Can I proudly say that I am .... humble?

Normally forwards on the email are really boring stuff. Either they tell you a joke you have heard or haven’t found funny, or they give you sentimental bull shit that you must forward to a billion or so people or else face bad luck. Very rarely does some one send you some insight that you have not known of or care for.
Yesterday I received one rare forward. This was in the form of an essay “How Will You Measure Your Life?” by Clayton M. Christensen, Harvard Business School. He wrote a lot of interesting stuff. A lot which I knew about or agreed to. But one thing he wrote struck me harder as it seemed to give a solution to something that has been vexing me.

I have met some seriously humble people and some seriously arrogant behaviour. Humility is a virtue that is taught in school in moral science class. It is a virtue to have. But it is taught or rather it is understood wrongly. Till now also I never really understood humility. I think my natural instinct is arrogant and self assuming. I have a mighty high view of my self. I have tried always in the past to some how keep this in check. Self deprecating behaviour was one strong way to do it, as I saw it. tel your self that you aren’t that good. That there are many better and you are just not able to see it. There so many higher goals and standards for you to achieve. That I thought tried keeping my arrogance instep.
But something was somehow still amiss. Something did not connect. Was I still arrogant but only slightly more balanced about it. Yes I am good but there are ways to get better. Would this help me treat other people better or would my arrogance finally play out. Would I unknowingly upset people by my huge self confidence and inability to see counter points of view? Suppose I get the point soon enough, do I insult people by telling them that I got it and they could carry on. Was hunching my shoulders and sitting in a submissive pose just an act that went against my grain and really helped no one. What is humility and how to achieve it? Honestly I can ask all this in hindsight. Till now I think self deprecating behaviour was helping go …. No where. While I genuinely manage to control my thoughts and made me achieve to higher standards by believing that everything can and must improve, I don’t think it did anything for my humility quotient (or lack of thereof).
The answer is in what the author writes

“humility was defined not by self-deprecating behavior or attitudes but by the esteem with which you regard others. Good behavior flows naturally from that kind of humility. For example, you would never steal from someone, because you respect that person too much. You’d never lie to someone, either.”

That is humility. It is not seen by how we treat ourselves; its essence is in how we regard others. Not treat others but genuinely REGARD others. We can treat other people nicely but then think we are such nice people that we are able to treat other people well. It would flow from our own high version of our self. But if we genuinely regard others well it would not occur to us to treat others better. We would naturally treat them well.

I see light. If I were to think through and analyse the people I have met, the humble ones are the ones who regard others. They are so beautiful that they genuinely love other people and they have no self concept when they interact with others. The genuine intent comes through so strongly that it is easy for people to love them and regard them in return. They don’t ask for it and don’t want it, but are always there. Prem and Rajesh were two such souls that have shown me such light.

I have always wondered – how I am seen as humble with some and arrogant with others. I am the same guy, why would this happen? Till now I have thought that those whom I work with closely have been able to see the real me and the others just need to dig deeper. I had made significant progress with my self deprecating attitude, but at some time it hit the wall. What is wrong?
The answer is elsewhere. Do I have genuine regard for others whom I don’t work closely with? The problem is not with others, it is with me. The day I realise that I have made a great step forward.

There. Today I took a significant step forward.

Now I will look at the email forwards with a little more ‘regard’

PS: Hey – a-ha moment…. I think I do better with my students as I have genuine regard for them. I love their abilities and try my best to work with them. That’s why I tend to work better wit them. Yes. It is not about me. I have always maintained that the students love to learn, it is only that we as teachers have failed to teach. I have maintained that if we respect them and ‘regard’ them well they will automatically love and respect you. Yes. Shit … the stuff is so dam true.
It has also worked where I have tried to tell myself with every subordinate – this one is good and not let me think that anyone is bad. That’s helps me work with them and improved my relationship with them. It has failed as well but the successes have been more than failures. Hmmm….
Can you see me now? I have a halo behind my head. It is a little light and is fast disappearing, but its there somewhere… look closely.


One more interesting thing he wrote: The lesson I learned from this is that it’s easier to hold to your principles 100% of the time than it is to hold to them 98% of the time. If you give in to “just this once,” based on a marginal cost analysis, as some of my former classmates have done, you’ll regret where you end up. You’ve got to define for yourself what you stand for and draw the line in a safe place.