stomp boom

You see this on the road and what do you think?

Boys will remain boys. When we were growing up these tetrapacks of Frooti were great while full and even more fun when you finish off the liquid. You then basically opened it out, place it on the ground and go STOMP. There would be a large BANG and that would mean a free cracker. Wow! Once I learnt about it from my friends I used the trick to stomp an empty pack wherever I saw it. You don’t care who threw it on the road, all you did was go stomp and bang.

This went on real fine till one fine day when I was still in school I was walking near Kings Circle (I remember this very well) and I chanced upon a pack on the rod. Yes a pack waiting for my stomp and bang. I lifted my leg and let down with a STOMP. A BANG followed and then I was completely taken aback by what happened next. The dam pack was a brand new pack with Frooti inside. I remember seeing in slow motion the yellow liquid bursting through and I was trying to avoid it and a large amount of it flew to my pale blue faded denims to soak them with a sticky sweet yellow liquid. Yuck. Imagine if a glass of mango juice spills onto you.

Once while flying back from London on a business trip as we were taking seats the stewards had placed a glass of mango juice on every seat. Now why would they do that? Why would they put a glass before the passengers are seated and comfortable? That’s a British carrier for you. They don’t care. You are to get your free drink so the faster I put it on your table the better it is for you. You can then come and get uncomfortable trying to maneuver into place while not spilling your drink. That’s the shit bit. As luck would have it, it spilled on my seat and there was yellow sweet sticky liquid over my precious business class seat. The steward tried to clean it with tissues but you can’t really clean a juice spill properly with at tissue box can you? Luckily they had another free seat or else I guess the freaks would have had me sitting on that seat. To hell with business class getting better service or the sort.

So coming back to the pack on the street. Post the earlier incident; I never did ever burst a tetrapack ever again.  Especially the laawaaris ones you find on the street. No way. Every time I see a pack lying unflattened, I am tempted but then I am reminded of my escapade from nearly 25 years ago and I stop. Let an unBOOMED tetrapack remain unboomed. Someone else might come and enjoy that. I am staying away.

And while we are at it – here is one nice dance number going boom boom boom…

And just on dance hits – this song is the greatest hit with those under 13 years old… they dance like crazy with steps and all and they can listen to this all day long…

Radha from Student of the year. I can’t understand how the kids love the movie and this song. With my daughter nd her gang wanting to listen to this all the time I have now begin to hum it at times. Oh god…

service and smile

I like, no no lets rephrase that, I love… that’s better… I love low points in life. That is what defines my high points. Whenever I have felt low is when I fight back to get my high. Till about a minute back I was low. Shit in office, shit everywhere. That has helped me define my high. I am suddenly on an adrenaline rush. I am giving shit back. And how! I could not have felt better. In the words of the Mask – Somebody….stop me.

I am just back from a trip to Geneva, Brussels, Antwerp and London. All official. Yaya… I am the lucky guy. One thing I figures. British Airways (BA) is a piece of shit. The brits have not learnt anything about service. They cant service to save their asses. I have always believed that good advertising will come to naught if you don’t follow through on the service. This is a classic case study. BA will have all the classic ads that have service written all over it. They believe in service they say. They will have a chick air hostess in a namaste. The stupid agency wont even get the bow right. The namaste in India is not like a western ‘hi, how are you doing?’ it’s a more submissive gesture (full of reverence) for Indian. Complete dickhead of a job and some amazing dickhead of follow through. For breakfast as we were reaching London, they served us milk and muesli. And I liked it and dared to ask for more. MORE?? Now I know what Oliver Twist felt like. They said they don’t have more. What the hell? They don’t have more food for someone traveling in Business Class. God knows what happens in Economy. Do they just stand up and start laughing. “hey somebody look at this guy. He wants MORE. Hahahahah.” On the way back I wanted to go to the pee pee. The seat belt sign just came on as I stood up. The steward told me to get back to my seat. Not do politely of course, but hell he is a BA staff. He is obviously near God. Then in about 10 seconds he tells me that if I want to go to the bath room I got one minute. That’s about the time he is going to take. So I better hurry up and get it done with. OK sir! Thanks a lot. Wow….that sure saved from pissing in their Business class water bottle. What a bloody piss off. I am not traveling BA again ever. I would not advise anyone either. The option – the best service I have seen is Jet Airways. Good old humble service Jet. They are way above every one. Not that BA is too difficult to top. I have asked for more in domestic flights in economy and have always got more in return. Ask for one small after mint and you always get two. Aks for a bottle of water, you will get two. That’s the way dude. Service is king! Someday the rest of us mortals will get it as well. I also have been in many hotels, no one even comes close to the Taj hotels. We do a lot of stay and banqueting. The Taj is head over heels compared to anyone else. Well its interesting that home grown Indian brands will teach eth world what service is like. Mr. Goyal, I don’t care what anyone says. I believe in you.

Coming to something else. People in office around the world are generally short on humor. I put an out of office mail that I thought was very average and not really funny. But I got a lot of kudos for it. I got people forwarding the out of office mail to others, I got people just mailing to check the response, and of course a few conversations begin with the topic. Here it is. You judge you decide. But one thing it has given me for sure, and that’s some more confidence to get whackier! Somebody Stop me.

(I have masked the phone numbers. This is the internet after all)

Hi,

Since you have got an out of office reply – well, I AM actually out of office. Cool nah?
I will be back on the 27th of September 07.

Since this is a tour on official duty you may contact me on my official cell. But before you do so, kindly keep in mind the following pointers:-

Think of the obscene roaming rates before you try my cell.
If you still want try and contact me please buy some telecommunication stocks before you call. Somebody must benefit in the bargain I guess.
Before calling minus four to five hours from Indian time and think a bit if you really want to wake me up for I can return the favor five hours past your bed time.
Try calling Ritu (XXXXXXXXX) for international work, Venkat (981XXXXXXX) for Wealth Management work and Manish (981XXXXXXX) for all the other group work.
And if everything else fails, have faith… for this too shall pass.

Have fun while I am hard at work

Jaimit