I click therefore I am

There you are. My instagram feed is on the left of the blog. Blogging was a big thing at one time and then facebook came in and stole the thunder from ever one. On facebook for the most – I am a by standing voyeur. I don’t post much, don’t write much and simply like or comment on interesting stuff. It’s also an interesting place to catch other articles or videos gone viral. Then one day I heard about how facebook acquired instagram. Like a typical corporate guy – I was interested only after the economics got my attention. Once I got my instagram account – I was sold. It’s a dam cool software. With the touch to focus (the rest gets a little blurred) and a choice or predefined filters it makes photography so lovely.

I have been fiddling with it now for some time. It is pretty cool. Over a period of time I have evolved to have a style and language of my own. Many years ago V-nu and I had gone to the ardh kumb mela at Allahabad. We met a guy taking photos. We dint realize it at the time but the guy, Ben Lowy was a crazy celebrated photographer. He has been to conflict zones across the world and has been taking photos. Later on he had started his photo feed which was a series of photos that he would take from his iphone. I would always wonder how he would get the effect on the iphone. Once I started fiddling with Instagram I realized how he did it. Now I regularly follow my instagram feeds. It is a lovely liberating experience. I was always interested in photography but I found the camera very limiting. Who will carry a bulk load of equipment and worry about it all the time. V-nu would carry his equipment and then sit and change lenses etc, and I hated the whole thing. its too messy for me. Then you are always worried about equipment and worse – you stop living the moment. Once in Jaisalmer, I tried my best at capturing the perfect sunset and I realized that in that bit, I had failed to experience it. I had given up completely on photography after that. No camera for me.

The cell phone Instagram has helped me regain the photography mojo back. It’s nice to be able to click and most importantly – share your pics with people. I mainly do it when I am on vacation. I take pictures of the different experiences. I try and take unconventional ones. Interesting stories. Then I also learnt to write something interesting around it.  A picture with a context has far more to it than by itself. This too I picked up from another celebrated photojournalist that I was following. The things I have learnt is that – its ok to cheat with the phone on the picture. Cropping is ok – playing around and fiddling with the focus is ok, using filters is ok. No manually erasing stuff but everything else is par for course. These have helped me connect to people and helped people connect to me.

Very interestingly, there is this one chic from office. She sits in one of the branches and she hardly ever meets me. I would have never talked to her anything more than basic pleasantries. But she catches me on FB a lot and my photo feeds. I met her at a coffee shop the other day. I was with Jasmine and Jispa. She immediately was warm to Jasmine and wanted to meet Jispa and was warm to her as well. This is possibly the power of the media. The ability to stay connected in a new sort of way. Jasmine’s millions of cousins in the US are now connected to us and share the holidays with us. I try not to spam the feed. I try and make it relevant and interesting. After all you don’t need to know that I ate a chocolate cake yesterday and that it was YUM. I guess I use it for what I feel are more interesting interactions and my thoughts. It’s a language that’s mine and mine alone.

WE have not allowed Jispa on any social network site, but I relented on Instagram. Her feeds are private and by invitation alone and she needs permission before she posts. I was explaining to her the other day how one could look at a story while clicking a photo and how the focal blur can help in telling a story. The eye follows the focus and that the story you want to tell. We experimented with two simple coffee cups on a table to tell different stories.

This is a good skill to learn I guess. She has a camera which we bought recently 0 but that useless. She doesn’t use it at all. She uses the ipod touch for now, but her camera there is pretty much useless. I guess I may buy her a better itouch but I too worried about the kids using the itouch to be out of touch with the environment around them. So it’s a bit of a bummer. Lets see.

