tohdi si lift karade

Are we really that mean as a population? I really don’t know how is it that we get so inconsiderate.

We are raised to believe that Indians are really warm people. We value our family systems, we value our elders, we value our teachers, we treat people with respect etc. Of course then we have the caste system to deal with, which in many ways has been replaced by the class system in Mumbai. we don’t know how to treat our servants and our support system. That also to some extent I can allow. After all 5000 years of prejudice can’t be wished away in 50. That’s not the issue. Here I am talking about something else. I am talking about a big issue I see.

Lifts. We just don’t stop lifts when we see someone rushing in. There is no movement. People will know you are there, coming in but refuse to acknowledge your presence. I guess just quietly they will wish for the lift to close and they will simply head up! Are so hard pressed for time? not likely – it can only make a difference of 30 seconds. They will look at the phone, at the indicator on top, at the floor, anywhere but look at you. Some are exceptions to the rule. They will simply stare at you blankly – rather – stare through you as if you were made of glass. Now this is a real reason why in India we require lift men. Once a foreigner asked me in all earnest if the left men were a part of a government job scheme – because that is the only reason to have one – why on earth will you need liftmen in lifts! At the time I thought it’s because of feudal mindset we need these guys to press the buttons for us. We are too high up on the pecking order to do it ourselves. But I guess this is one more reason – or possibly the real reason. It’s because we need these guys to hold the lift for the lack of consideration we show others. I remember my first internship was in 20^th century Fox and it was in an old heritage building - the Metro building where the Metro theatre also ran. There was a lift man because I don’t think anyone else would be able to operate that lift – or they were worried that someone would screw it up. The lift I am sure would also be a heritage artifact. He would sit outside the lift with the door open on the ground floor. Since the lift was not available for going down the door could be open and not really affect anyone. Sometimes when the director or some level like that pressed the lift button for going down, the lift man would slowly get up and bring the lift to the relevant floor. But really the most irritating thing was when you get into the lift. Then he would look at you and wait for some time and then he would slowly get into the lift, then he would wait as if to look around if there was anyone else to get in. the building must have been three to max four stories and would hardly veer have anyone else in the lift but he would wait nevertheless. I even have some memory of him going and stepping outside the building to look if anyone was coming in and then he would enter the lift slowly closing the doors. This was the old style lift where you had to pull the collapsible doors one by one. He would close the doors himself and press the button himself. You were not to do it. You probably would have spoilt it! But the point is that now I understand the real reason for a lift man. We are asses. We don’t wait for anyone. We slam the door on people and we just don’t wait for people to come into the lift.  And educated high ranking officials working on corporate floors do this. When you go to our huge office at Goregaon you will see lifts with employees going up and down. There also nobody ever holds the lift for you if you are running in. also there may be enough space but no one will try to crunch in allowing that one more person to join in the lift. You have to look at people and they will look right back at you and just wait there. There is always space but as one sales man told me – “dil mein jagah honi chaiye”. I think there is no space left in our hearts at all.

Here is one ad that captured it perfectly! I think any ad is a good that captures something we see everyday and show it back to us on screen with a twist!

Bonus bakwaas video that makes everybody on the internet cry bucketful of tears!

lif kara de

Today as I was leaving for a Microsoft conference I thought a bit on which t shirt I should wear. Today being a Friday I wasn’t going to wear formals, no matter what the bloody occasion. So I choose an appropriate red t shirt that said ‘unfakeable linux’. I didn’t get kicked out for sure. Thank you v-inu for the t-shirt. I got my two bits of hehe snigger value.

So as I was driving out of the complex, I saw a woman with a purse and slightly heavy looking bag, slightly distraught. .she seemed to be looking at taxi’s eagerly, but they all seemed to be full and there were none waiting. I passed her. Then stopped in front and then thought a bit. I said ‘what the heck’. I put the car in reverse and went back to her. She might have been in her late twenties. Overcoming my fear of rejection even while doing what is essentially a good Samaritan act I rolled down my windows (with automatic windows, you don’t really roll them down you just press a button on the side, but you get the drift… do you). So I rolled down the windows and shouted out… you want a lift outside till the taxis? She looked at me for a second and thought for another… “ya, sure, thanks”. It is a bit ackward for me I guess, but I really feel bad for people at Bhakti park (the colony where I live). The dam place is separated from the road via a small rivulet and there is only one bridge across it. The exit from that bridge is a good 110 meters from my house and around a 100 less from where I gave the lady a lift.

