Showing posts with label lactose intolerant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lactose intolerant. Show all posts

Wednesday, April 08, 2020

joy to ego


Yo. Mental state is such a fickle thing. So many things affect it. We are unable to understand how it really works and how it affects us, there are so many variables. And its not like its in your control and that you have ot be aware. Even if you are aware there is very little to do anything about it. Because ta the time you are so consumed by it that even if aware you are helpless.
When you are angry, you know you are angry, you know it’s bad for you and the other person, but still you let anger take control. Then it takes some serious will power to control it. Sometimes the will power itself exhausts you and that causes more trouble. My god this is such a tough thing.
I have also learnt that mental state is also affected by the food we consume. For me – coffee is a big thing. Caffeine has such a positive influence on me, its amazing. It drives away lethargy and keeps my mind active and I like to do work. I genuinely enjoy the caffeine kick I get. Be it from a coca cola or from a coffee. Coffee highs are brilliant.
But like my lactose problem I have also seen a coffee problem. If I have coffee two days in a row I am jammed. I get withdrawal on the third day. I must have coffee, or I get a splitting headache. So I keep a gap of at least one day in the middle before I have another coffee. Now my body is getting used to thing. It now craves coffee every 48 hours if that is what I train it for. Man.
Now I have to keep confusing the body on the caffeine dependency. Sometimes, one day, sometimes two, sometimes a three day gap, nothing predictable and routinised. I know it sounds funny, even I don’t believe it but my body just adapts to this.
I get very angry with this. I am lactose intolerant which I have learned to live with. No complaints there. Life goes on. Then I realised I can digest certain pulses. They give me gas and the gas gives me a subsequent migraine type headache. Not very bad but irritating enough. Then, damn you, I realised that I can’t handle potatoes. WTF. Potatoes. Now this is the limit. No pulses, no milk products and no potatoes. And coffee which must be timed. I can’t be living. I am dead man walking.
The last thing I know need is gluten intolerance. Then we are done. End of story. Eat fresh air and love long!
The plus side – I probably eat much better thanks to all these restrictions. Less fatty foods and more simple nice food. This is a good thing – but that doesn’t mean I am happy. But the most irritating one for me is the coffee. I WANT COFFEE EVERYDAY.
Jasmine view on this is simple. Drink it every day. If you are drinking there is no issue. You get coffee everywhere; you get coke everywhere. Drink it and feel happy. Why you so upset. You only get a headache if you DON’T drink it. For drinking it there is no issue.
Arrrggh. I don’t know what the right logic on this is. Drinking it or not. On one hand I hate to be dependent on anything, but on the other, it’s a simple joy of life that I can have for myself. I genuinely love coffee. I don’t smoke or drink or eat crazy expensive foods everyday. I wear cheap 10$ watches and I wear the same jeans for years on end. Why would I not give myself some simple joys.
I think I should try this. Everyday morning pour myself a nice cup of coffee and enjoy my life. A cup of coffee can’t kill you. Still – my ego to not be dependent on anything comes in my way of adopting this life. I can’t get this. Ego versus joy. What must win? I am so conflicted on this one. Let me see.