dhak dhak

On November 2nd 2009, I completed five years with the current firm. When I started off my career in 1998, I always wanted to work for long in one firm but I guess no firm thought me worthy enough. I had horrendous experience after horrendous experiences. I learnt that to get great salaries one needs to keep changing jobs and moving on. Before my current job the longest I had stayed any where was three years and that was also this current firm. After which I went outside for a year and joined back in. that one year at Momentum was in many ways one of the most important periods of my life where I was able to meet and interact with some outstanding minds and basically change my thinking. But this post is not about that job.
At one point given the number of jobs I changed, I never thought I would complete five years in any one firm. I used to look at the long service awardees and wonder if my turn would ever come. When we had the award function on the 31st of last month, it was a weird moment. It came like a matter of fact event. I did not think about it, I did not even bother too much. I just walked up and collected the award. I have no clue what to do with the trophy, though I very much appreciate the 5gm gold coin given. in the middle a couple of years ago, I got rid of all the trophies that were at my desk. These I had won for corporate football and cricket. I felt the vanity in them especially since I knew that they were for being the best in a hopelessly mediocre segment. It doesn’t take much to defeat fatted unfit bankers and get some awards in the process.
So the 5 year trophy is the only one I have on my table. I guess that trophy might truly be my own. I probably owe that one to myself for keeping the faith and staying on. Hehe.
Since this year the number of awardees were unusually large (our division also completed five years), the five year guys were asked not to give thank you speeches. Though they did circulate a PowerPoint for people to write some special comments that they could show case while giving the awards. I was not going to write any mushy stuff for sure. To one of the questions – which was finally showcased for me – what keeps you here – I wrote two points – I lost my CV and I forgot the rubbish I wrote in; and second point being – I cant explain to anybody else what on earth am I doing at this job. I did not realise that that one would become a hit with the audience and I got some ‘I like’ comments post the function. We are easily amused.
The other brain wave I had was that if we were not going to speak then why not have a camera and record the comments of all the awardees where in they could talk about stuff and they could thank who ever they wanted on camera. Now that was a huge hit (with most of them of course). They came in and spoke to the camera. They were all excited and ready to talk but the poor stage was taken from them. Thank god for my camera. I plan to cut these pieces and put them up for public consumption. I also realised that just because I am a cynical basterd, there is no reason why the world should be one. I was pretty unenthused about the award but all the rest were all charged up and ready to go. Women went shopping the day before. Some guys got new shirts to wear. Many got change of clothes before they set off for the function. One guy got a shave done in the afternoon. Some heroes wore suits. Wow. I guess it does count for something. I don’t what it was. The fact that you are going to receive an award in front of some azar people. The fact that the CEO is going to be present on stage. The fact that you completed five years counts for something. Or it is a being counted emotion. I don’t know. I had none of those. I honestly just liked the five gram of gold. I wonder where is my heart these days? Why do I not feel these emotions. If I thought I had exchanged my heart for a stone with the devil, the fears were quickly unfounded. After the event I asked my man Anil Bose who has been with me for five years what it takes and what he felt. But before he could answer I went into a long speech in front of the camera why I was happy to have him with me. I ended up saying (which is probably true) that I completed five years thank to this man. He has been a great help for me and is responsible for me growing in my current role. In the last five and half years, I have had three direct bosses and a few dotted line reportings. What’s dotted lines? Sighhh… that’s another post. But one thing has remained constant – Anil Bose and his support. We understand each other. Work well with each other and are able to feed off each others strength. In the last five years in front of me he bought a house, got married, got a kid, got the second kid and settled down. Tough going for a boy who lost his parents while he was 17 years old. He managed his life well. He has no other family from his side so as to speak of. For his marriage which was a simple ceremony at his home, I played the role of the groom’s relative who has to hold the sheet between the couple. There was no one else. Every time he has a function, I make it a point to be there. He stays in vasai so does take some going.
I know for him it means a lot for me to come all the way there. He has remarked more than once, that he is happy when we come as he has no other family representation from his side.
The others in the team many times do not understand this. They don’t get it. Many people take their relatives for granted. The fact that they have so many. They fail to see their significance. Family fights have ensured that I am not touch with many of mine. As eth second generation, we have decent regard and love for each other and are more than cordial when we meet. We are even warm. But if the elders don’t exactly get along, there aren’t many instances to deepen ties.
Probably I understand that and I value relations, probably I am going since he is my guy, probably I am just being a kind boss, probably I feel for him, probably I don’t know … I am jut going. But I did feel emotional talking about him and his five years with me.
Hey, I have a heart after all. It beats. It’s warm.

