Yesterday was Jispa’s PTM. It’s pretty much more of the same thing every year. When they are yet so young the PTM’s are a bit of a bore. Nothing much gets said and nothing much really happens. Jispa is by and large a sweet well mannered kid. Add to that is Jasmine’s commitment to Jispa’s school work and you have a pretty boring PTM. Her grades are decent, her work is decent and she manages her extra-curriculars decently well. Nothing exciting or interesting. But that’s how the education system is, isn’t it.
You follow simple norms and simple principles and stay in line. They don’t want you out of the system. Straight and narrow line is drawn as a system and you are expected to toe it. Of course things have improved. There is a lot more interaction today than it was in my days. The classes and the teachers are much more fun, at least in jispa’s school, compared to my school. But I suspect the hammering to stay in line is still there.
Jispa has a vivid and massive imagination. She can think of fun stuff and interesting stuff. Thanks to this she is many a time lost in her dream world. While bathing, getting ready, studying etc. always a dream world. I think thanks to this she can visualize all the science stuff as well as the abstract stuff that we talk about very well. But this is also the reason she gets into trouble – like she can’t finish her work in time or take her note sin time. Jasmine and I get castigated many times on this by well meaning friends. They always tell us, why are you scolding her thus and why don’t you just let it be?
The answers aren’t so simple. Jispa wants to do well in school. She wants to do well in life. As of now her goal in life is to be a scientist who invents something. She hasn’t yet meet Edison, but if she does, I suspect that guy is likely to be her big time role model. Many times she and I have had a chat on how scientists make money. She thought they will always be poor as who will give them money till they invent something that they can sell. And as it takes a lot of time to invent something, they are probably living a hand to mouth existence most of the time. I explained that most of the time you don’t really need to invent something as a scientist, you can sometimes, simply take things forward. The thing that comes to my mind is Newton who famously remarked about standing on the shoulders of giants. Nice thought. I will explain it to Jispa sometime.
But yes that’s the thing – Jispa has ambitions and goals. And sadly they are intertwined with a system that is regimented. The cross that we as parents have to bear is this. We have to give her a life that is free and fertile, full of imagination, play and opportunity. We have to give her a ton of experiences that allow her to blossom and choose what she wants to do or not do. She has to have a million experiences, but she also has to stay within a line if she is to have the chance to harness it. I haven’t learnt a great deal from my management education. In fact I tell people that I know what I know and have achieved whatever little I have not thanks to my management education but in spite of it. I still remember the lovely lectures and all the lovely experiences of the best teachers I have had, but have no respect for any of the tests or exams I took. I know only too well of the trauma they have caused. But also I know that I wouldn’t have been able to talk or have been able to lead, or been able to do much without this education. The system wouldn’t have given me so many chances.
The system is so bloody spooked that even the college you graduate from matters immensely. Many times I think what more I would have achieved had I been from a better college. Not a tiny bit more from what I might have learnt from there but simply, how many extra chances I might have got.
Jispa’s imagination will take her places. Her thinking will help her, but she will have to learn to rein it in for now. Control it and stay within line. The line is getting a bit broader, just a bit. They also now allow you periods when you can step out and come back in. but as I have learnt, she too will. It’s like the some fantasy movie. There is a golden ball with the dragon, but you the trick to take it from the dragon, is not to snatch it but to first bow down to it. Show your respect to the dragon and then only would the dragon allow you to come near it and collect it.
The education she gets is important and interesting. I still remember a lot of my chemistry and physics and mathematics. I remember a lot of the poems I learnt. They are good for sure. It’s only the way they want conformity is what I have an issue with. But till the system changes, Jispa will get a bit of scolding. She will have to wake up in time and get ready in time. She will have to sit at one place and get her Hindi spellings right. While I can read Hindi, one of the biggest regrets I have had is that I am unable to read Hindi literature. If she grows up wanting to read it, she will have to start now. And if she doesn’t do it now, she probably will never have the chance to do it.
We insist and make her practice the guitar. She loves it and is now pretty decent at playing it. She enjoys playing and practicing, but to get her to the table and sit down to practice it, is something that we as parents will have to do. Forget all this big stuff, Jispa will have to temper her imagination if she wants to get anything in life. Even she wants to see a movie, she will have to get out of the showers after her swim and get ready in time. It’s the same thing.
This life is pretty cruel. You have to make choices. The education system is a good scapegoat that all of us like to hit and blame. The only reality is time. We come with limited time and the dam thing doesn’t wait for us. We have to conform to it. An interesting perspective I read – time was thought of as a constant flowing thing, till we invented a clock that took this flow and broke it down into tiny tiny bits. Into hours and minutes and seconds and so on. It created a tick followed by a tick. I dare say in our bid to tame it we became its slaves. To think of it, it might have been the single biggest innovation that lead to progress and the single biggest contributor of stress.
So there – our parenting will get tested very often. We will have to give a free life within the boundaries defined. A paradoxical construct that stresses us as parents as much as it stresses the child. The only way is out is to try and get middle ground, a large middle ground, that allows for break outs and allows for us to listen. We must constantly be ready to expand this ground. The parents prayer – allow me to protect my child but more importantly, please let me know when to stop.
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