teri ma ki...

The last week was a very tiring week. After many years I got a bad attack of tonsillitis. As a kid the tonsils have given me enough trouble. Come the monsoon and an attack of tonsils would be imminent amongst other illness. Then I remember I had an undertaken a long homeopathy course – six months I guess and my tonsils healed and I never got a bad attack from then on. I remember getting a little sore. I would then gargle with warm water mixed with Haldi and honey and then pop in a few capsules of septelin and a few paracetamols if required, but somehow manage and get to college. Reaching college was an important thing. Especially in TY. I remember this very well. I was tired of falling ill and I was the dam hobby centre secretary. I couldn’t fall ill. But I wasn’t feeling great. But I hung on and managed to stay in there and not fall completely ill. I think I was managing with a little fever but carrying on nevertheless.

But luckily tonsils and I stayed friends for a long time since then. Then last week tragedy struck… with a  vengeance. I had the worst attack of tonsils I have ever had… ever. Fever wouldn’t recede even on having paracetamol. Then our ayurvedic doctor advised us to go west. So we had to go to Jasmine’s aunt and get allopathy medicine. By the time we reached her maternity home, I had 104 degrees  fever when measured in the armpit – that meant it was more if measured from the inner mouth. Boy. I really wanted to see that 105 degree mark. All my child life, I have always wondered – what happends when you cross 104. We have never let that happen. That is serious shit. And the one time it was going to happen – I missed out on seeing it. I guess the right thing to do was to photograph it and put it on FB! 105 – what a freaking achievement. But I guess I was in no mood or had any energy left to do anything.

A few injections here and there and a dose of anti bitotics served with a  needle sticking in my right arm … and in a few minutes I was sweating and sleeping. I was gone….I slept for 12 hours straight. My first hospitalization. As a kid I always wanted to be hospitalized. I guess I was just a publicity seeker. Any which way. If my exploits in the school were not enough then I guess my weakness could get me some attention. But it took – 38 years to come and shit man. It sucks. Hospitals suck. I hate them. I need to get my hospital insurance bumped up to a 5 star room level so that if anything happens then I get access to some amazing rooms in some amazing place. Single room – sea view, large bathroom. It should be a hotel stay not a hospital stay. Heheh.

My boss had a heart issue a few years back and he told me later – that it’s important to protect your health first more than anything else. Because no matter what at the end – it’s you who is in the hospital bad, it’s you who has to stay there and it’s you who has to view the ceiling.  It’s obvious advice but it’s profound on many levels. No matter what you do for anyone for any job at the end when your health fails it’s you who has to face the consequences alone. You surely hurt those around you and they have to be in hospital with you. But the truth remains – you are alone and completely on your own on that bed looking at that ceiling.

One of the things that fatherhood, marriage and work has taught me. Actually rephrase that to age has taught me… I keep saying this to everyone – tu akela hai. Surely my daughter loves me. of course she does but she has a life of her own, she has to live it by herself, I can’t rely on her all the time. Same with my wife, same with my family or office colleagues. I may give them a lot and they probably owe me a lot and I too owe them, but you can’t call on these brownie points. In fact these brownie points are valuable because they are unused, not because they can be used. It’s funny – it’s like a little secret in a lock. Or like Schrodinger’s cat. Opening the box collapses the probability. Don’t look and don’t open. Let it be closed forever.

Unrelated – my Bluetooth profile name is ‘teri ma ki’. Like  a expletive… teri ma ki… So when I start my Bluetooth on my phone it displays teri maa ki. Yesterday Jispa just asked me – what does teri ma ki mean. Oops… nothing Jispa…. Its like a bad word, will explain later. Heheh. That was a fun moment.

And here is one bonus video of Schrodinger’s cat. I have been tossing that theory for almost everything these days. I love it and the way it keeps probabilities intact till it just opens the box and then… full bheja fry. These days I am using it to explain marketing these days!

