I won... sheesh

Last Saturday was Jispa’s annual sports meet. This is a good time for most of us peleb to catch u[p on what celeb look like in real life. The high points of getting your child to a school which even the celebs prefer. What a pain. Here you will have all the normal mothers going gaga over the celebs and wanting to photograph them and be photographed with them. I am sure it’s quite a pain for the celeb. But as some other mini celeb (friend) told me, these stars would become even more insecure if no one approached them! Haha. The life of a goldfish perhaps!
Honestly I find pretty juvenile when the mothers approach these fellas for the photograph. I am happy and content to beat them in the fathers race. Speaking of which, I continued my winning streak at this race as well. it was pretty boring. There seems to be no real competition in my peer set. A tennis sport celeb (one of the celebrated doubles players) who obviously is pretty fit and fast has a kid ina lower age standard and hence does not compete with me. It would have been mighty fun to race against him. My race I dominated, lead from the start and had no real competition. This time I walked away with a bored and under achieved feeling as well. Last year I had worked on my technique, I had high foot lift, I ran on toes, I ran fast all through etc etc. This time I felt my technique was all wrong. I was lazy in the run to the event. This clearly showed me the power of simple preparations, trial runs, muscle memory and visualisations. One has to keep visualising how to play, how to run, what to do in a situation for one to be better at it. I won but it did not seem to fit all together. Somehow the legs did not know what really to do like last year. This time also ego got to me. Half way into the run I could see there was no real competition. I slowed down considerably towards the end of the run. Too many thoughts crossed my mind. Should I just walk across the finish line to show off, should I relax, should I .... what on earth was happening. EGO the main enemy of sport, the chance to show off in front of an audience. And all this in a mere 75 meter race? Dam shit. I took 10.25 seconds. Drat. If not for ego I should have done in max to max 9 seconds. Now that’s a good race. Pumping hard, the toes barely touching, hard push!
Jispa asked me how my race was. I told her I won but I was all wrong. No fun in winning without real technique. Next year I am determined to do better. Determined to run right. I play to wear the right stuff, tracks instead of jeans and better shirt than the loose flowing full sleeves t shirt I wore in sheer arrogance. It does not matter that I won, I am still hurting at the arrogance that I showed. Dam. This something I have always maintained. Sport is internal, you play for yourself, against yourself with you as your main competitor. Who cares about anyone else. That’s what makes swimming so interesting for me. I swim against myself every day. Even when I play cricket or squash. Who cares what the opponent is. It’s you playing yourself. After teaching Jispa all this about competition and me being stoic during her swimming competition the same day later, I made the same bloody error. Gallery! I think it comes close to ‘pride’ but I think deserves a mention by itself as the eight sin ‘show’.
Talking about encouraging your kids, after the sports day Jispa attended a swimming meet. There you always get whacko mothers shouting to their wards ‘PULL,PULL, PULL, KICK, KICK’. What the hell. They are standing at eth edge of the pool and shouting themselves hoarse. You even get father doing the same. Inside the pool is your champion going to hear you. Should your champion hear you or be in a zone all by himself. He is supposed to focus on his technique, the strokes and blank out everything. A huge quiet and calm. Whenever I have done well in cricket or any other sport. There is a huge quiet that descends over me. I can feel nothing, hear nothing, know nothing. I have been in that zone a few times. It does not matter what anyone is shouting. In fact if someone is being specific to you it irritates else lots of other noise just adds to the ‘silence’.
The last few times I ran I was oblivious to competition, to the crowd, I could only feel the ground being pushed under, I could only feel that I was all alone. I couldn’t think of anything except the finish line. Wow. And compare that to this time when I practically wrote a story in the ten seconds it took me to finish the race. Sheesh.
The zone is not something that comes automatically. You have to work on it. Think it through. Be prepared for it. Work on it and then in the middle it arrives. The muscles know what to do, the body knows where to move. Everything falls into place. Then you play as if an angel is inside of you. All falling into place. Effortlessly.
Hmm. Jispa goes to play squash on Saturday and Sunday. I use it to run the treadmills at the gymkhana. Let me see if I can work into that zone there itself. I think it’s possible. Coming to think of it, this Sunday, I had it at the treadmill for a few minutes, I was running beautifully. But somehow I look around and feel someone is looking at me. That’s when it breaks. I must pretty egocentric that I visualise people looking at me. I have to be above all this. Sport will probably help me. Keep me and my inflated head in check. Keep it down, simple and straight. Easier said than done.
I am sometimes afraid that even my humility might be a show. An act that is designed to make me look humble in front of people. Do I have genuine humility? Even at times. Can I help someone purely to help someone without any expectation of anyone looking at me, thinking about me or having an expectation of nice feelings? Be completely above it all. Is that possible? I believe it so. Difficult but not unachievable.

I dont know how to title this one. any suggestions?