Monday, May 08, 2017

in longing for the tomato cheese toast sandwich

I miss having tomato cheese sandwiches. After I knew I was lactose intolerant, I dint miss not eating all the lactose rich foods. I have a craving for very few foods. I don’t miss, pizzas too much, nor ice creams, nor normal chocolates, nor rabdi or kulfi. What I end up missing at times is curd and at times buttermilk. Yes – the sweet buttermilk at Dadar. The one that my dad introduced me to. That was the awesome thing that I introduced Jispa to. There is this shop at Dadar west, very near the station (opposite nakshatra mall). It’s a nondescript place which only serves lassi. There is no board outside announcing the place. It probably grew by word of mouth and is at best 5 feet wide. At the entrance itself is the proprietor making lassi with a made to order contraption which is basically an old wooden style lassi churning device attached to an electric motor. There is room only for people to get in or get out in sequence, not simultaneously. The shop is around 20 to 25 feet long with narrow benches on both sides. And he serves only one thing – lassi – full or half. Typically, there will be a line outside his shop as one batch finishes their lassi. They come out and the other batch goes in. You go in and sit along the sides and wait for the server to come in with a massive tray with lassi glasses. Full or half. You choose and drink. Every glass will have a scoop of cream of curd on top of it. Thick sweet, creamy lassi, deeply India style. And on the way out, declare what you drank, pay and leave. I introduced this to Jispa and she loved it as well. I miss this. I am making a sad face right now. And I miss Tomato cheese toast. I love Tomato cheese toast sandwich. With some herbs in in.
Recently over the long weekend, I was helping Jasmine with some chores at Dadar. It was really hot and I took her with the car to finish the pending work. It’s one of those things that is a mighty bore to do alone. So, we parked the car somewhere and roamed around doing the chores. Then I took Jasmine to a place I knew from before which served some nice Misal Pav. Misal is the ultimate Maharashtrian dish and this road side eatery was good at it. After having some missal we were going back to the car when I saw some laal bhaji being sold. This is to is something that I saw some Maharashtrian friends of mine get for their lunch. I urged Jasmine to buy some and while she was buying, I saw that there was a restaurant at the side that seemed interesting. A very basic simple restaurant, non air conditioned and with a menu written in Marathi on black boards. It was serving interesting dishes that I had not even heard of. I told Jasmine that I was going in and checking it out. To cut a long story short, the restaurant was ‘Tambe Arogya Bhavan’ and served some of the best Maharashtrian food I have ever had.
The most amazing thing about this place is that I have passed this place upteen number of times. It is on the main road in Dadar and I have never ever even realized that this place exists. It has been under the radar and hidden from everyone, food critics, foodies and aficionados alike. It was a serendipitous discovery and a lovely cheap place to eat. I wrote about it on FB and tried to spread the message to whoever who cared to listen. It’s a place I would love to go to, again and again. Dadar trips are now going to be fun – taking people to this place and then to the lassi guy who is stone’s throw away.
But the story is not this – the story is how I am amazed at myself turning foodie. I was never a foodie. Food was simple to me – it’s something you eat and not something you go fancy over. Take anything and put cheese in it and voila – you are done.
Two things happened to me – first I realized that I was lactose intolerant. That one thing sent me on a trail of understanding food and the body and how we react to it, interact with it and live with it. And the second - I got a deeper understanding of the evolution of food and our food habits. A deeper understanding that has more anthropological roots in it. And it has been an eclectic journey. It has helped understand who I am and what I eat. It had helped me understand who others are and what they eat. And in the end, it has helped me what others will eat and hence what they will become.
I don’t know when and where and reading or listening to what not, did I realise that our food habits were dictated by world war 2. This is an interesting story. The fast and quick version of this is simple – Europe retained it culinary traditions through word war as the supply lines were relatively short and they eat from the farm lands and fresh food. US fought the war across the oceans and had huge supply lines. They are a large continent to start with. This ensured that any transport of food had to be processed and tinned. All tinning makes food mushy, slushy and easy to eat. After the war this industry was channelized for the people and that’s why you have such food. Over time as they exported culture and food to the world, we realized that this food is fast (hence fast food) to eat and gave us instant calories and protein – essential to survival. We developed a taste for it and slowly we started making all food easy to eat.
