wake up - your journey is calling you

In the hero’s journey, the hero is reluctant to do something new that is unfamiliar. There is a call to action whichteh Hero denies. then afters me consideration or an external force or event pulls him into the journey where he is ready for something new and exciting. He lets go of the old and the is ready to embrace the new. He is faced with numerous tasks or obstacles that he must over come in order to reach his goal. He meets people who help him as well as distract him. He carries on - till a point comes where he there is a trial by fire. he must be ready to die in order to faceted ultimate truth… the ultimate sacrifice is needed for the ultimate elixir. but then that is just half the story. the hero once achieved his goal is lost in the magical world. He then needs to come back and face the real life. He is assisted by others in his return and finally when he does return, he needs to spread the wisdom he learnt amongst others to give back to society and complete is journey as the hero. that is the Hero’s journey - the mono myth. 

This blog in many ways is about the various journeys that Jispa undertakes, in her quest to grow up and the journey we as parents take as a part of the same process. When i Started the blog one of the entries was Jispa getting to sleep by herself in the new home. To give her strength there were Ganapati’s stationed to help he along her journey and help her complete it. You can read the blog here… http://jaimit.blogspot.in/2006/11/heros-journey.html.

Then there are many blogs that celebrate her journey but this sleeping on her own is one recurring journey that refuses to end itself. She loves sleeping in the same room with us and she will do any ruse to achieve it. As she has grown up she has woken us many times in the night on some pretext or the other. In the middle she would try any trick to come and snuggle up and sleep beside me. But slowly these got lesser in frequency. But whenever thanks to the heat when we did get the AC running, we would get Jispa’s bed in and get her to sleep in the same room. It was good old middle class mentality of saving electricity, rather than having to switch both the air conditioners of the home. When ever this happens she like a tiger who has tasted blood will then try every ruse to stay sleeping in the room, even when there is no need of the AC. The last few days, she tried coming back to sleep inside our room again. She requested, she complains, she makes bunny eyes, whatever. We are heartless parents who are immune to the task.

A couple of days back she came in the middle of the night and woke me up by poking me in the back. What the hell… i got up and semi scolded her. That hurt, Jispa. She wasn't getting sleep. i shooed her away. go back and try and sleep. You stay in bed and you will get sleep. There was nothing I could do. the next evening also she came in before going to bed saying she wanted to sleep with us. Oh god Jispa, Go away. Shoooo….

So she went away and suddenly in the middle of the night when i turn around - lo and behold… Jispa is sleeping next to me. The bed we have is not a king size bed. It can take in three of us and Jispa is a 90% adult size person. This doesn't work. So i wake her up and tell her to go. She is now old enough to simply refuse. I am too tired to wake her up and insist so i get back to sleep again. But my sleep is now disturbed especially since i cant get much space to move around. So i wake up again in some time and this time insist that she goes back. She just flatly refuses and says that she will sleep in the corner and take less space but she is not going back. Oh dear. This she knows is an old weak spot of mine. I dont really like sending her away when she comes in the night. In the past as well, she would always wake me up when she knew i was likely to just simply tell her to get in the bed beside me. That was the time, she wouldn't go to mom but strategically come around and tell me.

Next day I asked Jasmine if she knew Jispa was sleeping with us. Jasmine said that she realised only in the morning when she woke up. But Jispa did come in the night to tell her she wasn't getting sleep and Jasmine promptly shooed her away. Then i asked Jispa if she tried waking me. She just tried a little and then promptly decided to simply sleep next to me. She did not remember refusing to go away.

There goes the journey and there goes the hero. This is the case of the hero just coming back and deciding to go through the same circle again and again. Kaun hero and kaun journey? She is obviously having a fun time.

monomyths. journeys, theories like these are amazing glamourised versions of what really happens. in real life the hero does not even having armour, forget it being shiny, its a scrappy fight in a mud pond with a pig and then once he comes out there is an ocean waiting fluff sharks and then on and on. Nothing really ends. There are innumerable fights and scraps to be involved in.  So many times you look back and see - the same story plays itself over and over again. Inspite of the thought that you have had that this is now done and dusted - never again you say; but life will keep serving the same dish back to you …

These theories are in a way inspirational. As Jispa once answered about the Pandora’s box. Hope is something that Jupiter purposely put along with suffering. Suffering is real and the ultimate answer to suffering is simply death. but hope keeps us alive and willing to undergo suffering over and over again. These stories are about hope and suffering. you undergo suffering knowing that there is hope, that you are simply in a hero’s journey. that you will face failure and face rehjection, dejection and defeat. But redemption is simply a corner away. It inspires you to do more with what you have and to achieve more in the hope of coming out from a cycle, alive and wise. The hope that you don’t have to go trough it again. 

bus yehi lahani hai… the wise people go through life, get lucky, get rich and sprout gyan. Then the lesser mortals just simply listen and hope that there is a way out of their own miserable lives, not knowing that the spouters of gyan are living in many ways live miserable lives themselves. But we want that misery, not ours. It is the misery of the haves and not of the have nots.

