jesting matters

Jasmine was called to school the other day as Jispa was feeling quite unwell. She had cramps in the stomach and it was paining quite a bit. When the Jasmine rushed to school, the sister first thought it was a case of an anxiety attack. An anxiety attack? For what joy? The physics exam was scheduled and possibly that was a trigger. Jasmine told the sister that is seriously unlikely and Jispa is not like that. Of course it was something else that we got treated with the doctor. But I don’t let Jispa hear the end of it. I keep asking her just to irritate her on how her anxiety attack is doing. Hehehe. Evil father.

Yetserday while going to school, we were talking. She was talking about how some of the kids in the class actually get an anxiety attack before exams and they get all stressed about exams. I had her about how she felt. “No I don’t feel stresses before an exam because you taught me not to. You always told me not to worry before an exam. Whatever will be will be”. Yes I did teach her that.

I was telling her that when I was her age and before and after, the only thing that my parents knew was that education was the ticket to prosperity. In many ways they were right. That era did not have so many options that you can pursue without necessarily being highly educated. Her class is full of kids of parents who have achieved a lot or are ambitious. Me – I am not too ambitious. I am aggressive but not that ambitious. Yes I want you do well, and I want to do well myself, but only as so much as to put a decent meal on the table and to enjoy the simple happy life. I don’t see myself as ambitious as the others in office. I don’t want my ambition to be Jispa’s ambition.

Ambition was something that I had when I was in college and when I was doing my MBA. I then realized (when I don’t know) that ambition takes a huge toll on people and the family around it. It nice to be ambitious but all ambition comes with consequences. Who pays for these consequences is a million dollar question. You pay for sure, but your family and your peers also pay for it. Happiness comes from making life smaller not bigger.

Of all the things, I want for Jispa is for her time with us to be happy. I want her to think of her growing up as more fun than anything else. Yes, it should be full of learning but not be burdened by it. I grew up with the pressure of exams and it stayed with me till late. I didn’t want that for her. There will be enough and more things to be stressed about, of all things exams shouldn’t be. Right now she is still a bit carefree about exams as she doesn’t hold the pressure of expectations as much. But later on when she puts a lot into her studies with the burden of her own expectations then it would be a different ball game all together, that’s when the penny drops or the cookie crumbles? It should be fun to see.

No I don’t want her to be so stressed about it at all. I want her to enjoy her life. She should be able to follow her heart and take risks in life. She should be able to tell her boss to take a hike and she should be able to take off and see the world.

I keep telling her that life is a series of experiences that one needs to have to complete. The more varied the better. Right now, Jasmine and me are tempted to get into another long term investment commitment. But I am done! NO. I want to now spend the next 4 years with the ability to get Jispa to try and try different things, explore new places and enjoy life. In any case, at 42, I don’t have the same desire for adventure that I had at 22. I would die to jump out of a plane in a parachute. It’s nice, but not on the top of my list for now.  So I also realize that right now what I have as desires will be different from when I what I will have ten years from now.

So for the first time, I am keeping my immediate priorities over the longer term ones. It’s interesting to grow older and see for yourself how your own priorities have changed or are in the process of changing.

On another completely different note: today I had the pleasure of watching / reading two pieces of journalism. One was a straight piece from a journalist who interviewed my previous boss and completely exposed his ideas. It was serious stuff. In the startup industry when everybody is going into a gold rush and refusing to look at data that is staring them in the face, it takes someone to get up and call the bluff, tell that the emperor is naked. Startups are great at innovation and trying new things but that does not automatically mean they are successful. In fact a lot of them are going to die. They will not survive because mere disruption is not the recipe for success. Success requires a lot of other things, the ability to manage people, the environment, the ability to adapt at various points of time and good old bull headedness. My previous boss was a good sales guy but at some time he over reached and things got weird. Someday, much later I will write about my experience. There are important reasons why I must not open my mouth now. Firstly – right now I am likely to be more critical than what is warranted and secondly the ability for time to give me perspective. Things were in a haze, they move fast in a startup. You end up with a lot of emotions when you refuse to see the writing on the wall and before you know it, things have moved under your feet. Secondly – time also gives you wisdom. It helps you see things in a better perspective. My last job wasn’t bad at all. It’s only towards the end things got weird. If you want bad jobs, the first one that I ever did was bad. And that too after twenty years I look on with sanguine eyes. I don’t blame anyone and it was in many ways a great learning experience.

