Parents and kids have this constant tug of war between
freedom and compliance. Should we allow freedom or should we insist on
compliance. What is the right thing to do? Like many things it is a balance and
the right thing to do is completely dependent on circumstances and the safety
precautions. But sometimes safety is not even the consideration here. Deciding
what to wear is the most important thing that teens do. Jispa is a teen and
deciding what to wear is something she wants to do right now. She is gaining
her own sense of style. I see that in her. She decides what looks good on her
and what doesn’t. It drove us nuts till one day I decided that now she is old
enough to be what she wants to be. I haven’t ever stopped Jasmine from wearing
or buying anything she wants. I have sometimes given my opinion on what looks
good and what looks like crap in my opinion but I don’t think Jasmine can ever
accuse me of being overbearing or even largely influencing what she must wear.
I am clear about my life – I like to wear certain things and I don’t like to
wear some things – I want to be in control of that, and no one else.
I don’t want to wear formals and at times I am happy wearing
them. These are my choices. Those around me only have the right to have a
clean, non-stinky hygienic person around them. The rest should be completely
dependent on the individual in concern. What is clean is also up for debate.
Now days people are more tolerant towards a stubble – in fact it’s in fashion. Before
I remember it was sacrilege to come ‘unkept’ to office. Now I think people
spend more time on keeping a stubble than ever before. Fashion by definition is
edgy. It has to be different, it has to break convention. The younger you are
the better you will be at breaking convention. It is by breaking convention and
breaking laws that you will get ahead. You will have to fight the naysayers
around you, people who tell you that it’s not worth the risk, people who will
demand conformity. These are the fights you will have to take on to push for
change. As my favorite quote from Gearge Bernad Shaw – Change depends on the
unreasonable man.
Its been great since I have sat outside. I like to see these
guys doing crazy things and rebelling in their own way. The last post of
youtube videos from Dance India Dance was also thanks to them. I saw the movie
ABCD (part 1) over the weekend in an effort to understand them. They liked that
movie and I was happy to see it just to understand that. Now that I think about
it, when I was their age I too liked these movies. Dance as a form of expression
of rebellion is something that refuses to go out of form. The movie is nice –
it’s has no story whatsoever – besides what can be written on one side of a
cheap plasticy tissue paper that an udipi cuts into four quarter and leaves on the
table, it has no acting – in fact since it casts newbie dancers, the story
tries to stay clear of giving them too many emotions or dialogues. Most of the
shots are long and involve more than one actor. They took an aging but amazing
dancer as the lead to manage all the main shots and at the end the focus was
clear – DANCE and everything was an excuse to dance – and rebellion was the
emotion in the dance. Competition is the biggest driver – but the real driver
was competition against odds – against the entrenched – against the rich and
against the norms. What is dance without rebellion? Dirty dancing also was in
many ways the same thing.
Now coming back to rebellion back home. Jispa is rebelling
in her own small way. For one – she pissed Jasmine by wanting to put purple
laces on her pink sports shoes. Actually make that shoe – with the singular. She
put it only on one shoe. Wow that’s cool. Jasmine was not too amused and I had to step in. You
will have to allow this. This is simply a sign of individuality – and individuality
is by definition – rebellion.
I think this is going to be some cause of tension in the family.
We are going to see more of this rebellion. And I am priming myself for a
mindset that accepts this rebellion and in fact actually encourages it. I don’t
know how I can take it and I don’t know where I would break. But I know if I constantly
try, I will do better. Much better than ever. She may get into a lot more
trouble but that is the only chance she has of being herself, being who she truly
is. This way she hopefully will find out what she is without any encumbrances
from us. It has to be in spite of us and not thanks to us. Because if it thanks
to us then the rebellion is mine and when was the last time you trusted a couple
of 40 year olds to rebel for you.
