ramble in the morning

Writing is a bloody habit and a skill. I feel that the days I have written my blog regularly, I have written better and the days that I have just lost touch – I have, err… lost touch. I have nothing much to write about. I miss the 2009 days, when I wrote a blog for every working day that I had. It was a particularly fecund time for the blog and also for my mind. I had nothing to do in office but I had loads to read. I think some of that quite dramatically impacted me in a way. I realized that even if there is no work, I can invent work and figure out a way to make life much more productive.

Right now where I have joined, I can still decide to just sit down and relax and let time and tide work its way. I can relax and not push the pedal on anything. But I hate that. I don’t think that defines me. I am defined by the work I like to do and the knowledge I gain. I want to push the people under me to reach their levels of work that they did not think possible. I want to push hard. I don’t know why I am doing this. This is a recipe for disaster, frustration and anger. But I like doing it.

I think over a period of time, I have understood what makes me happy and what drives me. I like this in me. So I guess it’s pretty stupid to stop this. But on the other hand I am 42 years old. So I understand these things about me. I think I have learnt to know that my push is my problem. I can push but people can only take so much. I have the ability today to sit behind as well and relax and chill knowing that things will happen at their own pace. This is what the prime example of opposites reconciling is.

I push but I wait. I demand but don’t expect. I lead but I also allow you to float away. The concept of opposites reconciling is something that only age can teach. Today I understand far more about it that I thought at the start. It is more profound than ever to me. We are a bundle of contradictions. So many times I see people lie, but I don’t think they do it. I think they are merely telling the different truth, again, and this time it’s different.

Sometimes people love me and then the next day they won’t. What’s the truth? Hah! There is none. I have argued much about this in my past blogs. Opposites reconciling is also a case of truth and lies reconciling. It’s also a case of emotions reconciling. An old friend reached out to me after a long time. We were practically out of touch. Her mother passed away. I connected with her and felt for her, but I don’t really feel for her. Move on. Another friend connected with me – she was frustrated with her job. I felt for her, but I don’t feel for her. Another friend…. You know the drift…

In both cases I was warm, genuinely so. This is how emotions are when you are older I guess. You retain the warmth in your heart but you don’t let it fool your brain in wondering if you really care. I think I really care for no one really. Yes I care about my daughter and wife, more so than anything else in the world. But sometimes I wonder if I have become more cynical and hardened over a period of time.

Yesterday for brief time in the night the electricity went out. In her sleep (she didn’t remember it in the morning) Jispa came to our room and asked if the electricity went out, and that it was hot. Jasmine asked to sleep with us, as we have a net window and it was relatively cooler. As Jispa slept, Jasmine fanned her with a newspaper. That is motherly love, untouched by father’s world weary cynicism. I told her not to, but she still did it. Then I took on the newspaper and fanned Jispa. Not because of my love for Jispa, but because I wanted to give Jasmine’s hand some rest. Dumb ass.

Was this love or was this sharing the burden of parenting or sharing the stupidity of an old friend. I freaking don’t know. All I know was that Jasmine’s action had more love than mine.  My thinking for this is that she is yet untouched by the world or she is refusing to be touched by the world. More the former. I think if Jasmine would have worked in corporate life, then she too would have been worldly cynical. But she is unscathed. That’s why I take extra care of her. That’s why sometimes, I let her even face some of the shit – there, realise that it’s stupid, to love unconditionally or give unconditionally. Slowly I have seen her also harden with the ways of the world. So far she has managed a bunch of friends who are loyal to her, by being who is. That’s a happy cocoon to have. I draw from her well of goodness. I wouldn’t have ever been able to have these friends on my own.

Coming to which – I am looking forward to my family Singapore holiday. We are going there for a few reasons – 1 – its free stay. My friend (ex colleague) has settled there and we get free stay. But more importantly – Jasmine and I wanted a nice stress free holiday. I have been to Singapore three times and with family – once. It’s a stress free city. We know the city and all he attractions. There is no rush to complete them all and see them all. We can do it at our own pace and time. The public transport runs like a breeze and is predictable to a fault. There is very low crime and everyone is honest. Jispa can do things on her own there. What more do we want? No stress, foreign, happy vacation. I want that.