The most popular foods today in Mumbai are idlis, dosas, pastas, McD and margarita pizza. Basically nothing to chew. When I realized this, it changed my taste and my passion for food completely. Now, I look for joy in food when I go to eat. Sometimes we go to just eat. That’s filling your tummy. But some times, I love to go and eat for tasting, for feeling, for texture and for anthropology. To understand the culture and people behind the taste. What is it that makes us, us?
This has made me into an interesting foodie, and a food snob of sorts. I like to taste the food and analyse all of it. Not simple gobble it down. Keep it for a few moments in my mouth, understand why I enjoyed it or not, what is so interesting about it, what is the chef trying to do. Once I understood this, it made a better chef myself, as I treat friends with flavours and textures with my fun stuff on salad and deserts. It has become an enriching experience.
As Dharen said, you can write a book on hunger, but to really experience hunger, you have no option but to be hungry for a day. Being lactose intolerant made me miss my cheese and curd and ice cream, but it opened my palate like none other. It made me understand the role of food in my life, in our lives. It made me understand what it did to me. Today I understand what foods I like for lunch and what I like for dinner, I know what makes me play better and what doesn’t. How my energy levels move according to the food I eat. This has been an amazing enlightening condition. I look at all the so called gujju foodies and feel sorry for them. They are what I was. “I will eat it as long as you can cheese it’ is the gujju philosophy. Recently we went to a place called Spesos. It is a gujju orgasmic paradise. It had cheese on everything. That’s why all of the gujjus were in full force there. We went there and ordered for myself the only two things that were lactose free on the menu. By default, those were the south east Asian items. After my condition, this cuisine is the best for me. Authentic SE Asian cuisines are naturally lactose free and they have become the family haunt. In 30 minutes of having the food, I got severe bloating and a mild migraine. The jokers must have put some cream or something in the soup or gravy. Why else would the damn gujju eat there? Jokers. But hell – I just had to sleep through it. Luckily it was dinner time.
But still no complaints. People ask me all the time about my condition and feel sorry for me. I don’t think they need to. I feel happy for me. Some talk about cures available and some talk about tablets that allow you to eat the stuff. But I am happy. This has meant a healthier lifestyle, less sugar, less fat and by that logical consequence less salt. All of which is good.
But the knowledge that I gained thanks to this has also been amazing. The simplest of which being – you will find milk when you least expect it and you will find it missing where you expect it – tomato flavoured ready to cook and eat noodles have milk solids in them and Oreo cream biscuit doesn’t. People wonder. Especially when they think about it and ask – then what is the white thing in the Oreo. Well – that cream biscuit you are eating has no cream. It freaking hydrogenated vegetable oils. And that stuff is bad for you. Really bad for you.
Frozen desert that Walls sells masked as ice cream is also that – it doesn’t even legally qualify to be called ice cream, and that’s why recently an ice cream maker Amul came up with an ad that called it just that – NOT ICE CREAM. They took them to court.
People don’t realise why there is so much sugar, salt and fat in their diet. Neither did I, till I got affected by it. That’s a good thing. Such a beautiful cultural extravaganza from a stupid condition. And now thanks to me I am teaching Jispa to eat and understand. We started reading ingredients on wrappings and understanding their impact. We started understanding a little bit of good food. When we travel, certain restaurants come with very interesting foods and certain local places are true to their roots. It has become an interesting family discussion. Food food, glorious food. But not as a means to grow fat but as a means to understand one-self and ones roots. Because if you don’t know where you come from, you are not going to know where you are likely to go. Deep nah?
And yes – I still miss tomato cheese toast. But I think I am going to get some lactose free cheese from US (Jasmine’s brother) and I am going to savor it, without sharing it. Lactose free cheese? Yes – I figured that aged cheese is lactose free as the lactose is shed in the whey and then the process ensures that the lactose is already digested in the curing itself. See – shit you would never know till shit hits you man. And just yesterday, I was talking to another swim parent whose kid is lactose intolerant. I told them about the cheese which is certified as lactose free. He didn’t know that. The poor kid obviously didn’t have pizza, but now it could. Thanks to this information. This also came to me once when my fiend was having some cheese that he had bought for himself and he saw the wrapper that said ‘lactose free’. It’s crazy how the information spreads. I feel like starting a community of lactose intolerant people.

