whats a high cost?

I have had some obscenely bad luck with books of late. I don’t know if I have gotten more arrogant there is little to note of new writing coming through. So I have endured one bad book after another. Books with little to say but a lot of words by which to say it. It is really irritating to get one book that you want to finish off after another. Nothing gripping or interesting that keeps you awake or alive, waiting to turn the page. In the niddle I got one interesting one but it was too small. It was the book called ‘jaane bhi do yaaron’ which was based on the making of the movie by the same title. It was well written, well researched and as funny as the movie itself. But that book was too small and I finished it off in one Sunday. That too only in one sitting in the morning followed by an evening sitting. The problem with good books is that they get over pretty fast. Pretty sad nah. So I have been a little irritated with my books. Shopping seems to have lost some of the charm. I can’t even see books on the shelf that makes me want to buy them.
Jispa on the other hand for the first time had a gift for herself in mind. She went roaming with my sister and came back to tell us that “mom, dad, you know what, I know what I want for my birthday”. Her birthday is 4 months away. That is some long range planning. “so what is it?” we ask. “you know, I saw this lovely watch, it has stop watch and light and it has a compass and it only cost 700 rupees. It is dam cool and I like it. Can we buy it on my birthday?”. “Oh well. Jips, you haven’t really ever asked us anything in particular ever. So it’s not important to wait for your birthday. We can buy you that watch this week itself”. Poor thing. She saw her watch and decided that she liked it and even saw the price and figured that 700 is probably a cheap thing. In any case we don’t exactly buy her a whole lot of stuff, so these small things I was more than happy to give right away. Its like this other day when the mangoes were still not in season. But some places the first flush was coming in and Jispa was asking Jasmine, when they would be in season. Jasmine and I have been pretty broke these days with the loan instalments of the new house and we have been a little tight with the money thing. Jispa kept inquiring politely when the mangoes would be in season. She was dying to get her season’s first mango. I told Jasmine to go buy the mangoes. The rate 900 bucks a dozen. Wow. But I figure that Jispa is a good kid and she very rarely, if ever demands/ wishes/ covets something. In many ways she has the least amount of ‘stuff’ amongst all her peers. No game boy, no ipod / ipad, no cell, nothing besides books. So we decided to get her the mangoes.
At 900 bucks a dozen they were the most expensive we would have ever bought. A few weeks later they were to fall to 250 bucks. But hell I can go to sleep thinking that I gave my kid 900 bucks ka mangoes. Hehe. Stupid parenting issues that we face.
Coming back to books. There was one book that many years ago I started reading. It is called ‘ if you meet Buddha on the road, kill him’. I remember reading it years ago and finding it very very good. So good that I kept it back without finishing it, telling myself that I would one day read it, I would in effect one day be ready for it. I can’t believe how right the decision was. In the last few years, a lot f my job role requires me not to do as much work but to work with minds. I am required to counsel my team more than anything else. They probably know what they need to do, they need to reach their peaks in working and it’s largely my job to help them reach there. So the book, which is about a physiotherapist’s story on how he treats and talks to patients. Sometimes I believe that my core job is just listening and coaching. That’s all I am required to do. And the book gives some awesome advice on talking and listening. It’s fun and deep at the same time.
I have always felt that in the past I have been guilty of reading through a book without due respect to eth author and his story line. Why is which chapter arranged such. What is the name of the chapter. I think the name of the chapter also has something to say about the book and it helps in understanding of the book, but I have most of the time chosen to ignore it. This time around with this book, I have trying to understand why the chapters have been arranged so. The way it starts and builds a case, understanding that case before proceeding is an important part of reading a book. I feel that I normally tear away and rape the book. Start digging in immediately for tit bits of data and information that I can peel away, digest and use. Almost a hungry dog gnawing away at piece of thrown meat. There is nothing refined or sublime about my reading style. Just a rape.
I hope his book changes my style. I have learnt to read the back of the book, the prologue, the epilogue, the foreword, the comments, everything. But now I will start by reading the chapter list and keep in mind how the author is seeking to build his case while writing a book. A slow but gradual process that will perhaps help structure his thoughts in my mind.
Here is an interesting tit bit that I read and then reread and then finally captured it here. It is something that I have always maintained. Especially when younger one come to me for advise or issues or simple conversation. I tell everyone that people grow up. I grew up. Life slaps us all very hard and we use these opportunities to grow up. I think it’s given to us as a choice, it is forced down upon us as a growing up ritual. We don’t choose it but we make the choice. We lose every bit of ourselves as we grow up. a lot of it is our innocence. I always tell people ‘you will lose your innocence but hopefully, you will do so at a lesser cost’. In fact the more you resist loss of your innocence the more you will pay the price. It will be wrenched away from you, torn from your body and you will be left with a hardened heart. So many years gone by, and I wonder what became of me. Should I have become as hard as I have become? Could it not have been avoided? Nopes, I have only struggled to retain a core which I am at ease with. A simpler core than makes me happy, that may have been bereft of innocence but hopefully filled with care.
So I quote from the book “And remember, too, you can stay at home, safe in the familiar illusion of certainty. Do not set out without realising that; the way is not without danger. Everything good is costly, and the development of personality is one of the most costly of all things. It will cost you your innocence, your illusions, your certainty.”