old dad in new home

Big dream done. We shifted to our new home on the 21^st of the April. Yes I am recording this date in this blog for historical purposes. The big dream was not merely shifting to this home but also sitting on a desk that I call my own and switching the computer on and writing my blog here. That is my big dream. I always wanted a bedroom with a small study table inside and a place to put my books and stationery, including pens and note books, etc. this is a place that I can retire to. Both Jasmine and me, old wrinkly and retired. Jispa is old enough to get her room, but she is old enough to not enjoy it too much.

I expect her to run out in a couple of years and possibly study elsewhere and this room of hers will be vacant. I don’t what we empty nesters would do then. But then that is a story for later. No point thinking too much about things that may or may not happen. As for now, I am enjoying the larger rooms and the space and the TV and gadgets in the kitchen; and my desk. That desk is very personal and important to me for some reason. It’s a tiny space that’s mine in the house. I love it and I seem to get possessive about it.

My little girl has also grown. Now she bullies us and we have to use extreme authority to get things done. I recognize that the only reason that she listens to us is because she wants to and because she has to. It’s going to get quite tough from now on for us. In such a scenario she will listen purely because we exert moral authority (or guilt). This become interesting for us as parents. This is becoming difficult for us as parents.

Moral authority is a bit of chimera and ephemeral at the same time. I think you can get a bit of these tokens which are very difficult to replenish. You cannot just start using it and expect them to work. You have to work on them and even when you use these tokens you have to be very clear about them. Like recently, I had to use complete total power when I banned the use of the cell phone in Jispa’s room. The cell phone cannot go inside the room. Full stop. This is a big one. She has been spending too much time in the room on her cell phone. A room by itself is black hole within which nothing escapes. The cell phone is equivalent of the gravitational force that makes the black hole so powerful. I am thinking of calling Jispa’s room ‘the singularity’.

So it was incumbent on me as the dad to enforce this discipline. I don’t like and it’s quite against my core beliefs in some way. You need exposure to technology and at 16 you can’t enforce too much. But then there was another core belief being compromised. That of keeping the family together and stopping what was essentially bad for her. It was the one thing that was eating into her reading time. Reading time is the one thing that has gotten me where I am today and I did not want to compromise that for her. Of late she has begun to read a lot less and that is disturbing as far as I am concerned. Possibly it’s because the books that she needs to read are very different from the ones I had and possibly she needs different people suggesting different set of books to her. Possibly she needs different interests. Poor thing right now has only pone perspective – mine and that I would admit is severely limiting. I try to get her to read a diverse set of books, but finally they are my diverse set of books. One big thing missing from my set is good fiction.

I want to restart my reading. One of the few things I have started is keeping my phone to charge away from the bedside table. It’s now on my study table. So no browsing and then sleeping. Second I want to stop taking it inside the loo. I have kept a book there to read instead. And I have bought books and am keeping them within arm’s length everywhere. I need to read more and this has to get kick started. I am also trying to get the laptop over the week end and catch up on the various tabs that I have left open during the week to finish my reading.

Right now it’s a bit of a bummer. With work being very hectic and the home setting up taking so time, one of the things that I haven’t found time for is myself. I need to find this time and give it to myself. Last week was so bad that I found myself popping in a few paracetamols and trying to get through the week. It’s a good thing that I had a holiday today. Nice relaxed no agenda day, trying to sleep in, do some basic house work and get some valuable rest.

So it’s a tough thing being a dad. All I can say is that I have learnt over the long run on how to be more effective than what I was earlier. I keep wondering how much my teen will test me. So far I must admit, it’s been fairly ok. She has her mood swings when she can get very annoying and difficult but on the whole she has been quite a breeze.

Right now while I was writing this blog, I had to use some of my brownie moral points to get her to study math. When we first told her, she was like ‘you promised you wouldn’t interfere with my studies’. Yes we won’t, but it’s also important for us to interject into your life when you are going wrong. Not studying is going wrong. So practicing math is also important for you in what you seek to do in your life. But yes – I can’t complain nor can I scold her, nor can I force. I can only use moral brownie points and I used a few of them right now. She must study math. It’s important for her life. But then how can we really push. Whatever works for now works.