Also we are almost broke doing up our new home. We have no money for a large expensive vacation. By the time it’s done, I am going to be so broke. But I see that as an insurance against the vagaries of life. Now that it will be done, there will be less stress on me. It’s a home built for a hopefully a longer period of time. And a home that should last me till retirement. I never knew that at 42 one talks about retiring. But age does that to you. I am pretty aggressive for an old man… hehehe… opposites reconciling.

Last note – a blog that I was writing and didn’t bother to publish – I have a recurring nightmare that I can’t run to catch a train, my legs freeze. With my knee problem, I see that as a reality. While taking part in the parent’s race, this time, I felt that my legs froze and couldn’t go faster. They went slower than they could. I was worried about the knee popping out again. Man… it’s scary to see yourself live your nightmare in some way. I hate it. But I live with it. It’s a big bad dream come true. Arrggghhh.

Free irrelevant song

war holiday

So the fight between a super hero and world war wages our house as we order the movies to see over the weekend. Jispa never saw the X men with me and now we have to see the Xmen series all over again. I now try to watch all the movies that I wanted to, especially if its gotta do with world war. I love the movies set in the backdrop of the world wars, and the ones that were made in the 60s and 70s were nice enough for me to watch with Jispa. So we got two movies over the weekend. We were to see mine first but then Jispa comes to me saying - lets see the X men first and then I could see mine when she would be doing her home work on Sunday morning.

I was like - why - why would you not want to see the movie. She answers that she has seen enough of war movies. Which ones had she seen, to start with. She described a couple that we have seen over the last two years! Oh damn you. but you enjoyed them, did you. 

well she won and i gave in. We started watching the X men which i had already seen but, i was ok watching it again. Twice is not a bad thing. This was X Men - the final stand.

Since we started the movie early on Saturday evening, we had the chance to catch my movie as well. This was ‘the great escape’. the movie released in 1963 was about Prisoners of war trying to escape a camp they were housed in. It was based on a true story set in 1944. Wow. The prisoners actually dug three holes and finally used one to escape from the camp. Without giving too much away, I loved the bold audacious target of the prisoners of trying to get 250 of themselves to escape. Jasper eventually sat through the movie and enjoyed it. As usual she asked me a few questions through the movie. She never just learns. Every time she doesn't want to see the movie with me and then she will end up liking it. I know her choice of movies and I know she will end up liking it in the end, but she just likes to act up. 

I am sucker for war movies and in them world war II holds a special interest. I am quite amazed that as boys we should have loved the world wars and the all the excitement and interesting history around it but it was taught so badly in school with the text books being a complete sham. I only remember learning by rote the salient features of each of the world wars. Such a wasted opportunity. No real discussion on the wars, the factors that led to them, the aftermath, the politics, the huge development in science and warfare in general, the human suffering on colossal proportions and everything else that went with it. To my mind - the world wars by themselves left such an important mark on humanity as far as contemporary history is concerned, they alone are enough for one full year of history, allowing for ample discussions on it.

For me WWII is far more interesting than WWI. I hardly know anything about WWI but i have read a fair bit about WWII.

Someday when I am older and retired and rich, my ideal holiday would be following the WWII battle field around the world. Staring from Germany to move to France and the Maginot line, going then to Paris, going to Austria and then moving to Stalingrad and then to the battle fields of Egypt, then to Italy, back to London and then on to Moscow, moving to Japan and then coming back home closer to Imphal. One long huge vacation. It will take one year of history reading and one year of researching the places and then atlas 90 days of travelling. It will include modern towns and villages, the beautiful Eagles nest built as getaway for HItler to Auschwitz  concentration camps, to the sand dunes where Rommel fought, the Suez canal, the beautiful city of Paris that the last Nazi commander of the city, Dietrich Hugo Hermann von Choltitz supposedly refused to burn on Hitler’s order. This can be a really beautiful retirement gift to myself.

If I do retire that is. By birth I am a vaniya  which in other words is a banya.. which when added to my gujjuness will ensure that I never retire. I have to earn money all the time. My time is what I have and from that I have to profit. So retiring and seeing the world wont work. I have to get a jackpot and from that I have to do this trip and from then I have to get back to work. The idea is to save up a lot of money so that I can do this trip. Jasmine is not into history but to her credit she has no issues coming with me and figuring her bit. She is happy to come and listen or not… understand the significance or not… She enjoys the moment, the lesson, the story.. only to then let it pass by as if it were nothing. But this would be a fun 90 day trip. Minimum 90 days!

we are what we ... eat, sleep, see, talk

i am a big believer of experiences. Experiences teach more to people than anything else. these experiences over a period of time define who you are and what you think. Of course you must be open to learning from all experiences. The positive ones teach you stuff and the negative ones teach you stuff. Everything is designed to teach you as long as you are open to learn from it. 

