside me, speeding ahead. I have two bad knees and kicking to stay afloat while standing is also a pain.

That was the end. I died. Or was sure to if I wasn’t smart enough to give up now. I waved frantically for the boat. Non one was there to see me. They were too focused on the kids. I saw a couple of good swimmers passing by and I simply shouted ‘help’. In an instant I realized one thing. If these swimmers pass me by, then I would be the last and I would surely drown. Surely. One swimmer came up and held me. He asked me “do you have cramps?”. I simply said yes. who was to explain that I hadn’t anything but fast depleting bravado inside. He held on and a few shouts later the boat turned around and came to pull me up.

So yes. I died. Some egocentric part of me. Some bravado in me and something else.

A near death experience (small & tiny) is important in life. At about 40. I think when you are younger, it’s just an adrenaline rush. When you get older you realise what it means to die. As a kid I once ran across the road to fall in front of a screeching car. I remember seeing the tyre close to me. I must have been in the 2^nd grade or something. The image of the tyre is still fresh in my head. When I went to dubai recently, I think I saw the place near where it happened as well. Or at least I thought it was there.

I remember my first realization of being scared to die. The first time I was startled and worried about death came to me in a funny way. I walking on the platform and a train came behind me silently and honked very close to me. Wow. That was scary. I have no clue why it was scary but it was. I remember being in college and thinking that this was the first time I was scared of dying. I reasoned that now with Jasmine by my side, I had something to cling onto life. It difficult to peep into your brains and understand more but all I remember is that, it was the first time I felt I knew what it was to be scared of death

I still wonder what it would be like to die. I wonder, what it would be to have a terminal disease. I wonder what it would be to be faced with sure and clear death. The next day after my stupid drowning attempt, I swam in the pool. It was a tough thing to do. I kept thinking about the incident at sea. Now also a week later, when I think about it, it’s a suffocating feeling. I don’t like it.

What it would be for the soldiers at war, constantly being bombarded with bullets flying off in all directions. When I played paintball once in a shootout competition, I realized that danger can come from all sides. It is stress full to be in such a situation when you have bullets coming at you. I think that’s why there is the brian wash of deep and crazy patriotism and huge stress on obedience, else why would anyone just go like crazy into war facing bullets and death.

Some amount of brain washing is completely necessary. That’s why we also have life after death and that God will call us and love us. Now that I am an atheist and completely agnostic towards the concept of a patriotic nation state, I wonder if I will be brave enough to die. Hahaha. Brave enough to die, is it? It should be read as “foolish enough to be brave enough to die”.

So that’s my little scrambled brain moment. If I die who will cry and for what? It easy to get too philosophical about death. As I stepped out of the pool, I kept thinking about my experience and how profoundly it might change me only to have another (very crucial) part of me, slap me hard and make me smile. You idiot.  Stupid people or protagonists in movies have death experiences that change them. I don’t think that just because I am dying or I faced death, I must change my life. I am smart enough to be healthy (habit wise), I am smart enough to know my choices and their consequences and I am what I am.

Being a dad is also a weird experience. When Jispa was taken in a boat to the middle of the sea for the competition, I was also completely confused. I did not know what to feel. It is a dangerous thing, the sea. Vast endless sea. I had a little feeling inside of me that I will lose her. What on earth am I allowing? But at the same time, I have to. If she doesn’t do it now and if I don’t encourage her now, then when? What yaar. Such a wild thing life is.

I was telling Jasmine, that once a year, I want to go alone and travel. All alone, but only for one day. Full stop. Then come back. I can’t handle more without family. Sometimes, Jasmine wants that as well but I guess she can stay for a few more days alone.

But yes, I seem to have become a little more philosophical for sure. I look at myself and smile. This too shall pass Jaimit. Soon you will be normal again. Yes the mind will settle down soon enough and be clear again. Time to let it pass.

One thing keeps coming to me again and again. My dad got his first heart attack at the age of 45. I am 43.