Hah! So thats the circle of life. I love the theory of the Hero. it is easily amongst my favourite theories. it makes sense and it gives inspiration and hope. It allows for a glorious struggle in all walks of lives. It tells you that whether you like it or not, whether you are willing or not, you live have a journey. Your everyday struggles are nothing but journeys in which you are the hero in which you have to go about the process of failing and rising again - till you come out of the cycle and spread the message to the others and help them in their journeys. it just so much meaning in what you do everyday. Including waking up your dad in the middle of the night by poking him in the back and giving him no place to sleep. Thats the most meaningful thing a kid could ever do to a dad who wakes up at 5am. Thats a journey of his herohood.

flights of fancy

Yesterday was a morning evening flight to and from Chennai. I hate these morning evening flights. You wake up at obscene hours and then you return at one such hour as well.

But it’s nice to crib about flights now. I remember when I first started my career; flights were a dam big thing. I would look up to my bosses and wonder if I would ever be in a situation to fly to every part of India. Would I ever be that important? I remember my first official flight. It was to Aurangabad. We had appointed one distributor there and I went to set it up and other such formalities. I had asked my boss for some advice. Flights were a big thing when we were growing up. All holidays were always by train or bus. Largely by train. The second class sleeper train travel. And we loved it. But I was also secretly proud that I had taken flights in my life. Since we lived in Dubai, we would come to India every year for a vacation, I flew in around 18 flights. I remember counting the number later when I grew up. I was a privileged person. No one took flights and especially not international flights. Airports were big things and people would come to receive you and drop you off the airports. So I grew up thinking – wow – flights.

Then came my first one to Aurangabad. It was an amazing feeling when the aircraft lifted off the ground after accelerating on the run way. It was amazing surge of power. The next flights were going and coming from Goa where I had to go to launch a branch. We reached late at the check in counter and we were given the last seats which don’t recline. But hell – it was flight wasn’t it.

And then I joined momentum consulting in which I filled in a frequent flier form and became a silver card holder in just 9 months. BAM! Flights were a routine in my life then. Still I think I was still living the dream of being on flights everywhere, calling from a thousand kms away to reach in under two hours. I think I used to have this ritual earlier where I would call Jasmine before the plane took off and then I would call once I landed. I don’t think that rite lasted too long.

Then in the middle when the economy was doing well and we made some obscene amount of money we would fly off in all directions. I had a few long international flying hours as well. If I thought flying once to Kolkata for a two hour meeting was too much (to and fro same day), then I was once flying to London for a four hour long meeting (that too business class). In fact I was flying so much that once I clearly remember feeling very tired in the car and I folded my hands. The very act of sitting and folding hands felt sore. I felt that could not sit any more with folded hands. That’s when I realized I had outgrown my flying dreams and ambitions.

So yesterday was another tiring day. I felt so tired at the end of it. You wake up early, shower and catch a light breakfast (that’s the best thing I learnt for me), catch a bad, then wait for eternity at the airport then a two hour ride and then a one hour taxi and then full day meetings and the then shit in reverse. Can any day devoid of any physical activity can be so tiring. I would have never thought so. Starting at 4 am and hitting the sack at 11.30 pm and catching sleep on the flights – no wonder I had no energy left to take Jispa running today. No chance in hell. All good intentions died with the 5.00 am morning alarm. Screw you too. Jasmine was like – don’t set alarm and then decide – decide at the start itself. Yah… I know but I had great intentions when I hit the bad. They evaporated at the sound of the alarm. What to do?

why cant i just play ball

Every night before sleeping, Jispa will come to me and make a baby face with Bambi eyes – ‘will you please put me to sleep?’. And like the sweet dad that I obviously am – I will get up and lie down beside her till she sleeps. I did this all of last year. She had to wake up for school or for swimming sessions. This would be early so it was important that she sleeps early enough and if that required me to spend some time with her, so be it. Many times, I would be so tired that I would simply fall asleep next to her while getting her to sleep. Jasmine would come in and wake me and I would amble half asleep to my bed. In summer Jasmine figured that our room was cooler than the room Jispa sleeps in. So Jispa slept in our bedroom for most of the summer. So now with the monsoon cooling life in Mumbai a substantial bit, getting Jispa to sleep all alone is going to Be a big task.

Her school vacations just started. So I decided that this is as great a time as any for inculcating ‘good habits’. A few days back she came in again with her Bambi face and asked if we could put her to sleep. I refused. Whoops. I was the best daddy in the winter. I would always have time for my daughter to put her to sleep. I would never say no and now I was the meano. Oh God. Such is the fickle nature of parenting. All I could do was explain to her. “Jispa, you are now old enough to sleep on your own. The full year I agreed as you were to wake up in time for school or swimming class. Now you have your vacations. You must learn to sleep properly and on your own”. Fatherhood is about being soft and tough as the demand is. I would have to draw the line but also explain it. I thought as a child most the time I was simply shown the line and was expected to toe it. I wanted to know why. So with Jispa, as a dad I too have to draw the line, but at least I try and explain it to her.

