morality from mortality

Inspiration comes when you are lest expecting it. There are so many exposures you come across in life. I use the word exposures, as learning comes from exposures. Exposures can be in the form of an article, a book, a statement, an experience, a talk, an observation anything. Exposures can change us in ways that we don’t think was possible. Exposures help us understand life and gain from perspectives. The internet for sure has helped us expose ourselves much more. But in many way’s it’s like a TV. You can choose what you want to be exposed to. Simply having the internet on does not in any ways mean that you are going to get smarter. Infact if I see the internet these days and see my Facebook feed then it’s pretty much a shit fest where you simply are trying to get to an opinion that you already have and then trying your best to get data that proves it, in whichever way. I think seeing the FB feed these days is the worst thing ever. It’s like the days when TV burst open in India. From two state run channels we moved to a 24X7 format and the world was being beamed into our homes every day. All the channels came in and we saw discovery and national geographic channels coming in and like all good meaning people, we thought that these are the channels that we will end up watching and educating ourselves. And like all god-fearing people (forgive the ridiculous use of an irrelevant adjective) we would watch everything else but these channels. After all how many times can you watch the leopard devour the cow. It gets monotonous after some time. I think I spent a large part of my college time watching TV. Then came a time when TV became crazy and there was nothing to watch. I remember in those days going through all the channels one by one and circling it again and again, bored and hoping for something interesting to watch. There wasn’t anything.

TV definitely did not make me too much smarter.

Internet and now mobile internet is the same. It’s not going to make you too much smarter by itself. You have to learn what to search for, what to read through and what to take and what not to take in. That’s why I talk about exposures. You have to structure your life around exposures and learnings if you want to bring greater intelligence in your life. Though of course not bring in intelligence can also result in happiness. The two are definitely not co related. In fact, sometimes I think a strong argument can be made in favor of the two being inversely proportionate till a point after which it could again flip and then flip again. But still, for me learning is as important as eating and the internet as a device has contributed immensely to my learning. I envy Jispa and her ilk for they have internet before they were born. The internet has been a useful ally in her studies and in her life. Thanks to this the world has come closer to her than ever before and so has the vast depository of knowledge as it makes itself accessible to the child while growing up. She needs so little of me for teaching her stuff; she gets what she needs from the internet.

A few weeks back, I was addressing a class of teachers, who had to come for a refresher course. The college tried to organize the course by having industry faculty as well. My topic was the advent of digital in our lives. I had to teach this to the teachers and explain to them on the possibilities that this has for all of us. At the end, one question was how could teachers bring digital into the class rooms. I gave my daughters example of how digital has already entered the class room. Long back I had learnt of a technique which I have often applied. You first give the topic in advance and the reading material. People read on their own and understand and come to class. At the start of the class you take a 5 minute test and then start the class. This way there is no real teaching left to do but you can spend that time on discussions. Discussions that take the topic forward. So I was telling the teachers that they need to simply send the links to the kids beforehand on reading / watching material and then from there on you start with an online test which the kids can take on their phones itself and then you can start the discussion in class, now that the kids are well prepared. While I was explaining this to them I realized that I have to start doing this myself and this time in class I explained that from next time they will get reading material and a test to do in class. Cool nah! In return they can come to class 15 min late without any repercussions and they can have their cell phones on while attending the class. No questions asked. Let’s try this experiment. Have an open classroom with lots of interaction and complete freedom. So now to try all these things from the next class onwards. This puts some pressure on me to do the preparations, but I think it will be worth all the effort. At least we will know what price freedom extracts from us.

Coming back to the topic of exposures. I have learnt that the best learning comes from a variety of exposures. It is very difficult, almost impossible to predict which exposures lead to the most amount of learning. Small small things in your life that happen to you or those around you, help you unravel your life and give you lessons you are not likely to forget. Once my boss came to me and said that he had the most amazing experience with the COO of the firm. He had gone to him with a complaint and the COO called on the employee, ascertained the truth and then castigated him in front of my boss, reprimanding him for the lacuna in service. My boss was impressed that justice was swiftly delivered. I have kept that in mind whenever someone comes to me with an issue as regards my team. If my team member is not delivering the service that he should, he is pulled up and immediately told that he needs to shape up and that I wouldn’t tolerate any shortcomings.