Watch out

I was feeling rich and there are two things that I have always secretly always loved possessing. One is shoes and the other is watches. I can still think about shoes as a functional thing and expensive shoes tend to be better lasting and comfortable compared to cheaper versions. Of course there is a limit to this pay off. I am at around 4 to 5 thousand beyond which I think the shoes start on their downward marginal utility of the money spent. The problem is that the world has moved to around 6 to 7 thousand or even 8 thousand before the shoes start making awesomeness. Apparently I have not kept pace with the shoes innovation inflation index yet. This is in the sports shoes index.

Luckily in the formal space index, shoes have largely stayed within my range. And at this time I am super lucky as one day I walked into the Cole Haan shoe shop seeing a 60% sale board. These were ridiculously expensive shoes. In INR they were at 15 to 18k for a pair of shoes. No way would I even smell them at that price. So luckily at 60 /65 % off they were with reach. Just a bit more expensive than normal but still within reach. So I bought one pair. After a few months, this shop was going out of business (obviously) and they had a 70% off sale. Jasmine egged me on and I bought two more pairs within my range and now I am complete. Three leather pairs and one old trusty pair. Done. These should last me at least 3 to 4 years. Hopefully more.

On the sports shoes, I was heavily influenced by the book “born to run”. There the author argued that humans are designed to run bare foot and the shoes with cushioning have spoilt our gait and running style. Thanks to the cushioning we have on our shoes, we have learnt to hit heel first versus a more mid foot impact style that barefoot runners have. I was so heavily influenced by this that I bought a lot of sport shoes with a thin sole and zero drop. I think today that it was a mistake. It’s not the best thing to do for my feet. Possibly I am too used to cushioning or my feet run in a different way and to retrain the old ancestral style would take too much effort and is probably useful for those running marathon, not couch surfers like me. But still – 4 K is my limit and I have to really wait for sales and clearances before I can buy anything.

But for now – I have enough sport shoes, chappals, leather shoes and sandals. More than what I need. No more testing the level of my passion of collecting shoes.

As for watches, I have a genuine problem. I love these watches but have complete understanding that there is ZERO marginal utility on an awesome watch versus a really cheap watch. Long time back, I think 7 years ago I was feeling pretty rich and I ventured to buy a watch. I bought a Victorinox watch on sale. One of my friends worked there and hence I got an employee sale price on the watch. The watch originally was for 26,000 and I was getting it for 16,000. A steal and I bought it. It’s a great watch and I love it, but after that purchase I understood that I have too much spare money and we decided to buy a house – our current house, and we got screwed in deb for the next 4/5 years. I haven’t bought a watch after that. I have been looking at watches, ogling at them, especially the automatic ones but could never justify to myself buying one.

Recently on a business trip abroad, while at the Duty free my CEO was looking at an Omega watch he liked. He bargained, got a good deal and bought a watch costing more than 300,000. That’s cool. He knows his watches and he knows what’s cool in the high range section. He bought it and looked at me. I smiled. He told me “you are that types – a three hundred thousand watch will also tell the time and a 300 buck watch will also tell the time, nah?”. Hahahah. Ya, kind of.

So recently I again started looking around and a mailer from my airline frequent flier program told me that I could redeem my miles for an awesome Casio watch costing around 6,000. Sure.

I started searching for reviews and views online, when my eyes fell on this beauty. This particular one called Casio F91W. Wow this was so retro it was cool. It reminded me of the watches I had in school and while growing up. Of course it released only in 1991 when I was firmly out of school but the design principal of the watch was very clear. It was that 80’s watch. Cheap fibre and a work horse. I researched some more and I realized that this one was a crazy seller and still sells high numbers. It’s cheap and the battery lasts between 7 to 10 years. And it reminded me of my childhood and my dad. Funnily enough that’s what the reviews also said.

I love it and ordered it online. 725 bucks and next day delivery. Am I proud or am I proud?

