old dad in new home

Big dream done. We shifted to our new home on the 21^st of the April. Yes I am recording this date in this blog for historical purposes. The big dream was not merely shifting to this home but also sitting on a desk that I call my own and switching the computer on and writing my blog here. That is my big dream. I always wanted a bedroom with a small study table inside and a place to put my books and stationery, including pens and note books, etc. this is a place that I can retire to. Both Jasmine and me, old wrinkly and retired. Jispa is old enough to get her room, but she is old enough to not enjoy it too much.

I expect her to run out in a couple of years and possibly study elsewhere and this room of hers will be vacant. I don’t what we empty nesters would do then. But then that is a story for later. No point thinking too much about things that may or may not happen. As for now, I am enjoying the larger rooms and the space and the TV and gadgets in the kitchen; and my desk. That desk is very personal and important to me for some reason. It’s a tiny space that’s mine in the house. I love it and I seem to get possessive about it.

My little girl has also grown. Now she bullies us and we have to use extreme authority to get things done. I recognize that the only reason that she listens to us is because she wants to and because she has to. It’s going to get quite tough from now on for us. In such a scenario she will listen purely because we exert moral authority (or guilt). This become interesting for us as parents. This is becoming difficult for us as parents.

Moral authority is a bit of chimera and ephemeral at the same time. I think you can get a bit of these tokens which are very difficult to replenish. You cannot just start using it and expect them to work. You have to work on them and even when you use these tokens you have to be very clear about them. Like recently, I had to use complete total power when I banned the use of the cell phone in Jispa’s room. The cell phone cannot go inside the room. Full stop. This is a big one. She has been spending too much time in the room on her cell phone. A room by itself is black hole within which nothing escapes. The cell phone is equivalent of the gravitational force that makes the black hole so powerful. I am thinking of calling Jispa’s room ‘the singularity’.

So it was incumbent on me as the dad to enforce this discipline. I don’t like and it’s quite against my core beliefs in some way. You need exposure to technology and at 16 you can’t enforce too much. But then there was another core belief being compromised. That of keeping the family together and stopping what was essentially bad for her. It was the one thing that was eating into her reading time. Reading time is the one thing that has gotten me where I am today and I did not want to compromise that for her. Of late she has begun to read a lot less and that is disturbing as far as I am concerned. Possibly it’s because the books that she needs to read are very different from the ones I had and possibly she needs different people suggesting different set of books to her. Possibly she needs different interests. Poor thing right now has only pone perspective – mine and that I would admit is severely limiting. I try to get her to read a diverse set of books, but finally they are my diverse set of books. One big thing missing from my set is good fiction.

I want to restart my reading. One of the few things I have started is keeping my phone to charge away from the bedside table. It’s now on my study table. So no browsing and then sleeping. Second I want to stop taking it inside the loo. I have kept a book there to read instead. And I have bought books and am keeping them within arm’s length everywhere. I need to read more and this has to get kick started. I am also trying to get the laptop over the week end and catch up on the various tabs that I have left open during the week to finish my reading.

Right now it’s a bit of a bummer. With work being very hectic and the home setting up taking so time, one of the things that I haven’t found time for is myself. I need to find this time and give it to myself. Last week was so bad that I found myself popping in a few paracetamols and trying to get through the week. It’s a good thing that I had a holiday today. Nice relaxed no agenda day, trying to sleep in, do some basic house work and get some valuable rest.

So it’s a tough thing being a dad. All I can say is that I have learnt over the long run on how to be more effective than what I was earlier. I keep wondering how much my teen will test me. So far I must admit, it’s been fairly ok. She has her mood swings when she can get very annoying and difficult but on the whole she has been quite a breeze.

Right now while I was writing this blog, I had to use some of my brownie moral points to get her to study math. When we first told her, she was like ‘you promised you wouldn’t interfere with my studies’. Yes we won’t, but it’s also important for us to interject into your life when you are going wrong. Not studying is going wrong. So practicing math is also important for you in what you seek to do in your life. But yes – I can’t complain nor can I scold her, nor can I force. I can only use moral brownie points and I used a few of them right now. She must study math. It’s important for her life. But then how can we really push. Whatever works for now works.