I asked her where she was going. She wanted to go to lower parel and since I was planning to go via dadar, so to avoid the crazy traffic on the western expressway, I offered to drop her off. But you know what, its always a little awkward for me. I give lift but I really don’t want to be seen making any conversation. So I don’t initiate any conversation. But these days women are changing, they are getting far more confident. They are ones initiating conversation and leading. It wasn’t so when I started college in 91, but the younger lot is far more at ease with themselves and life in general. I asked if she was from out of Mumbai. She was from Delhi. No wonder I told her. All the ones that look lost in the morning are from Delhi. I told her to take the bus. That would take her to dadar from right inside the colony. But it seems as she was Delhi she had a general aversion to the bus service, to which I told her that I would never ever worry if my wife or daughter would be using the BEST service. It is by and large, safe and honorable.

It so happened that she was friend of a colleague from office. When I spoke to the colleague, she was surprised that her friend accepted a lift from a total stranger. Come to think of it, ya… I was a total stranger but I guess the vibe is what people bet on or the fact that it’s pretty irritating to be stranded without a taxi early morning, forcing you to take silly risks. Whatever. But it is heartening to see more women confident and relaxed. Today at the conference venue also I cracked a joke with my comrade about the biscuits only to face a rejoinder by a woman I don’t know who was standing beside. That’s good.

gilt edged?

A building I went to was pretty hep. How do I know? Look at the lift.

People will go to any length to feel hep. In this case luxurious opulent and wasteful as well. This lift had claustrophobically dark mahogany paneling with gold trimmings. GOLD!??!! The last time I saw such décor it was in a seventies Amitabh flick where such sets were used to denote the villain’s den. In those days if you were rich you were the villain - period. Sure the times have changed and you have outrageously rich heroes being accepted. But this lift was a symbol of …. of something heinous I guess. I expected Ajit to walk in at the next floor wearing white shoes and a white top hat. Even the mirror had a golden sheen making the whole thing very dark and yellow? It made me feel that the whole thing will slowly start to push in and crush me alive. Hahahhaha (that’s the villain laughing). A remnant of another heinous torture chamber used by Amjad Khan (I think) in another one of that eighties Amitabh flicks.
Ok I am over reacting. So I hate gold. By all means use it on yourself, in your houses, in your bedroom and fulfill all your kitsch. But please spare us the lift. Excuse the ugly use of the pun but I can’t help saying - Thodi si lift kara de.

mind map

Once on a lark, when we were in a lift, I just asked Jispa “which lift do you like”. Our building has two lifts you see. Why would she prefer one over the other? Nah. Didn’t expect her to. It just was one of the stupid questions that Daddy likes to ask daughter. Absolutely stupid. She replies in an instant “ I like the other lift better”. Huh!!?!! “why?”. She replies “the other one has a round zero, but this one has an oval zero”. What? I don’t believe that. On closer inspection I saw that this one has an oval zero on the ground floor button for sure. See below.


Then I saw the other lift. Sure enough, that one has a round zero. See below.

Jispa – either you are some prodigy or you just plain whacked

Mom and Dad often sent us on stage when we were kids and made to compete on stage, talk on stage and generally help us overcome stage fright at an early age. Thanks to that I was always ok being on stage and I did not care too much about it. We have been trying to get Jispa on public forums as much as possible. She has to be comfortable with mikes, audiences etc. we go along with her for that as well. There are tons of malls with some contests or the other constantly happening. We keep sending Jispa for that. Now she is quite comfortable with it. There was one in which the compere kept urging anyone to come and scream – I love you mom three times. She asked me if she could go and scream. For sure, what do I care? There she went on her own screamed and came back happy. Attaboy girl! Way to go. Here is a pic of her with Jasmine kissing her 20 times with heavy lipstick on. Yuck! She won something for the effort.