teewee

Yesterday we had some time to kill at a friend’s place. In fact a lot of time to kill. Our friend put me in front of a TV to try and make me feel comfortable. Since my TV viewing is pretty much zero thanks to the absence of the idiot box in our home, I assumed and I am sure she would have assumed as well that I might be happy to get what in scare supply in my routine life.
Sitting cozy with two remotes, one for the TV and one for the set top box (STB) I was set for a couple of hours of pure time pass. Hmmm. Lets see. The STB was there to make my life great. The programs neatly categorized. The schedule all there to select. You even know which movie is going on at the time. ya ya…. This is all old news. I know. It seems the lead company alone has put in over a million STB’s in the market. I have fiddled with this a few times in the past to know my way around. Though I keep pressing the wrong buttons from time to time and get to some vague place from which I attempt recovery. The common mistake being surfing channels from the TV remote and pressing the channel change instead of eth volume. There are also a plethora of complex errors that I make. These I will continue to make as these are highly random in nature and are uncomprehensible. In other words I have no idea how I made the errors and hence I have no idea how I will learn enough from them not to repeatthem. That’s the fun part.
Great – something interesting on the science channels. Ok. Same old stuff. Lets try the geographic channels, then the history channels. Oh bloody bore. Movies? Anything interesting on? Hmmm. The English ones? Nopes… pretty boring – cant make out types. Hindi ones? What shit? This one is South Indian dubbed into hindi one. Ok this another I remember – Shahenshah. A movie from my school days. Real crappy. My god.
Sports channels then. India just won the test – are the highlights on? Yah yah… I am in for luck. The schedule shows that the highlights are on. Flip to the channel. Errr… Indian derby? WTF. Who watches Indian derby? Where are the highlights? I am surely at the right channel. The schedule also confirms. Drat. Ok some other cricket happening. The T20 matches in Australia. That’s cool. Lets watch, it might be fun. Oh shit a disastrous run chase and a hopelessly one sided match, but have we, Kieron Pollard. The highly explosive west Indian is in the team. Now that’s fun. He smashes some unbelievable shots with one landing on the roof. This is getting better. Bam, he is caught in the deep. Match almost over. Anything else?
Change change change change change… flip flip flip flip…. This seems like some distant memory. Yes. I remember this. Evening time. a remote in hand, complete boredom, going the whole range of channels and getting nothing to see. The last time this happened to me was four years ago… at my mom’s house. Nothing’s changed. The only difference is that now I know exactly what the name of the program is before getting bored. Yes. Some things have changed I guess.
I pull the trigger and get out of the room to see the kids and my wife enjoying playing I spy in those amazing books. So much more fun. I should have pressed the dam red button much earlier.
For the last few weeks I have been thinking about the TV and the STB in the house. Is it really bad not to have it at home. Are we being luddites? Yesterday I found my answer. A resounding doubtless no. the shit is not worth having or listening to. Get out of the house, get a book, talk around. Anything anything except have a TV infront of you. Throw the bloody thing out of the window. See it crash, break into a billion pieces. Enjoy the spectacle.
That is a bit radical. But seriously get the cable off from the TV. I have been seriously thinking of getting a TV or a projector home. But never cable. When we have the time we could watch a movie, or catch some documentary or some decent serials. Basically remove the constantly on boredom to some specific entertainment. But it is a big step for now. We are content without it. It will come in some day. I am not going to be tyrannical about it. But for now it can’t. For one – we have no space for it :) . hopefully when we have more space, or more money … a theatre room would be awesome.
For some reason I am reminded of a Bruce Springsteen song. Its an old one. Can you guess which one I am referring to..



Here are the lyrics
57 CHANNELS (AND NOTHIN' ON)©
I bought a bourgeois house in the Hollywood hills
With a truckload of hundred thousand dollar bills
Man came by to hook up my cable TV
We settled in for the night my baby and me
We switched 'round and 'round 'til half-past dawn
There was fifty-seven channels and nothin' on
Fifty-seven channels and nothin' on
Fifty-seven channels and nothin' on

Well now home entertainment was my baby's wish
So I hopped into town for a satellite dish
I tied it to the top of my Japanese car
I came home and I pointed it out into the stars
A message came back from the great beyond
There's fifty-seven channels and nothin' on
Fifty-seven channels and nothin' on
Fifty-seven channels and nothin' on

Well we might'a made some friends with some billionaires
We might'a got all nice and friendly if we'd made it upstairs
All I got was a note that said "Bye-bye John
Our love's fifty-seven channels and nothin' on"
(Fifty-seven channels and nothin' on)

So I bought a .44 magnum, it was solid steel cast
And in the blessed name of Elvis well I just let it blast
'Til my TV lay in pieces there at my feet
And they busted me for disturbin' the almighty peace
Judge said "What you got in your defense son?"
"Fifty-seven channels and nothin' on"
Fifty-seven channels and nothin' on
Fifty-seven channels and nothin' on

I can see by your eyes friend you're just about gone
Fifty-seven channels and nothin' on
Fifty-seven channels and nothin' on
Fifty-seven channels and nothin' on
Fifty-seven channels and nothin' on
Fifty-seven channels and...

The boss got it right. But I guess throwing it out of the window would come a close second to the buying a .44 magnum and letting it blast. Actually it depends. The slow motion of the TV falling from height (at least ten floors recommended) might remain with you longer the sound and recoil of the .44 magnum. Haha. I can see by your eyes, friend that you’re just about gone…