fun

Ah well. The hospitalization was not as dramatic as I would have (not) liked it to be.

I like my attitude in life. So far I must have faced tons of shit in life. Most of the time, I look at the stuff that happened in the past and not be bitter about it. Some of my bosses were extremely horrible and I thought that was ok. They taught me a lot. Some of the incidents I have had in life have been quite tough but at the end, after a few years, I have been thankful for it. They made me stronger.

When I was about to be admitted to the hospital, I was quite sure I wanted to do all the stuff myself. I was determined to be independent. I did not want Jasmine of Jispa to fret over anything and I did not want o inconvenience anyone. I wanted to be a cheerful and happy patient. I was sure about it. Hospitalization is a very different experience and the only way to enjoy it is to think of it as a learning experience, much like a department store or going to Ikea. You look around you, you make mental notes, you think about how you feel and you enjoy, even if you don’t want to buy anything.

 I enjoyed the hospitalization in the same way. It was a new retail environment for me. I got admitted, filled in the paperwork across the three counters, changed into hospital clothes and was happily hanging around and talking to the doctors and nurses. It was pretty good going.

When I was being wheeled in to the operation theatre Jasmine and me were joking around and smiling. We were in high spirits. I was telling jasmine that’s its great thing that we got to experience the hospital, the operation theatre and other scary things on a minor knee surgery. It’s not a mission critical procedure. This was a voluntary surgery that we had to ensure I can lay sports. The risk of this surgery is very low. So the first, possibly intimidating experience was so easy to take in.

I was happy speaking to the nurses, doctors, staff and everyone around. That was quite a nice experience. I was telling jispa that I was very happy with my attitude. I saw this potentially scary and irritating experience as a learning ground and I kept my spirits and happiness around me high! That’s important. This ability to see adversity into an advantage or a learning experience while smiling is so important.

I hope that when my time comes and that I might be close to dying, I should still be able to smile, laugh and enjoy the experience. I want to think about my last few minutes and wonder – nice experience. I want to look at myself and say – good man, you didn’t stop learning at all. Of course it’s going to be emotional and tough to know you are terminal. But I still want to be awesome and fun at that. That’s my goal.

I wonder what may be the best way to go? A terminal illness and knowing it’s going to happen or a sudden situation like my dad. Sometimes I feel a finite time would also be interesting. I read two books written by people knowing that they were on their final journey.  One was When breath becomes air by Paul Kalanithi and another by the legendary Hans Rosling – Factfulness. Both were interesting reads. Paul’s book was amongst the best books I would have read in a long long time. His prose was brilliant and his description of his experience was mind blowing.  Possibly it kindled a bit of a thought in me. Possibly that now at 43, I am closer to death than I am to birth, has sparked these thoughts in me.

But I wonder.

Coming back to happiness. Yesterday I took Jasmine to Starbucks at BKC. BKC has three. Two of them I frequent. In both the places, the baristas know me very well. They greet me, talk to me and make me my awesome coffees. So when I reached there early with Jasmine, they greeted me warmly and asked me how I am and that it was a long time since they saw me. They give better service and they smile at me and talk. I even got a free extra shot of coffee to make the horrible one (Tahitian vanilla macchiato) taste better. Jasmine was wondering.

Next day, Jasmine was telling Jispa – do you know, dad is known to all the baristas at Starbucks and they greet him like a long lost friend. He has his girlfriends everywhere. Hah. No. It’s not just about frequenting the place, it’s not just about having girlfriends. It’s about knowing the people who serve you. It’s about speaking to them by calling out their name. It’s thanking them, smiling and being nice to them. This is how people know you, you get warmth and you spread warmth. There is a joy in that. I make it a point to make my coffee in a certain way, then I sip it in front of them and tell them, [name] it’s awesome, I love the coffee you made.

Such simple joys. I enjoy these little micro interactions with people where we chat/ talk/ smile move on. This is how we make friends in places that acknowledge us and are happy when we come back. This is the way to spread happiness all around.

