whats love got to do!

Ah, just past the valentine day. When I was in college Valentine day became a significant day in my life. My wife first kissed me on Valentine day :) in Eros theatre.

Eros itself had an important place in my life in college. Eros along with Sterling, Regal and to a lesser extent – New Excelsior. When I was in college we did not have the coffee shops and the places where people just went to hang out and do nothing. I so wish they were there when Jasmine and I were having our courtship days. So, young couples like us had no option really but to go for a movie. Movies theaters were nice dark places, where you could enjoy with friends as well and they were pretty cheap. In ’91 the price of a ticket at Sterling, I remember was around 8 bucks for stalls and around 10 for balcony and 15/16 for dress circle. To put it in perspective a croissant at ‘Croissants etc’ – the cake shop we used to go to – was at around 10 buks. Movies were cheap and cute places for couples to go and spend time with each other. 3 full hours of togetherness.

Valentine days were significant in our lives then. The college would come alive with love and hearts and red everywhere. Couple would revel in the romance that was in the air and guys would muster up courage to propose on this day. The card and gift shop called “Archies”, names after the archetype the young kids aspired for, would do crazy business as young ones would spend hours searching for greeting cards or gifts for their beaus. Falling in love was a slightly expensive affair.

We were possibly the first generation that started celebrating it with all gusto and pomp. Every beggar and street vendor would sell truckloads of long stem roses wrapped in white cellophane. So many of the roses and cards would land in the gutter and in the dustbin. 80% of these were because the girls rejected them and 20% of these because the girls couldn’t take them home. Valentine’s day was frowned upon as not being a part of our culture and heritage. Protests and scores of articles would be written for and against it. In the end, I guess the politicos had to bow down to the general mood of the people and silence their voices. Love cannot be stopped. It cannot be directed and slowly it will break all taboos and restrictions we place on it. I love how it is happening everywhere.

Recently we went for an engagement of Jasmine’s nephew. As we were entering the hall, I realized that the lady he was getting married to didn’t sound like a gujju name. Slowly my senses acted up, the crowd at the venue too looked different. Some kids didn’t look like kutchis and I overheard some Marathi – possibly friends. A few more minutes into the function and I knew something was different. Then when the boy’s brother came to me and we chatted up, I realized. Love marriage. Ah. The girl is Maharastrian and they met doing some professional courses. There was opposition at home from the mother of the groom but everybody worked on her and convinced her. Hah!

It was nice to see these barriers falling. At my time, the first barrier to fall was the simple issue of choice of bride. I was lucky as Jasmine and me are both Jains and some similar sub caste. Just a small difference of being gujju and kutchi. But large similarities existed. But it was a love marriage nevertheless and it broke some new ground in the family for the first time. Now inter caste marriage is happening and that is breaking another ceiling. The auntie I guess will soon realise that while she keeps her family in control and ensures a happily knit environment, love knows no barriers. The bride and the groom were looking so cute together and happy together, quietly knowing that they smashed one large barrier. Almost like – one large breakthrough for them, one small breakthrough for the rest to follow.

All the talk about integration of communities and a secular society will only bear fruit if we integrate in a real way if we allow our children to marry of their choice across barriers of caste, creed, ethnicity, age and sex. To have a really integrated society and culture you have to set people free. Simply standing up for the national anthem when it’s played in theaters and mouth it loud will lead to nothing. I would hazard that it will only create more exclusion and a behavior of race superiority. It will be ingrained towards more right wing behavior and nation will only fragment not build. Allow the tribes to intermingle for the best possible genepool distribution and competition. Allow people to move freely across cities for work and employment and from that will new ideas emerge.

Ah! But the power of unbounded love will force more power to kneel before it. Not like in the movies, where one love forces power, it will be a collective effort of love across generations. I am happy I put my one stone in the pot for the level to rise. I am happy that kids after me, will put in their stones as well. Slowly the water will overflow.

Bonus video – in the name of love!

Another random video. This is more for the lyrics that contained these words that I read somewhere

How do you measure - measure a year?
In daylights - in sunsets
In midnights - in cups of coffee
In inches - in miles
In laughter - in strife

But still and the full lyrics are below

(read till end – There is a post script)

Lyrics

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Moments so dear
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure - measure a year?
In daylights - in sunsets
In midnights - in cups of coffee
In inches - in miles
In laughter - in strife

In - five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure
A year in the life

How about love?
How about love?
How about love?
Measure in love

Seasons of love
Seasons of love

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Journeys to plan

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure the life
Of a woman or a man?