Coming back – the piece was interesting and insightful. Not to me – I knew the whole story but to a lay reader I would imagine it to be very interesting. The journo got her facts right as well as her research and balance. It was for the first time, and after a long time an article that was worth reading. Normally I see journos just write whatever the spokesperson blurts out and reports it verbatim. It’s stupid and I stopped reading the papers thanks to these jokers. But this piece was especially well written. Good journalism is to tell the emperor that he naked and that he has no clothes on. This one exposed all the stupid venture capital guys who invest on a slide deck that loks pretty and has little logic. Some basic assumptions go out for a toss and things go horribly wrong, horribly. The debris from the hubris will be paid for in the form of broken careers and human costs.  But then that doesn’t go on balance sheets, does it?

The other way to tell the emperor is to use the court jester. Here you can joke away and sing a song but still criticize the ruler in way that no one can take offence. Right now an actress Kangana Ranaut is staying in the news by carrying the flag of women independence and taking a stand against nepotism. This wouldn’t work for long in Bollywood. Slowly but surely, the doors will close in on her as she gets isolated. I have argued for nepotism as a commercial call in Bollywood. Nepotism exists as it commercially viable, but that is a story for another day. But for now, she is seen in this video which takes massive potshots at the male star culture, nepotism and the never aging male hero who romances women 30 years younger! Without my comment on the same topic, here, look at the video – worth watching

Of course this chick is very smart. She knows how to stay in the news before her movie. But it’s still an awesome watch! And it has a valid role in a society.. a very valid and important role!

Make your own bed

I came across this video which went viral.

It’s a speech by an Admiral who was a Navy Seal at one point. He draws parallels from his training program and the lessons needed in life. It quite a nice speech and it comes from the heart and real experience. I am not a big fan of the parallels he draws but he does make interesting points. I think the point that came across the strongest was simple – make your own bed every morning. I like the way he says, that this simple task, done well sets the tone for the day. A well-made bed is the first accomplishment of the day. Then you can solve bigger things for the day. I am sure if life can simply extend the logic but, yes, a well-made bed sets the tone for having pride in what you do, no matter how mundane the tasks.

I was in the NCC and everyday this was a part of the routine. You have to make your bed in a certain manner after you wake up. You have to neatly fold your bedding and keep it next to your bag and shoes so that they all look neat and clean. This sets the tone for the camp and the simple discipline it brings about. I like making my bed and whenever I make the bed, I try and ensure that it’s neatly done. Take pride in your work. When I mop the room when the servant has taken an off, I mop it in a certain fashion and leave the room squeaky clean.

When we were growing up, the three kids used to have turns doing all the routine house work. We definitely had to make our own beds, and we had turns to clean the table after food and wipe the vessels after the servant washed them in the evening. I am sure Jasmine also did her fair share of house work. Though I am not sure how much the boys did versus how much the girl child had to do. But the point is that without really deciding on it, both Jasmine and me tried to shield Jispa from house work as much as possible. We do the dishes and we do the mopping and we do the morning chores and keep the bed neat. We have tried to let her be. Over the last one year, we have started to give her more work around the house. This has been a conscious decision on our side. We want her to realize and understand and even at a basic level learn about the work. I had started asking her for simple things like, can you get something from the car, can you get me a glass of water, can you lay the table etc. Amongst others, one thing I had insisted (before seeing the video) was to make her bed. As soon as you get up, the first thing you should do is make your bed. I have infinite patience right now, and I don’t cross on this, but I keep reminding her and keep telling her –make your bed. I have also taught her the value of making it right and neat. She does it, without complain. My reasoning on this is simple – how much do you want your parents to do more for you. She understands this and she is happy to comply. She forgets at times, but largely she does the work. The reason she forgets is simply the fact that it is not the first thing that she does in the morning. So I have been getting her to do this work.

