a delicate balance

Friday was a really tough start to a day. I felt like a complete loser. It is one of those days when you start to question yourself and especially your skills as a parent. I have always maintained that it doesn’t matter what happens to the results as long as you have tried your best and you put in a great effort.

We have had enough stress over getting a poem for Jispa to recite for the elocution. The teachers in her school don’t help at all. This is contrast to our school days when the parents were completely uninvolved in the process. This time we got a poem and it was accepted. Suddenly on Thursday evening Jasmine calls me to tell me that Jispa won the second place at the competition. I was so dam angry. Why? Not because she missed first place but we never did really have the time to practice. I taught her a couple of times and that was it. She was still nowhere near as good as she could be and she was emphasizing the words and pausing rather than one smooth flow. It was pretty irritating. Why was I not told that the competition is on a particular date.

In the morning I was angry at Jispa. Why dint you tell me? Also whenever I asked you to practice with me afterwards you always made an excuse. She told me that she would practice with her school teacher every day. But Hell… your school teacher ... she doesn’t know anything about elocution, does she? Does she teach you to vary your tone, to put the right emphasis? They don’t know anything and you think that is enough.

She told me that it’s ok nah? Wasn’t I the one who didn’t care if she won or lost? Yes, I don’t care if you win or lose, but it pisses me off to see inferior effort done. Both your mom and I put in enough stress to search for your poem. We go through tons of poems, we beg and check with other mothers for interesting poems and we then try and get one that’s interesting. So you better start practicing earnestly with us or you are in for trouble. There is a lot of work to be done and losing first place just because you have not tried enough, that’s pretty irritating. Whenever I wanted to teach her she would say that her head is spinning or its paining or give some excuse. That was really bad. I never knew that the competition was coming up so I could crank up the pressure. It seems Jispa just told Jasmine about the competition in the morning while being dropped off to school. Jasmine also said, now what to do… best of luck and do well. Wasn’t she supposed to tell us what’s going on, especially since we are involved parents and especially when it comes to elocution. Arrrggghhhhh.

This was so bloody darn frustrating. Coming close and letting go just on a whim! Jispa needs to realize the sacrifice we go through when she does something. I am happy not being the bad guy. It’s the best to be a father that is all loving and caring and doesn’t piss you off. That’s an easy one. But to have one that pushes you to do better, it requires the father to be a jack ass at times. And bloody hell that’s a difficult thing to do. Balancing the equation on both sides is a great challenge. She got a few from me that morning. And in the evening I hugged her and told her I was sorry but I really did need to know and she really did need to tell us and practice with us. She said she was sorry as well.

There – that’s that. Delicate balance achieved. An uneasy balance only to be tipped over on either side at the slightest extraneous factor. Till then – a piece of cute news. Saturday we celebrated our 14^th anniversary and Jispa had a surprise gift for us. A card for each of us and a special present. She made for Jasmine a cat out of sponge and for me she gave me a cover. A cover with cash in it. She gave me 125 bucks cash as a present. That was all she had. I didn’t know what to say. Thanks Jispa. Many thanks. Can we buy something with it later? Girls… they are so bloody adorable.