This has also been dubbed the most dangerous watch in the world. Its great use has been in being used as a detonation timer for bombs. Osama bin laden was spotted wearing it in one of his videos and it was also used to profile terrorists by the US for detention. Serious! What a story. Now this watch is no ordinary watch. It is The Watch. I am suddenly prouder.

Some guys in office wonder what a guy like me is doing with a watch like this. Ah – you know…..

happiness is ...

A good friend of mine messaged me to ask me if I was fine. If I was happy. I didn’t seem happy enough. Was something wrong?

These are difficult questions to answer. Are you happy? The frank answer is I don’t know. Instinctively – yes I am happy. My home is just set up. Yesterday I sat till late on my desk and I was reading on the laptop about Amazon and its growth. I was reading random things. I paid some bills as well and I ordered stuff on Amazon. I felt happy and content that I was there doing my bit.

But work takes up a large part of my awake hours. I realize that work is a bit of a bummer. The team is just not ready and is completely wasted. I would have to work with them to push them, improve them and make them come up to mark on a whole host of things. I have to coordinate and play games with so many people to get things going. There are people in the firm who are stuck in a time warp. They refuse to learn and refuse to improve. They are just there, stuck. They don’t even want others to improve. I don’t understand how ego can come in the way of making more money for the firm as a whole. They block everything and every move.

Now that I think over it I see this organization evolve over the last 18 years. Weakness exhibited by the management 18 years ago has snowballed into a large issue and now these monsters have been dragons of epic proportions. Slowly they become even more difficult to dislodge and take the whole business down with them. Weak managers who want to control only their immediate balance sheet try not to upset the apple cart too much. These who manage one year at a time, hiding the problem get rewarded and move to the top. These are managers who do no wrong. They also do no right.

But these are ones who have built this massive organization. Possibly it was an era where you did not need to compete like crazy. You needed just to not do too much hara-kiri and stay alive. Today when you see, the old organizations in the industry are built on edifices of rust and so weak at the roots. One needs to change things and shake them up a bit for them to move and compete in this bold new world.

In all this stress, I am also trying not to take too much stress. I want to sleep at night, not get my blood to boil or increase or decrease my pressure. I want to simply live and manage. Like the same wise friend of mine explained to me 6 months ago when I said I want a boring job “no jaimit, you won’t work in a boring job. You will take a boring job and then you will attack it and make it work and change things there as well. No jaimit, people like you don’t rest”. This was told to me not only by this friend by a few more friends.

Its right I guess. We have the best of intentions but our friends know us more than anything else. This is the thing about friends. So yes – my friend did guess it right. I am the happiest. Possibly I am a grumpy old troll these days. And some other good friends who care have been telling me about it. I guess I have been on the edge. I need to just chill and relax. Make things happy around me. Make myself happy. Manage my happiness quotient.

Of course I have to push for change. Hard push, but never at the cost of screwing my own happiness. That’s a really tough thing to do. Push for change as hard as you can and then enjoy the process and the failures that it will inevitably bring you. Hah! Chalo… it’s a learning of a different order. Be happy be pushy and be content.

These are too many opposites reconciling.

Let’s talk some happy things – I have grown an ugly thick bushy burly moustache. My wife hates it. And I am enjoying it no end.  I always wanted a thick moustache with a short crop hairdo. Now that I don’t have too much hair itself, the contrast is amazing. I think I am loving my old man, grey look. Here you decide.

revolution

Over the weekend, one evening we went to the Chembur house to check on the progress made. After which Jasmine, Jispa and me went for a walk around the place. After staying for 11 years in the relative obscurity of Bhakti Park, where there is nothing, no civilization for 5 kms around, Chembur feels very different. We walked around to find medical shops, many medical shops, restaurants, sugar cane juice sellers, shops selling clothes, underwear, mobiles, mobile repair centres, hotels, sports shops, vegetable markets, everything within walking distance of the home.

