whats love got to do!

Ah, just past the valentine day. When I was in college Valentine day became a significant day in my life. My wife first kissed me on Valentine day :) in Eros theatre.

Eros itself had an important place in my life in college. Eros along with Sterling, Regal and to a lesser extent – New Excelsior. When I was in college we did not have the coffee shops and the places where people just went to hang out and do nothing. I so wish they were there when Jasmine and I were having our courtship days. So, young couples like us had no option really but to go for a movie. Movies theaters were nice dark places, where you could enjoy with friends as well and they were pretty cheap. In ’91 the price of a ticket at Sterling, I remember was around 8 bucks for stalls and around 10 for balcony and 15/16 for dress circle. To put it in perspective a croissant at ‘Croissants etc’ – the cake shop we used to go to – was at around 10 buks. Movies were cheap and cute places for couples to go and spend time with each other. 3 full hours of togetherness.

Valentine days were significant in our lives then. The college would come alive with love and hearts and red everywhere. Couple would revel in the romance that was in the air and guys would muster up courage to propose on this day. The card and gift shop called “Archies”, names after the archetype the young kids aspired for, would do crazy business as young ones would spend hours searching for greeting cards or gifts for their beaus. Falling in love was a slightly expensive affair.

We were possibly the first generation that started celebrating it with all gusto and pomp. Every beggar and street vendor would sell truckloads of long stem roses wrapped in white cellophane. So many of the roses and cards would land in the gutter and in the dustbin. 80% of these were because the girls rejected them and 20% of these because the girls couldn’t take them home. Valentine’s day was frowned upon as not being a part of our culture and heritage. Protests and scores of articles would be written for and against it. In the end, I guess the politicos had to bow down to the general mood of the people and silence their voices. Love cannot be stopped. It cannot be directed and slowly it will break all taboos and restrictions we place on it. I love how it is happening everywhere.

Recently we went for an engagement of Jasmine’s nephew. As we were entering the hall, I realized that the lady he was getting married to didn’t sound like a gujju name. Slowly my senses acted up, the crowd at the venue too looked different. Some kids didn’t look like kutchis and I overheard some Marathi – possibly friends. A few more minutes into the function and I knew something was different. Then when the boy’s brother came to me and we chatted up, I realized. Love marriage. Ah. The girl is Maharastrian and they met doing some professional courses. There was opposition at home from the mother of the groom but everybody worked on her and convinced her. Hah!

It was nice to see these barriers falling. At my time, the first barrier to fall was the simple issue of choice of bride. I was lucky as Jasmine and me are both Jains and some similar sub caste. Just a small difference of being gujju and kutchi. But large similarities existed. But it was a love marriage nevertheless and it broke some new ground in the family for the first time. Now inter caste marriage is happening and that is breaking another ceiling. The auntie I guess will soon realise that while she keeps her family in control and ensures a happily knit environment, love knows no barriers. The bride and the groom were looking so cute together and happy together, quietly knowing that they smashed one large barrier. Almost like – one large breakthrough for them, one small breakthrough for the rest to follow.

All the talk about integration of communities and a secular society will only bear fruit if we integrate in a real way if we allow our children to marry of their choice across barriers of caste, creed, ethnicity, age and sex. To have a really integrated society and culture you have to set people free. Simply standing up for the national anthem when it’s played in theaters and mouth it loud will lead to nothing. I would hazard that it will only create more exclusion and a behavior of race superiority. It will be ingrained towards more right wing behavior and nation will only fragment not build. Allow the tribes to intermingle for the best possible genepool distribution and competition. Allow people to move freely across cities for work and employment and from that will new ideas emerge.

Ah! But the power of unbounded love will force more power to kneel before it. Not like in the movies, where one love forces power, it will be a collective effort of love across generations. I am happy I put my one stone in the pot for the level to rise. I am happy that kids after me, will put in their stones as well. Slowly the water will overflow.

Bonus video – in the name of love!

Another random video. This is more for the lyrics that contained these words that I read somewhere

How do you measure - measure a year?
In daylights - in sunsets
In midnights - in cups of coffee
In inches - in miles
In laughter - in strife

But still and the full lyrics are below

(read till end – There is a post script)

Lyrics

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Moments so dear
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure - measure a year?
In daylights - in sunsets
In midnights - in cups of coffee
In inches - in miles
In laughter - in strife

In - five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure
A year in the life

How about love?
How about love?
How about love?
Measure in love

Seasons of love
Seasons of love

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Journeys to plan

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure the life
Of a woman or a man?

In truths that she learned
Or in times that he cried
In bridges he burned
Or the way that she died

It's time now - to sing out
Tho' the story never ends
Let's celebrate
Remember a year in the life of friends

Remember the love
Remember the love
Remember the love
Measure in love

Soloist number one
Measure, measure your life in love

Seasons of love
Seasons of love

Also on another note - I was talking to a young kid on how Valentine’s day is not so significant in our life now that we are all married and older and we don’t really gift each other much. Also add to that, that we both are … cynical? What’s a better word for it? Yes – skeptical. We just are practical about this. Yes we did wish each other but that was more for fun than anything else. Just playing out loud the ridiculousness of the ritual. Hehehe.

Dont STOMP on the clown

How long can you wait for something?