you have no right to shoot anyone

I have had quite a liberal opinion on having cameras installed everywhere. I mean if you are doing nothing wrong what’s the harm in having a camera around. My best learning on this was when I was briefly working at Star TV. They had two offices one at Mahalaxmi and the other at Andheri east. The Mahalaxmi one was a virtual fortress with cameras installed, while the Andheri one was a bit more relaxed and no cameras. I routinely heard of mobiles and other stuff (props/ merchandise etc) being flicked from the tables at Andheri office and absolutely nothing being lost or stolen in the other office.
I was convinced. Same organisation, same set of people moving between offices. The deterrents were the CC TV cameras. And when the cameras got installed in my current office I was the guy wondering what the hue and cry is about. It’s a good thing. I have nothing to hide and more so, who on earth has the time to look at it. No one is actually sitting and recoding whether I am actually working or not. It’s not like that data is going to decide my salary and bonus.
Yesterday I saw the movie LSD, love sex and dhoka. Dipankar the director seems to be the guy who has a complete grip on the Delhi stereo type. He perfectly hit them in his movies, well at least he has hit the Mumbai interpretation of the sleazy Delhi stereotype. I always hated Delhi and I always hated its people. Delhi is a place you need to go to in order to reach Uttaranchal. It is a necessary evil. But that is beside the point. The movie got me so uncomfortable that I wanted to walk out from it. he managed to make me believe in the characters and I hated to see anything bad happen to them. The first two stories for sure. The tension of the two lovers who eloped without their parents wishes really got to me. Jasmine and I were going around for around 4 years without her parents knowing. I wasn’t so stressed about my parents knowing. They eventually knew and I assumed no opposition. But Jasmine’s parents were another thing. Her dad was conservative enough not to let her wear pants and her eldest brother was a pain enough (now completely sweet) to cause stress. We lived in the mortal fear of being found out all the time. Some a-hole cousins of hers did not actually help as well. Roaming around was a distress. How to express love and be discreet at the same time. Aren’t youngsters in love oblivious to all around? And at the same time be on guard against possible snoops?
Watching the movie made me squirm and feel really depressed. It triggered all the fears I lived as a teenager in love. This is the first film I actually felt that fear. All other movies one does not really care too much.
The second and most poignant story was about a guy using the store cameras to keep a watch on women and about how it can be used to capture private moments without permission. That one has really set me thinking about CC TVs. CC TV is probably good as a deterrent but who on earth owns these images. If you are shooting without my permission then are you allowed to use them elsewhere or anywhere or against me or anything, without my permission? What the laws safeguarding these. More pertinent, what eth rules that control access and use of this. As a company, you have put the dam thing in place and are recording everything. What is the policy on who gets access to these recordings? How do you monitor them, how do you store them and how do you destroy them? Forget the corporate. What about the stores. They would be even more lax about their policies and checks and balances. What about the city and the public places. I can’t trust the government to ensure privacy of my licence details, how do I trust them with digital images. Police stations are places I don’t want to go, leave aside my family. I would much rather avoid the place. Will I trust them with what I perceive my digital rights? All this in the face of the plan to wire eth city with cameras, a la London.
With cameras getting smaller and powerful, it is given that people will use them misuse them. But it is vary painful to see it uncontrolled. Seeing my camera some colleagues caught onto photography and I got them digital cameras with 12X zoom which is pretty powerful. He had gone abroad and while he was showing his photos, one photo made me cringe. He had taken a photo of a lady in T shirt that showed her cleavage. I was so repulsed. How dare you click someone without their permission and that too with your ugly intentions? He is good educated guy and a genuinely nice guy otherwise. He saw no wrong in taking the photo and no wrong in showing it to us. I cringed and blamed my self for teaching him photography.
If this is the state of normal nice people, how do trust the broad junta? This will increasingly be a part of our lives and will come up discussion sooner or later. The problem will happen when the right wings will put the fear of terror in our heads to install it and the left will simply seek to ban it. Neither will make sense. But I guess the answer will come when we realise that digital power is a great power and as spidey realised – with great power comes great responsibility. We must enact strong laws and procedures that stops misuse and puts checks and balances in place.
We must realise that merely putting in cameras might stop pilferage but will also put your customers at risk. Customers must vote with their feet if they find retailers with cameras and no strong policies in place regarding their use.
I could go on and on. I feel so strongly. Rarely has a film come that made me shape my opinion so strongly. The second story had believable characters. The male actor is a believable guy with grey all over. A perfect example of a guy who is not sure of his moral standing and is pushed over by external forces. Its very real. I have seen guys like that as well his friend who pushes him over. Guys who are so perverted that they mentally undress a women the moment they see her. These are real ------ (I can’t think of a strong enough word), who have only one conversation and one agenda on their mind. Many times all it requires is just a tip. Most are so delicately balanced. All of us have these fine lines which we balance all the time. It does not really matter most of the time as the person affected is mostly ourselves but what happens in cases where someone else is at stake and the lure so powerful. I really felt for the female lead. Rashmi. My heart reached out to her. She is the symbol of all the porn clip victims that people have circulated in fulfilling their voyeuristic pleasures. Suddenly I feel sad at the clips that my friends showed me. I am not against porn, but Rashmi made me see the distinction between porn and peep. I can’t get that girl off my mind since yesterday. I don’t think I will forget her too soon.
The third story is an interesting (but not so touching) take on stng operations. I was watching TV at my mom in laws place and some TV channel was doing a n expose on some sadhu. I am not a fan of either TV news or the sadhus. My BIL was watching and commenting on the sad state of affairs with the sadhu in question. I merely asked, how can you be so sure that the channel is telling the truth and it has not planted this all. How on earth can they get the right to go inside the case which is under investigation of the police? Why should you believe them? How is all this allowed and fair game? He had no answer. Sting operations along with broadcasting ability – absolute power. Where is the responsibility?
When I came out of the movie, I told Jasmine – what a depressing movie. That was a compliment.

PS: this movie is produced by the house that is known for introducing the saas bahu tele-serials which are so painfully regressive. Comes as a refreshing twist. Ekta Kappor almost redeemed herself. Almost.