We are still coming to grips with this change in paradigm. Everything is so close. We have grown as a family living in Bhakti Park. The only thing that is going for Bhakti Park is that it has a massive Imax theatre in its vicinity. Rest, many years ago we had to buy a second car  to ensure that Jasmine and me could both get anywhere. I distinctly remember struggling to get a taxi in the morning to drop Jispa at her bus stop. Of course the place has improved but still, the basics of modern urban dense living, which we take for granted is still missing from the place.

I took them walking along showing them the place and getting them to understand the map. Where is which shop, where are the markets and where all can you go for basic services? Our house is very close to the station and that’s why access to all the services at a stone’s throw is possible. And being set inside from the main street, the place is also quiet and just about 100 meters away from the hustle. All in all its an experience.

While walking around we almost reached Ghatkopar and we then turned back. One of things that I think I have missed while I was in Bhakti Park was the ability to walk around. And once I did walk around in Chembur, I realized what had happened to Mumbai. It’s become a polluted shitty place. In the last ten years, the pollution levels have gone through the roof. In and around my place in Chembur was still bearable, but moment you hit a slightly more busy road the pollution hits your face. Now I realized why I probably will prefer a mall. You get off from your house, get into an AC car and get into the Ac mall. You live the cocoon of air conditioning with filters on. You don’t feel the pollution. That is to be felt by the poor and the voiceless. I really think that the poor in India have been shortchanged by Democracy.

The pollution is really bad, the trains are crowded, the bus service erratic, the pollution levels dismal, and the broadly – they will stay in the same dirty quarters with no real access to sanitation. It a freaking amazing thing that civil war hasn’t yet started in the city. Yes, all this while walking around a city with idle time on hand. How can so much inequality survive? Raising taxes and giving sops to the poor is not the answer. Having good governance at a city level is the right answer. Giving homes to people to stay respectfully, giving them commute that is efficient and works for them, cleaning up the air, water etc; these are answers. They don’t require more taxes, more sops; they require an iron will. They don’t require more laws, they require more follow up on the existing laws. Post-independence the generation just rotted and created a system that we are now going to bear. If that generation of governance created a good model, then we would have been able to live better. One man in Singapore changed the lives of its people in one generation. One generation.

Mumbai collects enough taxes that it need not even dip into reserves. Most of the budgetary outlaw remains unutilized. I talk to different people to realize that staying in Mumbai is prohibitively expensive. There is enough land stuck in government land banks and red tape. If only…

But its ok – let’s all sit in our ac environment and relax at ease. I am going to stay on the 13^th floor, far away from the noise the street generates, especially the rickshaws. I have ACs in all rooms. A remote switch away. I have applied for membership in the gymkhana next door. So now government land that was given away for promotion of sporting culture is enjoyed by an elite few who take membership to it at exorbitant rates. We will shut out normal people from enjoying these services. We have rich fat kids playing sports in a closed isolated loop amongst themselves, forgetting that the point of a facility is that it be used. We will keep the facility unused during off hours, rather than promote the sport for more people to come and play, raising the standards for everyone. No.

We like staying in our secluded ac environments. I have built the perfect nest for Jispa. The perfect nest. Who am I to complain? I made most of my money by dancing at the temple of capitalism – in a stock broking firm within a privately owned bank. Why should I lecture to anyone on this? Well I am not… I am writing a private blog available only to specific people who know. Someday the socialist in me will meet the capitalist in me and then I want singularity to happen. That answer is in between these two views without a thirst for power. Which means – impossible.

But hell, I am still 42. There is time for me in this world. Probably when I retire, I can busy myself with public life. Doing things that are right for the society. Trying to uplift people the right way; by empowering them to lift themselves out. But for now, that is a pipe dream. Just a good thought that comes from the heart. Heart is normally never the problem. It always is the mind and the intention that is an issue. I hope that I will be able to do good work in life. I hope I will be able to contribute more to society in a way that’s lasting. Possibly that is my way of telling myself that I am a great guy and that my current rate of shittyness is just an aberration where I have temporarily sold my soul to fund my immediate survival. Heart in heart – this is what I choose as important. And hence society service is not on my mind. Full stop. I have forgotten the socialism ideals or even the stupid left leaning ideals of youth.

