steal from the world (and not a stone)

There was this party organised by Jasmine’s uncle. It was supposed to be a social get together with all of Jasmine’s relatives etc. We knew about this since some time and knew we hadn’t received the invite. Jasmine’s sister in law kept asking if we had received the invite. Jasmine and I are pretty unsociable characters. We don’t like to go to too many social dos or marriages or functions. We just avoid in the hope that we will slowly become outcastes.
The sweet uncle in all probability forgot about the invite. We are really not the types to count it as a snub. Honestly we don’t really care too much. It does not change equations at all for us. Where’s the harm, when you are ultimate goal is social exclusion.
Me especially; I hate taking calls as well as making small talk with all the relatives. That’s why most the time I am busy playing with the tiny tots. I don’t connect and it probably is felt by the others. Most of the time I am so bored. Of course in wedding the saving grace is the atrocious embroidery, colors and hairstyles worn by the close relatives. Those are many times worth going miles to see. I think Jasmine’s cousins are worse than mine in this regard. But of late I haven’t had too much opportunity for comparisons. I hardly get invited by any of my relatives. Also the source has dried up. The second generation is now coming of age and now on we might have reason to be called as they start getting hitched one by one. Till then it’s relax time.
On Saturday mid way into the party, her uncle calls up and apologises to Jasmine and me for the faux pas. No problem uncle, it really does not matter. We are comfortable. We still love and respect you. But then he insisted that we come. Ok ok. Now I was tired from office and we had to go to my mom’s house as well. But then if we then do not go that would mean that we would count not being invited as a snub. If Jasmine went without me then it would mean that I counted that as a snub. Oops. So we both went for the function and then went to mommy’s house.
The sweet uncle for all apologetic at the function. I told him it’s ok, don’t bother. Shit happens. I am glad that both Jasmine and I don’t really care about it. We like to keep our egos in close check. There are so many mistakes we make in the course of our lives as social creatures. Lots of energy and time is devoted to ensure that egos are placated and crazy rituals are involved to ensure everything, from who sits where and who eats when. It’s stupid. The last thing I would want is to accentuate it by feeling ill will over something I don’t even want to get into. Got invited… great. Did not get invited… greater. They forgot you existed… greatest. I think in ninth or tenth standard I read a poen in school which had these lines to close the poem. “Steal from the world, and not a stone tell where I lie”. Google search mind refresher – the poem was by Alexander Pope.

Hey I just read the whole poem again. It’s pretty inspirational. I had forgotten the words. But is so clearly remember the class in which it was taught. I think one the best things that happened in those days was that the school principal Fr Adolf, came to teach poetry in class. He only took the poetry lessons. The principal is not normally expected to teach and his predecessors hadn’t taught us anything. But the fact that the principal took one poetry class every week for us, signified the importance of poetry, at least in my head. He came in and dicussed a poetry from the book. He used to allow us, rather encourage us to think. We were a boy’s school and the only person we really feared was the princy. And this princy was feared as he was a bit authoritarian, came in and taught poetry. Opposites reconciling? It is from him that I learnt to throw chocolates in class for good answers. He threw éclairs and melody chocolates to kids giving answers. I still use that as an effective strategy when I teach for encouraging people to think and students after many years still remember that and tell me that they really tried their best to get a chocolate in my class. And these are ‘hard nosed and bored’ college students, no less.
This poem was taught to us by this princy. I had a difference in the understanding on the last lines. I read it as the poet wanting not to steal even a stone from the world and was challenging the world to prove if he ever lied. The sweet princy heard me, thought through, agreed and then explained the right interpretation. Not once did he say I was wrong. In fact I remember his argument as if it was yesterday. He said ‘I would have agreed with you if not for the comma put before the and in the line. If the comma came after the word – stone, then your interpretation might hold good, but now if you pause at world and the word ‘and’ comes there, it almost like starting a new sentence with ‘not a stone…’; and hence the conventional and straightforward explanations.

Here, read the entire poem. I don’t know if I really liked it then. But I seem to like it now. Probably it resonates better with my current being.

Ode on Solitude

How happy he, who free from care
The rage of courts, and noise of towns;
Contented breathes his native air,
In his own grounds.

Whose herds with milk, whose fields with bread,
Whose flocks supply him with attire,
Whose trees in summer yield him shade,
In winter fire.

Blest! who can unconcern'dly find
Hours, days, and years slide swift away,
In health of body, peace of mind,
Quiet by day,

Sound sleep by night; study and ease
Together mix'd; sweet recreation,
And innocence, which most does please,
With meditation.

Thus let me live, unheard, unknown;
Thus unlamented let me die;
Steal from the world, and not a stone
Tell where I lie.

-- Alexander Pope

father of the bride

Two days and two functions to attend. One was a simple marriage ceremony of a simple colleague which was in a simple hall with minimal fuss and décor. The other was a massive celebration of the fact that a friend’s kid (friend’s brothers actually) completed five years and hence was able to finally shave his hair! Yeah yeah. The latter was an elaborate affair with three separate functions, all done in the splendour of an elaborate ceremony. What on earth? I keep thinking that one day Jispa will grow up. I have tried to keep aside some money for her for her education but have no money set aside for her marriage. It’s a complete waste. Jasmine and I are in a way quite ‘practicallists’ who don’t understand the value of splendour. We are the cheapo who have not celebrated her first birthday. Our reasoning being she was too small to figure anything. In all these functions the baby is inevitably harassed by the lights, the attention and the noise.
On all her birthdays we take Jispa and some of her key friends for a fun outing and ensure that the occasion is celebrated in a small but hopefully meaningful way. Jasmine has also struck a deal with Jispa that she will celebrate her 10th birthday in any way she chooses.
So when she grows up I am planning to oppose every prospective groom that comes our way. This way she will be forced to elope and then I could forgive all and call them back. Imagine the money we would save in the bargain. And the pain… has anyone seen the movie ‘father of the bride’, I might just fit the archetype. Only one issue – I have to figure out a way to go white before I go bald.