Here is an interesting article that explains what a father gives the child – persistence. http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/06/120615103529.htm . How? Well it argues thus…

"This research also helps to establish that traits such as persistence -- which can be taught -- are key to a child's life success." The key is for dads to practice what's called "authoritative" parenting -- not to be confused with authoritarian. Here are the three basic ingredients: 1. Children feel warmth and love from their father -- 2.Accountability and the reasons behind rules are emphasized—3.Children are granted an appropriate level of autonomy

I think it gives mothers the short end of the stick here. It puts all the focus on the father. Definitely as a father I am not complaining but mommies too are equally responsible for the above. But yes, as parents we have a role to play in teaching ‘persistence or whatever.  Basically the three principals are well said. Once you explain your reasons for what you approve and disapprove, you also have to give your child an appropriate level of authority. And I love the distinction between authoritarian and authoritative parenting. Its interesting. But also between the two of us, I think Jasmine taught me to be a bit more relaxed. I think I was far too possessive of her. When she first went by lift all alone in the building, it was on Jasmine’s ok not my. When we first left her to play down, unsupervised, it was at Jamsine’s ok, not mine. There are many such instances. Jasmine all tries her best to drive accountability and explain the rules. But you know… moms will be moms… they are ones to always say ‘just’ on questions that kids raise. I guess the more time you spend with your kids the more you are inclined to say ‘just’. How much patience can you have?  So dads have an additional advantage and corresponding responsibility. Since we are the ones away most of the time we need to have infinite patience and teach ‘persistence’. Oh dam you. All I want to do is play ball with my kid.

connections

Sometimes it takes a simple strain in a chest to write a post. Huh? Well if you realise the reason I write and if you are familiar with my family’s medical history then you might better understand my thought process.
I write this as a note to my daughter who might be able to understand the choices I took and the fun I have had and the growing up I underwent while I had her as my daughter. Thats the ciomplicated part. The easy part is that in my family, we all males seem to be dying the day we are born. All the males from my dad’s side suffered cardiac arrests. They were all hale and hearty till the very end, suffering from no other complications like diabetes, blood pressure or other complications. Simple blocked arteries. My dad got his first attack while we were in Ahmedabad attending my cousin’s wedding. He was around 45 years old. He second and fatal attack came in 13 years later.
I have had a few long conversations with dad. I have hung on to every word he said. I have tried to understand his thought process and his value construct. It has helped shape me tremendously as a person. He was largely at home in those 13 years and they possibly gave rise to the opportunity to have these conversations. Who knows, if those 13 years would not have been granted then what would life have turned out. here I am not so worried about the financial/ practical implication but the more important philosophical implications. I learnt to read a lot from one boss – dharen, and I have had a few such important guiding forces, but I guess my dad for me has remained my moral compass, which is essentially on which everything else was slapped on.
Like when I listen to any one, it’s not what he says that interests me, it is the thought process. The authors of the blogs I read or the lecturers I go for. It’s always the thought process. Once the thought process is in place, the rest would follow. So when I meet smart people I am instinctively drawn to their way of thinking. How does she respond to issues? How does he raise issues, how does she identify issues etc? So when monkey follows, the monkey is slightly more evolved and smarter. That’s how I think I improve, not by merely imitating but by keenly following like a good detective tracking his target. Getting into the mind of the target. I guess I might do better if I do the same by getting into the mind of people who tend to piss me off. But then that’s too much of an effort. Wasted effort. I would rather concentrate and use my energies into people I admire rather than loathe. But ya the latter do give you insights into what not to do and what you definitely don’t want to become.
So these days I have been fairly busy but enough not to write a post. And one little chest niggle (probably indigestion) now and it made me reach out for the word processor and type furiously what came to my mind. While I was writing I also checked on the Google for symptoms during an attack to be doubly sure.
Here they are
If you have never been diagnosed with heart disease but develop any of the following symptoms, consider the possibility that you have angina. Make an appointment with your doctor, and arrange for a cardiac screening as soon as possible.
• Chest pain that comes with physical exertion and eases with rest.
• Chest pain that is brought on by emotional stress.
• New or unusual shortness of breath-if you suddenly find you're winded after climbing a flight of stairs when you used to be able to take the same flight of stairs in stride, for example.
• Indigestion, particularly if indigestion is unusual for you, if it does not respond to antacids, or if you do not associate its occurrence with eating.