Only Capitalism and private enterprise can lift masses of people out of poverty. Nothing else. So sitting in office and working at the capitalist temples is actually a service to mankind. While doing so a very simple thing of caring deeply for consumers, allowing them to choose the right products and treating your vendors and colleagues fairly is good enough society work. At home, following basic society rules and working harmoniously with all is service to society. Simple human interactions and work done with simple ideals of collective good that appeal to selfish interests – that is how civil society progresses.

Also when the time comes and the conditions manifest themselves in a way that you will find yourself in a situation where you will raise your hand, raise your body and defy odds and change or refuse to accept what is present. Revolution rarely comes from a rebel looking for it. It comes from unlikely simple people doing simple things because that’s what they think is right. This then sets them up on a path to doing bigger and better things for everyone.

So my revolution will come someday. I always wanted to be a fire brand revolutionary. It’s funny when I look back at myself. Within my confines of my office desk, I show signs of this red (or orange or green) bandana wearing bearded fire breathing revolutionary. Pushing through agendas, others find difficult to see, digest or swallow. That’s my little victory in the sellout. Little joy in massive narrow bouts of aggression. I don’t know if this aggression will kill me, but it’s helped me live.

the old will inherit the earth

There is so much to learn from everyone and everything. A few years ago when the founder of the bank I worked in, was given a kabaddi team to own and manage, he turned to the marketing head and he in turn, turned to me. I jumped at the opportunity. I had in my team a marketing resource who was ready to work on it with me. Later on, I migrated him full time into the team and now is the CEO of the team. Yesterday when I met him at the match venue, it was amazing to see him grow into an independent manager and he had managed through the force of his strong will and extremely amiable personality to run the fortunes of the team around. While being a part of this team’s journey and process, I too learnt a lot about the complex business of sports and the even more complex business of talent management.

When the coach and the captain are at cross roads who do you back? The answer is not so easy. When you have to choose one, who do you choose? The Indian cricket team was at this dilemma some time back. They had a captain who was young, aggressive and energetic. A player who might finish as one the greatest ever and a team who was moving into a brand of aggressive cricket, not seen by Indians before. This cricketer, Virat was given a free hand and he set upon destroying and rebuilding the team in his aggressive mould. He was the first captain we saw in a long time who decided to play 5 bowlers in a test match. This is serious aggression. The norm was to go in with 4 bowlers so that you can pack an extra batsman. Batsman typically help you consolidate your match while a bowler is what you go for when you want to force the game. Batsman react and defend and then wear down the opposition to win you the match. A bowler in a test match plots to get the batsman out and win the match. Bowlers are the artillery and batsmen are the moat for a test match.

Then news filtered out from the dressing room that the captain was not getting along with the coach. The coach was Anil Kumble, possibly one of the greatest players of the game. He was not too long ago an aggressive leg spinner with a different bowling style and was India’s go to man in any match situation. Leg spinners are an aggressive wily breed. They have deception, flight and variation; plus they love getting hit. The more a legspinner gets hit the more he loves it as that increases the chances of getting wickets. Also Anil Kumble for the first Indian test captain to start giving it back to the Aussies real hard and in Australia. He took on a side that was being built in the aggressive mold by Ganguly and then pushed it over before turning it to his successor. He added discipline, team work and aggression to the team.

Then immovable object met unstoppable force. When Virat and Kumble sparred, the board was forced to choose. They choose Virat. Kumble was asked to leave and another ex indian captain, known to leave a lot to the captain was taken in by the team. Which is the mot question. Who is the boss? Is it the coach or is it the captain. Cricket is different from football. In football, its not that important to have a great inspirational captain. You cant really control the pace of the game and strategize while at play. You practice set pieces and then the team executes them on the field. Cricket is almost all captain. The captain makes a decision every ball. He has the ability to set the field, make bowling changes and give instructions to the bowler every ball. He can decide to force the pace of the game or slow it down. He controls the batting order and keeps the strategy flowing. A captain is integral to the team and the coach has limited role to play while the match is in flow.

