Equanimity

Jispa would rather die than show us her emotions. Her real emotions. For us everything is alm in her life and she is in a state of constant equanimity. Chill folks. All in under control.

At first I used to fall for it but now I think I have a sneaking suspicion that it’s just a façade. Designed to fool everyone around. Inside she would feel everything that a normal human being feels. She is quite a stable kid; I give her that credit for sure. she is not prone to extreme anger; except once when I took away her ear phones in the car and banned her music. She gave me the most violent reaction ever. I quickly retreated and gave it back. I want to punish her, but not take away what is core to her. I won’t forget that day in a hurry.

I also realized that since she likes her music so much, the least I can do is give her good earphones, and unlimited music. She has never ever asked me for anything. So when she asked me for a paid Spotify account, I was inclined to give her. I just made a deal with her that she has to pose for pics for Jasmine while in Denmark and the Spotify account is for her for life! I was giving her the account in any case, but a little wheeling dealing never harmed anyone, did it?

Next I bought her truly wireless earphones. I am sure Jasmine doesn’t approve but she lets me indulge Jispa a bit in all this. Again my only thing is that my kid never asks me for anything, so why should I not of my own accord give her stuff she appreciates but doesn’t ever ask. Even after giving her a surprise, she maintains a sense of equanimity. Cool. I am all cool in getting these nice in ear pods. No big thing.

Yesterday she went for her first date with her new boyfriend. Cool. It happened to be in a Starbucks next to my office. Since I was going to get done early, I picked her up after work. Now when you have a girl who acts cool, you have to be a father that acts cool as well. So I was like, hi – how was it? All cool eh? I didn’t ask her too many questions. I don’t think she would appreciate it.

In the evening, I just got a minute with her “Jispa – you went on your first date today. I hope it was cool. You know, I still remember my first date. It was with Jasmine and I remember how it was and which movie we saw. I remember being really excited and all.  It is something that stays with you. Savor it. And also – I know that you guys are different from what we were. I know it’s a less of a big deal amongst you guys, but I also know that core human emotions don’t change. So I know it’s exciting for you. Enjoy it”. I looked at her, smiled and saw her smile as well.

Of course she wasn’t going to admit to anything. Definitely parents don’t need to know storms underneath. I guess it’s better that way. My parents had no clue. My parents didn’t even know when my first date was. At least we know. At least we are cool about it. Big step forward. At least we know and accept that it’s a process and it’s not necessary that the first one is the only right one. I think we are cool as well.

Thanks to Jispa we too are learning to be stable about this whole process. We too are learning equanimity.

On another note – why am I paying my gym trainer 500 bucks a session to effectively kill me for 75 minutes. Why? This blog another day.

grow more

On Wednesday, I come home at night and I find Jasmine asleep and Jispa awake. Jasmine was in a bad mood thanks to me and Jispa and me were blaming each other. Your fault your fault. Then she asks me – has mom spoken to you. “no, of course not. She is pissed with me”. Jispa was referring to a specific conversation. But no. Jasmine had no conversation with me on anything. “ok, don’t freak out..” she said. While I was eating my dinner, my ears perked up. Now what happened? Normally this is a sign that some shit hit the roof. Breathing in I brace myself to hear some really bad news. She continues “I am like going out with a guy”.

Well it was about time. She found a guy to hang out with. My baby is in a relationship. Infinitely small, and just starting out. But well, she is in one and she choose to tell us about it, on the day it commenced. What more can a father ask for.

I always wondered how would I really react when I find out. I always thought that I would be pretty cool about it and stuff. According to me, I was prepared about this from the day she was born. I had my first relationship (jasmine) from the age of 15, and my kid is 17. So that’s makes it two years too late.

So how did I react. I put on my nonchalant face and said cool. I asked about the boy and stuff and I had a father daughter conversation about relationships.

Relationships are starkly different from my generation to this one. My generation was for keeps. You got into one and you stayed there for long, really long. Early on, the commitment to make things work was always there. It was right for its time I guess. Today I would be surprised to see any relationship last the way Jasmine and mine lasted. I don’t expect it to.

I reminded Jispa of a scene in a movie ‘dear zindagi’ where the protagonist asks her shrink if its ok to have so many relationships. The shrink talks about buying a chair. And he talks about trying various chairs before buying. See this video.

At end of the conversation. I felt nice about myself. I think I reacted pretty decently for a dad. I definitely didn’t freak out.

In the two days that have passed besides feeling nice about myself I have been feeling that my daughter has grown up. Is it her features or is it the way she speaks or just that now she entered a different phase of her life that makes me think differently? I wonder.