its the same...

Well hello.

Its been a while and there are so many updates. But you don’t really care about my updates do you. I don’t – that’s more important. I think I have lost the art of writing a blog. Its difficult. I remember how I used to write. It would be a random thought or an experience that would set me off and I would keep that in my mind when I reach the computer – dying to write about the experience.

Without that little germ of a thought its pretty pointless to write anything. I could just ramble on and bore the readers on the fact that I want to write – but I cant , blah blah blah.

There  are a lot of interesting experiences that have happened to me  or us that I could write about. Some profound and some that I find erudite. So there is the Corona lockdown that I could talk about, how I feel, how the world is; and within that there ae schisms in society around communal lines. A lot of my friends/ acquaintances are so polarised in their hatred of Muslims that I find it quite amusing at best and disgusting at the least.

But more important than that is the fact that we are in a 21 day lock down and I really read on how we will get the economy going after that. I see a huge pain. Huge. I am not sure if I will have a job or the salary that I get currently in three months. The pains are real, the economy is screwed, and companies will go through a really tight squeeze. I don’t think we have ever seen a squeeze this large and I don’t anticipate going through it without significant pain. Land (goods and services), labour, capital, are all under severe stress and a major realignment of resources is going to happen. I don’t know which companies or industries will come back form this stronger.

Small businesses even though unleveraged depend on daily cash flow for salaries and a month out without receivables is an impossible thing to recover from. Keynes spoke about the economic cycle and that it must always be oiled and any stoppage must be kickstarted by government spending. But this is crazy. We are seeing forces of economic activity being stopped in totality for an extended period of time. Our politicians don’t know what’s going to hit them when we start. Cash (and gold) will remain good. I see stress on everything else.

But that, however erudite is not what I learnt this week. I learnt something more. Something very profound. I learned that human behaviour is same and that by and large the ups and downs that we go through in life remain same from generation to generation. It will take many many years and inter galactic events to change these emotions a human goes through.

Jispa is 17 (almost 18) and I keep telling her that she is not much different from what we were as kids. We too believed that our parents don’t understand us and that we suffocate in their thoughts and actions. We are independent smart and young kids. We believe that we can change the world, but the damn world – its conspiring to stop us. What are these thoughts. The same thing repeated after 27 years. Same shit.

I am sure my dad went through teenage pangs himself as I did and so will my child and those that follow her. My dad did not talk about his childhood much and his teen years. I know that he was a good boy and studied well but then he didn’t study too good in engineering and hepicked up smoking and drinking as well. What I must say that before I was born for sure he gave up on smoking and somewhere soon after – he gave up drinking. I have a vague memory of opening the fridge as a 5 years old to see green beer cans. But not much memory of that soon after.

But he did speak a lot about office and the politics he faced. That was universal. The pyramid was there then and it is there now. People dragging people up, and down, mentors made, enemies made, jealousy seen and back biting / stabbing rampant. People are the same. I was telling Jispa that the world hasn’t changed too much.

 The way it comes out maybe different, but the broad strokes are the same. I see other kids, kids under me, my friends. They are also going through similar trials. It’s the same over the years. No matter what it is you are going through, you can bet on it that something similar happened to someone before. Its remarkably the same, whether its relationships, struggle, work, friends or whatever. It’s the bloody same thing repeated.

Sometimes when Jasmine asks me about work when she overhears something, I don’t respond. The answers are always too complicated. But occasionally I explain the game. When Jispa hears it, she is flabbergasted. She told us “thank god, I am not going to be like you, stuck in a job that requires you to do/ think all this.” I laughed.

Of course, you will face the same issues no matter what job you do. She wants to be in medicine/ sports science / physiotherapy or something. I told her – what do you think. People are different there. They are all the same everywhere. I told her that in some colleges where I used to teach, the other professors didn’t like me. I was not even the faculty, I was just the visiting guy but they still hated me because I taught well and I got 80% plus attendance. Jealously is everywhere.

Doctors have their own issues as well. So does whichever profession you can think of. Even freaking NGOs have enough problems and fights. NGOs do good work but internally they are people after all. You should see some of the jerks I have interacted with. In all professions.

You will see them everywhere. The problems you face are universal. When you have a relationship – you will face universal issues. Even relationships go through their cycle. I have the luxury of having so many friends younger ot me talking about their lives. Same things.

Of course everyone’s life is different but the underlying issues are very same. People are finally governed by emotions and life cycles. Life cycles depend on hormones, wisdom, experiences and interactions. These don’t change and hence life doesn’t change. Welcome kid. Your life is going to be as F&^ked as mine. Just differently.

What of course changes is how you react to them and how you handle them. I have had some good teachers. Some (few) who have taken the trouble to teach me and some who I have learnt like Eklavya form Dronacharya. I think I can’t solve how life treats me, I solve how I can treat life. How I look at it as game to be played.

Coming to which, I have now a new found love for gaming. When I was younger, I couldn’t afford games. And Jasmine never let me play computer games, though she is now hooked onto cell phone games. And I never forgave her really for this. But I have an enviable collection of games to be played and it gives the greatest joy to play them. Its post surgery rehab for me right now (second knee). And I look forward to the time that I hope I will have for – badminton, gym, running and games.

I don’t want too much more in life. And once Jispa is suitably settled down, that’s the limitation of my ambition. Professional and personal. A chance to play ata game worth playing. So help me God. GOD? Wtf I am atheist. But I still say God with a lot of love and reverence. Doesn’t make sense, nah?

It’s a topic for another day. Love you all.