Talk about being well prepared or simply put – paranoia. This paranoia drives me to be insured and fill in my mediclaim checks on time.
But write I must and it has given me more meaning. I hope someday it will give Jispa some meaning. Hopefully I live enough to have some ‘life chats’ with Jispa. Hopefully she likes them and doesn’t get bored of them. She is growing up fast and she is likely to get actively disinterested in her dad’s voice.
Just the other day I was at this new hair salon at king’s circle getting my hair cut for 99 bucks. I was trying this new place and I feel that at 99 itself I am overpaying but my good old men’s saloon I think is now losing it ... finally. Its getting sad by the day and the AC might not work or the guys cutting are really not up to mark. But at 99 this place called hair expresso by Javed Habibi (I think)is still better than some other salons in the area that charge more than this. So at this place I walked in to see a bare bone salon, nicely simple though. A middle aged guy around 45 plus or so was getting his hair cut along with a girl and another person. A decent mix. The girl was quite finicky and a little unsure about herself and the cut she was getting. Afterwards I realised that the guy was her dad and her dad was reassuring her ‘beta, it’s ok and trust the hair stylist. She knows her job’. I couldn’t help wondering, would I ever take Jispa when she older for a hair cut. Would she want me around? I guess not. The odds are way off. From my side and hers. And even if I am around to foot the bill, I am not likely (I hope not) to interfere in her conversation with her stylist. But it’s interesting how the city has moved. From an exclusive mens and womens domain which the salons used to be, now we can have daddy and beti getting a cut side by side. Some trivia – I think Jispa’s first hair cut was done while she was around two and she sat on my lap at the time.
I don’t know when the umbilical cord gets detached and by whom and in which respects / situations. Sometimes I like to be attached to my daughter and sometimes not. Ditto for her. These days Jispa is getting extra attached before sleeping. She insists that one of us puts her to sleep. Why is that? I have to sleep beside her and read or at least sit beside her with my legs on her bed and read or at the very least sit around the room. It funny. We wonder why she regresses into these demands from time to time. And I don’t know what to do. Be the doting father who agrees or be the guy who says ‘ grow up kid’. Jasmine has given up on trying to stop me. I always get up and give in. I like it myself, but I always bargain with her that tomorrow she would have to sleep. So yesterday she said that tomorrow I will sleep on my own.... she then added a line saying... I don’t know what will happen day after tomorrow. A daughter of a banker will always add a disclaimer I guess. Fine print!

dream a little dream

My method of teaching Jispa to combat nightmares is giving me nightmares. As I have earlier blogged, all I do is change the channel. Basically I can change my dreams at will. If the nightmare is getting to me I invent an interesting way to get off it. So when Jispa was first having nightmares I told her that you can simply change it.
So now she thinks about solving her nightmares. Yesterday night after a long time she came and woke me up in the middle of the night. “Dad” pat pat pat.. She had to get me to wake up. “Dad, I need to solve this bad dream”. Oh ok. It was a chase kind of sequence. A ha. I was lucky that’s the easy one. If someone is chasing you and you want to get away, all you have to do is think up some real easy thing – like a rope can appear from anywhere taking you out, or you can cross some river which they cant or something. It’s pretty simple. Some one can give you a magic potion that can turn them into something more benign. The chase ones are pretty cool. It all depends on the settings. Are you watching a sci-fi or an urban setting or a fantasy? There is always a lovely creative way out.
Jispa interestingly sees it or has interpreted it as ‘solving’ the bad dream. She looks for a solution to the dream. I am not sure if like me she can merely put the solution on the dream itself seamlessly. I think she has break it to solve it and bang its gone.
The tough ones for me are the abstract dreams, which give you the scare like nightmares. They … I don’t know… I think they kind of keep the heart rate up and tense your brain a bit. But all you dream is patterns, these repeating patterns create some kind of tension. It’s something I have had since I was a kid. Now I rarely dream them. I normally get them when I am unwell. So on some nights, probably after Chinese food dinners or something similar, when I get them, I tend to like them. I keep dreaming them. It’s like paying money to watch a horror film. More like a thriller movie. It keeps you on the edge. It’s kind of weird. These dreams I can’t will to happen but when they do I seize the moment. What I find funny is that as I write this blog I realise that I do all this in my sleep.
My wife finds all this pretty funny. She knows I am nuts in any case. This is one more proof. Both my sister and I can change dream channels. And my brother claims that he gets no dreams at all. What a weird family.
A ha… one dream I cannot change is being ill prepared for an exam. That one requires me to get up and remind my self that I need give those exams any more. I need to be semi awake and get my reassurance from my memory. Schooling has me permanently scarred. I don’t know how much else it gave me.
Yesterday I was speaking to a good friend. She was teaching her child to write while she was talking to me. The child was just a little under four. She was getting him to do home work. What shit? Home work for a 4 year old. that too on writing numbers. She was going nuts. I kept telling in the entire conversation to back off. She was like ‘the school is putting too much pressure. He needs to do this home work. It was to be submitted tomorrow. You don’t know. Tomorrow if he fails every one will ask me. And on and on.’ Poor thing. I know her. She is not like that as a person. It’s the school that made her so. It is the school which is putting the pressure on the mother to bring out the kali in her. At the end I left the argument with a simple advice. Do what you want to do and what you believe in. Please do not let the school do what you think you must not. You choose and try and keep the school out of your sphere of influence. That’s all. The penny sunk. She said yes. Wow. My day was made.
I try my best to think of my values, my thought process, and my beliefs. I try not to let the school, the peer and the others get in the way. Sure I am open to stimuli, but then that’s that… stimuli. It is easier said than done. You struggle all the time. You don’t know most of the time why you have acted. I try and keep centred when I am in trouble or in conflict while parenting. It is bloody difficult. But I know I must. I have to. I don’t want to give someone nightmares. No way.

