way to a man's arse...

I don’t feel like writing anything today. The office atmosphere got my brains to get the freeze. What a silly place in the world this is. People ducking, chucking responsibility. Not working but pretending that they are highly busy. Sitting on their stuff for eons and then expecting others to finish on time. Add to that tomorrow we have a divisional man com meeting. When you get sufficiently high in the system (yeah, I heard the shit floats story as well), these are perks you get to waste your time. Mancom meeting. Wow. Imagine getting a bunch of us together to discuss nothing in particular but all issues in general. This is done with a need to gets ‘everybody on the same page’. Ok.. we are on the same page now. Now what? Where the action plan to do what is is decided. The clear date and deliverables required out of members. Follow up on commitments and hold people responsible for them. With out the latter the whole point of the meetings is lost on me.
So I get the freeze. I stopped getting affected by it. I just learnt to live through it. numb. God give me change what can be, patience to deal with what cant and the wisdom to distinguish the two. Solution – brain freeze. Go numb unless you really can change stuff. Look around you. You will see zombies enter meetings, trying to look important. The give away is the eyes. The insecure ones always have shifty eye. Looking around them. The dumb ones and unread ones will be the loudest. And yes you will get mr weasel, mr oily, mr dick, mr ego, mr devil’s advocate, mr navel, mr territorial and so on. And not to mention the most important Mr Switched off. That’s me. Off most of the time till its time. Time for decisions to be taken? No, time to order the snacks and time to grab that one jam biscuit in the tray full of peleb butter cookies. The meeting is all about trying to corner the max tasty food. Only seasoned professionals like me know the difference between quality and quantity. The rest can be happy with the 6 glucose biscuits they got. I have my cream centred ones.
And the secret to popularity is not the one who does most of the work. That is one way, but that’s the tough way. The secret is to be the one that orders the treats at the meeting. Everyone else might feel a little shy to openly bare their dark inner love for mysore masala dosas or the eternal favourite – cheese vegetable grilled sandwich; you have to take the orders and openly ask them about it. Then you are the popular one. You must play the role of the pimp, who is corporatese is always the most popular guy around.
Also you know why the cheese veg grill is eternal favourite. Not because it’s sinful but because it’s the most expensive item on the menu. The pleasure derived is directly proportioned to the expense. Who is talking taste, health and other such triflities. Ditto the diet coke. You always order what people don’t want to consume with their own money.
There…I can already picture you as Mr Popular. Aren’t you the pimp?