Another one that recently changed an important part of me, was an app called Blinkist. It basically gives a summary of book every day that one can read through. I think it doesn’t do a great job, but is an interesting app for those wishing to read fast enough. I got it from a friend’s recommendation and then promptly recommended to a friend. The friend then took the paid version that allows more than one “book of the day’ read. She then sent me an interesting book summary, which at the right time and the right context completely tipped me over to one side. It was on Mortality by Hitchens. While most the summary was ok, one aspect of it just blew me away. He was a committed atheist and after being diagnosed with a terminal illness he refused to let that affect his belief, or rather disbelief in God and religion. That made me think about my own belief. I wasn’t religious as I have already written about in previous blogs and I wasn’t an atheist. I was ambivalent. I was middling. I did not know how to describe my views and I tried creative solutions like – pantheist. After reading this passage (as below) for some reason I cleared my mind. I decided for myself that I was an atheist, through and through. I did not believe in God. There is no such thing such as God and definitely organized religion is a complete farce. I do not believe in it one bit. So yes, now, I call myself very clearly an atheist. If I believe in logic and reason, I cannot believe in the notion of religion and it various offshoots and practices.

Extract of the summary -

After Hitchens’s diagnosis, he explored his convictions about atheism in the face of death.

Hitchens valued his commitment to the concept of atheism. And despite outside pressure, he stuck by his beliefs through his illness until the very end.

Many friends and companions pressured Hitchens to find faith as he neared death. Although he appreciated his friends praying for him, he didn’t believe it would make a difference to his situation.

Even strangers would try to convert him. People callously made bets online about how long it would take him to accept God.

Hitchens also received much criticism from people who told him he’d “burn in hell” if he failed to convert before he passed away. Some even had the audacity to tell him this while he was on his deathbed.

Despite the pressure, Hitchens believed that changing his mind about religion would be dishonest, and certainly wouldn’t help in the face of divine judgment. Becoming a Christian at the last moment wouldn’t exactly absolve him from being an atheist most of his life. Surely he couldn’t prove his faith was true if he only accepted God just before death?

Hitchens never understood why organized religion is so exclusive when it comes to the afterlife. What if he converted to Christianity, for example, only to discover that Judaism or Islam was the true religion?

The prospect of death made Hitchens realize how important it is for people to stand by their convictions. Ultimately, nobody knows if there is life after death. Nobody knows what happens to the “soul” when a body dies.

Hitchens would have been lying to himself, his loved ones and his fans if he were to back down, just because he was afraid of death.

“If I convert, it’s because it’s better that a believer dies than an atheist does.”

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That helped me in another way as well. Linda Goodman. The famous astrologer who has written and sold millions of her book called Sun Signs. Here she writes about various people born under their sun signs and she describes them in great detail. To me, I have always found it difficult to refute her truth about the sun sugns. They seem so right and they seem just appropriate about people according to their Sun Signs. Possibly there is something to it. Surely sun signs cannot predict my day to day actions (that’s too primitive) but surely  they predict the core behavior of men. Recently someone asked me about it. I took inspiration from my new found belief in atheism and said that if fundamentally, I do not believe that stars can cause any change in me, then fundamentally I do not believe in the book. Yes, I do admit that when I read the book, I too feel that it does accurately describe the people, but then I must reject the cause and the effect, as I do not believe in it. So hence in spite of it being seemingly true, it is false. I gave the analogy a magician, who suddenly might magically make a bird appear or disappear. I know that it is false despite my seeing it as true. It is a clever ruse. I must dismiss it no matter how real it gets. Similarly, no matter how real the description, it is false. If I don’t believe in the roots of it, then it is false, in spite of what I think. Hence Linda Goodman is a false story line. Possibly the way it is described every man or woman would read it and see themselves in the description, possibly being fooled in it. Possibly a taurean description could also be equally appealing to a Leo had he been explained as such. Possibly the truth is what you make of it, and now Leos are possibly supposed to behave in a certain manner as people expect them to behave thus! I am ready to take in any other wild hypothesis but I will not believe that a star on top has the ability to change my behavior or influence it. You either believe in it or you don’t. You are either an atheist or you r a believer. Simple.

This little exposure of an app and a link that a friend sent is just one of the small examples of me not knowing which exposure will get me where. This was a valuable addition to my moralities and my beliefs. I wouldn’t have ever thought that it could have helped me in so many ways.

Jasmine and me have been quite practical in our thinking. We just bought a new car and when we went to collect it, we did away with the traditional coconut and garland ceremony that the dealer had organized for us. We even implored them not to burst the confittee and spread more litter on the road. At the end the sales girl practically pleased with us to at least click a picture of us getting a delivery of the car. “sir atleast this much”. As soon we got the delivery, I got rid of the ribbons all over and got the entire emotion thing over and done with. It’s a logical extremity.