tummy trouble

Yesterday night Jispa woke us up, as she had a really bad stomach ache. We were wondering what the issue was. She was really in pain. We thought at first it would go away, then we though it was gas. So we gave her something for it. Then we tried the ultimate weapon for gas – heating a little asafoetida (heeng) mixed with water and then putting it on the tummy. It always did wonders for me whenever I had gas. It is instant relief. But this time something else was wrong. It kept on paining. Once the ultimate weapon was done with we realised that this is something else. We called up the paediatrician at 3 am. She asked a bit and then simply recommended a crocin. Its possible thanks to the dal she had. Jispa is recovering from typhoid and her tummy is still not completely all ok.

But sitting there and waiting for the medicines to take effect while she was rolling about in pain is so painful for a parent. Especially at 3 am, when you are not really sure you want to call the doctor before you have exhausted all the likely home remedies. Jispa wouldn’t even let me touch her tummy. She is quite an angry person when she is sleeping and when she is in pain. This time it was both. It is almost as if she turns herself into another avatar. Whenever we have to wake her up mid sleep we let her know it in advance that we will wake you, either early morning or in the middle of her highness’s sleep and that she should not throw a fit. Then she behaves like a dream. All nice and cordial. She is quite a sweet understanding type kid. Just don’t give her surprises in her sleep.

But tummy aches are bad and I have had my fair share. The worst ones I remember were a couple of really nasty aches. Once I had this horrible gas build up for some reason and it just refused to subside. I remember puking the little food that I had just before. It was the humble bourbon biscuit. I did not touch it for another year after that. the pain was so great that I remember feeling the pain till a couple of days afterwards. The doctor I told me that it was because my stomach muscles had gotten tired or something. The other one was the time I had a stone in the urinary tract or something. Oh that was something which was a 7 on the Richter scale. This one happened in the middle of the night. Nothing seemed to work. I even remember removing my laptop and connecting to the internet to figure which side is the dam appendix. All in complete agony. The after effects of that are that I have kept a spasmo proxyvon capsule in my wallet for many years. It is still there. I haven’t had the courage to remove it. I have used only once from there. That too at an event when a lady friend needed it. I used to keep a packet in office and at home and everywhere else. If a stone hits you from inside there is only one thing that can give you relief at the time. Only one.

The crocin worked on Jispa for sometime. She could sleep then. Later in the morning she woke and complained a bit more. I got her by my side and slept by her. Most of the time, both of us need our teddy bears to sleep. She is light and perfect as she slings her hand and leg over you while she sleeps. Absolutely wow. We both slept through the rest of the morning.

For some reason I remember the old woodwords grip water ad. The one is which first the parent says, and then the granny says and then the great ganny says – kay zala/ bal radat hota. Woodwards dyala saang tila, tu lahan astana me tula hech detos. Forgive the marathi. The big wonder of wonders - I can’t seem to find that iconic ad on youtube.

get in the blanket. quick

Jispa likes to come into our bed and sleep. At the heart of it I kind of love it but the problem is that the bed isn’t that big and surely isn’t big enough for the three of us. And it especially shrinks in size when she decides to twist and turn. She normally gets these fits of coming in every night after a vacation when she gets used to sleeping with us in the same room.
She always comes to me in the middle of the night with some excuse or the other. The standard papa response is, come in, sleep here. I am normally too zoned out to think too much and I don’t want to spoil my sleep. The sleep next to me prescription works in an amazing wide variety of conditions including the good old stomach ache and the plain I not getting sleep syndrome.
Now in the morning I try and ask her why did she actually come to me in the night? Today morning she told me that she just came to tell me that she wasn’t getting sleep and I simply put her to sleep next to me. It’s not her fault. I told her, you rascal. You knew that I would put you to sleep here and that’s why you came. Else why would you suddenly get sleep next to me and not on your own? That too in the middle of the night! ‘dad, don’t ask me too many questions. I am sleepy’. Ya sure.
But at the same time I have to tell her that some to me in the might but don’t come just to sleep. Come for a genuine reason. But I also know that’s its not possible to make out a genuine reason from another. Not getting sleep is a genuine reason. So ia m not too harsh on her. I speak to her with a smile and make fun of it while talking to her. I have also appealed to her caring self. I have told her that when she comes in at night and sleeps next to me and since the bed isn’t that big, I am squeezed for space and I end up aggravating my back. Well its does happen so I am not lying. That works at times.
Jasmine has a simple solution to all this. Next time when she comes in at night, just let me know. I will go to sleep in Jispa’s bed and papa and baby can sleep peacefully. Something tells me that Jasmine has given up on me. She knows where my heart is. Hehe.
But the problem is less acute in summer. In winter is in and out of the blanket creating a whole mess. At stable and moderate night temperatures she moves less. She also stays nice and snug if the temperature drops a lot or if the AC is on full blast. So these days its not really much of an issue.
A ha… what did I just realize. An opposite of sorts. I want to have her sleeping next to me and I want her to sleep on her own. How are they reconciling. I they are in a manner of speaking in some way. Go figure.

