The greatest truth of parenting is that ‘by the time you realize
your dad was right, you have a child that thinks you are wrong’. Luckily Jispa
and me are probably better than my dad and me. We learn and understand and
think about parenting largely from our experiences. Some of the best times I have
had with my dad was when he and me sat and discussed stuff. So, from there I
took a branch and built a tree around discussion and talk. I have tried to
build my relationship with my child around that. I miss the discussions that I had
with my dad and sometimes I wish he was around so that I can have some chats on
this with him. My dad got his first heart attack at around 45 and his second
and final at 58. I hadn’t realized the issues or the moments that I would
remember him best for.
It easy to remember the sad memories and that of being
scolded but then as you grow and as you have various experiences with your
child you realise different things that your dad was right about.
One of the things that I don’t quite happily remember was
when he went after my breathing. He wanted me to keep my mouth shut and breathe
through the nose. Simple. He would see me come back from a game and he would
see that my nasal passage was blocked and that I would be gulping for air and he
would in in no uncertain terms tick me off. He would tell me to close my mouth
at every instance. While eating, while walking, while reading, while dozing off
and while talking. He was very upset with me keeping my mouth open. He was
right. My keeping my mouth open would cause me to breathe shallow and would
cause a lot of issues. It would break the fundamental rhythm of my breathing.
It was a wrong habit and he was right in correcting it.
But I also don’t have too many happy memories of it while he
was correcting them. It’s not a nice thing when your dad is going after a bad
habit of yours.
Thanks to that today I largely keep my mouth closed and I know
how to breathe well and I see so many kids around who haven’t learnt this
simple thing – keep your mouth shut. I see so many women especially with a
pout. Their lips remain separate for no rhyme or reason. This is the famous
pout that models also show off. I saw Jispa with this annoying pout as well.
Now I didn’t want to be like my dad on this. It would have caused my dad a lot
of pressure to be like this for me and I dint want Jispa to go through the
monster in me for this.
Luckily I have a channel of communication open with her. I
had a conversation on this with Jispa. I explained to her how it’s important to
breathe with her nose. How if you don’t use the nose it creates blockages,
possibly thanks to all the unused mucus, and how it comes back to haunt you.
She understood. She improved. Recently she had a small hairline fracture while attempting
a high jump in school for the sports day. She landed on her hand and broke her
elbow. What to do? My questions to her were – did you cry – Nopes. Nice one.
Did you at least clear the height? – Nopes – A dear what a waste. The happy by
product of this was that she was at home for 15 days without swimming. That meant
a whole load of rest for us. Also, it was very important considering that we
were to start repainting of the house and we had to stay at my brother’s place
while he was vacationing. It was a nice thing for us in hindsight that our
temporary relocation came alongside her fracture. We could manage without too
much mess in our lives.
But coming back – she was out of action from swimming and
when she restated it took her some time to get going. One of the things she was
feeling is that her breathing rhythm was out of whack. For a swimmer that’s a
key thing. She explained that her muscles were right, her lung capacity seemed
ok, but it just felt that she was getting less oxygen per breath. I told her
that, I think it’s the effect of not swimming and keeping her mouth open. While
she swam, her nasal passage would remain clear and any cardio exercise would
help further clear it. Ever since I started swimming and then started playing badminton,
I have hardly ever gotten a cold. I remember getting sinus in the past but now
my theory is that a good dose of heavy breathing helps clear the nasal passage
and keeps the cold out. It’s a gift of oxygen to our bodies.
I told her about my experiences and asked her to learn from
it. It was a lovely chat. She understood and gave her perspective and then she
decided that she was going to try and keep her mouth shut as much as possible.
So, what is this blog about? Is it about breathing, about
talking, about scolding, about me, about my dad. I think it is most about how
much I miss my dad at times. I learnt quite a bit from him. I missed all the
lovely conversations I had with him, I hate all the times he scolded me. But I know
what a millstone he must have hung around his neck when he scolded me. Three
kids and two boys in it. Of which my dad always thought of me as the kid with
the most waste of potential ratio. I know what a long way I have travelled to
reach where I have. The struggle and the pain I have gone through. I haven’t reached
anywhere by simple god given talent. It’s been a struggle, to achieve in work,
to be a parent, to be a ‘dad’, to stay fit, to be alive, to give and retain
gyan – a lot of struggle.
In that I have hardly given my dad the credit that is due.
Slowly I realise how it works :)
bonus video - something my dad listened to
