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I was listening to a podcast. The podcast was about being quiet. This was in an interesting program that I stumbled upon – it’s called the TED radio hour. If you have been reading this blog then you must be familiar with the TED videos which are a constant course of fantastic information. The speakers there get 20 minutes at best and the successful ones become overnight worldwide internet celebrities.  This podcast takes these interesting talks and makes a show by creating theme and getting two three talks, stiches them and then supplements them by interviews with the speakers. It’s quite a nice radio show. It makes commuting so much more bearable.

A few days back there was a talk on quiet. It just talks about being quiet and a few talks around it. A few interesting points did come up. One of things I resonated with is the point of being an introvert versus being an extravert. Today in offices or anywhere in social life, being an extravert is being seen as a sign of strength. It’s good to be an extrovert. Leaders are extroverts. We are taught in school to be an extrovert – go out and seize the moment – talk to a 100 hundred people and taught confidently. Reach out and blah blah blah. The speaker argues that in the modern world we have placed a large amount of emphasis on being an extrovert and this is a modern phenomena. Just about a 100 odd years ago there was an emphasis on character that is measured and thoughtful and – introverted.

You know, I was always an outgoing extroverted guy. I couldn’t keep quiet, was happy in the company of people and openly gave opinion on all matters. Happy to take the lead in meetings, talk my mind and do all sorts of stuff. The Quintessential extrovert.  This is what I was taught to do. There are marks given for class participation and I would maximize them. In the last ten years after I started reading I realized that I did not know so much, I taught myself the value of keeping your opinions to yourself. Listen, actively listen! When listening, try and convince yourself that the other person’s point of view is correct and important. This is a difficult thing to do and it is extremely difficult for an extroverted person who jumps to ideas and thinks fast. So my mind works fast and gets the point and I have exhibit extreme impatience while talking…. Dam shit… this creates more enemies and it creates mistakes and it leaves a lot of meat on the table that must be heard completely to have impact in your head.

So its been a 360 degree change for me. While growing up the role models for me were all extrovert but now the role models are in many ways introvert. I am sure the right answer is between the two. I like to brood over, quietly think, and relax in one place with a book. Speak to a few people only on things that are interesting and people who are knowledgeable or thirsty for knowledge. Its interesting how things change.

Two other things I heard on the same program – I knew this story about George  Mallory wherein he was asked in 1924 –why he wanted to conquer mount Everest – He famously retorted “because it’s there”. This is a legend amongst mountain climbers. There is no other real reason to climb a mountain besides the fact that its there, waiting to be climed. This question was asked to a tight rope walker who has walked across various places without a safety net. He retorted with his variation – “because it’s in there”. Which is also true. He does it because inside of him there is something that is in there. Which I thought was cool.

The second thing I was inspired was by the speaker talking about the importance of quiet time. It’s difficult for me to get quiet time. But that is an excuse according to the speaker. If we get time for exercise or going to the gym, then we can definitely get quiet time for ourselves to get our mental balance right. Driving in an around Mumbai is a pain and a blessing in disguise, depending on the way you look at it. I hate the commute but now it has become an amazing opportunity to be in silence and listen to podcasts. I guess podcasts aren’t necessarily silent hour. But it still beats talking to people. I used to use this rule – listen while going to office and catch up on the phone while coming back. Now when I am tempted to reach for the phone and speak on the Bluetooth, I resist and decide to hold on to the podcasts. My silence is golden, you can keep on talking.

My mother would die laughing if she ever read this piece. Her youngest could never be silent and now he is preaching it like he has mastered it. Bull shit.

kaalia management

I have a new technique in management. MPF - Management by Poker Face. Whenever the kids come to me asking for help on a certain issue, I am going to just maintain the same face. Poker face. I did that a few times already. They come with a problem, they look at me, don’t get reaction, they walk away with an answer in their head. It’s that simple. No use of any subliminal techniques, no ESP, nothing. Just keep on doing what you were doing. Don’t ignore. Just keep the poker face. Don’t show any reaction. That’s it. people will magically grow up. They suddenly come to you less often. They take more decisions themselves. Things happen. Taking charge happens. Wow…

The next technique I want to apply is kaalia management. Whenever anyone comes to me with an issue I will simply look at the person squarely in the eye… hold it for a second… gaze upwards and say “you dip in the water and sharpen it again and again… o kaalia, I read your mind”. That’s it. Then turn away look somewhere else, walk away, type away. I think the key is the way you say it. It must sound profound enough. I am going to try this often. “.”
Do not take this portentous line lightly (I just learnt that word; I hope I am using it rightly. It means ominously prophetic). There is deep wisdom and reference from where I learnt it as an eight year old. My brother and sister burst out laughing every time I use it. We get hysterical and everyone around us fails to see the prophecy hidden within the line.

I will let you know what happens when I start using the kaalia technique to management.

Oh but you really do want to know what exactly the line means. Well here “you dip it in the water and sharpen it again and again… o kaalia, I read your mind”

silence

The most overrated skill in the world is oratory skill. I have no clue why people go gaga and reinforce this skill from childhood. We clap when the child speaks up, we clap when she goes on stage and speaks and we keep pushing them to speak. But the bigger skill is actually keeping quiet. So many people have so much opinion so little information. The more the opinionated the person clearly the lesser the knowledge he/she has. I was thinking today, that after reading quite a bit in the last few years, I have actually spoken less than I would have. In the face of knowledge, I keep quite, greedy to assimilate more and more. In the face of ignorance I keep quite, the quite confidence of knowing and of understanding the futility. There are more reasons to hold your tongue than to let it exercise. Yet we glorify speech. We must glorify silence. If you are smart, be quiet. If you are dumb even more reason to be quiet. But if you think you are smart and you open your mouth, then you are truly ……

Body language is also words. While we use body language some of us are conscious about it while the others are not so. Of course conscious is better than ignorance but here to the winner is the poker face. The ability to not use body language at all is a skill few posses. The silent assassin is the most effective one. Not showing your response in the short run can be the most power inducing strategy of all times.