In truths that she learned
Or in times that he cried
In bridges he burned
Or the way that she died

It's time now - to sing out
Tho' the story never ends
Let's celebrate
Remember a year in the life of friends

Remember the love
Remember the love
Remember the love
Measure in love

Soloist number one
Measure, measure your life in love

Seasons of love
Seasons of love

Also on another note - I was talking to a young kid on how Valentine’s day is not so significant in our life now that we are all married and older and we don’t really gift each other much. Also add to that, that we both are … cynical? What’s a better word for it? Yes – skeptical. We just are practical about this. Yes we did wish each other but that was more for fun than anything else. Just playing out loud the ridiculousness of the ritual. Hehehe.

open up

These days I have been reading about the kahp panchyat and how these administrative groups believe in regressive methods and are equally notorious as the Taliban. Any of these right wingers really get my goat. After all these ears we still remain enemies of love. The khap panchayat send out lynch orders for those marrying within the ‘gothra’ (sub sect). They try and control so many elements of life. It is so completely anal. But if I were to think a bit more, just about 15 years ago I had to face resistance from my would be in laws while getting married. Not that it was in any way so severe. They are pretty sweet and they were pretty willing to listen but the fact that they had to be convinced to start with is the point of contention. I am not so sure if my side of the family would have been as amiable if Jasmine had been a Muslim or a Christian. I duuno why would you have issues on this to start with? Why would love marriage be such a dam taboo? In fact one of the things that I am planning to do is go for the queer march on 16th august. I want jispa to know pretty early that she can choose her life partner and it surely can be any sect or sex. I would want her to know that love is truly blind.
The fun would happen in parenting if she gets a doper or a complete nincompoop home. Now that’s going to be one test for me as a father. Rest I am pretty ok with.
I guess the thing is to be a bit open in life. Its tricky but necessary to isolate the cause form the symptom. Yesterday was on case in point. Jasmine’s borther comes home from a prayer meet for a 4 teenagers who died while picnicking at one of Mumbai’s beaches. They had just about gone into the water (knee deep) when they were pulled by the currents. He came in exclaiming “I have decided, no more going to the beach. It is too dangerous”. As he looked at me I knew it would be slightly controversial but I had to reply “more people die in swimming pools than off beaches!” I remembered reading something in freakonomics on more people in US die of swimming pools in homes than guns kept at home (or something like that). My next line was also my favorite line which I use all the time “more people die crossing the road than while on a picnic”. He looked at me. A few invaluable moments of silence and reflection. “beaches are not any more dangerous than roads, but the problem is going in the water in monsoon. The currents are dangerous and are likely to sweep you off. So don’t stop living. Enjoy your beaches but exercise caution and use your brains. It is visibly rough in the monsoon. Stay clear. In calm waters, enjoy”. Tinggg….The score reads one nil.
On right wing fundamentalism – I also read that thanks to their male fixations the sex ratio is getting adversely affected. Wow. There is no better way to finish a race than to somehow produce only males. I could not have given them a better path to self annihilation. The words of Master Oogway from the movie Kung fu panda come to mind “One often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it”

Yes. Master Oogway is one of favorite characters ever. Here is a snapshot of his immense wisdom.

freedom to be

It is not often that I feel a sense of euphoria seeing the headlines of a newspaper. Typically I tend to be circumspect or skeptical about the actual impact in our lives. Today was one happy exception. The headlines read “INDIA’S GAY DAY - in a landmark ruling Delhi HC says homosexuality is not a crime”. I actually felt good and very happy. I have always wanted to take part in the queer day parade and openly show my solidarity for the community. After all, why should sexual preference, be held hostage to social norm. To my mind it’s the same bigots who oppose simple things like love marriage and inter caste marriage and the sorts.
When Jasmine and I were going around we were in mortal fear. Fear of getting caught or being found out by her parents or her brother. Her brother is a genuinely sweet guy but at the time he too held orthodox views and would play the role of BIG BROTHER. He was so bloody irritating and obnoxious. He was enemy number one for us at the time. But then life moves on. The guy even once apologized for the grief he caused us. But then that’s another story. Love marriages are still so strongly opposed in India. The cities are getting far better as in I see the reluctance slowly being come over. But beyond these pockets things might are not the same. While chatting up with a fort guide in Bharatpur, we came to section of the fort frequented by couples. This led me ask him on inter-caste marriages. He was clear. Inter caste marriages don’t happen in the town. There is a huge opposition to this resulting in ostracization, beatings and what not. We still haven’t grown up I guess.
But I guess with the pro gay ruling coming in our bigots will be forced to accept more such openness and will help in modifying their attitudes. Now I want to see parents opposing inter caste relationship between gay couples. That should be something.

Further links
http://girishshahane.blogspot.com/2009/07/gay-rights-and-religion.html
http://devdutt.com/did-homosexuality-exist-in-ancient-india