There are some days when the mind goes completely blank. You hit a writer’s block. Nothing you can thin of is worth writing. Right now the situation is specially so because of the work pressure. I just can’t find time enough o think or write or anything else. My poor google RSS feeds remain unread. It’s probably a bad thing.
I haven’t had the time to get my routine back into place. I sleep late, I wake up late, I bunk doing yoga, I bunk my swimming. The works… I hate it, messing up with my routine. The only solace that I can find is that at night I have a good book to read me to sleep. I am reading the autobiography of Malcolm X. So far it has been an interesting read. I am dying to comment on it but am withholding my two bit till I finish reading the book.
But yes the routine. i really like being in the routine. I love the yoga and the swimming. Jispa’s vacations are on and in that is the absence of a catalyst. So when I say with some pride that I swim regularly I must be quick to add that it is thanks to Jispa’s school that this is happening. But since I believe that this rigour is thanks to my dedication, I must be able to keep up with it while I don’t have an external stimulus.
Pride is a funny thing. The above para is nothing but an interpretation of my pride. My pride that I am fit, that I don’t have a pot belly, that I can do uncomfortable things and be happy about it. Right now the work is tough and demanding. I have been put ina situation where I have to set up the marketing for a firm that lost its marketing guy. So doing it all alone without anyone to assist me is a challenge in itself. That is creating new sets of motivation. I have always taken pride in telling people that ‘if you can’t do it, then I will’. I have that streak. Of late being the senior boss has ensured that I have always had some junior resources working in for me. This new project is making work as if I am the junior guy. AND I AM ENJOYING IT. It is give me a fresh sense of pride. Going home since two days at 8 – 9 pm, while sitting in the car, I think about the day gone by… and breathe with certain pride. I can still tell my kids with confidence that if you can’t do it then let me know. I will do it and close the issue. So screw you.
You can say it all the time but when you have recent experience to do it then it carries much more wiethg. Pride is a silly thing really. Some days I think it’s probably a wrong thing. Should I have this pride at all? Should I be a humble stone on the wayside? Why should it affect?
Difficult questions to which I guess the only answer I know of now is - moderation. Everything in moderation. Including moderation itself.
Wasn’t this a bit weird post. But then I think that what happens to most posts. They tend to reflect the mind. Right now the mental state is slightly convoluted. There are various emotions.
I think these two months my mind has been thinking a lot and has been forming opinions and thoughts. I think a few years hence I will look on this period with reasonable amount of significance. Hopefully for the better. I hope I don’t self destruct while clearing my mind. I hope I don’t harm my self and those around me. I hope I am able to chart out a path that ensures the best overall result. In this also lies a complexion. Should I do what is right for the long run or should I do for the short run. I know I have responsibility towards my decisions towards me but what about decisions that affect those around me? am I being right in setting fire on their path in the hope that they will face the heat and be better for it or should I just let their present be and take let the future take care of itself? What gives the great moral authority to play god with other people. And also do I fail if set them up for failure.
See I told you I was in a weird mood. But I have come to look at both sides of the equation a lot. Nothing seems to be swaying me strongly either way. I merely see both sides and be happy that I can see both the side of relative truth.
As I have always maintained as long it does not stop you from acting. It does not paralyse you its ok. But then what sarong with paralysis… arggghhhh stop that. Stop it. This post is getting too weird.

What was that poem that popped into my head ten seconds ago? Something like let tehfuture take care of itself, let the past bury its dead… or something like that. lets ask Google. A ha. There it is.
"Trust no future, however pleasant! Let the dead past bury its dead! Act, - act in the living Present! Heart within and God overhead." - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I guess that’s a good philosophy. Those lines right now seem reassuring. For reason they warm my heart. Hope they did something for you… but then again. SLAP. STOP.

christmas fun

Little things go a long way…. Office must be a fun place. We spend more time here than home. I have always believed that one should be able to do a lot more things to make the place livelier. What’s the point of being in a drab bloody place? Life is colorful. Everything must be colorful. What say? And if we in marketing, being the so called whacked ones can’t live up than might as well be in accounting. Sorry for the barb but I think the most boring people are in audit, accounts and administration. These guys take themselves and their jobs sooo seriously, it just worth the effort to ruffle a few feathers here and there. The key is to know a few skeletons that are likely to be in his closet as well know the rules very well. Becoz the guys so live by the rules if anything is slightly off it or beyond it, they are most likely to get confused. So I really enjoy riling them. Faltu kiddas I have on this. This is our Christmas celebrations in office. Its nice to get all the team together to celebrate Christmas. Its nice to have a Christmas tree, but its infinitely nicer to get them all to put it up together. KEY WORD HERE >> TOGETHER. Lots of offices have Christmas trees, but our team has one they all can be proud of. After all (from my earlier blog) “Pride matters more than money”.