Kabaddi is also a bit of that. Every raid or defense, the captain controls the team on the mat. My kabbadi team is in a similar dilemma. We have had our share of captains and coaches. The moot question is facing us right now. Who is the boss? The captain or the coach. Who is the boss? We face this dilemma in office as well. It’s the work ethic versus the personality ethic question. Who is right?

The role of the star player is to perform but within the strategy of the coach. In kabaddi the coach very clearly told the star captain – don’t attempt the bonus against the corners, there are ankle specialists there. The captain promptly went and did just that and got out – twice. So now what happens? Who gets the boot? The coach or the star.

There is no easy answer to this. I have my answers but I also know in my heart that they are not so black and white, and definitely not easy. It comes from a perspective of the immediate ambition or long term health. My answer is easy – you have to know what the system that you are trying to create. To me the right answer is that the coach is the absolute total authority and that he manages the team and the strategies and that he is the right person in such situations. I have always believed that process over personality in the long run. But that also means that I have by definition removed the personality from flourishing. That is a serious mistake to make. If you remove the personality then all you get is clones who are designed to simply follow orders and commit themselves to the process. This is the start of the bureaucracy. Look at me. I want the process for everyone but I want personality for myself. Such a two faced ass I turned out to be. Personalities are important as they take society forward, they take companies forward, they break norms and they challenge status quo. But Process is important it brings predictability to the process and they have the ability to give consistent results. The theoretical answer to this that the coach’s job is to put in a process that people follow but also allow personalities to emerge and flourish.

There, so easily said. But so difficult to follow through. In fact I think it’s impossible to do it. The problem is this is so easy and apparent in hindsight. Hindsight. It is impossible to see it coming when you are leading the pack in a certain direction. This is the bleeding edge of leadership and team dynamics. How to allow mavericks to perform within bureaucracy – consistently. Now that I look at myself, I don’t understand what I am. I am a personality and a process guy all rolled into one. I want process but I also know that personalities exist and for a good reason. For myself, I allow my personality to flourish and manifest in various situations at various points of time. But at the same time I firmly believe in the power of process to make things work. The ability to constantly follow a norm and a pattern so as to get the efficiencies of scale and predictability. The plan must work. Like a bowler who consistently bowls a nagging line outside the off stump to irritate the batsman more than getting him out. Or a batsman – like me who was not so good in the A team but played a 45 over match. Here we scored heavily in the 20 over but lost wickets and I got my batting as the 8^th or 9^th batsman in the 22^nd over. I batted like a joker and refused to play any shots as my job at that time was simple – bat out the 45 overs and tire and frustrate the opposition. That’s process and personality for you. I made the process of shutting out the game and not playing my natural style for 23 overs my personality. Process over personality.

This is one of the yo yo issues. As I said before, the cop out is to say – know when to use what. Or even better – the process must allow for mavericks to be within the process and shine. All this is easy consultant speak and impossible practical implementation. Managing people is an art and science at the same time. That’s why at different times, different people emerge as ideal leaders. Some do well in a crisis and some do well in peace. The trick is in understanding one from the other. Not in selecting one from the other – just a simple understanding. Because no matter what you select the odds of selecting eth right one is like tossing a coin. You have no real clue on what is really going to work. In hindsight it all comes out insightful and there are learnings to take on board. Going in – it’s impossible to know what to do.

Yet the belief for me is – process still counts. Push for process as without it you are doomed to fail. You cannot scale and you cannot build consistency. As for personality – at all times look to nurture personality. Allow for idiosyncrasies. Allow them to grow without disrupting too many people. They can disrupt the process but not the people alongside. They are important as they are the only ones who can bring about meaningful change. The others follow. Both have their own place in the sun. Balancing the two is a fine act. There comes the tyranny of ‘or’ versus ‘and’. Very few people can manage ‘and’, for the most of us it is an ‘or’ choice. That’s why when people manage ‘and’, magic happens. That’s why we have so few of these cases and that’s the reason when it happens, history gets rewritten.