Such is the way of life. Knowledge doesn’t come by itself. It must have meaning to you in your life. It cannot be aimless. You have to find its purpose. Food now has purpose for me. The books I read on sport have purpose for me. What I understand in history has purpose for me. Because of this purpose I can understand it, appreciate it, apply and therefore have a greater passion for it. Purpose can come from anywhere and can help you, but I am not so sure that real knowledge can be gained without purpose. At least not for me. I lose interest and it wouldn’t seem to really help. That was the problem in school and is the problem with boring teachers. They may have had amazing expertise but the ones that I loved was the ones that connect that to my lives or inspired it as a story in my life. I loved those and hence that’s how I teach. My marketing class tries to connect stuff that happens to things that happen in my life and hopefully it tries to connect to things that will happen in their life as well. Then only will they listen and then only will they understand and that will make an impact. Not otherwise.

Monday, May 05, 2014

its fun to have a little bit of issue in your life

A couple of weeks back when I entered the building, the lights had gone out. But the generator was working and hence the lifts were working. I got in and I saw that a foreigner was also in the life with me. On my floor, of the four flats, two were self-occupied and the other two were on rent. Jasmine and I are hardly there at home most of the time to even socialize with too many people in building. But we had noticed that one of the flats had a foreigner staying. We greeted each other in the lift and she asked if the lights were out. I said ya, but I guess they will be back. She was wondering if this was a regular affair and if these cuts last long. I explained that these are rare and are normally resolved fast. We kept on talking and then on our floor, I spoke to Jasmine and Jasmine lent her a candle and a match box to keep handy. We then called her over for dinner and …. We were friends.
We have been hanging out whenever she and us are free. We have been exchanging notes, cultures and various points of information. I have been explaining our history and she has been explaining hers. We chat and exchange recipes. That’s what Jasmine and I believe in completely. The more you meet people from other cultures, you share information and you share values, you only get richer. You must have an endless curiosity and if you are lucky you get response from that end as well. Andy is perfect in that sense. She is patient and loves to answer and ask questions. We learnt so much about her life in France and London. Jispa gets exposed to so much more than only Indian culture. Yesterday thanks to her I relived my marriage, my college and a lot of my childhood. Thanks to that Jispa relived it as well. There is so much inside of us that sometimes is lost or left inside just for the want of the right question.
I have never understood why we opposed marriages and unions across caste and language lines. We always were believed that the same will lead to a dilution of our own values and beliefs that we hold so close to our heart. I just don’t understand that. Jasmine is a kutchi. That is as close to a gujju like as can be while being different. Still I love the fact that she is different. Her traditions and customs are different and I try to understand her traditional food and how it is different from ours. My sense is that since they come from a harsher climate than mine they tend be different in a sparse sense as compared to the gujju food.
Of course while you are looking at the food, it is important to make the distinction between food that is traditional and food that is thanks to living in the city. One thing I have always maintained is that we are losing texture in the food we eat. Everything is down to the lowest possibly squichy food. We make everything soft and easy to swallow. Possibly a  fast urban lifestyle does not give us enough time to chew, possibly because when we are eating e are generally talking to other people and that gives us limited time to chew or possibly we just gotten lazy. But food is losing all granularity and texture. Look at the most popular foods we have – idli, dosa, pasta, margehita pizza, pav bhaji, burger, panner and roomali roti. Nothing is worth chewing it must be soft and smashed. Yesterday Andy made us dinner. She was wondering what to give us as I have a unique constraint – I am vegan. The vegetarian is the easy bit but not having cheese or butter is the crazy bit. I have been doing a fair amount of thinking on this. Lactose intolerant is a human trait and so how is it that we survived with this gene if we ate so much lactose. My theory is that lactose in our diets came about only recently. If you look at the recipes that grand mom made; the regular everyday recipes, not the special day recipes; they would largely be lactose free. So when Andy was thinking I told her to think of stuff that her grand mom made for her on an everyday basis. She did realize that cheese, which is an integral part of French cuisine today was not so much in her grandmom’s cuisine. And she made the most basic of deserts for us. The desert was la tarte aux pommes. – apple tart. No need of cheese, milk or butter. That was the boring everyday tart that they grew up on.
She made us some spaghetti with pesto sauce. Her sauce was crunchy, which was a far cry from the creamy one we eat at the restaurants in Mumbai. And then I asked her about the spaghetti – it was less soft than the ones we had. We would simply boil it till they are soft like a jelly. She says she learnt it form her mom and Italian friends. In fact it would be harder. There – the fast food nation had adopted and way to add cheese/ butter and make the food soft.
This lactose intolerance is a boon in some ways. I now look at food in a way I have never ever seen it. I have to watch everything I eat and that has led me to new thinking. I was never that interested in food or its origins or its history. Now I am trying to consume (no pun intended) as much as I can about it. Food interesting tells us as much about human behavior as anything else.
