genuinely sorry

As with parenting so with life:
End para of an interesting interview with the author Kathryn Schulz ;
“Finally, and even more problematically, jeering at admissions of error violates humanity’s most basic and broadly shared ethical precept – the one that calls on us to treat others as we ourselves would like to be treated. It’s comforting to imagine that only horrible people make horrible mistakes, but it is simply not true. Plenty of honest, thoughtful, intelligent and well-intentioned people have blundered into massive and costly mistakes. Maybe you are one of them. Or maybe, one day, you will be. Ask yourself: if that happened, would you stand up and say, “I was wrong”? And if so, in the fearsome moment that followed, what would you hope to hear?”
Nice one. Always difficult to implement. If saying sorry was difficult, being nice to a person who said so is even more so. Especially in a moment of strength.
Another excerpt:
“Witness, for instance, the difficulty with which even the well-mannered among us stifle the urge to say “I told you so.” The brilliance of this phrase (or its odiousness, depending on whether you are the one saying it or hearing it) derives from its admirably compact way of pointing out that 1) I was right; 2) you were wrong; and 3) I was right that you were wrong.”
Always difficult. I thought being less angry with Jispa when she says sorry should be enough. I guess it solves half the issue.
The other BIG issue I have is how much to get angry, if at all, if she owns up to something. Basically, what to do with situations in which if she hadn’t told us then we wouldn’t know? And after she did tell us, how much to scold or get angry or even act disappointed for something you might have not even known if not for her telling you. If you don’t show your disappointment then you end up sending the wrong signal that it is allowed, as long as you own up. It’s a balance that we seek to get right almost everyday. Of course the rule is always be less angry if someone owns up or says sorry. The trick also being that she must feel genuinely sorry and want to change and just merely apologise to get off the stick.
I think it’s the importance of Hansei in Kaizen. Here I have blogged about it in the past http://jaimit.blogspot.com/2009/08/make-cars-to-improve-life.html.
Again the difficult part of it being when is it actually deep introspection and when it is superficial.