ayurvedic sleep

I have had this niggling lower back pain and it kind of comes and goes. That’s partly the reason I took up swimming as well. My family doc is an Ayurvedic doc, who I credit for giving me my knees back. Years of running on the road thanks to the NCC days and then tons of basketball on concrete floors had completely ruined it. Even now, I rather play on fields and grounds than tar roads. But at least they let me play and run. And I have been going to this doctor for many years. I think ever since fifth standard. I call him uncle and my daughter calls him dadu.
So thanks to this implicit trust I practically follow whatever regime he sets out for me. Ayurvedic stuff can get pretty weird. There is medicine before meals and after meals. The before meals is not like you have the medicine and sit down for a breakfast. You get up in the morning, drink a gulp of milk so that the medicine doesn’t really burn your insides will having it empty. Then you wait for some time. In my case I then wake up my daughter and then later heat the water a bit, mix the thing (after shaking the bottle well) and then gulp it down. You can’t then sit down for a meal immediately afterwards. You have to wait for atleast half an hour and then sit to eat. Sometimes you have look outside at the sky before having it. As in it cant be overcast, else the effect is less, sometimes when you have to mix with hot water means you have to let the dam thing boil for 5 minutes, then let it cool, before having it… etc etc… so when this time uncle told me to be ready for a seven day treatment for my back in the winter, I didn’t ask why. What was that line ‘yours is to do or die, yours is not to question why?’. My NCC training helped here for sure. Ok Uncle. He said but the hospital where I have to undergo the treatment is in Dharavi, infamously and allegedly the biggest slum in all of Asia. Ok. He said that hospital will do what he wants to as opposed to the high end Ayurvedic spas.
That’s why I have been at home in the first half all of this week and posting from home. Something I haven’t done so far. I like to stay away from the comp at home. Coming back to the place it quite ok. Its clean (relatively) and its almost at the periphery of the slum, so its not that bad. But I don’t know many friends who would get them treated there. The treatment involves a vigorous massage with two masseurs working together in pre set rhythm, quite unlike the north Indian akhada massage. And then you have to steam yourself for about 30 minutes. The steam chamber is some kind of a wooden casket (coffin perhaps) into which they send in specially cooked steam with some herbs from a pressure cooker, with a pipe going in from where the whistle normally is placed. Quite a contraption. Only your head comes out as you sleep on planks placed about three inches apart and the steam blowing from the bottom.
As I do this treatment early morning, it’s pretty nice and relaxing. So much so that I feeling like sleeping in the steam casket. Today was one such session. After the massage I get into the casket and he closes the top. There is always a sense of drama when he closes it as the space for the neck to protrude out has to match with where I am lying. A delicate twist of fate and I might history. Nooo…. Sorry for the overacting but he has to close it slowly as I adjust myself to fit right into the opening. As he closes the top I realize that it’s not steaming as usual. I tell him to fix it… and pop I am asleep. After some time I tell him it’s still not steaming. He figures does something while I am asleep. After a few minutes (instantly or a long time, I don’t know) I feel the warm steam as I am deep in my slumber. After I have had enough I ask to free me from the coffin as I emerge all groggy.
I see the time outside as I wipe myself… wow… I had slept for an hour. I never knew that planks of wood can be so comfortable to sleep in, while the steam in blowing. That was my most seeming uncomfortable comfortable bed/ casket/ coffin whatever, I have ever slept in.

wakey wakey time

An nth tryst with Jispa waking up is in progress. Jispa wants to grow up and that means waking up on her own with an alarm. Good noble intentions. So she said that I should not wakr her up but merely put an alarm next to her and she would wake up on her own. Fair. I agree.
So day 1 I wake up on my alarm and press snooze. After which I put it net to her. In five minutes it rings…. Rings… rings… no effect. I put it closer to her... ring… no effect. I put it on her ears… ring … ring… no effect. Then I wake her up myself. I am ok with this, but the growing up by waking on her own is a thing she is having with mom, not me. So in the evening Jispa and mommy are having this conversation. Jispa tells me to hold the alarm near her ear. “but that’s exactly what I did”. “then papa, you should change the alarm. This is your alarm. If I hear that I think its you who has to wake up.” Ok. Lets see day 2.
Day 2 I wake up, shut the alarm and go to Jispa. I look at my playlist on the cell phone.. hmmm… a talk by the economist, nopes… aahhh… here. That should do. Bat out of hell by Meatloaf, the original 10 minute version. That should give her adequate time. It starts loud with heavy guitar and piano. Immediately Jispa wakes up and sits up. Then onto the bathroom she goes.
Very good.
Day 3 I wake up and do the same. This time the song required a full 2 minutes to wake her up. And then wait for her to sit up post which I hug my teddy for some time before sending her to bath. Mommy and Jispa have a conversation where I am called in as the prime witness. I testify and mommy says nopes. You have to get up on own completely. Jispa says ok. But I am not happy that means I have to leave the alarm and walk away from my morning teddy. Not fair. It’s the warmest teddy hug on a cold morning. So reach compromise. She wakes up and then walk to the chair where I will sit and wait for her, so it’s proved that she has woken up on her own without me after which she hugs me and I pack her to the bathroom.
Parenting… kya kya karna padtha hai.