parents are evil. period

When I ditched my nice cushy job at a large financial services firm to join the start up lives, I knew that I would be required to put in long hours and push the boundaries of what I knew or what I thought I could perform. What I did not know or anticipate, was the emotional involvement that the start up life takes out of you. I was ready for fast paced work, long hours, stupid young green horns, great tech guys, amazingly hardworking people, lack of processes, long nights of parties… but what I was completely not ready for - was this emotional involvement. This deep emotional feeling to see this succeed and be connected to. At my previous job, I was emotionally involved with my team but not with my job. I had no qualms leaving my job, but i had pangs of separation leaving my team. The team that I had taken 5 years to build perform. Handpicked, trained, emotionally invested in. Here - its right now the opposite. The team is still emotionally distant - obviously given the time, but the emotional connection with the company is off the charts. Last week I had gone to Delhi to attend a wedding in the family. As a policy I never ever take work on vacations, but this time I worked on both days, attended meetings and took calls. Happily and willingly. I guess my call was right in one respect at least. At 40, this is the right time to get into start up mode. Physically and mentally its a demanding role and getting to do these experiments will get tougher as I grow older. Right now, I have both the mental and physical ability to push the bar on this and push hard. I think one good call I have taken is, not to come to office on any Saturdays. 

Saturdays is something I have held sacrosanct. It was first while working at Hiranandani where I had all Saturdays working. That was a tough thing. As a young employee I remember working 6 day weeks and feeling the pressure on the Sunday. I remember feeling like sitting at home and relaxing on Sunday and Jasmine telling me - that she got only one day and she wanted to go out. That time I had told her that I will never ever tell her that I am tired to go out on any holiday. i have kept my word now for 16 odd years. From then on I have always lobbied for holidays on Saturday. In my previous firm, the different divisions oscillated between keeping two to three Saturdays working for half days and I lobbied against it. Its painful. So here when I joined I was clear, I don't work Saturdays. I am the only employee who bunks Saturdays and openly.

I think this passed off smoothly as often I am the first guy to come to office at around 8 - 830 am and amongst the late leaving guys at around 730 - 800 pm. This demonstration of willingness to work late has put me in a position so far where I am not yet questioned. I am not sure how long that would last but I know that if I want to save my Saturdays, I will have to work hard through the week and push the bar.

In this emotional roller coaster ride of a start up, my poor blog has received less attention than usual. Jispa though hasn't been getting less attention.Her grueling schedule means that we get some overlap time in the evenings. As she grows older I am trying hard, really trying hard to give her some space and freedom. She has been doing decently well. I was so proud that she finished at second place in the Khar swim Marathon! She swam for around 70 mins to swim around 5 or 6 kms. She decided on her own that this was the race she wanted to take part in and she enjoyed it. None of her friends participated in the race. But she swam well. Then came the stressful exam time and the stupid thing called Math. I think Jispa will drop math as soon as she can. I don't know what to do - encourage her or not. Math is important but then - I want her to be happy. As a teen she needs to just enjoy her career whatever she chooses. Math or no math! I think I will encourage her to do anything she wants! Just that keeping math keeps her options open, but we will let that matter rest till the decision time comes.

In the end, her grades just came in and I was happy with her grades. She did well. Of course she is not first in her class but I told Jasmine, for a Mumbai Swimmer with a grueling schedule and a marathon medal winner - these results are top class. If I don't take these results and be happy then I am an ass. Jispa - I am happy! officially. These are good results.

She has gone out for a camp and She will be back tomorrow. I would like to celebrate with her. She is getting a cell phone tomorrow. I repaired my cell phone (not so old a phone) which I discarded after I broke the screen twice. Its a cool phone. This also is I think something I pushed Jasmine. Not that she protested too much. But I think now 8th standard is good enough for a cell phone. But we are doing a cheap trick on this. We are giving phone but not yet giving data. She will get that at home and at friends place through wifi. hehehe. Jasmine and me are evil. We will burn in hell!

I can, i really can, see this...

Paintings. I love people who can paint, people who have control over their hands. I could never paint for anything. The colors would run into each other, the paper would get extra wet, the table would get messy, we would not have enough space, my mind would run faster than the pain and generally, it would be a really bad job. And invariably I would do something wrong and then try to patch it with something else and before you know it my masterpiece is finished.

Jispa has been using Jasmine’s new smart phone (galaxy note) to paint. She uses one of the aps to draw and color stuff. Once on the vacation when I had time, I drew some stuff along with her. I tried to teach her different ways to look at things. Some little imagination. Not that I am a great art teacher. I am possibly a bad teacher but at least I could improve her tree. After which I have been thinking about fiddling with my phone. Also in the meanwhile I discovered Instagram and the fun you could do to pictures. And then some more searching revealed the recently launched pixelexpress which lets you fiddle around like crazy with the mobile phone. Many years ago V-inu and I had been to the ardh-kumbh mela in Allahabad and we met a photo journalist. An absolute brilliant photographer who only moved around the whole day with a camera with a 50mm lens and would shoot stuff. I was the amateur, while V-inu was the budding enthusiast and Ben was the champion. The rule they had in photo journalism was that once you click it you can tinker around it with too much. Cropping was ok, but adding stuff was a strict no no. Ya sure. But now I am discovering the fun world of cell phone timepass. I click, I edit, I add effects, colors and have fun. Its opened up a brand new creative side of me that I knew existed but never understood how to use. And I fiddle with two softwares to get the desired effect.