Many mnay years ago, I remember that the popular program on state controlled TV was a news segment that was privatized. It used to come every Friday, I think later in the evening. It was very well produced and it brought to India the highlights of everything happening around the world. It was Prannoy Roy’s ‘The world this week’. We grew up understanding the world as seen from the perspective of this show. Indian News was typical state run and boring with a newscaster giving the highlights through a script, with very little video reporting. Most of the reporting centered around the Prime Minister and his stooges. At the end of the news show, The world this week, always had a small interesting segment, an interesting video or a clip on anything around the world. Once, they showcased a very novel group making waves around the world. This was a musical dance group that only made music, and danced to it, from items found around in the streets. They used garbage cans, plastic drums and broom sticks to make excellent beats. I so wanted to see it some-day, some place. This would have been in or around 1991. I never forgot that feeling and that desire. I wanted to see for sure.

Recently around a month back, newspapers had ads that said that the original show “Stomp” was there in India, with shows in Mumbai. This was the original group that performed the percussion show that I saw on TV 25 years ago. It was here and in Mumbai and accessible. This was awesome. I definitely wanted to see it. I used the youtube to sell this to her. She was game. Often desires are scarified at the altar of family time. Then the next was Jispa. One Sunday, I showed it to her. I showed her the youtube videos and she was on board as well. So, the challenge was to figure the show in the busy schedule that Jispa and Jasmine have. Mine is simple. I work like a dog 5 days of the week and the weekend is devoted to family. Family has swim and other priorities and then I am done.

This time Jasmine figured the time and asked me to book the tickets. I was pretty excited. The tickets were definitely not cheap. They started at 750 bucks and went upto 4,500 a head. This was at the NCPA theatre which was a large but awesome theatre. At this place there aren’t really any bad seats. And inspite of waiting 25 years, I still didn’t want to spend so much money. I know it’s kind of nice and interesting but still. I saw the seating and there, the last two rows were for 750 and then the third row was 1000 and then the 5^th row was 1500 and there on. Wait a second. Was I going to pay double just to be seated four rows in front. That wasn’t happening. I ended up taking the last row at 750 bucks a ticket. I don’t know if I was getting cheap or I was getting really cheap or I was just a smart guy who was making a rational price value trade off.

Nevertheless, the 25 year wait was well worth it. The guys were lovely, athletic and full of energy. Most importantly they had enough funny moments in the show that added a lot of relief. They engaged with the crowd and made the crowd a part of the troupe by having segments in which the crowd was clapping in a set beat. There was one guy in the troupe who was singled out as the clown and who would do things against the grain of the performance. The most random of things would happen. One special random moment was when the troupe was making some music with the shopping carts as props. They kept passing the carts around each other, when randomly one shopping cart is thrown from one side of the stage to another and in it is this same guy who is calmly reading a newspaper. It was so weird and random that it was funny.

Later on, I had the chance of discussing this with Jispa. Seeing it for the amazing experience that it is, is one thing; but having the chance to discuss it with someone is another; and that someone who takes it further and imparts knowledge to you.. outstanding; and that is your daughter – complete priceless. She and me spoke about the performance and we discussed on how it was crazy and amazing. I spoke about the drama, the anticipation, the exaggeration of the movements and fun it brought on stage. Jispa took it to another level – she spoke about the ‘red nose clowning’ technique that she learnt at school. She spoke about how the show employed all the techniques to give the performance. Now that Jispa is old enough and she understands drama better, she likes to come for shows with us. Now to keep an eye out for such shows and to have conversations that generally increase the level of intelligence between the family. What more could I ask for.

On clowning, I just recently heard about the term mattachino.  This is the term used for the Italian court jester. The jester in the court was an important figure. His job was to tell truth to power. “Their role was more than pure amusement; they were the original “truth tellers,” whose job was to mock typical human vices of vanity, venality, snobbery, petulance, laziness, carpetbaggery, and fatuity. The court jesters aimed their humor at the usual targets: religion and the hypocrisy of its authority figures; pompous and self-serving scholars and grandiloquent artists; knavish and sycophantic court officials; and indolent, mercurial, or incompetent rulers.”

As I read about the mattachino, I realize that in office and at home as well, there is a need for the mattachino who role in life is to tell truth to power. Truth to power is dangerous and is not often allowed. More often than not it is punished. But a clown is the only way to say it. That is the way to tell power and for the power to digest it – through humor and laughter. When I started working, I have always noticed that there is always one guy in the team whose job it is to clown around, to speak the truth in a way that is best digested by everyone. When he opens his mouth, everyone laughs as he speaks the truth, he criticizes but in a way that you cannot take offence. I think in every board room, there should be a role of the jester. His job should be to diffuse the tension, to laugh, to crazy jokes, to make fun of people and to allow truth to emerge. In my previous company, I had a crack team. But this team most crucially had the freedom to laugh and to poke fun at each other. They would poke fun at me and I would get back at them. We would laugh. That allowed everyone to improve and move ahead.

Laughter is important. At our home, I take this very seriously. Everyone is allowed to crack jokes on anyone. You can’t feel bad about it. The most truth is told when we are having fun at each other’s expense. Within the norm of humor, respect and care, humor can only improve the team. My cricket team as well. Humour was important element. We used it to push each other and poke fun at each other.

Now I understand one more important dynamic of teams and one important dynamic of laughing. Interesting. Who knew…

Today almost by Gods will, while write this post I stumbled upon this video, which beautifully captures the emotion of poking fun through the vehicle of teasing.
See it - 



and this

bonus - Stomp trailer