So when I saw this video I immediately showed it to Jispa. She quickly figured it out and smiled. I don’t know for me whether it was an NCC hangover or whether it was a father or husband talking. But doing one small thing well, at the start of the day is an important thing. It does set the tone of your immediate morning and definitely at the end of the day when you hit the bed, you of course realize you are going to hit a well-made bed, a bed that you made well! It’s a good end to what in all likely hood is not going to be as great a day. We still don’t make the bed military style. We simply fold the blanket and put the pillow in order and then keep a bed spread on top of it. The ideal way is to pull the bed sheet tight and dust it as well. We will keep that for the military for now.

In any case, the speech is interesting and definitely worthy of being viral. The stories are interesting and worth recounting. It is up to you to draw your own lessons. I know from my own experience that a few years of disciplined life at the NCC taught me a lot of lessons. These have held me on good stead over the years. Simple ones like – polishing shoes or when I am wearing formals I like to have shirt without the creases thanks to folding, the ability to fundamentally follow orders given by seniors (you may disagree but then finally commit), reaching on time, fight forward to carry out orders etc. A few years of this crazy organizational discipline exposes you to a different way of life. Admittedly, this structured way of life is not the most fashionable thing going around right now. The military is seen as a relic that is too rigid and not nimble enough. Organisations that follow the essentially top down structure are said to be doomed to failure. All new startups look to tear this down and create a structure where the command and decision making is decentralized and freedom is given across the system. I too am of the view that the rigidity of the structure must go. But it does help for the young kids to experience this discipline before they choose to tear it apart. It will help them understand both sides of the coin.  Before you destroy your enemy it makes sense to understand it first.

In my office, I think people would be very surprised to know of my views or that I ever wanted to join the armed forces. I think my bosses would believe that I am a maverick and that structure or order would not be the thing for me. But things change. In my head I have happily reconciled the army command structure and the freedom to change and break conventions. Cross the command and get work done. It’s a reconciliation of opposites for me. I am happy in my head about the same and can manage both together.

I think that as you grow as an individual, you would need to reconcile these opposites in your head. You have to allow the pros and cons of opposites to work together and manage them. Things are always more complicated than what they seem and the answers are often grey. Lessons can be learnt from your experiences and can be applied anywhere, as the Admiral in the video shows. The trick is to not believe anything as the gospel truth and only believe in the power of experiences, varied and multiple. Then you realize the futility of ‘truth’ and the power of grey areas. They allow you to learn, be open, accept change and manage life. This is a simple thing when you understand it and so complex when you try and box it.

 

 

to believe or not to believe

The last lecture someone asked me about the posturing that India Pakistan was doing across borders. There was a terrorist attack on a military base in India and India retaliated by conducting ‘surgical’ strikes across the border on alleged camps. Uff… that was just the thig to get me started off. A long short history about right wing governments versus leftists and the centers. How right wing governments thrive on conflict and the perceived threat perception from an outsider.

I just explained how the marketing theory will typically right wing governments. Why there is always some escalation of conflict that rallies a population when right wingers are in power. For some reason – there was Kargil war after which in the election they could cobble up a majority for a relatively stable coalition.

 In the second term there were the ‘attacks’ on the Indian Parliament. Some believe that these were staged.

I quote from an article published here

http://www.revolutionarydemocracy.org/afzal/afzal13.htm

“We know this much: On December 13, 2001, the Indian Parliament was in its winter session. (The NDA government was under attack for yet another corruption scandal.) At 11.30 in the morning, five armed men in a white Ambassador car fitted out with an Improvised Explosive Device drove through the gates of Parliament House. When they were challenged, they jumped out of the car and opened fire. In the gun battle that followed, all the attackers were killed. Eight security personnel and a gardener were killed too.

The dead terrorists, the police said, had enough explosives to blow up the Parliament building, and enough ammunition to take on a whole battalion of soldiers. Unlike most terrorists, these five left behind a thick trail of evidence – weapons, mobile phones, phone numbers, ID cards, photographs, packets of dry fruit, and even a love letter.

Not surprisingly, PM A.B. Vajpayee seized the opportunity to compare the assault to the September 11 attacks in the US that had happened only three months previously.