Just some excerpts from stuff I saw online – don’t believe anything completely but – here is something I found that kind of works with my claim that dairy is a modern day intervention that is not necessarily good for you.
“When it comes to dairy and the Paleo diet, some debates pop-up and dairy definitely is in a grey zone.In the strict Paleo sense, dairy of any form was not consumed in the paleolithic era, other than human milk in infancy of course. It just wasn’t very practical to milk wild game. The mere fact that something wasn’t  consumed during the paleolithic era doesn’t make it bad, but experience as shown us that it’s unfortunatly often the case. Dairy is no exception.”
but also do bear in mind –
The Paleolithic diet is a modern nutritional plan based on the presumed diet of Paleolithic humans. It is based on several controversial premises, the most important of which are: first, that human genetics have scarcely changed since the dawn of agriculture, which marked the end of the Paleolithic era, around 15,000 years ago; second, that modern humans are adapted to the diet or diets of the Paleolithic period; and third, that it is possible for modern science to discern what such diets consisted of.
and I have maintained that we now have more of buffalo and cow milk but I do remember stories of Goat milk being had by families. That’s why even vegetarians had goats in their houses. Read this –
There are other alternatives: take goat's milk, for example. Patients with diarrhea, asthma, bloating and irritability may be suffering from the most common food allergy: cow's milk. Goat's milk is a natural alternative to cow milk and can comfortably be consumed by many patients who suffer from cow milk allergies or sensitivity.
Although goat milk, like cow's milk and human milk, contains lactose, many people with lactose intolerance can drink goat milk. Why? It has been hypothesized that the reason lies in goat milk's superior digestibility. Goat milk is more completely and easily absorbed than cow's milk, leaving less undigested residue behind in the colon to quite literally ferment and cause the uncomfortable symptoms of lactose intolerance.
It may also be that the patient is not lactose intolerant at all, but instead is one of the 1-in-10 people who are allergic to the major protein of cow's milk ... alpha S1 casein protein. The symptoms are almost identical to those of lactose intolerance. Both goat milk and human milk lack this offending protein.
The digestibility of goat milk can be attributed to its casein curd, which is both softer and smaller than that produced by bovine milk. The smaller and softer the curd, the more easily accepted by the human digestive system.
Of course – there is no absolute truth in anything. There are only theories and counter theories. But it’s nice to know a little more about something I previously never did bother too much about. Fun its is. So yes – problems in life are also fun. It’s what you make out of it :)
And yes – some more fun on cheese… this is from the book – Salt Sugar Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us.  The following is an extract from a book summary I read online.
Our story begins in the 1930’s when the United States government first began subsidizing the country’s dairy industry (loc. 3049). This it did because the government felt that the dairy industry was “vital to the nation’s health” (loc. 3049). The specifics of this subsidization program were that the government would set price supports on dairy products, and also buy up any excess dairy products that the producers were unable to sell on the market (loc. 3051). As Moss explains, “the dairies didn’t have to bother with the normal commercial concerns in selling food. They didn’t have to mess… with any of the marketing tactics deployed by food manufacturers to boost consumption. The government simply bought as much as the dairies could make” (loc. 3053).
Now, in the 1950’s, milk was beginning to be seen as a fatty product (loc. 3032). And with this realization, milk sales began to suffer (loc. 3036). What’s more, those who did continue to buy milk were increasingly switching to the low fat varieties (2%, 1%, and even skim) (loc. 3033). The stripping of milk-fat from whole milk was leaving the milk producers with a whole lot of excess milkfat. This wasn’t such a big problem for the milk producers, though, because they were able to use the excess milkfat to make cheese, which was also protected under the government subsidy (loc. 3053-59).
This was a problem for the government, though, because they suddenly found themselves buying up more cheese than they knew what to do with. As Moss explains, “these government purchases hummed along rather quietly until 1981… By that point, there were so many operators sending so much excess milk and milkfat to cheese makers that the government was buying more cheese than it could ever give away. This cheese, along with surplus butter and dried milk, accumulated into a stack that weighed 1.9 billion pounds, and it cost taxpayers $4 billion a year… The storage fees alone were running upwards of $1 million a day. It grew so large, in fact, that the government began secreting it away in caverns and a vast, abandoned limestone mine near Kansas City” (loc. 3064).
The End of the Dairy Subsidies, and the Beginning of the Dairy Marketing Campaign
The mountain of milkfat continued to grow until the early 1980’s, which is when Ronald Regan came to power. Regan, of course, was not such a fan of government subsidies, and so the program was axed (loc. 3077). Nevertheless, the Regan administration was concerned about how this move would affect the dairy producers. So, in lieu of continuing subsidies, the government set up a program to help sell all the excess cheese. Specifically, the government required all dairy producers to chip in a certain amount to a new fund that would be used to market and advertise cheese to Americans (loc. 3086). As Moss explains, “under [the] plan, the government allowed a special assessment to be levied on every milk producer in the country, with the money to be spent on marketing schemes that were aimed at making milk and cheese more alluring” (loc. 3085).