After Jispa started using the phone to paint, I was hunting for a painting software. I downloaded one a few days back. It’s not that great and intuitive but it was pretty decent and once you get the hang of it you kinda get used to it and the different stuff you can do with it. So o played around with it entire day yesterday. I managed to paint something. Amongst the little stuff I could paint – a sun on the horizon and a tree in the foreground. Then I finished my painting and then used the photo editing software to fiddle with it, change the contrast, add some texture, change the light, the focus and the border… and voila… there is a ‘painting’ that I am proud of. It’s not that great, but it looks like a painting to me. It’s what I wanted to paint. That is it. It’s mine, all mine. My imagination, not copying anyone else’s or anything else. It’s beautiful as I see it. Man I am so proud of it. I kept showing it to Jispa. Jispa was like “you really like it, nah?” Yes of course. I love it. It’s not the painting… it’s the fact that now I could paint. I could express myself in some way. I could in effect create something. I feel like a child showing off my first big painting. Yes I CAN PAINT!.. yipeee. This stuff is strong and powerful. Its feels light and liberating. Here is the painting or should I say pic…

This stuff is likely to grow. You are likely to get more such stuff done by simple people off the road. I always maintained that in the new world you did need to know how to paint. Powerful softwares like corel or photoshop will help you achieve everything you wanted to. But now I want to see this – school children learning to paint on their tablets. No need to buy colors or paint brushes and no remarks in the diary – ‘paints not brought’. Ya my arts teacher actually used to write that remark. Just paint.

You know the real killer app of the software is the ‘undo’ button. I used it so much. I kept painting, kept undoing, kept experimenting, kept undoing…. Wow. This is so cool. Now I think I will even take photos and mash them up with the sketching tool and get something cool! It so unburdens creativity. Now I guess I understand how Steve Jobs was so cool and how he made a profound impact on the world as we know it. Design… the ease of use of technology, the simplicity of applications… all these must be credited to him. Yes. I use android but I know all this is a gift from him, his vision and inspiration led to all of this. You have to give it to him. I bow to you. thanks.

new thrills

Cricket season has started to good effect. As the B team we have actually won two matches in a row. It’s a great thing for the B team. We hardly ever won matches and we hardly ever had enough people to make the playing 11. This time around we have more than 15 players to choose from. It happens because we give enough chances for people to play in the 11 and when they play they get to bat or bowl. Now thanks to this everyone wants to play in the B team and the fringe players from the A team are trying to get themselves downgraded to the B team, so that they get to play. Hahah. Now that’s a nice win.
One day while coming in for a match I happened to come in early at Shivaji Park and I saw a coach talking to his wards. He was giving a lecture on batting. He was Lad sir from Bengal cricket club. Taking the opportunity I hung around to listen to him. It was an amazing learning experience. A lot of what he said reinforced what I knew but at the same time a few things helped me improve my game. I always knew that I must keep my hand and body close together but he taught how to. That day after his talk I immediately put the learnings to good use and scored quite a few runs. In fact a few boundaries I hit after being tired were completely thanks to the man. Keeping the bat close to the body helped me not get bowled. It was a learning I am not likely to forget. In fact I was going on so strong I thought I would hit the elusive 50 runs that I have never yet hit in the sport. But we were only two wickets down with five more overs to go. I could have gone on and fulfilled my dream but, thank god I kept my brains about. I knew that I had a bunch of guys wanting to bat. B team is about all those characters waiting to bat sitting inside the pavilion. I started taking suicidal runs, and it took some amount of runs to finally get me out. In bargain I got quite a few runs on board. That is the B team spirit. More get to play.
Here is the photo of the coaching session which I heard.


Hey - that’s a long time since I put a picture on the blog. There will be more coming. I finally upgraded my cell phone from the old trusty blackberry I had. It served me well for three and a half years. It was pretty high tech when I bought it and now in a short period of time it has become completely obsolete. And the way electronics are designed, I suspect they put in an auto destruct mechanism that shuts them out after a predestinated time. My poor handy phone sputtered through most of last year. I would handle the battery with care, the SD card refused to work. The camera didn’t work - everything went wrong except that – I got my mails in time and I could make calls. What more does a guy want?