As I have grown older I have realized that I am an ordinary mortal soul in the universe. I may not be destined for greater things. I am a simple father setting in motion a set of things for others to build out of. I see no greatness and I have no pretense of one. It will be difficult to do / achieve anything spectacular. In office, I am sure there are 30,000 people who love to be one day reach my level. But that is not greatness or anything to be proud of. It’s a passage of time with common sense.

When I was much younger, I shudder to think of what a hot headed dumb bum I was. Now I know I am a little less of it. I may still be dumb headed but at least I have the wisdom to acknowledge it and hence learn from it. Can you really change so much. I don’t know. May be not. May be you can reduce the intensity but when your guards are down you will again show your real side.

This does sound like a little bit of a depressed post with little hope for change. I don’t mean it to be thus. It is a reflection of the little mental setbacks that I am getting these days, I guess. It’s just a way to make up for the optimism that   I have exhibited in some of my past posts. I think I have written, rather naively about the belief that people can change and that managing people is a simple equation and a question of behavior. I guess it’s not. It’s far more complex than this. People will not change so easily and the group dynamics are far too complex than anything else. Possibly right now, I am in a zone that says, that the answers are complex and that opposites may not reconcile so easily.

Eesh. I now understand why older men are wiser and understand discretion to valor equation. I am growing older and the only wiser thing I know is that no one can really get much wiser …hehehe.

Dream Swim

50 mtr backstroke gold, followed by 100 and 200 mtr silvers at the state meet and hence winning the right to represent Maharashtra as a campion at the Nationals; while being at the youngest in the age group spanning three years. It some real proud achievement for Jispa and for us as her parents.

Being a swim parent is a full time job and even more so for Jasmine. Take them to the pool, to the doctor, to the physio, get them food, sleep everything. It’s a crazy schedule that needs to be managed to the tee. As a father, I have to pull my weight, by getting up in the morning and taking her to the pool and then on weekends helping around with Jasmine at the swim events. And especially removing time for Jispa if she needs help in her studies. The mother is a crazy full time job with the menu and everything else. Today as I stand, I can’t believe how it can be done without Jasmine being at home full time. So, when a colleague was talking about how he wants his daughter to do well in sports, I tried to explain the enormity of the whole thing to him. It’s not easy to bring up a sports kid in Mumbai for now.

Which got me thinking. If in the future we see more and more, the rise of the double income household and the working mother and as a consequence will we have the breakdown of this support system that gives rise to children who can perform at a higher level? I had this thought for exactly two seconds. TWO FREAKING SECONDS. That’s it. I can’t not have these stupid thoughts. There is no choice to that. But what is in my control is how I react back to my own thoughts. Any stupid conservative guy will bemoan the death of the family and that the future of children would be lost and hence they would put stupid rigid controls in place. Get the mother to stay at home. Ensure that the greatness of the family tradition is maintained by ensuring status quo. In exactly two seconds (I am so proud of myself) I laughed. Of course not. There is no way that argument holds. At the first level itself, no one should tell the parent on how to raise their children (unless there is some serious abuse). But then, let’s keep that argument aside. At first, the argument looks tenable right now as I see it. Yes. You require a stay at home mother to really help in bringing up a child that aspires to do well in sports as well as studies. The ecosystem outside does not really help foster all round development without the active total involvement of one full time parent. But then saying no to the choice of the mother to work and be productive and to do what she wants is also not there. A working woman can add so much productivity to the nation’s workplace. What will happen is that women WILL join the work force, they will have children and they will have aspirations of them. They will want them to succeed and do more. At this time, they will be ready to spend more for them as they earn much more as a family. At that time, the ecosystem will automatically develop to allow for all the support required. This is the classic case of demand finding supply for itself over a period of time. In the short run, there will turmoil and pain but slowly more and more will be trained in the skills that are in demand and the market will emerge.