And guess what? It worked! Not only did Americans start buying more cheese, they also warmed to products that featured cheese among their ingredients (loc. 3139-66). And as they did, their consumption of cheese went up and up. As the author notes, “where Americans, on average, were eating 11 pounds of cheese a year in 1970, they were up to 18 pounds in 1980, 25 pounds by 1990, 30 pounds in 2000, and 33 pounds by 2007, when the rates dipped in the recession before resuming their surge” (loc. 3186).


Wednesday, April 02, 2014

Why so serious?


Nah… if you see this I don’t like you to think of it as inspirational. Nopes. It doesn’t inspire me. It’s not that if you have cerebral palsy or any such thing you can still defeat the odds and come out trumps. That is something I take for granted. You can defeat all odds and come out trumps. The question is simply what sacrifices you want to make and how much will power you have.
The big thing in this I see is simply a little bit of me. This chic doesn’t need your sympathy or special treatment; she has accepted what wrong and moved on. She accepted what’s not there and moved on in life. It’s a freaking joke. Have fun. Now can you move on?
I have sick many numbers of times. I have been a sickly kid all my childhood. I would fall sick every year and most of the time more than three times a year. I was pretty frustrated. All my college life I was weighing around 58 kgs. I would look at weighing scale and hope it inches upwards. In variably there was a pattern – I move up to 60 and boom – I would fall sick. Back to eth dreaded 58. So when people tell me that today I look lean – I wonder – I am 73 kgs now. imagine me with 15 kgs less! Wow. That is LEAN. But I have always been sick so being sick is pretty cool with me. I moved on from being sick and grumpy to being sick and funny. I mean who the hell cares – its fun. I don’t want to be seen as a dumb grumpy guy with an issue. I want to be as a fun guy who is fun not because he is healthy but is fun because he is. Sick or not.
Today I live with two big issues. The first one is my right knee. It simply dislocates time and again. Ya. Any side strain on it and – pop, it dislocates. I have learnt to play with the issue. No extra stress on the right knee. Short steps and less long strides that put outward pressure. And when it pops, I go through some pain – straighten it till it pops back in. those around me go “oh shit, I heard the click when it popped in”. So there. It popped back in and I stand up and say, come on, lets continue. And I SMILE. I never fail to smile. Hopefully I crack a joke or two at myself. Good fun.
The second affliction I now have to live with my entire life – lactose intolerant. That too is fun. Jopke about it and move on. What’s the big deal. Move on.
Surely I don’t have anything as severe as this lady has. She obviously has fought much more. But I am only inspired not by what she has achieved. People who work hard will achieve, but I am inspired by her being able to joke at it. I too want to go on a lactose intolerant stand-up comedy show and talk about the various shit I face when I talk about being lactose intolerant. I went to Punjab recently and people there wondered if I had lost it completely and what kind of quack I must have met. Who the hell doesn’t have lassi or butter? I already have decent ammo for this. I think in some time I will be a stand up comic joking about lactose intolerance. My best retort is simply – well – all humans are lactose intolerant but a lot of us have developed a mutation that helps us manage and digest lactose. Don’t believe me? Well you are a mutant according to Wikipedia : “Most mammals normally cease to produce lactase, becoming lactose intolerant, after weaning, but some human populations have developed lactase persistence, in which lactase production continues into adulthood. It is estimated that 75% of adults worldwide show some decrease in lactase activity during adulthood. The frequency of decreased lactase activity ranges from 5% in northern Europe through 71% for Sicily to more than 90% in some African and Asian countries. This distribution is now thought to have been caused by recent natural selection favoring lactase-persistent individuals in cultures in which dairy products are available as a food source. While it was first thought that this would mean that populations in Europe, India, Arabia and Africa had high frequencies of lactase persistence because of a particular mutation, it was later shown that lactase persistence is caused by several independently occurring mutations”
So you are the mutant Ninja turtle, not me. See your pic…



Ok ok… I guess you prefer Wolverine:

See you wished for super powers – you did not know it but you were actually part of the Mutant project and soon enough you will be called to join the mutant force to protect Planet Earth.

Ok fine – it sounds much more funnier when I say it than when I write it. But you get the drift. I surely hope that I don’t go through much more pain in life. But I surely don’t want to be the guy who would sulk over it. I want to be the fun guy who went down laughing – laughing my gut out. Why so serious?