This weekend we came from a long Diwali weekend break. We had straight five days of holidays. We made the most of it. Jasper was in camp at Japaloupe. She has been there once before. they teach horse ridging there and they have a whale a time. So Jasmine and me were virtually free for the week. the first couple of days we went to my friends house in Pune and from then on to spend three nights at the Hilton property at Shillim, near Lonavala. 

The Hilton property is a 5 star deluxe one. I had been there once before with office guys for an offsite. Th place is crazy expensive and definitely doesn't justify the price in my head. But Jasmine’s brother had bought a large number of nights in advance and was going to have a lot of them unused, so we made a plan and we went there with Jasmine’s family. Free stay at the Hilton was always welcome. On the last day we had to go to pick Jispa from the camp and then get her to stay with us for one night. While travelling as a family we have always stayed in simpler places. I think as technology and internet has advanced the price of interesting places where you stay has actually gone down. We now probably stay cheaper than ever - some times in inflation adjusted terms or sometimes in absolute terms. We never stay at the 5 star properties. So sometimes I feel that as a family i should be taking Jispa to a few five stars. Sh should not grown up in awe of them or not knowing how to behave in them. She must be used to all types of stay options, from a 300 buck home stay to  a 250$ star rated property. So I happily took up the option when my brother in law proposed the same to me.

There at first i wondered when he did not take the all meals option. There is no other place nearby to eat. its a huge property, in fact its so huge that you order for cars to take you to the dining area and back to the room. there is no way you are going anywhere else for meals. He turned out to be right. If you take the all meals package you end up eating at the buffet all the time at the cost of Rs2,500 a head. Its way too expensive and most of the time you don’t want lunch after your late and heavy breakfast. Then for dinner you have a choice of eating elsewhere and not at the buffet. They have two other place you can go to eat. One place that was described in their brochure caught my eye - The Green Table. this was connected to the spa and was billed as an organic restaurant. Jasmine’s brother had been to Hilton many times but never went there as once it was closed for some reason and then he did not get a good review. I knew enough to know that in many ways our tastes in restaurants and experiences don't match up. i always like new and different experiences - and he tends to like the predictable and consistent experiences. I would never ever book a  large number of nights in one place to start with. So I had told Jasmine that we should try the place.

I didn't bother so much about it as I was happy where the family was but on the last day, Jasmine decided ot bring that up as an option for dinner. only my nephew agreed and hence Jasmine, Jispa and my nephew decided to eat there. When we reached there the menu seems extremely exotic and we wondered if we would like it. The kids tried ordering while i was talking to the chef for my vegan food orders. I asked him if the portions were enough for one of two and then i learned that restaurant was a Fine Dine concept. One portion was enough for one. Oops. Then i ordered my stuff and then turned to the kids. The kids wanted to order soup as one by two. one by two is a lovely Indian concept. you order soup typically One by two. You order one soup and they then split it into two bowls. This is good for most restaurants including the high end ones. When they tried it here, they were politely refused. Hah! then i explained the fine dine concept to them.

I have had dinner once before at a Fine Dine. You go in and order your meals by the courses. I had eaten at the Zodiac Grill at the Taj. This was as fine dine as you could get. This was when one team at the Wealth management office where I was, had done a large deal for a mutual fund. I was the chief negotiator for the firm and I got them a dinner at the Zodiac Grill. The mutual fund team invited me as well and I got  taste of the Fine Dine experience and I remember it till now. It is a bit of a lovely experience. Also the food is so well plated and decorated that you like to just look at it. Then the flavours - these flavours are cooke din to give a bit of surprise and nothing is done to overwhelm the taste buds. A little salt here and a little sauce there and just a hint of a single type of flavour not messing with the others.