This is the simple belief in the markets being able to best allocate its resources by itself to things that bets suit it. Hence in fact we must allow all men and women equally to make their choices and not choose for them. The collective power of the market has to be believed in. This will free people to make their choices and push towards what they want.

Sometimes the government must step in if the private players fail to understand the power of a public good. Things that will help the society at large but is largely unnoticed or is commercially unviable. But then that’s it. The society must learn never to say no and never to put artificial barriers to choice. A barrier to choice in many ways a barrier to progress and is something that we must understand as a society.

Coming back to raising a kid, and that too a sports kid, is a very tough thing to do. You have to focus on sports but at the same time you have to keep an eye on studies. Nutrition is another big thing as well. Now as Jispa grows and turns 15 this year. She will have to learn to pull her own weight at home. I have been after her to now pull some. So far I think both Jasmine and me have protected her from the drudgeries of household work. We never made her party to the work to be done around home. As a kids growing up, I have washed vessels when the maid was not there. Every evening the servant would wash the vessels and leave them to dry. As kids, we had turns to dry every vessel and keep them in place in the evening. We had to make our own beds and also had turns to wipe the table. We had to clean the grains, peel fruit and everything else around the house. It wasn’t tough at all but it was boring and no fun. Jasmine and I have tried not to pass it on to Jispa. We have done the work ourselves. We hardly give Jispa any work compared to the stuff we did as kids. And it’s not just that we have an army of servants who do it. It just that we realise that as a kid most of this is boring. Also to be fair, Jispa with her swimming schedule and her studies never had the time to do much more. But now her exams are over and her vacations are on. She has plenty of time and she must now learn to contribute. I give her the table to clean, I ask her to help me while I help Jasmine in the kitchen etc. I think she needs to learn some basic life skills and house work. Jasmine’s view on this is similar and she has smaller asks. All she needs is for Jispa to finish her own work. Pick up her things, eat her foods, pack her own bags, keep away her stuff etc. Just do your own work and that itself is good enough. Jispa is a fine kid though. She understands but she can get exasperating when she has momentarily lapses of madness.

It’s been an awesome achievement on her part. To be a state level gold medalist and to manage studies and to read and everything else. I think we as parents are in danger of being heavy pushy mad parents. We think we are not. We try not to be. We try and achieve what we can and we try and push where we think its absolutely necessary but we are as always, ever in danger of breaching the tipping point.

But hell, let’s not take away from some real awesome glory that our young one has achieved. It’s a bloody gold at the State meet to qualify for the nationals. A bloody freaking gold. That’s something. It’s one the proudest moment for us as swim parents and as parents in general. Jispa is not a natural swimmer, she has worked hard to reach here and done tons of rigorous practice. Jasmine has devoted the last seven years towards this. It’s a big one. This is something that I say with pride and I look up to. It’s an amazing achievement. I am going to cherish this one for a long time to come. State level gold medalist. Wow.

While on achievement, I read an interesting poem that talks about the achievement and how over a period of time, it probably counts for nothing. Greatness too turns to dust in long run. Hah.

Jispa – you did well. It is one of the proudest moments of my life. I guess by that logic I mustn’t have lived too much, but in your life, I lead mine. And in the end just remember the poem of Ozymandias. Look him up. It’s a very interesting story.

Ozymandias

I met a traveller from an antique land, 

Who said—“Two vast and trunkless legs of stone 

Stand in the desert. . . . Near them, on the sand, 

Half sunk a shattered visage lies, whose frown, 

And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command, 

Tell that its sculptor well those passions read 

Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things, 

The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed; 

And on the pedestal, these words appear: 

My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings; 

Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair! 

Nothing beside remains. Round the decay 

Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare 

The lone and level sands stretch far away.”