it does exist

To add to the list of worlds “do these jobs actually exist” is the job I came across in my office while I fired a print.
While there is the color printer which is exactly 1 foot away from where I sit, the default printer is the Xerox machine at the other corner. Being the marketing head I have access to the color printer but it has the premium papers in the trays and hence it’s easier to fire the print 30 feet away than the one foot away printer. Well technically one can have different and cheaper paper in the different trays of the printer but let’s not get there. There is too much IQ at stake here.
So I fire this print out and walk to the machine. As I reach there a petit woman sitting next to it gets up, picks up the paper and hands it over to me. Thank you. Then next time I fire a couple more… the same thing. The lady gets up and picks the paper and hands them over to me as I walk to the machine. Yup…That’s her job.
Lets break it up > Sit down till you see someone walk to the printer > then get up, take printout in your hand > hand it over to the one who has walked right up to the printer > sit down. Notice it – no walking involved.…
Her core job is to stand up and hand over print out to the people who fire the printouts when they come to collect it. Nopes the tray is not at ground level, I don’t have to bend if she was not there…nothing…
Ok... I admit… there is one more job she does… if you have anything to photocopy, you go there, give it to her and she lifts the lid, places the paper and presses copy. Yup that’s it… well… sometimes she also loads paper, presses a number for multiple copies and… and… I can’t think of anything more… But there she is… her name is Swati I think. A petit 5 foot girl. Very sweet with a ready smile at all times. Taking paper from the printer has never been more… err…sweet?

'spaced out' offices

Farms, cubicle farms… the other day I had the opportunity to go visit our brand new office building at goregaon. At the very edge of Goregaon. Beyond which you spit into Borivili national park. I had heard that the place is huge with very large floor plates, but I still was a bit overwhelmed by the size when I saw it first hand. I had first joined the company when we might have been less than two thousand odd employees (we are now 15,000). So seeing so many heads was quite a different experience.
But the lack of imagination in designing the floor plan was of another order altogether. I really don’t know why there is absolute lack of imagination when putting people together to work. We tend to think that when the scale is large - think poultry farming. Is it because we still have not lost our farming instincts over all these years? The standard massive cubicle farms in the middle with cabins at the side. Chicken in the middle with cow shed on the sides.
An absolute lack of design and thought. Who do you blame, the architect? What about the philistines who commissioned it. If you ask for garbage you will get it. The poor admin guys have no poetry. If they had any would they wouldn’t be happy doing an admin job. Their brief will also be straightforward. Get me a modern office that seats x number of people in y amount of space. Where does the buck stop? Assumedly the creative of the firm resides in the marketing section. Aren’t they supposed to be thinking? But they are busy farting and walking around with an obnoxious looking oversized creative chip on both their shoulders. Looking at all this, the architect decides to chuck it and give what ever suits the straight and narrow. Least common denominator thinking. It hits us all the time.
Opulence is used to give the lobby height, paste granite on the walls and affix buff steel bars. The opulence and lack of imagination goes hand in hand with opulence substituting for the brain. And then add the glass finish on the outside and you have corporate buildings. They are all the same. I think they bully the employee into submission. With so many cabins and cubicles it is not surprising that ego wars happen on size. There is nothing else to differentiate. Ugliness assumes newer proportions. Colors are sorely missed. Then you will have people praising it. Wah wah!
But of course the work is still under way. The office still has finishing touches left. It will be fun and exciting to work in after you put the trimmings. Sure. I believe you. SCREW YOU.
It will be good fun to be the sole dissenting voice when we discuss the office in meetings. I HATE IT.

While on the topic of offices here is my favorite scene from the movie office space. It shows three average Joes totally smash up an office printer. Absolutely awesome scene. The printer is the ultimate symbol of everything an office is and shouldn’t be. Why –
It symbolizes the network admin who power corrupt
Personal printers are given once you reach a certain level!!!
The guys who believe their information is sensitive gets personal printers as well
The paper always jams
There are tons of uncollected print outs
Only the marketing guys get the color printer access. YOU PIECE OF SHIT!
The larger the office the larger the printer
The cartridge runs out only when you have an important print out to make
You put the letterhead and run to give the command only to find that the other guy gave the command before and printed his GM diet on your letterhead
No one understands or uses tray two for letter heads
No one understands or uses the double sided printing
No one has the courtesy to put in paper when their print outs empty the tray
The network guys sell the empty cartridge for side money.
They take forever to initialize in the morning when you are running for a meeting
They are singularly responsible for destroying the Amazon.