Lactose intolerant.
You see a multiple level of disclaimers on chocolates and
other snacks. Peanut allergy, gluten free, lactose free – whatever. I always
wondered. These seemed to my mind a fad for rich countries. The Americans were
in any case pretty crazy with all kind of weird alien diseases and mental
allergies. Come on man, what kind of shit is peanut allergy. It’s an allergy
that was designed for the villain in a Hollywood movie to have – so that he
accidentally swallowed one peanut and his face instantly erupted. Normal people
don’t have these allergies and why would you be so bothered about a factory
that manufactured these products, as long as your food doesn’t have it.
I had a tummy issue for the last three years. My tummy would
just bloat up and I would take my medicines and it would come back in place. So
much so that I had two sets of pants – 2-3 inches apart. I was confident that
my ayurvedic doctor would solve it. But for some reason, things would move
forward and then relapse. It was pretty painful. Not painful in a physical
sense but more bloody mental. Gas is a bloody irritating thing. And especially
when you are active and keep playing a lot and then you look at your tummy and
feel like a piece of shit. Of all things – I don’t especially work towards an
Adonis body. I don’t like the big muscle look. For me it was always the lean
sportsman that I admired. Lean, fast and light. And then I look at my tummy and
wonder. I actually thought I was fat around the tummy.
Then it got really bad. Whenever the medicine effect lapsed,
any physical activity would have triggered a massive debilitating headache that
made me go completely numb. It was so irritating that I would not be able to
remain patient with anything. It took a lot of effort to not get angry and
irritated at any one even madly irritating. That was the final straw and I was
then referred to a gastro specialist. I was convinced that I had germs in my
tummy. Because I could eat and eat and all I wanted to do was eat to neutralize
the acid build up in the tummy.
When I went to the doc, I was prepared for an endoscopy to
figure what’s inside. She patiently heard me and then she asked me if I wanted
an endoscopy done. I shrugged. A few more questions later she said – before you
do the procedure – do one thing. Go off lactose for ten days and see. She
thought I could be simply lactose intolerant. I was ready to give it a shot.
Who knows?
The effect – in just 10 hours – all gone. Wow. This was a
magic pill. I have been lactose free since the last month or so and then it’s
been all great. Play as much as you want, no migraine. Yes the dreaded M word.
I refused to call it migraine. But that’s what she called it and poof – it’s
gone. I used to try to cure it with acidity pills. So there – I had this
Lactose intolerance.
This is such a difficult diet for India. We don’t understand
Vegan. We can’t understand how to remove lactose from our food. No lactose
means no milk, no butter, no ghee, no cheese, no curd and no buttermilk –
nothing. No cheesy pasta, no Indian sweets, no chocolates, no pizza, no dal
makhani, no paneer food, no butter on bread, no biscuits, no cake, no ice
cream – it eliminates almost anything
that is unhealthy, fattening and sinful. I am going crazy while travelling and eating
outside. You can’t tell the waiter about serving Vegan food. He doesn’t understand
it at all. So you have to explain no milk, no cream, no ghee no butter. He looks
at you and is confused. He is normally accustomed to no oil. A few of them are
dumb struck and a few of them are far more cooperative. They rush in and ask
the chef and come back with clear information.
I drive them up the wall and they drive me up the wall. Why is it so
difficult for Indians to understand dietary requirements? Oh dam you. I think
the only thing we have learnt thanks to our obscenely high heart attack rate is
– No OIL. Everything else remains a mystery with them.
But hell, As of now – I am enjoying it. It’s a great way to
get healthy. Get allergic from the bad stuff. I can actually go to various
parts of the country and come back fit. I can’t have almost anything. The saving
grace is that Samosas and other fried stuff seem largely ok. But more than me it’s
my co travelers and those around me that feel amazing sympathy for me. They feel
bad. They wonder what they should eat. Oh go on. I don’t care. The fun ones try
and make me jealous. Oh go on, I don’t care.
Food was never one of my big desires. I never did really be
tempted by the palette. I am happy eating simple stuff. Do I really miss
anything for now? For now, none. I am happy. It’s a big change for my eating
habits but no real change for me. Of course from now on every place we go out
to eat with someone I will first have a 10 minute conversation explaining my
intolerance and then looking at their faces wondering – how the hell will I survive.
Then simple eating will start. It will be a fun ride.
And the invariable question – how long? Well this is supposed
to be on for every. Let’s see. Forever on – I will live without eating even one
chocolate or a cake or a jalebi? Sounds like fun.
On the topic – see this ad – it’s a classic – Dhaara.