Exposure define us and influence us. We don’t know what’s going to hit us. Hence we must try and get the maximum possible. Look for new and varied exposures at all times. It could be in the form of books, travel, hotels, people, anything. Keep looking, keep exposing yourself and keep an eye out for any new thing coming your way. You never know wat you will learn from it. Even an old thing for that matter. There is a time for everything. The same exposure at a different time will possibly give you much more meaning than what you have anticipated.

Bonus Video on Hitchens. Very interesting

she is my father

My daughter just me a lesson. A lesson that I should have taught her.

A couple of days ago a friend came home to discuss the contours of a game. A treasure hunt. How do you plan a treasure hunt? All the treasure hunts have already been done. There are variations that people have had. Most the time, these are clues all over the city where you have to go to and meet someone and collect the next clue. In the middle to spice things up there are challenges and dares to complete. But in any form, they are all done. So, our friend came home and we were thinking about what to do. Mumbai has an amazing British history and it can be felt in the old parts of Mumbai, within the erstwhile fort area. There were many ideas tossed around. We kept thinking on how to make it simple yet exciting.

Here I learnt to implement something I leant from a friend many years ago. It was something he learnt at a conference. In a group think, learn to say ‘and’. Whenever someone says something, make the idea bigger by adding to it and not by removing flaws in the argument. Keep saying ‘and’ to any idea. This way you are forced to think from a start point and forced to listen intently and hopefully come up with great ideas. So, while brainstorming I kept saying ‘and’ and we ended up with what we think is an awesome idea. We simply take photos of interesting places in a tight interesting area in fort. We also take photos of small quirky things around the place. People have to figure the place, click the photo and come back to base after they are done. In the photos we will also have clues as to where the place is likely to be. So we would have photos of lane names, or monument names or something or the other that would help them decipher the place. The odd ball curious would be in and around some bigger places. So the game is simple. You will probably have 10 places which are easier to find and then you will have around another four odd places in and around the main point. All photos to be released at the start of the game. Hence you have to look around the monument for the other hidden ones and get them.

Too much information is also a weapon of confusion. In a normal treasure hunt, the linearity of thought allows for a focused flow from participants. But this way with an information overload, the confusion should set and thence in a group environment so will atrophy. The hope is that the evil and greed in people will grow as the time limit gets pushed. How much time must you spend on a place to get all the objects. Ah… this should be fun.

You are free to use mobile phones, whatsapp and everything else including Google. Now go and get these mad places.

While we were clicking pictures yesterday at Horniman circle for our game, in one building, while I was clicking the façade, one security lady came to me and said, do not click photos, it’s not allowed. What? You don’t own the image rights to your building to start with. Complete rubbish. I have had run ins with various such security personnel whose job it is to do stupid things. Rich people believe that just because they can own security personnel they can ask them to do anything. A few weeks ago, one security guy came to me to tell me to not park on the opposite side of their gate. I refused to listen. First they try and use authority and then they try and use sympathy. He then said that please listen to him or his bosses will scold him. I am so done with these jokers. I told him to tell his boss not to ask him to do stupid things.  I wasn’t obstructing his gate in any way. It was on the other side.

Now here this lady was telling me not to click photos of their heritage building. I refused. I told her that I will continue to do so and she could do whatever she wanted. I continued to click till I got a nice one. Now a senior guard came in. He confronted me and tried to tell me with authority that I shouldn’t click. I told him, that that is stupid and that I will continue to do so. He told me again and that’s when I lost it (not that I was polite to start with), I screamed at him and said, I will click the photos and he can’t stop as it isn’t legal. I was standing on the road dam it. I was loud and hard. He did not know what to do. He is used to subservient behavior I guess. This was an open challenge to his authority. We took photos and then we left. He couldn’t do anything.

Afterwards, Jispa spoke to me. She told me, that I uselessly shouted at the watchman. I said, that he was being stupid and the rule sucked. She agreed but she said, I could have just silently smiled at him and still kept on clicking. Cracked a joke or a remark or something or the other and managed the situation. Well ok. I admitted to her that she was right. She is right. I should have just handled it better. Yes, I should have broken his stupid rule, did whatever I want and yet still gotten out of it by smiling my way through it and not raising my voice. What good would it do?

Nice one Jispa. She waited till I cooled down, came quietly next to me and very nicely suggested… SUGGESTED, that may be there was a better way. She asked and suggested as opposed to directly attack an angry man. Nice. Real nice. Well done Jispa.