in sickness and in health

Oh bloody hell. I got a bout of tonsillitis after how many years. When we first came to India while I was in the fourth standard, every monsoon would be typified by an attack. Straight 104 degrees fever with large enlarged tonsils. Nothing could be done about it. Sometimes an ice candy would do the trick sometimes (almost instantly) the gola would do it or sometimes something else. I was a weak boy and the culprit was tonsils. It was my bête-noir. I remember taking antibiotics after antibiotics. Pink tablets, multi colored capsules and what not. Many times it would just relapse. We actually contemplated just cutting the dam thing off. The incentive for me was when you get them operated the recuperation involves having tons of ice cream and other cold stuff. The healing process after the operation was quite an irony. But my Ayurvedic doc who was our neighbor would have none of it. He kept telling that tonsils are the guards of the mouth. They act like curtains and absorb the primary infection and not let it get inside. Wisdom prevailed and we never got them operated. But I paid a hell of a price for them.
I remained pretty much a thin weakling in childhood, right up to college days. My weight was stuck at 59 kilos. I remember seeing the weighing scale as some sort of a jinx. Whenever I touched 61 I would fall sick again and drop back to 58-59 and a 28 inch tummy. A thin boy of height around 5 feet 8 inches. I have been through chicken pox, jaundice, typhoid, food poisoning and when everything else fails – you have tonsils. Tonsils would attack in monsoon and in winter. I had to really watch what I eat. It came under control after a prolonged Homeopathic treatment after which they only resurfaced as a mild version which I used to take care of myself.
I was tired of my dad and the rest of the family calling me a weakling. I hated it when they made fun of it. I don’t remember my mom making fun of it but like a mommy reaction she was over protective. She wouldn’t give me a greater deal of independence and would stop me from doing a lot of things. She was always afraid I would fall ill. So I would get endless lectures on how I must take care of my health and how the answer to a lot of permissions was always NO. So the curbs on freedom along with the sarcasm was not too enjoyable as a kid. Especially when this alpha male had a deep burning desire to join the Armed forces. It hurt and it hurt bad. So while in college I used to hide my tonsil attack from family. (I wouldn’t risk another lecture or some more restrictions on freedom) … Luckily for me, the intensity was less thanks to the homeopathy. It would be kept in control with crocin, septilin tablets and gargles of turmeric and honey with warm water. I remember those times being lonely. It was me alone with my pet peeve.
Life has enough lessons to teach. You simply do what you like being done to you and don’t what you hate. Being a weak sickly child I faced the brunt of a sarcastic family. I don’t mean to harsh on them and I hold them no ill will. They did take care of me. My mom and dad did their best. But it’s being at the receiving end of a joke that I hate. I did not ask for this. I inherited your genes. I don’t try and fall ill. It happens. Shit happens. The least I can expect is some care or some sympathy. Sometimes I wonder these jokes we crack at our children might leave them permanently scarred. Now after many years of confidence building through performance and understanding I can take some shit being thrown at me. At those times, these just left me with self doubt if I could really make it in the big bad world.
So the flip side – I end being extra caring with people who are unwell. I of all people know that it’s not your fault. I have learnt to look at medicines and ask what they are for. I have learnt to research my issues on my own and get a better understanding of them. Understanding them is the first step towards accepting them and solving them. Some cant be solved but a lot can be done by simply accepting and moving on. It gives you mental stability. And a little caring shown in other people’s issue helps them solve their issues far better and faster. Hence I don’t make fun of any body’s medical issues. No matter how sleight. I try and research or look it up, understand the illness and then possibly prod people on. Its amazing how a simple understanding and a scientific temperament helps understand and deal with issues. Even you cant do that, just don’t screw with their minds. They did not ask for it and they don’t exactly like being there.
Sometimes I wonder what it might have been to be a healthy kid. Today I am at 69 kilos and reasonably fit. I out run everybody at the parents race and have been doing so ever since I took part. In school and college I was never the fastest one. I never got a medal in school for this. I have always maintained that I possibly deteriorated slower than the others, but I think I actually improved. Not falling sick so often I think I have given my body the opportunity to be what it does best. Be active and fast. With a naturally thin torso and somehow fitter than average legs, I think I would have done well in sports. But the tonsils never let me. Never.
So my bête-noir, nice seeing you again. We meet after a long hiatus. I thought I had dispatched you to kryptonite. But it seems you have made it back. As we sit face to face, you have won part one of the battle. I remember you always attacking while I swam. But I am going to continue swimming. I cant lose to you. I know you will relapse as well, but I will take care. Warm water with turmeric held me in the past and they will hold so in the future.
This time the attack is ferocious. After many years I have had to resort to allopathic medicine. I hate it. The cocktail of pills can’t be true. Two sets of antibiotics with another few vitamins… arrg. I hate them. I had to discontinue my ayurvedic as it got too long for an attack this ferocious. Yesterday I got medicine injected intravenously. That gave me instant relief but I so hate it. I know that antibiotic cocktails kill my body but the pressure to get well and restart life has been too much this time around for me. Sometimes I wonder how we live with this pressure.
I want to dedicate my life to a life without pressure. Will I be able to push people to achieve without using the tools of pressure? Will people who work with me be able to perform with pressure? You just have to take on your team people who are willing to perform without the burden of pressure. Those who naturally take it on and don’t feel it from top. It comes in from within… but hold… this is another blog post. Right now weren’t we on earth versus kryptonite.
Yes. So the villain is back. My cocktail infusion has got me up and hopefully walking for now. I lost two kgs in the process. Matter not my friend. I resent you not. You taught me how to live with others. You taught me empathy in sorrow. You taught me life. I am possibly a better human being thanks to you. Possibly like most villains you are not a villain after all. You are me. We can’t live without each other. The presence of one defines the other. Yes. What would I be without you dear boy. What would I be? Possibly an ass who finds pleasure or sarcasm in misery. No. the price of health is way too much. I would take tonsils any day. BRING THEM ON!