There are some days when the mind goes completely blank. You hit a writer’s block. Nothing you can thin of is worth writing. Right now the situation is specially so because of the work pressure. I just can’t find time enough o think or write or anything else. My poor google RSS feeds remain unread. It’s probably a bad thing.
I haven’t had the time to get my routine back into place. I sleep late, I wake up late, I bunk doing yoga, I bunk my swimming. The works… I hate it, messing up with my routine. The only solace that I can find is that at night I have a good book to read me to sleep. I am reading the autobiography of Malcolm X. So far it has been an interesting read. I am dying to comment on it but am withholding my two bit till I finish reading the book.
But yes the routine. i really like being in the routine. I love the yoga and the swimming. Jispa’s vacations are on and in that is the absence of a catalyst. So when I say with some pride that I swim regularly I must be quick to add that it is thanks to Jispa’s school that this is happening. But since I believe that this rigour is thanks to my dedication, I must be able to keep up with it while I don’t have an external stimulus.
Pride is a funny thing. The above para is nothing but an interpretation of my pride. My pride that I am fit, that I don’t have a pot belly, that I can do uncomfortable things and be happy about it. Right now the work is tough and demanding. I have been put ina situation where I have to set up the marketing for a firm that lost its marketing guy. So doing it all alone without anyone to assist me is a challenge in itself. That is creating new sets of motivation. I have always taken pride in telling people that ‘if you can’t do it, then I will’. I have that streak. Of late being the senior boss has ensured that I have always had some junior resources working in for me. This new project is making work as if I am the junior guy. AND I AM ENJOYING IT. It is give me a fresh sense of pride. Going home since two days at 8 – 9 pm, while sitting in the car, I think about the day gone by… and breathe with certain pride. I can still tell my kids with confidence that if you can’t do it then let me know. I will do it and close the issue. So screw you.
You can say it all the time but when you have recent experience to do it then it carries much more wiethg. Pride is a silly thing really. Some days I think it’s probably a wrong thing. Should I have this pride at all? Should I be a humble stone on the wayside? Why should it affect?
Difficult questions to which I guess the only answer I know of now is - moderation. Everything in moderation. Including moderation itself.
Wasn’t this a bit weird post. But then I think that what happens to most posts. They tend to reflect the mind. Right now the mental state is slightly convoluted. There are various emotions.
I think these two months my mind has been thinking a lot and has been forming opinions and thoughts. I think a few years hence I will look on this period with reasonable amount of significance. Hopefully for the better. I hope I don’t self destruct while clearing my mind. I hope I don’t harm my self and those around me. I hope I am able to chart out a path that ensures the best overall result. In this also lies a complexion. Should I do what is right for the long run or should I do for the short run. I know I have responsibility towards my decisions towards me but what about decisions that affect those around me? am I being right in setting fire on their path in the hope that they will face the heat and be better for it or should I just let their present be and take let the future take care of itself? What gives the great moral authority to play god with other people. And also do I fail if set them up for failure.
See I told you I was in a weird mood. But I have come to look at both sides of the equation a lot. Nothing seems to be swaying me strongly either way. I merely see both sides and be happy that I can see both the side of relative truth.
As I have always maintained as long it does not stop you from acting. It does not paralyse you its ok. But then what sarong with paralysis… arggghhhh stop that. Stop it. This post is getting too weird.
What was that poem that popped into my head ten seconds ago? Something like let tehfuture take care of itself, let the past bury its dead… or something like that. lets ask Google. A ha. There it is.
"Trust no future, however pleasant! Let the dead past bury its dead! Act, - act in the living Present! Heart within and God overhead." - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
I guess that’s a good philosophy. Those lines right now seem reassuring. For reason they warm my heart. Hope they did something for you… but then again. SLAP. STOP.
:)
ReplyDeleteThank you.
Really.