So here also the fine dine was absolutely exquisite. It was a great experience. The tiny portions, no strong over powering flavours, the amazing textures, the palate cleansers… My nephew and Jispa had a whale of a time. Jasmine who at the start was not so sure of the place too enjoyed the food. We have the money now but going and spending so much at a restaurant never did hold that much of an attraction for Jasmine and me. First spending money is an issue and then eating is an issue - we don't really enjoy eating that much and then spending so much money to EAT! Woha, thats too much. So this was a good opportunity. Lady luck beens good to me these days, i have a little spare money and the holiday was free so i could spend on the food.

What i was amazed at is that Jispa could also appreciate the food. For a kids these days that are burgers and pizzas fanatic who cant chew, fine dine is a bit of a concept. But Jispa enjoyed it and we ended up discussing and sharing plates and morsels with each other. taste this - taste that… Did you get this taste, isn't this quite interesting - blah blah… We went on and on. The vegan stuff was also good. The waiter told us that i was the second vegan patron there. The first vegan there was - guess who - Aamir Khan (bollywood actor). So they knew exactly what to serve. they even whipped up  mousse kind of desert from hazelnut paste and peanut butter which was amazing. The experience was something to savour. food can get interesting if you know how to appreciate it.

Of late I have begun to understand food to some extent. I think people in general are getting better with food thanks to Masterchef, but i think i have begun to get a greater understanding of it after i turned vegan. Now i smell food, see it, taste it, try and decipher the flavours etc. Its an interesting journey. I am trying to understand this better. the texture as well. Jispa and me have started having these conversations on the table at restaurants. I think none of us will ever become a foodie but and live to eat but i think its interesting to understand food and be able to appreciate it. You go across the world  and food is something you can appreciate. Like the last time i travelled on research - i tried food everywhere. I have actually trained myself to understand it, like it, appreciate it… and sorry about this - learn from it. Someday i would love to talk to a food historian. We are what we eat!

I click therefore I am

There you are. My instagram feed is on the left of the blog. Blogging was a big thing at one time and then facebook came in and stole the thunder from ever one. On facebook for the most – I am a by standing voyeur. I don’t post much, don’t write much and simply like or comment on interesting stuff. It’s also an interesting place to catch other articles or videos gone viral. Then one day I heard about how facebook acquired instagram. Like a typical corporate guy – I was interested only after the economics got my attention. Once I got my instagram account – I was sold. It’s a dam cool software. With the touch to focus (the rest gets a little blurred) and a choice or predefined filters it makes photography so lovely.

I have been fiddling with it now for some time. It is pretty cool. Over a period of time I have evolved to have a style and language of my own. Many years ago V-nu and I had gone to the ardh kumb mela at Allahabad. We met a guy taking photos. We dint realize it at the time but the guy, Ben Lowy was a crazy celebrated photographer. He has been to conflict zones across the world and has been taking photos. Later on he had started his photo feed which was a series of photos that he would take from his iphone. I would always wonder how he would get the effect on the iphone. Once I started fiddling with Instagram I realized how he did it. Now I regularly follow my instagram feeds. It is a lovely liberating experience. I was always interested in photography but I found the camera very limiting. Who will carry a bulk load of equipment and worry about it all the time. V-nu would carry his equipment and then sit and change lenses etc, and I hated the whole thing. its too messy for me. Then you are always worried about equipment and worse – you stop living the moment. Once in Jaisalmer, I tried my best at capturing the perfect sunset and I realized that in that bit, I had failed to experience it. I had given up completely on photography after that. No camera for me.

The cell phone Instagram has helped me regain the photography mojo back. It’s nice to be able to click and most importantly – share your pics with people. I mainly do it when I am on vacation. I take pictures of the different experiences. I try and take unconventional ones. Interesting stories. Then I also learnt to write something interesting around it.  A picture with a context has far more to it than by itself. This too I picked up from another celebrated photojournalist that I was following. The things I have learnt is that – its ok to cheat with the phone on the picture. Cropping is ok – playing around and fiddling with the focus is ok, using filters is ok. No manually erasing stuff but everything else is par for course. These have helped me connect to people and helped people connect to me.

Very interestingly, there is this one chic from office. She sits in one of the branches and she hardly ever meets me. I would have never talked to her anything more than basic pleasantries. But she catches me on FB a lot and my photo feeds. I met her at a coffee shop the other day. I was with Jasmine and Jispa. She immediately was warm to Jasmine and wanted to meet Jispa and was warm to her as well. This is possibly the power of the media. The ability to stay connected in a new sort of way. Jasmine’s millions of cousins in the US are now connected to us and share the holidays with us. I try not to spam the feed. I try and make it relevant and interesting. After all you don’t need to know that I ate a chocolate cake yesterday and that it was YUM. I guess I use it for what I feel are more interesting interactions and my thoughts. It’s a language that’s mine and mine alone.