Well, what more till I got myself the latest android. Now on my Samsung Galaxy, I click pictures, update my good reads account by simply scanning the barcode on the books, download and listen to my podcasts etc. In fact one day in the morning while Jispa was swimming I heard a podcast on Hayek vs Keynes on planet money , understood the difference, went online and checked out Hayek on Wikipedia, the saw two amazing rap videos that put both in perspectives. What an intelligent one hour, thanks to the new device I put in my pocket. Yes it also makes calls and the previous phone was somehow better and faster in that respect but hell, I am not complaining.

halo

Meetings meetings meetings. Every time in meetings the equation evolves. First came the cell phones. People used to keep their cell phones on. Now these days it is generally seen as a thing to be frowned upon. Then the guys started putting their cell phones on silent. But they started picking the calls while standing in the corner of the room, yet disturbing everybody. Now they too have learnt. The acceptable practice is to walk out of the room if you have an urgent call to take. Then you had the blackberry revolution. People accessing mails on their phones in meetings. The problem is so chronic that in some meetings one boss of mine started asking for cell phones to be deposited in one corner so that no is disturbed by them. You cant access the phones at all. Cool nah!
But one specific development has to be the most blatant one of them. The humble laptop. Actually it’s the arrogant laptop with wireless net connectivity. Bloody hell. Today in a meeting at least five guys were with their laptops open. How arrogant can you get? So you blatantly work on your mails or anything while a presentation is on. How on earth is that acceptable? To my mind its worse than a cell phone ringing. You are in a meeting only physically while mentally you have compeletly switched off.
While I understand this happening in really long meetings but today was a two hour meeting with specific agenda and matters were being discussed that added value to a business instantly. Dam it. They use the laptop screen as a charade in front of your face. It probably hides the dumbness of person in question and attempts to look smarter than one actually is. Sometimes a laptop is usefull when everybody is discussing numbers and everyone has a number to refer to or some sort of thing like that. but most of the time its nothing.
There is this one guy that I see all the time in every meeting with a laptop in front of him. Even small meetings. What does he do on it? I am curious. I am sure he is not writing the minutes. I guess it’s his security blanket. He never contributes in the meetings. He is silent and staring at his laptop screen. I assume he thinks that the glow from his screen in a dark room will add a touch of halo to his persona.

bananarama

A small banana is a roughly 5 inches tall and 100 gms in weight. Around the same as a cell phone. Let the significance of the size not be lost on you.

A man going home from work likes to buy something to eat before the commute.

Men are normally paranoid about their belongings, specially in public areas and keep checking their pockets to ensure that the wallet, cell phone etc are there.

Normally the cell is kept in the top right hand pocket of the shirt.

Most people in trains are helpful and point out if you forget something or the other while getting off.

Bananas are seen as nice nutritional food by the common man.

A man can eat one banana easily, the second one may be eaten after some time.

Bananas normally get squashed quite easily.

Your shirt pocket can’t hold too many things together.

People normally keep the same stuff in the same pocket everyday. Habit.

Bananas are often sold as a pair. 5 for 2

People normally read books in trains to pass time.

Now to connect the threads...

One man bought two bananas for five bucks. He ate one. He then boarded the train. He put the second banana in his shirt pocket. When he sat he put the cell phone beside him. He began reading a book. When his station came he did a mental check. His felt his wallet and his cell and got up and began to leave. The guy sitting opposite pointed out that he left his cell behind. The man turned in horror to find his cell on his seat. He then realized that the weight he felt in his top pocket was actually the banana and not the cell as he made it out to be.

I am that man.

Pappa pass ho gaya

We were trying for jispa’s admissions in a pretty decent school. Billed by some as the best in mumbai. The first test involves the child being interviewed by the school and a bunch of questions to be answered by the parents. Jispa passed the first test. The second round involved an interview with the parents. Now this would have been quite a thing if we had failed. Jispa could then theoretically say that she had passed but we failed. Shit man. That too for the school admission test. SO Jispa… now we have passed. Papa pass ho gay, papa pass ho gaya…. Now if you don’t make Jispa it’s YOUR fault bozo. I got you the admission; I pay the fees, ab tumhare havale watan sathiyon.

I forgot me cell phone at home today. No wonder I am getting my work done in office efficiently. No idiot disturbing me while I am doing something else, or talking to my bachas or whatever. Wow, I wish I forget my cell phone more often. Let me see how many missed calls I would have got today. Very very cool thing to happen to you. I recommend the same to every one. Do forget it once in a while, it is good for your health and importantly sanity.