my froggy teaddy bear

Sometimes Jispa needs someone to sit beside her to sleep. She needs a security blanket of sorts. Yesterday was one such day. She kept making all sorts of excuses for not getting sleep. After a long time she got back into our room. ‘I am not getting sleep’. Since jasmine and me were too sleepy to say anything and it was getting late for her, we just took her in. She was knocked out in two minutes flat.
Jasmine and I looked at each other; ‘no I am not lifting her’, we said to each other. So as was predictable, Jasmine got up did the weasel thing. She slept in Jispa’s bed. It was a good thing that in some amazing stroke of wisdom we had made a full size bed for Jispa.
I am not complaining, I got my tiny warm teddy bear to sleep with last night. In morning I was searching for my teddy bear. Where was it? Ah, there it is, all curled up in the froggy pose at the edge of the bed. I picked it up and lay it correctly on the pillow and put my blanket over it. Hmmmmm…nice warm fuzzy froggy teddy bear to wake up to.
Every one needs a security teddy. I’ve got mine.

sleep woes

Its amazing how children and associate problems are the same around the world. We had issues with Jispa coming in to sleep with us all of a sudden some time back. She gets these bursts now and then… for a few weeks she is all ok sleeping alone and then suddenly she comes in every night for a few nights with some excuse or the other. About two weeks back she came in with something and I didn’t even listen to her and just opened the blanket for her to come inside. It’s always me that she targets. She didn’t sleep too well that night. I asked her the reason in the morning and she said that I was constantly moving and that’s the reason she couldn’t sleep. Ten why did she come in to sleep with us, I countered. She said that she just came to tell me something and that I without listening to her just put her to sleep next to me. Oh ok… now it’s my fault. Blame daddy!
But yes, coming back to the ‘same around the world topic’ – I came across some really interesting stuff that really captured what the entire world is facing with young children.
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Accompanying text:
“Next up: a visitor from the kids’ room. They start all sweet and cuddly, but their little bodies become more brazen by the minute.”

This exactly the problem we face with Jispa, she is obviously soft and cuddly to start with and then she stretches open, but in the wrong orientation… then both Jasmine and I get whacked.
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Accompanying text:
“To make things worse, our kids always insist on sleeping ON TOP of our blanket, creating a whole new set of problems”

There has to be some science of kids not feeling as cold as us while asleep. Jispa gets on top of the blanket and then instead of being nice and cuddly warm it gets quite a task to pull out enough blanket to keep you warm.
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Accompanying text:
“After weeks of sweet-talking, serenading and heartbreaking Ferberizing, we think we have reclaimed our bed. Until a short trip or a quick flu undoes everything again.”

Exactly….

daddy dearest

It is easily the most thankless job in the world. It ranks higher than sewer cleaners and marketing managers at financial firms. It is the job of waking up your kid for school. I can’t think of any job that is more necessary but is more despised by the beneficiary than this. As kids get older this gets tougher. They want to sleep more and more. They get even more lazy in the morning and even more ‘frowny’. But hell it’s a dog’s… oops a dad’s life and someone’s got to do it.
Wakey wakey wakey….
I too hated being made to get up and we were three kids. I don’t really blame my mother for screaming…. GET UP… mothers tend to be busy, hassled and on a short fuse in the morning. Jasmine so far has been quite patient. But I guess that’s because every day waking Jispa every day has been my job. I want to see Jasmine patient if she has to wake up Jispa every morning. It can be testing.

Entertainment and sleep

I have become like dad used to be. I can’t keep awake for long. A late night movie and I just sleep through the end. We were with some friends in Matheran and I fall asleep. On Friday we had some friends over and while talking I just fell asleep. No sleep deprivation for me. The next day we went to see a play and I slept through a part of it. Oh god. Sometimes I even sleep in office. Catch a cat nap. That’s important. Any time is good. I am famous for dozing off in flights. Especially during landing. I guess that time one mentally tunes off and there’s really not much to do. Conversations typically stop. So the best thing is to doze off.

The play we went for was a kiddie play at Prithvi. Sanjana Kapoor who runs Prithvi theatre is doing a stellar job. Jasmine, Jispa and me and have seen atleast 15 odd plays (all kiddie) there. She has figured that a venue is only as alive as you want it to be. She has kept it alive involving all unlike the principle of selective exclusivity. She could have well and truly made it exclusively for the “higher order” of creative and slowly the place would have been teeming with left wing hot headed, bearded bull shitters. But the place has something to it. A character that’s unique. Lovely.

