Every night before sleeping, Jispa will come to me and make
a baby face with Bambi eyes – ‘will you please put me to sleep?’. And like the sweet
dad that I obviously am – I will get up and lie down beside her till she
sleeps. I did this all of last year. She had to wake up for school or for
swimming sessions. This would be early so it was important that she sleeps
early enough and if that required me to spend some time with her, so be it. Many
times, I would be so tired that I would simply fall asleep next to her while
getting her to sleep. Jasmine would come in and wake me and I would amble half
asleep to my bed. In summer Jasmine figured that our room was cooler than the
room Jispa sleeps in. So Jispa slept in our bedroom for most of the summer. So
now with the monsoon cooling life in Mumbai a substantial bit, getting Jispa to
sleep all alone is going to Be a big task.
Her school vacations just started. So I decided that this is
as great a time as any for inculcating ‘good habits’. A few days back she came
in again with her Bambi face and asked if we could put her to sleep. I refused.
Whoops. I was the best daddy in the winter. I would always have time for my
daughter to put her to sleep. I would never say no and now I was the meano. Oh God.
Such is the fickle nature of parenting. All I could do was explain to her. “Jispa,
you are now old enough to sleep on your own. The full year I agreed as you were
to wake up in time for school or swimming class. Now you have your vacations. You
must learn to sleep properly and on your own”. Fatherhood is about being soft
and tough as the demand is. I would have to draw the line but also explain it. I
thought as a child most the time I was simply shown the line and was expected
to toe it. I wanted to know why. So with Jispa, as a dad I too have to draw the
line, but at least I try and explain it to her.
Here is an interesting article that explains what a father gives
the child – persistence. http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/06/120615103529.htm
. How? Well it argues thus…
"This research also helps
to establish that traits such as persistence -- which can be taught -- are key
to a child's life success." The key is for dads to practice what's called
"authoritative" parenting -- not to be confused with authoritarian.
Here are the three basic ingredients: 1. Children feel warmth and love from
their father -- 2.Accountability and the reasons behind rules are emphasized—3.Children
are granted an appropriate level of autonomy
I think it gives mothers the short
end of the stick here. It puts all the focus on the father. Definitely as a
father I am not complaining but mommies too are equally responsible for the above.
But yes, as parents we have a role to play in teaching ‘persistence or
whatever. Basically the three principals
are well said. Once you explain your reasons for what you approve and
disapprove, you also have to give your child an appropriate level of authority.
And I love the distinction between authoritarian and authoritative parenting.
Its interesting. But also between the two of us, I think Jasmine taught me to
be a bit more relaxed. I think I was far too possessive of her. When she first
went by lift all alone in the building, it was on Jasmine’s ok not my. When we
first left her to play down, unsupervised, it was at Jamsine’s ok, not mine. There
are many such instances. Jasmine all tries her best to drive accountability and
explain the rules. But you know… moms will be moms… they are ones to always say
‘just’ on questions that kids raise. I guess the more time you spend with your
kids the more you are inclined to say ‘just’. How much patience can you have? So dads have an additional advantage and
corresponding responsibility. Since we are the ones away most of the time we need
to have infinite patience and teach ‘persistence’. Oh dam you. All I want to do
is play ball with my kid.