On December 14, 2001, the day after the attack on Parliament, the Special Cell of the Delhi Police claimed it had tracked down several people suspected to have been involved in the conspiracy. A day later, on December 15, it announced that it had "cracked the case": the attack, the police said, was a joint operation carried out by two Pakistan-based terrorist groups, Lashkar-e-Toiba and Jaish-e-Mohammed.

Twelve people were named as being part of the conspiracy. Ghazi Baba of the Jaish (Usual Suspect I), Maulana Masood Azhar also of the Jaish (Usual Suspect II); Tariq Ahmed (a "Pakistani"); five deceased "Pakistani terrorists" (we still don't know who they are). And three Kashmiri men, S.A.R. Geelani, Shaukat Hussain Guru, and Mohammed Afzal; and Shaukat's wife Afsan Guru. These were the only four to be arrested.

In the tense days that followed, Parliament was adjourned. On December 21, India recalled its high commissioner from Pakistan, suspended air, rail and bus communications and banned over-flights. It put into motion a massive mobilisation of its war machinery, and moved more than half-a-million troops to the Pakistan border. Foreign embassies evacuated their staff and citizens, and tourists travelling to India were issued cautionary travel advisories. The world watched with bated breath as the subcontinent was taken to the brink of nuclear war. (All this cost India an estimated Rs 10,000 crore of public money. A few hundred soldiers died just in the panicky process of mobilisation.)”

--

And then somewhere else in the article she argues

“On the basis of this illegal confession extracted under torture, hundreds of thousands of soldiers were moved to the Pakistan border at huge cost to the public exchequer, and the subcontinent devolved into a game of nuclear brinkmanship in which the whole world was held hostage.

Big Whispered Question: Could it have been the other way around? Did the confession precipitate the war, or did the need for a war precipitate the need for the confession?”

--

Whatever the truth, after the attack, the Indian army saw a mobilization where two nuclear powers eye balled each other https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2001%E2%80%9302_India%E2%80%93Pakistan_standoff

Wow. That was two nuclear powers eye balling each other! Let that sink in for some time.

Now this time around as well, we have some posturing and in the ‘surgical’ strike one army crossed the border, ‘destroyed’ camps and came back. This was celebrated in the media and everyone in India rejoiced that finally as a country we have teeth. Jingoism all around you!

And now look at the centrist party. When they came to power, they implemented socialist schemes with a gusto. Right to education, right to food and right to employment. The last one was “MNREGA – the world’s largest workfare programme - formed the backbone of the UPA government’s anti-poverty programme, and may well represent its most important legacy in the long run.”

 - See more at: http://www.ideasforindia.in/article.aspx?article_id=292#sthash.1WVnU4gw.dpuf”

In the last paragraph the article states “It is no surprise therefore that MNREGA helped UPA gain re-election in the 2009 general elections. There is detailed RD-based evidence showing that UPA reaped electoral benefits from rolling out MNREGA in 2009, and that MNREGA budgetary allocations across districts and blocks have been manipulated in certain states to increase these benefits. “

So yes in the end, it’s up to you to weigh the substance of the propaganda and the schemes thrown at you. You can’t accept anything blindly.

I explained all of this to the class. In marketing I keep teaching, the first thing is to understand yourself and your brand and understand what it is that you are selling. Similarly if you are a consumer, you have to understand who is it that is selling something to you. What they seem to be selling versus what they are selling. Political parties are amongst the most dependent on marketing for survival. They have to understand their core philosophy so as to keep their core base intact and after that they go after the fence sitters. Without a detailed and vivid understanding of who they actually are, no political party can hope for long term survival. Funnily worldwide the philosophies seem to converge across three types – viz right left and center. The core principals are also very similar across. Rights tend to favor minimal government and are pro-business, while the center tries to lean left and increase governance and welfare for the underprivileged. The left of course, worldwide is stupidly rigid and completely veering towards state owned. You can understand world economics, trade, politics and news through the interplay of these thoughts and ideals.