I did that in the hospital as well. Spoke to the doctors, nurses, ward boys, everyone. Smiled, laughed, understood back story etc. This makes life so much fun!

teri ma ki...

The last week was a very tiring week. After many years I got a bad attack of tonsillitis. As a kid the tonsils have given me enough trouble. Come the monsoon and an attack of tonsils would be imminent amongst other illness. Then I remember I had an undertaken a long homeopathy course – six months I guess and my tonsils healed and I never got a bad attack from then on. I remember getting a little sore. I would then gargle with warm water mixed with Haldi and honey and then pop in a few capsules of septelin and a few paracetamols if required, but somehow manage and get to college. Reaching college was an important thing. Especially in TY. I remember this very well. I was tired of falling ill and I was the dam hobby centre secretary. I couldn’t fall ill. But I wasn’t feeling great. But I hung on and managed to stay in there and not fall completely ill. I think I was managing with a little fever but carrying on nevertheless.

But luckily tonsils and I stayed friends for a long time since then. Then last week tragedy struck… with a  vengeance. I had the worst attack of tonsils I have ever had… ever. Fever wouldn’t recede even on having paracetamol. Then our ayurvedic doctor advised us to go west. So we had to go to Jasmine’s aunt and get allopathy medicine. By the time we reached her maternity home, I had 104 degrees  fever when measured in the armpit – that meant it was more if measured from the inner mouth. Boy. I really wanted to see that 105 degree mark. All my child life, I have always wondered – what happends when you cross 104. We have never let that happen. That is serious shit. And the one time it was going to happen – I missed out on seeing it. I guess the right thing to do was to photograph it and put it on FB! 105 – what a freaking achievement. But I guess I was in no mood or had any energy left to do anything.

A few injections here and there and a dose of anti bitotics served with a  needle sticking in my right arm … and in a few minutes I was sweating and sleeping. I was gone….I slept for 12 hours straight. My first hospitalization. As a kid I always wanted to be hospitalized. I guess I was just a publicity seeker. Any which way. If my exploits in the school were not enough then I guess my weakness could get me some attention. But it took – 38 years to come and shit man. It sucks. Hospitals suck. I hate them. I need to get my hospital insurance bumped up to a 5 star room level so that if anything happens then I get access to some amazing rooms in some amazing place. Single room – sea view, large bathroom. It should be a hotel stay not a hospital stay. Heheh.

My boss had a heart issue a few years back and he told me later – that it’s important to protect your health first more than anything else. Because no matter what at the end – it’s you who is in the hospital bad, it’s you who has to stay there and it’s you who has to view the ceiling.  It’s obvious advice but it’s profound on many levels. No matter what you do for anyone for any job at the end when your health fails it’s you who has to face the consequences alone. You surely hurt those around you and they have to be in hospital with you. But the truth remains – you are alone and completely on your own on that bed looking at that ceiling.

One of the things that fatherhood, marriage and work has taught me. Actually rephrase that to age has taught me… I keep saying this to everyone – tu akela hai. Surely my daughter loves me. of course she does but she has a life of her own, she has to live it by herself, I can’t rely on her all the time. Same with my wife, same with my family or office colleagues. I may give them a lot and they probably owe me a lot and I too owe them, but you can’t call on these brownie points. In fact these brownie points are valuable because they are unused, not because they can be used. It’s funny – it’s like a little secret in a lock. Or like Schrodinger’s cat. Opening the box collapses the probability. Don’t look and don’t open. Let it be closed forever.

Unrelated – my Bluetooth profile name is ‘teri ma ki’. Like  a expletive… teri ma ki… So when I start my Bluetooth on my phone it displays teri maa ki. Yesterday Jispa just asked me – what does teri ma ki mean. Oops… nothing Jispa…. Its like a bad word, will explain later. Heheh. That was a fun moment.

And here is one bonus video of Schrodinger’s cat. I have been tossing that theory for almost everything these days. I love it and the way it keeps probabilities intact till it just opens the box and then… full bheja fry. These days I am using it to explain marketing these days!