the shape and taste of happiness

Something nice happened last week. One morning as Jasmine was sleeping, Jispa and I were awake. I had to make myself some breakfast. I can make myself a decent dosa adjusting the thickness depending on the batter. I had learnt how to make a dosa from my sister many years ago. Mom never liked me in the kitchen. I think most women can handle men who are asking too many questions and bringing logic and science into the kitchen. Jasmine also hates teaching me to cook and she hates teaching Jispa to cook. She just wants us to get out of the kitchen. Jasmine used to be a lazy cook. I think in the last ten years of us living separately from moms and moms in law, she has evolved as a cook. She now knows what she does and what are the consequences to that? So if she cooks something that we don’t like there is a leftover and if she cooks adding a special ingredient, then the food gets over. Simple things. This is an interesting life lesson (or a marketing lesson) – you can teach cooking as much as you like, but the real deal is an iterative process with a constant feedback loop. Jasmine was aware to the consequences and did not believe in stupid consumer research by asking the respondent what you like. Ask and you will be lied to, but if you see the response to your actions then that is the best truth.

A lot of product development and marketing thought these days is similar to that. It requires managers to tell themselves and the others that we don’t know “I don’t know” and start from there. Gone are the days of big massive projects that take 6 months to year. Journeys are now an amalgamation of short sprints to achieve simple success. You put it out in the market and see the reaction to your product. That’s the only truth. You can’t ask if the recipe will be good. You cook it and see how much was eaten. Then you make small small changes to it and see how the bottom of the bowl was scrapped. That’s the only way to know. Jasmine intuitively got it right. When we discuss what to cook next she knows what will go down Jispa’s throat. She knows that certain foods get eaten more and certain foods will have leftovers. That is the ultimate truth. She figured out the futility of asking Jispa “you like this?”. Dhoodhi chana daal is the ultimate version of this. It was looks very unappetizing and sounds very Bleh! But every time, it’s eaten and finished. She will always get a NO if this is suggested but is always eaten when it is made. DON’T ASK A CONSUMER FOR HIS OPINION. YOU WILL BE LIED TO.

Coming back – I learnt to make dosas from my sis, many years ago and then I have honed my technique over time. So when Jispa saw me make my dosas, she wanted to learn from me. I have the proud distinction of being the dad who taught her daughter how to spread a dosa on the pan. I taught her to pour first spoon of batter and spread it. Keep the spoon light. Spread it in circles and keep the appropriate pressure. Then I encouraged her to make bigger dosas with two spoonfulls of batter. Then I taught her to flip it right etc. It was very satisfying to teach her this stuff.

I think of cooking like swimming. It’s a basic life skill. You need to learn to swim, run, catch a ball, jump, speak, argue and cook. Basic life survival skills. Tomorrow when Jispa is alone somewhere and is hungry, she can always get out a batter and cook herself a dosa or a pancake and be quiet in the memory that her dad taught her to make the perfect dosa to desired thickness. For me dosa making is an act of zen in which you are required to achieve a desired state of achievement. And when you are going to eat your own dosa, then the exam taker, the supervisor and the examiner is all rolled into you. At that time how will you fare. First my dosas were misshaped, then they got rounder. Now for some reason Jispa and I both like my dosas to be oval in shape. She finds them cute (whatever) and I find them just the natural way to make the dosa. A circle seems very forced and an oval is the right human hand outcome. I haven’t yet deciphered the physics of it all, but I just feel it’s the right shape.

So it was awesome to sit and have breakfast while Jispa made me some amazing dosas. For some reason I loved them more than any other doasa. I also remember the first time Jasmine cooked for me. It was potato and tomato sabzi. I remember that very well and I hope to remember this day very well as well. Ah!