selfish selfless, who cares a damn?

Everyone is selfish and interested in their well being at the end.

This has been on my mind for sometime and when a friend raised it I felt compelled to write about it.
My thinking on this goes back a long way. Once my dad and I had this conversation on Jainism (my religion) and he was explaining that in Jainism monks are expected to give up everything. At a level one he is expected to preach to the people about the religion and at the next level the monk is expected to only bother about himself and not even teach to others, the final level is one where he refuses food and drink till he achieves one with the universe or something like that. I remember asking that isn’t that selfish. Dad told me that in many way, yes it was.
When parents scolded me and when they told me that they worked hard to ensure we got a decent upbringing, in our naivety or anger we thought – it’s only their duty; only to regret thinking so later.
When I do the best for my daughter, put her in good school give her access to the best facilities, I have her interest at heart. But is the source of this? is it my selfish desire to provide for her more powerful than a selfless desire to provide for her.
Aren’t all selfless desires really a manifestation of a supremely selfish desire? If we do donate out of our desire to help ‘selflessly’ aren’t we driven by our desire and in that, isn’t that desire ours, in other words driven from inside us, making the desire itself selfish?
Can one ever have a thought so pure that it is purely out of doing for doing sake? For this to happen it must pure of intention. If there is intention then there is root of selfishness. For this an act that is a reflex reaction may alone be selfless. Putting your hand out to save someone you don’t really need to and fast enough not to think about consequences, is that selfless or that a selfish action honed into your head over the years. The point is that everything you do is processed by your brain. Your brain is not designed to self destruct but to live long enough.
So are we all truly selfish. My answer is yes – but hold on – it’s not that bad. In fact it’s not bad at all. The question is that, is your mind balanced. Does it have desires that say happiness is only obtained by self, or does it say that others happiness makes for your happiness as well. The root is simple, can I be happy and content by seeing others happy. Am I able to let others happiness be my source. Also when some one does something, do we really need to check if his selfish motive is at heart or do we let it be. Can we live and create an environment that says, I don’t care too much about your reasons for helping me but I appreciate the fact that you are.
I have realized that by compartmentalizing my brain – by letting go of guessing other people’s ulterior motives, by attempting to see positives, by attempting to understand that other people’s motives are ok, life has been has been happier and better. I keep telling people that you can’t control your brain to think and be on guard, but you can compartmentalize the action. You can be happy that someone is helping you and also you can be a little wary of the real motive behind it. Both seemingly opposite and emotions can coexist. (my favorite yin yang).
On helping others – its simple, open you pre school book. There are enough lessons there for you.