Thursday, March 06, 2014

jalebi

Lactose intolerant.
You see a multiple level of disclaimers on chocolates and other snacks. Peanut allergy, gluten free, lactose free – whatever. I always wondered. These seemed to my mind a fad for rich countries. The Americans were in any case pretty crazy with all kind of weird alien diseases and mental allergies. Come on man, what kind of shit is peanut allergy. It’s an allergy that was designed for the villain in a Hollywood movie to have – so that he accidentally swallowed one peanut and his face instantly erupted. Normal people don’t have these allergies and why would you be so bothered about a factory that manufactured these products, as long as your food doesn’t have it.
I had a tummy issue for the last three years. My tummy would just bloat up and I would take my medicines and it would come back in place. So much so that I had two sets of pants – 2-3 inches apart. I was confident that my ayurvedic doctor would solve it. But for some reason, things would move forward and then relapse. It was pretty painful. Not painful in a physical sense but more bloody mental. Gas is a bloody irritating thing. And especially when you are active and keep playing a lot and then you look at your tummy and feel like a piece of shit. Of all things – I don’t especially work towards an Adonis body. I don’t like the big muscle look. For me it was always the lean sportsman that I admired. Lean, fast and light. And then I look at my tummy and wonder. I actually thought I was fat around the tummy.
Then it got really bad. Whenever the medicine effect lapsed, any physical activity would have triggered a massive debilitating headache that made me go completely numb. It was so irritating that I would not be able to remain patient with anything. It took a lot of effort to not get angry and irritated at any one even madly irritating. That was the final straw and I was then referred to a gastro specialist. I was convinced that I had germs in my tummy. Because I could eat and eat and all I wanted to do was eat to neutralize the acid build up in the tummy.
When I went to the doc, I was prepared for an endoscopy to figure what’s inside. She patiently heard me and then she asked me if I wanted an endoscopy done. I shrugged. A few more questions later she said – before you do the procedure – do one thing. Go off lactose for ten days and see. She thought I could be simply lactose intolerant. I was ready to give it a shot. Who knows?
The effect – in just 10 hours – all gone. Wow. This was a magic pill. I have been lactose free since the last month or so and then it’s been all great. Play as much as you want, no migraine. Yes the dreaded M word. I refused to call it migraine. But that’s what she called it and poof – it’s gone. I used to try to cure it with acidity pills. So there – I had this Lactose intolerance.
This is such a difficult diet for India. We don’t understand Vegan. We can’t understand how to remove lactose from our food. No lactose means no milk, no butter, no ghee, no cheese, no curd and no buttermilk – nothing. No cheesy pasta, no Indian sweets, no chocolates, no pizza, no dal makhani, no paneer food, no butter on bread, no biscuits, no cake, no ice cream  – it eliminates almost anything that is unhealthy, fattening and sinful.  I am going crazy while travelling and eating outside. You can’t tell the waiter about serving Vegan food. He doesn’t understand it at all. So you have to explain no milk, no cream, no ghee no butter. He looks at you and is confused. He is normally accustomed to no oil. A few of them are dumb struck and a few of them are far more cooperative. They rush in and ask the chef and come back with clear information.  I drive them up the wall and they drive me up the wall. Why is it so difficult for Indians to understand dietary requirements? Oh dam you. I think the only thing we have learnt thanks to our obscenely high heart attack rate is – No OIL. Everything else remains a mystery with them.
But hell, As of now – I am enjoying it. It’s a great way to get healthy. Get allergic from the bad stuff. I can actually go to various parts of the country and come back fit. I can’t have almost anything. The saving grace is that Samosas and other fried stuff seem largely ok. But more than me it’s my co travelers and those around me that feel amazing sympathy for me. They feel bad. They wonder what they should eat. Oh go on. I don’t care. The fun ones try and make me jealous. Oh go on, I don’t care.
Food was never one of my big desires. I never did really be tempted by the palette. I am happy eating simple stuff. Do I really miss anything for now? For now, none. I am happy. It’s a big change for my eating habits but no real change for me. Of course from now on every place we go out to eat with someone I will first have a 10 minute conversation explaining my intolerance and then looking at their faces wondering – how the hell will I survive. Then simple eating will start. It will be a fun ride.
And the invariable question – how long? Well this is supposed to be on for every. Let’s see. Forever on – I will live without eating even one chocolate or a cake or a jalebi? Sounds like fun.
On the topic – see this ad – it’s a classic – Dhaara.