So when the world is going bonkers and you have strong ideas on what is wrong and right and you want to box the crap out of your neighbors, sure, do so, but think again. Or as Arundhati Roy in the article says very very nicely – “To hang Mohammed Afzal without knowing what really happened is a misdeed that will not easily be forgotten. Or forgiven. Nor should it be.

Notwithstanding the 10% Growth Rate.”

The last line is the hardest hitting one that she has written. It’s a dig at the right wing which normally is super pro-business and pro-growth. The growth rate is an important metric on which they win votes and allegiance.

Yes – you have the freedom to vote right, left or centre. You have and must exercise the freedom to shout slogans, support war, surgical strikes, place of worship or whatever you want to do in a peaceful non violent way. You have the right to spew vitriol and choose sides. But all I tell the kids that I teach – listen carefully, not just to the message but also to the carrier and the originator? Within this itself there are many, multiple agendas. Look carefully!

It also amazes me that how much of a pacifist I have become. From a mother India lover who wanted to join the army and serve the motherland, I have become a skeptic. The fun bit is that I don’t know when this happened. No I am not disillusioned with the politicians of the country. That doesn’t work me up. We deserve the jokers we elect. Public service is very difficult, taxing and definitely not rewarding (if you are honest). We make life difficult for the guys doing public service. We believe that all problems come to their doorstep and we absolve ourselves of any solution. It also doesn’t help that most people in public service drive their own agendas and their own ways of doing things. They don’t allow for participation and block everything else. But yes, people inherently are to blame for the shit they get.

I have been involved with the Swimming pool of the gymkhana as an office bearer. It is a dam tough thing to do. People have strong agendas and counter agendas. They don’t help when needed but come across to criticize whatever you do. I think a few years of public service should be a must for anyone. Once that’s done you will do a better job of discharging your duties as a citizen, benefitting the collective whole.

But yes – I have over a period of time become an agno- nationalist. I don’t care about your nationality or mine. What I care about is how humans react to one another and treat each other. How people have to get involved in how they debate and conduct themselves in public. These are simple and important principals from which I want to draw the line. I love my city and my country but not in a jingoistic way. I love how my culture and my thought has been shaped by our geography and our history. I know what I am by knowing my past. But I also know that I have to shape my future and that of the generations to come from me. It cannot be shaped by propaganda but by listening to logic and to question everything. It can come from a deeper understanding of people and their emotions and their selfish interests. It comes from within. I have been lucky to be in marketing. It helps me understand the core of human behavior and their motivations. It makes me skeptic and dreamer at the same time. It is interesting.

In the aftermath of the terror attacks, Pakistani artistes are being singled out and have been asked leave the country. Producers have been told not to take them in their movies or songs. There is enough indian talent they say.

Here, listen to this absolutely amazing cover by a Pakistani band. Tell me, if they come to India and play a song, how would we not end up being enriched? Would we be poorer? But hell, thanks to youtube, they are broadcast across the world. I just love the song, the cover version which I argue is better than the original. I love the sitar notes which reverberate through the song giving it a strong constant sound lending a kind of stirring to the guitar. The crisp tabla creates an interesting contrast to the more muffled drums used. The contrast and the richness is there to be heard. Like Indian classical jugalbandi style, every instrument is given its two minutes of solo with the rest giving it beat support. This takes a song that was essentially a solo to a group effort, making it unforgettable. Seriously brilliant.

While watching TV over the weekend, we chanced upon Haider. Haider is an adaptation of the Hamlet and Jispa with her new found love for English thanks to her amazing teacher Mrs Ayesha Thomas was keen to see the Shakespeare adaptation. We had seen Omkara, the Othello adaptation together and now Hamlet. It’s fun watching the movie with her. I had to explain certain parts of it and the language is a bit difficult for her to pick up completely on her own. But nevertheless it was awesome fun. At the end of the movie, we went through Wikipedia to understand the original story better and therefore to better appreciate the adaptation. While reading the explanation, I chanced upon this paragraph that explains all that I have written so far in this blog – “The idea that nothing is real except in the mind of the individual finds its roots in the Greek Sophists, who argued that since nothing can be perceived except through the senses—and since all individuals sense, and therefore perceive things differently—there is no absolute truth, but rather only relative truth”