After a decade of writing this blog, I knew it would have
some amazing value. Value in terms of a legacy that one can pass on. My
thoughts my experiences, my growing up and Jispa’s growing up. The blog helped
me pass through some real tough times, especially when the stock markets tanked
and there was no work in office. That was such a productive period for me and
this blog. The blog was just a simple way of recording what I feel but it ended
up being much more than that. It helped me shape myself and my feelings.
When you write something down, and that something concerns
your thoughts and actions, you tend to be a bit more circumspect about it. You think
through a little more, knowing that this will be there for posterity and that this
is a legacy you are leaving behind. It made me think a little more about my
thoughts, helped me research a bit more about what I wanted to write about, and
helped me argue both sides of a coin. It helped me see balance in the world.
Also when I kept searching for things to write about I would think a little
harder about what all I could write about. This helped me see the world in a
different light as well. It probably made me more insightful and see greater
meaning and purpose in a lot more things than that I would have in the normal
course of my life. Teaching and blogging have helped shape more thoughts about
myself and my life than anything else in the world. Interacting with world
while teaching helped me clarify so many concepts and blogging is interacting
with myself. I tell myself so many things while writing. Of course there is a
disclaimer to this – this blog is not a diary. It’s a blog that I have written to
pass on to Jispa, hence it will always suffer from being a parent. I know Jispa
will read it and hence it will be a version of my life that I wouldn’t mind
Jispa reading it. Can I be 100% truthful on this blog? This blog is 100% true
but does it contain the whole truth and all the truth in the world that I see?
No. It won’t. But that doesn’t take anything away from this body of writing.
It has helped chronicle a lot of my life while I have grown
as a professional, as a thinker and as a parent. And reflect on it in the
process. It worth its weight in gold. I knew I had to give Jispa this blog someday.
It seems that one day I had promised Jispa that when she turns 15 she would get
this blog to read. She has stuck to it. Obviously it meant something to her. It
is an amazing thing. I wish I had something like this to read. Jispa’s 15th
birthday is coming up in a couple of days. Wow. I remember holding her in my arms
the day she was born and singing her song to her. I remember slapping her hard
when she kicked me. I remember holding her tight and putting her to sleep. I remember
trying to help her solve her nightmares so that she gets her sleep. I remember
teaching her about everything I know and I remember having lots of
conversations with her.
Now she is 15. She tells me ‘shut up’ when I make fun of
her. She whacks me on the head and bites me on my shoulder. We have this pact
where I can’t refuse her biting me and she can’t refuse me kissing her on the
nose. What a childhood, so different from mine. We wanted it that way for her.
And I have to keep up the promise and give her this blog as
she turns 15. Sigh… I don’t want to. I want to tell her that she can get it
when she is 18, but I think she is adamant and more than that, I think she is
ready for it. I think a lot of the topics that I have written about are nuanced
and have subtleties that may be difficult for a 15 year to completely fathom. But
it’s still ok and she will get most of it. She can keep going back to the blog
again and again when she is older. She may meaning in it that was previously
lost to her. I intended this more like a random fun thing or a conversation
that she can refer to whenever she wants to talk to someone, search for
meaning, understand life or have fun or increase general knowledge. It’s a random
tome on everything I found interesting or noteworthy to pass on.
So yes, Jispa many times I will address you in the first
person as well. Even when I am not, the text was always written assuming that
you are audience. This has been a labor of my love for you. I really don’t know
how I will react to this once you start reading it. I hope I don’t stop writing
it. Not likely.
I hope you find it interesting and I hope you will learn a
lot from it. Nothing that I say here should be considered the actual truth. It is
only the truth as I understood it at that phase of my life. You will find contradictions
as I grow old or possibly my you will see my beliefs strengthening on certain
topics. You will find lots of typos. That I guarantee. I am a lazy writer. I
hate checking what I write. At best I have written all these blogs in a word
document so most of the obvious spelling errors are taken care of, but some
glaring grammar errors will be there. I have not read even one of my posts once
I have written it. They are written and simply published. Read them and if you
find anything interesting, talk to me about it. That would be fun. I don’t know
if I would remember all of them or any particular one of them. In fact I forget
what wrote even two days ago. Some posts I remember being proud of and some
were just written to start the conversation flowing. Not all are of equal
quality. Some posts have been written over a few days with breaks thanks to interruptions
in office. Some interrupted by lack of thoughts. Those tend to be a little …
tired, I think. You won’t enjoy them, they don’t hold any narrative structure
and sometimes feel like rants. Forgive them for the greater good of the entire list
of blog posts.
The heading of this blog is opposites must reconcile. I
learnt this term from Dharen when he talks about memorable ideas coming from seemingly
opposites coming together. I found this very endearing. Things seem like
opposites and things seem like they must not coexist but they often do. When
opposites reconcile and live well with each other then they become memorable,
endearing and enduring. A simple example is that swimmers, especially national
award winners aren’t supposed to be good at studies. But you are. You have
brawn and brains and that combination is not generally seen and it’s definitely
not easily managed. But you have managed to reconcile within your petite self
these opposites. You of all people know how difficult it was for you to do
this. The sacrifices you have made have been immense. These add to your aura
and your personality. This reconciliation of opposites make you – you. I am a
senior person in office and I dress in jeans, or I talk intelligent stuff but I
ask the most basic of questions in meetings. This is a reconciliation of opposites
in me and makes my personality to some extent memorable. Interesting people are
always able to balance and reconcile the opposites. It seems natural to them. It
doesn’t make sense or looks incredulous to others but to them, it a natural extension
of who they are. In many ways this is the yin and yan, or the Natraj holding
creation and destruction in one image and looking beautiful and iconic.
Its bitter sweet, now that Jispa is 15, and that she is
insisting that I give her the blog as a gift, I don’t know quite how to feel. I
am happy that I am giving the blog to the rightful reader to read but at the
same time my kid has grown up. Damn it.
So happy birthday Jips… it’s been a crazy 15 years and a
little more if you include the time from inception to birth. There have been
many ups and downs in our relationship and I have written more about the ups
than downs but in the end tats what I remember more and that what matters. I am
sure you too will agree. From 15 onwards you are more an adult than a kid and
you are ready to take on the world (if we do remove more protection around you)
and if you do remember the first 15 years are more fun than anything else, then
I guess we are good.
Have fun, happy reading. Its yours!
