dance as a rebellion

Parents and kids have this constant tug of war between freedom and compliance. Should we allow freedom or should we insist on compliance. What is the right thing to do? Like many things it is a balance and the right thing to do is completely dependent on circumstances and the safety precautions. But sometimes safety is not even the consideration here. Deciding what to wear is the most important thing that teens do. Jispa is a teen and deciding what to wear is something she wants to do right now. She is gaining her own sense of style. I see that in her. She decides what looks good on her and what doesn’t. It drove us nuts till one day I decided that now she is old enough to be what she wants to be. I haven’t ever stopped Jasmine from wearing or buying anything she wants. I have sometimes given my opinion on what looks good and what looks like crap in my opinion but I don’t think Jasmine can ever accuse me of being overbearing or even largely influencing what she must wear. I am clear about my life – I like to wear certain things and I don’t like to wear some things – I want to be in control of that, and no one else.

I don’t want to wear formals and at times I am happy wearing them. These are my choices. Those around me only have the right to have a clean, non-stinky hygienic person around them. The rest should be completely dependent on the individual in concern. What is clean is also up for debate. Now days people are more tolerant towards a stubble – in fact it’s in fashion. Before I remember it was sacrilege to come ‘unkept’ to office. Now I think people spend more time on keeping a stubble than ever before. Fashion by definition is edgy. It has to be different, it has to break convention. The younger you are the better you will be at breaking convention. It is by breaking convention and breaking laws that you will get ahead. You will have to fight the naysayers around you, people who tell you that it’s not worth the risk, people who will demand conformity. These are the fights you will have to take on to push for change. As my favorite quote from Gearge Bernad Shaw – Change depends on the unreasonable man.

Its been great since I have sat outside. I like to see these guys doing crazy things and rebelling in their own way. The last post of youtube videos from Dance India Dance was also thanks to them. I saw the movie ABCD (part 1) over the weekend in an effort to understand them. They liked that movie and I was happy to see it just to understand that. Now that I think about it, when I was their age I too liked these movies. Dance as a form of expression of rebellion is something that refuses to go out of form. The movie is nice – it’s has no story whatsoever – besides what can be written on one side of a cheap plasticy tissue paper that an udipi cuts into four quarter and leaves on the table, it has no acting – in fact since it casts newbie dancers, the story tries to stay clear of giving them too many emotions or dialogues. Most of the shots are long and involve more than one actor. They took an aging but amazing dancer as the lead to manage all the main shots and at the end the focus was clear – DANCE and everything was an excuse to dance – and rebellion was the emotion in the dance. Competition is the biggest driver – but the real driver was competition against odds – against the entrenched – against the rich and against the norms. What is dance without rebellion? Dirty dancing also was in many ways the same thing.

Now coming back to rebellion back home. Jispa is rebelling in her own small way. For one – she pissed Jasmine by wanting to put purple laces on her pink sports shoes. Actually make that shoe – with the singular. She put it only on one shoe. Wow that’s cool. Jasmine  was not too amused and I had to step in. You will have to allow this. This is simply a sign of individuality – and individuality is by definition – rebellion.

I think this is going to be some cause of tension in the family. We are going to see more of this rebellion. And I am priming myself for a mindset that accepts this rebellion and in fact actually encourages it. I don’t know how I can take it and I don’t know where I would break. But I know if I constantly try, I will do better. Much better than ever. She may get into a lot more trouble but that is the only chance she has of being herself, being who she truly is. This way she hopefully will find out what she is without any encumbrances from us. It has to be in spite of us and not thanks to us. Because if it thanks to us then the rebellion is mine and when was the last time you trusted a couple of 40 year olds to rebel for you.

keeping up with the....

Red, greens, maroons, deep blue, dark browns etc… these are the colors for the season. You have ads all over the place promoting these colors. All the shops sell these colors they are there for the taking in pants and shirts as well as shoes. The pants are tapering and tight and the shirts are tight fitting as well. The fad is well and truly upon us. They are everywhere. And such loud fashion is universal. Right from the slums to the fashion lords on high street. Such loud fashion works well for everyone. I am possibly an old man now. I find it difficult to wear these colors. Nopes these are not for me.

It’s funny how age does it to people. When I was younger I would wear the loud fashion of the season. Bright colors, deep washed denims, colored t shirts and other stuff. One of the things that I loved wearing and that elders never understood was torn jeans or simply shorts. Both were an anathema. They just couldn’t understand why on earth would a grown up want to wear shorts? Isn’t that what you wear in school and isn’t that what you outgrow and mature into pants. And this boy was trying to go back. And torn jeans? Why would anyone want to look poor or as I would rephrase as ‘grunge’. That would be so bloody stupid. Then came the cargo pants. Why would anyone want to wear a pant with so many pockets? Cargo pants came into fashion at around the time Jispa was born. It was a boon. Carrying all of Jispa’s stuff in the many pockets. They really helped me carry my fatherhood with me.

And now – I sit like a fat head refusing to understand the new colors for the clothes they wear. I find myself old, stubborn rigid and stupid. I am reminded of my professor from school. Kantaraju. He used to wear the most boring pants. Flat front, no pleats, straight fit. That must have been the fashion at time he graduated. And he stayed there in the time warp. And I look at my wardrobe and feel, I have gotten stuck. Now what should I do. Should I change with the times? Should I ring out the old and ring in the new? Should I wear mustard tight pants with matching shoes?

I guess not. But I think I must get rid of the old shirts. I am generally not that particular a dresser. I don’t really mind too much about what I wear. I have my own sense of style (or lack of) which I am comfortable with. Over the years it has deteriorated into – screw you types fashion. This is what I wear. Sometimes I again dress up nice and sometimes I just don’t bother. I have shirts in my wardrobe that are possibly 10 years old as well. The average age of my shirts would easily be around 5 years. Possibly more. The cost would also be very low compared to the market. I don’t like spending too much on clothes. But then recently I had one hard look at myself in front of my wardrobe. I think I was becoming a Kantaraju. I was in danger of becoming a relic. I needed to throw out the stuff I don’t want. There are many shirts that are there because I am too cheap to throw them. They sit there, they don’t get worn, and they lie around and gather dust, that’s it. I was telling Jasmine that I need a new wardrobe now. And that can only happen once I rebuild my collection by throwing what I don’t wear and buying stuff that I will wear. Recreate my mix and match styles, fabrics and colors. I need cottons for the summer and woolen blends for the winter. If it means budgeting a fat sum and spending then so be it, but I need to get it done.

So it’s a funny one. While I hate to sound vain and bother about my clothes, I possibly also like to look decent and in line with current trends. And at the same time I am not wearing what these kids wear. That’s not my style. I have my own and it needs to evolve. If a marketing guy doesn’t, then who will? Eh?