At home later in the day, I got rid of some my shirts. One of them was a slightly tighter red and blue plaid check shirt. Jispa wanted one red plaid shirt for some time now. I had her try it. What is a bit tight for me, was a little loose for her and she could wear it. She kept it and said “cool. That time when you can finally wear your dad’s shirt”, followed by a fake sniffle.

Child has become the father of man.

Na Mazoot

Of late, I have noticed that Jispa’s voice has changed. She now has a little gruffness in her voice. A nice older gruff that compliments with her girl voice. Till very recently, her voice on the phone to me did not match with her brain. Whenever I used to speak to her on the phone, I felt I was talking to a kid. Now when I speak to her on the phone, she seems to be much more adult like. That’s nice. She is coming of age. This is one thing that I keep trying to get everyone around her to accept. She is 14. At 14 I remember myself. I was a complete independent adult in many ways. I thought of myself in this manner, reality be damned.

At 14, I was aware of the girls around me, I was aware of what I looked like, I was aware of friends, competition and some of the tragic realities of life. I knew, I guess, for the first time that I was alone. Whatever I had to achieve in life, I had to get there myself. At 14 – I had my first real big achievement. I took part in the drama competition and won the second-best actor’s award. I should have won first but I will always believe to my grave that, partiality was done, at the behest of the school vice principal. That was the first award I got and that was the one that gave me tremendous confidence that I was something. That I could. I always knew or believed I could (do something, anything), but this was the first external ratification of the same.

So yes, she is 14. She has the ability to make boyfriends on her own, handle girl friends on her own and handle all relationships on her own. I think she is a stable kid, while at the same time I think at some times, she is a little amenable to what we parents believe is wrong peer behavior. She seems to be swayed at times in her behavior, in the company of her friends. But that’s a cool thing. If she doesn’t learn now and she doesn’t fall now, when will she learn to get up and grow? She must actively fall now. Actively.

What’s my role then as a father? – to lend her socks. Actually I don’t even do that. I don’t LEND her the socks, she just takes them and my job is to be all cool about it. She loves my Happy Socks and my Avengers socks. We both love these socks which are colorful and full of personality. She just takes them from the cupboard and wears them at will. My job is to look at it approvingly and manage. Like a friend would. Its ok – of course, use it. This weekend we were in Pune and she hadn’t packed an extra pair of socks. She just took mine and wore them. Cool girl. I will wear mine for another two days. No problem.

The way I look at it, with a daughter you as it is, have very few things to share. She cant go raiding my cupboard the way she raids Jasmine’s. So quietly I look on extremely happy that she can at least can wear my socks. Hopefully, as she grows, we can share jackets (more likely) or T shirts (less likely), but for now – these awesome socks are the way to go.

What I also like about her these days is that she has also learnt to speak well and argue well and contribute well. She is more aware of the tone of the conversation and adds to it very well. The simple matter of saying “I could be wrong, but” before saying something potentially controversial. I learnt this when I was 28 years old. Yes I clearly remember when and where I learnt that art and who taught that to me (Prem from Momentum, not intentionally). I am so happy that she is doing this and therefore is able to hold conversations better. I think I had taught this technique to her while she needed to argue with her teachers on potentially volatile topics or to prove her teachers wrong. She learnt that knowledge is not necessarily a simple one way street. Not everyone is receptive to knowledge, especially when it comes from a younger, less heralded source. This is something that Jispa understood and learnt. So, she has adapted. She thrives with teachers who allow her to go beyond the box, to explain, to think. Also, she is learning the quiet confidence that comes from being a moderate. Whenever they have some controversial issues to discuss in class, she tells me that some jokers with the dumbest opinions have the loudest voices. Ya. She will learn.

Growing up is going to give her a fair share of awesomeness and pain in equal measure. She will realize that people aren’t what they seem and everything has a back story, an angle, something that is not apparent at once.

Just as another note. I came across this book which I promptly purchased. “Du Iz Tak”. Its an outstanding children’s picture book written in an imaginary language. Jispa and me went through it yesterday and we went absolutely nuts over it. We deciphered the meaning of the language ourselves. there is no legend along with. The language is the language spoken by insects and it conveys a beautiful meaning and has some absolutely amazing poetry in its illustrations. If there is one picture book that I would treasure, then its this. It’s a pity that it fell in my hands when Jispa has grown up; it would have been awesome to share this with her as a 6 year old. But I am not complaining for now. We both will enjoy it for some time to come. It now a shared memory. I want to record myself reading this book in the insect language along with Jispa. :)

And for the record Na Mazoot in insect language, supposedly is "i dont know"

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