WE have not allowed Jispa on any social network site, but I relented on Instagram. Her feeds are private and by invitation alone and she needs permission before she posts. I was explaining to her the other day how one could look at a story while clicking a photo and how the focal blur can help in telling a story. The eye follows the focus and that the story you want to tell. We experimented with two simple coffee cups on a table to tell different stories.

This is a good skill to learn I guess. She has a camera which we bought recently 0 but that useless. She doesn’t use it at all. She uses the ipod touch for now, but her camera there is pretty much useless. I guess I may buy her a better itouch but I too worried about the kids using the itouch to be out of touch with the environment around them. So it’s a bit of a bummer. Lets see.

har har gange

We are just back from a trip to the holy mountains. The Himalayas. To get to the Garwhal part of eth Himalayas we pass though our favourite town, Rishikesh. We don’t stay at Rishikesh proper but we stay close to Laxman Jhulla. That is as far as you can get from the proper town, but in the heart of the tourist circuit.
When you are there do visit the lovely Devraj coffee corner aka German bakery and have pizzas, pancakes, lemon mint tea and almond triangles. I got enough of the latter for office for people to wonder what on earth it was. It is some sweet almond paste on a pie crust. It’s quite amazing and tastes quite divine in contrary to its humble earthy name. Go ahead when you are in that part of the world.
But that is metaphorically divine, what we got that is really divine is ‘ganga jal’. Water from the sacred river – Ganga (ganges). We took bottles and filled them with water from the river. We got for the lady who comes home in the evening to help with the household chores. We had got one bottle for her the last time we were there and this time Jasmine insisted on getting one more. I really did not see the point but went along.
Yesterday after we arrived our lady; her name is Devki, was happy to see the Ganga jal. I asked her why would she need one bottle of it and how does she plan to use it?
She said that in her hut/slum colony (jhopadpatti) people keep coming to ask for a little Ganga jal. She asks them for a glass of water in which she mixes one capful of Ganga jal. That’s it. Only one capful. And she never lets anyone else touch the bottle. It is a precious resource not to be squandered away. But what is used for? Oh… people come all the time to her for it. When someone is dying, they make the person drink it so that the passage is smooth. Or when she is feeling unwell she mixes it with a glass full of water, or for other occasions. But yes it is a prized resource.
I felt bad getting only a bottle full. If I had known I would have ditched the almond tarts and gotten another bottle full.
Devki told us thatshe was illiterate and that she uses ganga jal for everything as that is what she has been told is good. She can’t read and hence she listens to what she has been told. I told her that while we read a lot we still are at the mercy of what people tell us. We also don’t know for sure. We also plainly do what is told. To my mind – what works for you is medicine and what doesn’t is not. I had a tonsil issue that refused to go away in my teens. Till I took a long homeopathy course. It worked enough for me never to get it back again in all its fury. Probably it was that or probably there were external factors at work. No one knows for sure, do they? Read this article on homeopathy by one blogger I follow regularly. http://girishshahane.blogspot.com/2010/06/which-is-witch.html. All I say is that standing face to face with Devki I am not prepared to say that she is wrong and that I am right.
Now I know why Jasmine made me fill two more bottles. One friend of ours has two servants and last time Jasmine got only one bottle. It had resulted in a near fight situation. It’s a good thing I listen to Jasmine. She obviously knows best.

what a good boy am I

Yesterday was an unexpected holiday. It went like a breeze.
Not in any particular order - I met my brother for strawberry milkshake at home, made a tossed fantastic salad for wife, made a desert for her girlfriend, broomed the house (no maid), cleaned the vessels (no maid), hung out the clothes for drying (me maid), slept in the afternoon, read a book (finished it), started a new book, took Jispa to the garden, gave a lift to an old friend, folded the clothes, put Jispa to sleep, got her to eat her dinner by drawing things on her plate with the tomato sauce in the squeezy bottle, slept early, washed the vessels, had a south Indian breakfast date with my wife, ironed Jispa’s uniform and some other small stuff. Wow nice holiday.