On Dussera we went to Girgaun chowpatty with Jispa. The idea was to see the Ravan burn. But since we were a little early we took tickets for the Ram lila that was being staged there. It was so silly and so badly hammed, organized and played out. The story jumped due to time constraints. The characters place themselves thanks to the mikes hanging only at some locations. I really can’t believe that they have a ridiculously low budget for something as big as this. If you plan well put a good show in place, do some decent PR then the crowd will definitely come in and pay good money. But what the hell, the audience which was from the cow belt was not complaining and they were having a good time. Who am I to complain? The theatre played out silly, I had a good time, Jispa did some TP and they burnt the Ravan in the end. Wheeeeeeee……

Hanuman and Ravan were the best of them all.
She loves to run -

Check this dude traveling - tin man would have been soo proud.

eat a lot

My wife is very rich. She decided to buy grapes. Not just any grapes but grapes imported from New Zealand I think. Reason – Jispa likes them and the normal grapes are out of season. Fair enough. She refused to tell me at what price did they come. Yup they were tasty all right. I happened to see the price sticker and I fell over. 179 bucks for a packet. Each grape was a nice big piece. So since I was at home resting and nothing to do, I counted the number of grapes that came in the packet. Bottom line – each grape costs around Rs 1.75. hmmmm.. oops I dropped a pair – that’s three bucks. Should I eat ten pieces or should just eat one mango. Hahahhahah. Man the last I knew what fruits cost was around ten fifteen years ago when I used to go with mom to buy veggies and fruits. Now I have no clue what they cost. So they always come as a surprise. Jispa, you better like the grapes. And the mangoes.

Jispa can sleep anywhere when she is tired. Here is she sleeping at the Café Coffee day chair.

Jisap talk plus some more random thought

Jispa did just fine in school. Yesterday she did not cry in the bus or at the school. I guess she just was crying as she fell before boarding the bus and that set her off a bit. Now all is ok. She went today in the bus happily and willingly. Good for her. Good for me. The new bus stop is giving me even more time to spend with her in the morning. We have to cross the road and I prefer using the foot over bridge. More quality time.. yahoo….so I guess I am enjoying the drop offs.

Its fun to talk stuff with Jispa these days. She figures out quite a bit and is really funny on some stuff. I have spoken before about the ten Ganapatis that are near her bed and are protecting her. The other day she told me that 16 gods are protecting her. I was like “ya? How come?” she then counted the ten Ganapatis, one night lamp with a god image on it, three of Buddha from the images formed by the spines of the Buddha series on the book shelf. That’s 14. one of the Ganapaties has an arm broken and is lying next to the Ganapati; that’s another God for her. So we have 15. Then she points to the Bob the Builder figurine next to the Ganapaties. I protest saying that’s no god. But she replies “but he is protecting me, no?” “err, yup that he is”. So that makes a grand total of 16 Gods. Now she is not scared to sleep alone. Whatever!

Once she pointed out to an ox and she was telling us about the udder underneath. My wife corrected her saying that was not the udder. So what is it? oops, well, errr, that’s the pee pee of the ox. I was driving and I decided to keep to my self…… better to concentrate on the driving I say.

I just finished off a huge bar of rich dark raspberry chocolate over two days in office. I had sent my junior on an official trip to Paris and that was one of the goodies that came back. Its such a great thing that I am the only one in the department who likes dark bitter chocolate. No body else wanted it and I loved it!!!! hehehehehehe (evil smirk)

Travelogue 70% complete….. yes yes… I am working on it yaar.

All appraisals over… mine, my bacha log, my normal boss, my dotted line boss (different types of boss a la condoms. After normal and dotted I want to see ribbed, scented flavoured, extra protection bosses. What say?)

Random SMS sent to me by a dear friend: If life was like a walnut….I’d be a squirrell :-)

Sleep well

Jispa has been sleeping alone for around a month now. Ever since we shifted into the new house. Many times I tuck her in. The other day while I was putting her to sleep she asked “why am I sleeping alone?” oops… difficult question…. “because I am four years old, and I will become five years old?” … hmmm.. Should I answer yes? But then a stroke of inspiration. “Who says you are sleeping alone” I point to her teddy bear by her side. “These are also with you” I say pointing to the ten terracotta ganapatys’ by her bed side. I like to call it her terracotta army. Hmm. She smiles as she points to some thing. “Yes and of course there is Bob the Builder as well” I say looking at the figurine overlooking her bed. Very nice. She continues her dazzling smile and closes her eyes. Another score for fatherhood.

I really miss her sleeping with me. The soft cuddly of girl all contracted in the frog pose as she feels cold. When I hug her while she is asleep “Papa” she says “if you hug me I can’t sleeeep!”. Bum..If I don’t hug you I can’t sleep. But then I just put a blanket on her and she straightens up and sleeps. Only to throw it all away – actually kick it and sleep again in the frog pose. Finally when in morning she is 30% awake will she come in and sleep in a hug. Sigh. I would like to freeze time.